


Only Forever

by Redgillan



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Blood and Injury, Death, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Lots of it, Love, POV Second Person, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Skinny! Steve, alternative ending, bucky smut, steve smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-12
Updated: 2016-07-16
Packaged: 2018-05-26 07:29:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 106,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6229264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redgillan/pseuds/Redgillan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In mid July of 1940, you meet Steve Rogers, a beautiful but shy man who desperately wants to join the army. After you fell in love and met his best friend Bucky, the three of you are inseparable even during the war where you serve as a nurse. What will happen when you’ll find out who Captain America really is? Can your relationship with Steve remain the same after 70 years apart? This fic is a way to include the reader as a character and follow the super soldiers from 1940 to the 21st century.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I’m Not a Fickle-Minded Girl

**Author's Note:**

> It will be –for the most part- a Steve x Reader but it will have an alternative ending. Why? Because Bucky!  
> It will start with Skinny Steve, then WWII and finish with the Avenger’s Civil War. Reader is going to be following our favourite super soldiers from beginning to end. Yep, you will, just wait. 
> 
> 'Only forever' is a song from July 1940 by King Crosby and it’s gorgeous. I thought it would fit well here. But before the tears and the angst, here’s some fluffy skinny!Steve and jealous Bucky.  
> This is the song that plays when Steve and Reader dance youtube.com/watch?v=lj9sjepkYbk

 

 

**_July 1940_ **

“A double date? Again?” Steve closed the magazine that he was reading and looked at Bucky.

“You should get out of that house, meet some people. And by people I mean girls not those recruiters that you chase around all day.” Bucky replied, sitting next to his friend on the couch. “With what is happening in Europe, we should really go out and have some fun before-”

“Before they’ll send you to Europe and I’ll have to stay here.”

“Think of all the girls you’ll get.” Bucky nudged him in the arm, then rolled his eyes when his best friend sighed. “Rogers, get up and take your jacket, we’re going out!” He stood up and used his best military voice to make his friend stand up. Steve had no other choice but to follow Bucky’s order.

Bucky walked confidently, a smile plastered across his face as per usual while Steve kept his hands in his pockets. When they arrived near the bar a girl waved her hand, screaming Bucky’s name. She was alone and Steve noticed it right away. He ran a hand through his hair to look more presentable but it was mostly a nervous habit that he caught. Bucky smiled and grabbed Steve’s shoulder.

“Everythin’ will be fine. She’s great, you’ll see.”

“You met her?” Steve asked, looking up to see Bucky wince slightly.

“No, but her friend said so.”

“And what'd you tell her about me?”

“Only the good stuff.” Bucky replied, letting go of Steve’s shoulder to greet the girl. “Hello, doll. This is Steve, he's my best mate.” Bucky said introducing his friend. The girl smiled sweetly at Steve but it could have easily been mistaken for pity.

“Great to see you, Steve.” She shook his hand and turned back to Bucky. “I hope you’ll make me dance, I’ve bought these shoes especially for tonight.”

“They’re lovely, but not as lovely as you.” He caught her waist and made her spin, her dress moved nicely, revealing her knees as she laughed heartily. When the girl regained her balance she giggled and held Bucky arm. “Where’s your friend?” He said with a bit of concern as Steve was still standing next to him, hands in his pockets.

“She said she had something to do. She’ll be back soon.” The girl promised and gave a small smile to Steve.

The three of them entered the bar and sat at a table, the music wasn’t too loud but it was still early. The girl and Bucky were holding hands, sipping on their drinks while Steve looked around. The bar was not really crowded. He wondered what he was doing there. It had been almost an hour since they arrived and you were still missing. The girl kept repeating that you were going to arrive soon but Steve started to think that you were a myth.

“I’m going home.”

“Oh no, please stay.” The girl giggled as Bucky caressed her thigh from under the table. “She’s on her way.”

He shrugged and took the advantage of their romantic giggling to leave the bar when they were not watching. On his way out he bumped into you, you had no idea who he was but you turned around immediately and apologised.

“’Tis alright, ma’am.”

“I’m sorry, I was in a hurry. I’m already late for my date.”

The girl with Bucky screamed your name from somewhere inside the bar. You turned and looked around, when you found her you waved and noticed that your date was gone.

“Oh, but apparently he’s gone.” You returned your attention to Steve and shrugged with a smile. “I guess I’ll be the third wheel tonight.” You were about to leave him there and greet you friend when he cleared his throat timidly.

“That would be me.” He took his hand from his pocket and raised his pointer finger like a child asking his schoolteacher the permission to speak. “I’m your… uh… date.” You turned around a bit lost and quickly shook the feeling before you offered him your hand.

“Y/n.” He shook your hand and introduced himself. You stood in front of the door smiling politely at each other before you both realised that you were here to ‘date’. Steve smiled at you and pointed at the door.

“I didn’t mean to leave, I thought you would not… I mean.”

“No, please don’t. I must be an hour late, I understand. I couldn’t leave work and I was a bit lost. Do you want to find a table?” You moved to let a customer enter the bar, Steve took his other hand out of his pocket and wiped them on his too large trousers, nervousness took over his frail body.

“Sure.” He replied, making his way back to the table where Bucky and your friend were sitting. They looked quite happy together, Bucky was hunched over the girl, whispering sweet words into her ear and she was giggling like a schoolgirl. You snorted a bit and stopped Steve.

“Actually, why don’t we take our own table? I don’t think I’ll be able to sit with them and keep a straight face.” You held his skinny arm in your hand.

For a man with such a scrawny figure he was really nice, not just adorable but handsome. He had baby blue eyes and soft blond hair that he kept pushing away from his face. He was about the same height as you, you were wearing shoes that didn’t have much heels because work got you busy and you didn’t really take the time to make yourself look at your best.

You followed Steve to a cleared table not far from Bucky’s table and sat in front of him. You took your coat off and smoothed your clothes. You were wearing a blue and white gingham dress with cinched in waistline and partially showed your collarbone with your pointed flat collar. Your winged black eye-liner and red lipstick subtly enhanced your best assets. You noticed how the men in the bar started to look at you, eyes wide open, the tip of their tongues running over their bottom lips like wolves about to bounce on a sheep.

You shifted in your seat and looked at Steve, his eyes were wide open as well but the expression on his face was completely different from the other men. He looked at you like you were a goddess, looking at your body but never lingered on any particular part of your anatomy. You could see that he was trying to remain a gentleman and avoided your beautiful curves and it made your heart race a bit faster. He looked around and blushed, the other men in the bar looked at him with curious eyes.

“So,” You said after a waiter came to take your order. “How did you and my friend meet?” You asked, resting your forearms on the table.

“It’s the first time I see her. Bucky, that’s him,” He pointed at the black haired man who had his face buried in your friend’s neck. “He’s the one who knows your friend. He is my best friend since childhood.” You looked at him and nodded appreciatively. “Your friend is nice, how did you meet her?”

“School.” You moved your arms to allow the waiter to put the drinks on the table. “Nursing school to be precise. She dropped out after the first year.”

“You’re a nurse?” Steve asked excitedly.

“I will be at the end of the month. I expect to be sent to Europe if we join the war. What do you do?”

“I used to be a student at Auburndale. I dropped out when I heard about the war.”

“Oh, so you’re a soldier?” You asked, mirroring his excitement. He frowned and looked away, you understood that it was a touchy subject. You took a sip from your drink and waited for him to say something.

“I’m not.” He simply said, looking at his lap.

“Hopefully, one day.” You smiled and squeezed his hand. When your hands touched, he raised his head as if he got electrocuted. You smiled at him, of course with his frail figure, he had no chance to join the army.

He nodded pensively, a smile traced his lips as your thumb brushed his knuckles. You had been doing it absent-mindedly but he seemed to enjoy it. His cheeks coloured in a bright pink colour and you felt your own cheeks burn as you gaze into each other’s eyes. You took your hand away from his and he lost his smile.

“Tell me, what were you doing at Auburndale?”

“I was a sophomore in Art, so was Bucky. We were drawing a lot back then.” You smiled, he and Bucky really were glued to each other. “One day, we were in class and we heard about the war in Europe. We decided that art was less important than freedom and we trained together. He got in, I didn’t.” Steve took his glass and drank a long sip until he choked on it. He started to wheeze breathlessly so you stood up to help him.

The noise of heavy breathing and panting alarmed the soldier sitting with your friend, Bucky stood up and joined you next to Steve.

“Are you ok?” He called his friend and noticed your hand circling his back gently as you helped Steve controlling his breathing. He cocked an eyebrow at you and sat on the chair next to Steve, a concern look spread across his handsome face.

“I’m… fine.” Steve finally said. “Choked on my drink.” He smiled at his friend and turned his head to look at you. “Thank you, you’d make a great nurse.” He said with a genuine smile and you smiled back. Bucky watched the encounter with attention, he wanted to find a girl for his friend but it had to be a nice girl not some skank that would break his heart.

“You guys should join us. We’d get to know each other.”

“I don’t know Buck, you seem to know your friend pretty well.” Steve said smugly as he raised his head to look at his friend, a wicked smirk on his lips as a way to taunt him. It amused you greatly but the soldier was not as pleased. He leaned down and narrowed his eyes.

“Punk.” He said before he returned to his table. Steve looked back at you and shook his head.

“He’s going to make a scene if we don’t join them.” You nodded and took your coat from the chair in front of him. While you bent over to take your coat, Steve took your drink and his. You joined the table and sat in front of your drink, next to Steve and in front of Bucky Barnes who couldn’t help but stare at your breasts. He quickly looked away when you sneered at him and gulped down the rest of his beer.

What started as a pleasant night quickly turned into a questioning. Bucky was bombarding you with questions. First it was questions that made sense like ‘What’s your name?’ or ‘What do you do?’ but then it drifted to something less friendly. All in all you knew what he was doing, he wanted to make sure you were a good fit for his friend and you found it endearing.

Steve on the other hand tried to calm his friend down, first because he didn’t think you were interested in him and he still wouldn’t have acknowledged it even if someone held a sign in front of his face. And second because he was embarrassed, as soon as he found someone nice to talk to, Bucky turned into this police officer and in a couple of minutes, everyone at the table knew your entire life.

Your friend got tired of being left aside and stood up to use the restroom and as it was customary between women, she asked that you accompany her. Reluctantly you joined her and headed for the lady’s room.

“Cut it out, Buck. You’re making her more uncomfortable than I am.” Steve said once you were gone, leaning forward to scroll his best friend.

“I’m simply doing what friends are supposed to do. I promised your mom I would take care of you. I don’t know about that girl, she screams trouble.” Bucky mirrored his friend position and looked at him dead serious.

“You said I had to go out and have fun.”

“Yes fun, not get heartbroken by a babe, Steve.”

“Who said anythin’ about being heartbroken, we barely know each other.” Steve said and then straightened his posture as he saw you and your friend come back.

You sat back in your seat and finished your drink, your friend looked at Bucky with insistent eyes, she wanted to dance but he was still too focused on you and Steve.

“Come on, Bucky! You owe me this dance.” She said tucking on his arm, he finally complied with a small sigh and stood up to dance with her.

You looked at them, he swayed her around the dance floor, moving not so gracefully with all the alcohol they drank. You turned to look at Steve.

“Your friend doesn’t seem to like me very much.” You said tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

“He’s concerned.” Steve said without thinking.

“About what?” You watched as Steve‘s face turned beet red with embarrassment. You stood up from your seat and reached for his hand. “Wanna dance with me?” You asked with a bright smile.

“I don’t know how to dance.”

“Me either.” You shrugged, your hand still waiting for his. He looked at the wooden table intensely before he looked at you with a smile that tried to hide his fear.

He took your hand and move awkwardly next to you. You ended up on the dark wooden floor where couples gathered and swayed to the rhythm of the music. You stood in front of Steve as the slow and mellow music of Doug Maxwell filled the bar. You placed your left hand on his right shoulder and took his left hand in our right hand. He slowly lifted his right arm to hold you just under you armpit where he could feel the beating of your heart. You let him take the time he needed before he decided to sway with you, following the rhythm of the music. You both had no idea what you were doing but you were putting your heart into it.

“I’d like to see some of your drawings.” You said as you gently swayed, Steve’s hands were getting sweaty and his face was continually flushed from the lack of space between your bodies. The shy artist was trying to breathe normally but you could hear that he was about to wheeze.

“I don’t have them with me.” He said, unable to make eye contact. The music stopped and people clapped, you pulled away from Steve and clapped too. While some of the couple returned to their seat, Bucky and your friend included, you leaned a bit closer to Steve.

“Perhaps another time.” You said, forcing him to look at you. He looked at you, mouth agape and nodded vehemently. You flirting skills were on point, especially with someone as insecure and timid as Steve. You made sure to sound friendly and not too femme fatale.

You returned to your seat and watched as Bucky eyes softened just a bit when he looked at you. You must have done something good. You stayed together for another hour, talking about the war and everything that went with it. You found that it was not only Steve’s soft spot but Bucky’s too. You bonded over the fact that you were a trained nurse and he was a soldier.

When your friend begged you to stop talking about such atrocities, you talked about more futile but enjoyable things. After that, you decided to go back home. Steve asked if he could walk you home to which you agreed without hiding your joy. Bucky took your friend back home.

You said your goodbyes to the other couple and walked along with Steve, it was dark and cold for the season. After a ten-minute walk, you arrived in front of your place.

“Here it is.” You said, pointing at the building at the corner of the street. Steve stroked the back of his neck with a soft smile before he ran a hand through his hair.

“Goodbye.” He said as you arrived in front of the door. You reciprocated and played with your small key, you were at the same height as him. “I don’t know if you remember but you wanted to see some of my drawings.” He said in a shaky voice and even in the dark night you could tell that his face turned red.

“I sure do!” You said to encourage him.

“Tomorrow? If you have nothing to do of course.” He said hurriedly.

“Tomorrow is perfect. Come pick me up, you know where I live.” You said with a smile as you nodded towards the building. He chuckled, looking down at his feet.

“Thank you for this great evening, Y/n. I don’t remember the last time I had that much fun.” He leaned forward quickly and kissed your cheek with his soft peach coloured lips. Your fingertips traced the spot after he pulled away and you smiled at him.

“Me too, Stevie.” You replied before you turned to open your door. You waved at him from inside the building and watched as he made his way back to his place.


	2. Third Time’s a Charm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Reader try to have a moment but they are interrupted by an over protective Bucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More fluffy Skinny!Steve ‘cause things will soon get complicated.

**_July 1940_ **

It was around two in the afternoon when you spotted Steve at the corner of the street. You had been wondering all morning what to wear and what to do with your hair, but in an attempted not to appear too dolled up you opted for dark blue A-line skirt with a belt that emphasised your waist and a peasant blouse. Your outfit looked really casual and relaxed, it didn’t look like you had spent three hours choosing what you would wear. You decided to style your hair as usual and wear the same make up as the night before.

You ran down the stairs, almost knocked out your old neighbour as you hurriedly made your way out of the building. You searched the street quickly to find Steve and saw him crossing the road, hands in his pocket as his loose tie floated in the warm summer breeze. You waved at him and his eyes opened wide when he saw you, he waved back and walked a bit faster.

“Steve! Look at that weather!” You said, using your hand to shield yourself from the sun.

“Do you wanna do something in particular?”

“I know we’re supposed to see your drawings but we’d be too dumb to miss that opportunity. Coney island?” You winked at him, a glimpse of diffidence spread across his features but he soon smiled back and offered you his arm.

You linked your arm with his and walked happily until you reached Coney Island. The sun was hitting hard, around you countless of girls held their sunshades as they walked with their friends or lover. You pointed at a rollercoaster but Steve talked you out of it, apparently the last time he had been on a rollercoaster was not a great memory.

“What? Cyclone is the best ride!” You laughed, holding his arm in a plea. You turned your head when you heard the screams that escaped the ride, Steve was a bit green. You looked back at him and understood what happened. “How about the wheel?” You smiled, eyes squinting because of the bright sun beams. You caught his hand and walked in direction of the Wonder Wheel. His hand remained a bit stiff in yours until he relaxed and intertwined his fingers with yours.

You spent a great afternoon with Steve and lots of candy treats. The sun was still shining bright when you walked along the street to go to his apartment. You were recalling some of the screams of terror that came from the rollercoasters and tipsy people running around the amusement park when you reached his place.

You climbed the few steps that led to his flat and waited for him to unlock the door, usually you wouldn’t have followed a guy back to his place after knowing him for less than two days but Steve was not like most guys. He pushed the door and invited you in with a small timid smile, you took his hand and entered the apartment.

“I know it’s not much. I can’t afford to live in a nice building.” He said, refereeing to your place. He took his old cream coloured jacket and put it on a chair. You unconsciously crossed and stroked your bare arms, somehow you felt the need to protect yourself or perhaps you were just uncomfortable.

“You should see the inside of my building, it’s not as pretty as your flat. Never judge a book by its cover.” You smiled at him and paced the main room.

It was a kitchen, a living room and a storage room in one big room. On the left there were two doors, leading to a bedroom and a bathroom. It was not decorated, everything was brown, grey or a mix of both. The furniture was old and decaying, it also looked like it belonged to a fortysomething. You sat on the green couch and played with the hem of your skirt, meanwhile Steve observed you very carefully. He joined you on the couch and ran a hand through his dirty blond hair.

You turned your head and came face to face with a photo of a woman in her early twenties, she smiled tiredly at the camera with her boy in her arms.

“Is that your mother?” You asked, pointing at the photograph and Steve tilted his head to look at the only photograph in the room.

“Yes, her name is Sarah. Was, sorry I still-” His voice broke slightly and he didn’t finish his sentence.

“I’m so sorry, Stevie.” You placed a hand on his arm while he looked intensely at a broken lath on the floor. “When did she pass away?” You asked quietly. Steve raised his head and sighed sadly, his eyes were bright and shiny, he seemed to ponder your question.

“Almost a month ago.” He turned his head to smile at you. You couldn’t help but notice that he was trying to stay strong and it made your heart swell. He chewed absently on his lips and you moved closer to him.

“Tell me about her.” Your hand moved from his arm to his hand and pressed gently. He moved his hand and intertwined his fingers with yours, you felt butterflies erupt in your stomach.

“I think you would have liked her. She is-was a nurse, worked all her life to raise me after my father died during the Great War. She worked at the tuberculosis ward, she caught it earlier this year and… now she’s gone.” He spoke fast and breathlessly, looking at your tangled hands the whole time.

“She sounds like a great woman and a lovely mother.” You smiled at him, nudging him with your shoulder to try to make him smile. He raised his head, your faces were inches away, and he looked into your eyes as if you were a mirage about to dissolve in front of his eyes. The butterflies in his stomach made him close his eyes.

You moved slowly, your noses were almost touching and his lips parted on a hiss of air. You closed your eyes, preparing yourself for the imminent kiss. Everything happened so slowly, you had to control your ragged breathing as you impatiently waited for his plump lips. You waited, eyes fluttering open and saw that he was slowly approaching you, his own eyes closed shut. You felt your heart race, the sound of it resonated in your ears like drumroll. Steve was in a similar state, he breathed hard through his parted lips and tightened the grip on your hand, probably unconsciously.

Your lips were about to touch when you heard the door open and close violently. You turned around at the speed of light while Steve opened his eyes as if he had been hit by a car.

“Sorry, I thought you’d be alone.” Bucky said as he entered the room. “Um, Y/n is that it?” He said with a condescending tone that you caught immediately. You stood up and smoothed your clothes before you shook his hand. Bucky looked at you from head to toe, not in a tantalising way but his eyes lingered on your feet. You were wearing flats, you made sure to find a pair since Steve wasn’t that tall, you figured that it was better. “Steve, your landlord is asking for you.” Bucky said without looking at his friend. He was now looking at your face, his hand still holding yours in an awkward handshake.

You heard Steve fidgeting on the couch, he didn’t want to leave you but apparently he had to. He stood up from the couch and you pulled your hand free from Bucky’s light grip. You turned to look at Steve, he looked concerned but you kept smiling at him and nodded to let him know it was fine.

“It will only take a minute. Still have to show you those drawings, don’t I?” He smiled and took his jacket before he left his flat.

You sat back on the couch and watched as Bucky took a seat in front of you. His legs were spread and he leaned forward, his forearms rested on his knees.

“You know he doesn’t have money, don’t you?” He narrowed his eyes to try to understand you.

“I figured it out.” You pressed your lips together and smiled. Bucky nodded pensively, his forefinger tracing the contour of his bottom lip. “Look, don’t think I’m a smooch date. I like your friend and he likes me, end of story.”

“I’m just protecting him. I’ve been doing it since I meet him.”

“I understand, I’m not trying to step between you and Steve. I’ve met him yesterday.” You laughed at the sight of the over protective friend sitting in front of you. At first it was endearing, now it was getting old.

“You’ve been further with him in two days than everyone in twenty years.”

“Why? You scared the others away?” You crossed your legs to appear more comfortable than you really were.

“What others?” Bucky frowned and sat back in his chair. Steve never had a date, he was set up on double dates that always ended up with him going back to his flat alone and miserable. He had never been kissed or spiked the interest of a woman, so your intimacy with his best friend made Bucky a bit stiff. Then it hit him. “You’re the only one who gave him a chance.” His admission made him softened a bit, his posture appeared more relax.

“Do you think you can too?” You asked with a soft voice, as if you were talking to a child. “Give me a chance?” The man on the chair seemed to consider it for a minute, his fingers tapped on the dimple on his chin as he looked at you intensely.

The door opened to reveal a confused Steve Rogers, he looked at you then back at Bucky and took his jacket off.

“Are you sure that he wanted to see me now?” Steve asked as he threw the jacket on the chair. “He wasn’t in his lodge.”

“Might have misunderstood.” Bucky said still locking eyes with you. Despite the intense staring contest that Bucky intended to play with you, Steve seemed oblivious to what was happening or chose to ignore it.

Bucky looked at you for a few more seconds before he turned his head to see his friend.

“Hey, pal, with Y/n we were thinking that we could grab something to eat.” He smiled at Steve and then looked at you, a genuine smile crept on his face. You nodded appreciatively, smirking a bit to yourself now that you gained Bucky’ trust.

“Really? I guess we could do that.” Steve looked at you to see if you really were content with it. You smiled reassuringly and nodded. Bucky stood up from his chair and made his way towards the door.

“I’ll go fetch something, leave you two some… _intimacy_.” He emphasised the last word and left the room, not without giving a wink to his friend. You rolled your eyes slightly and chuckled.

The room was silent again, it seemed to wait for Steve to fight his shyness. He returned on the couch with you and smiled with a wince, his left hand stroking the back of his neck.

“You can leave if you want to.”

“I really want to stay, Steve.” He looked at you with round eyes but a smile started to twist the corner of his mouth. “Really.” You started play with his tie, it was too big for him. He chuckled nervously before you pulled on it gently to encourage him to come closer.

He moved clumsily on the couch to reach you and tried to reproduce the position he had before Bucky interrupted you. You leaned in and kissed his cheek, making sure to linger a bit longer than you should have. You felt his cheek turn hot against your lips, and you pulled away. He fidgeted in his seat, unable to find the right angle to lean forward and kiss you. You stroked his arm with affection, you were asking him a lot and you didn’t want to frighten him. The moment passed, it would be absurd to force fate.

“Show me your drawings, Bucky’s gonna come back soon.”

Steve pushed his hair away from his eyes and nodded, a small laugh escaped his lips as he stood up from the couch. He opened the drawer and searched for a while, apparently he had stopped drawing for a while. He raised a long notebook up as a sign of victory. He returned to the couch with an embarrassed look on his face. You took the book from his hand before he could change his mind and browsed it.

His drawings were amazing, so realistic and professional. You slowly turned the pages, your eyes opened wide at each of his masterpieces.

“It’s gorgeous, you were not kidding.” You gasped, he had a smug smile plastered on his face.

Bucky came back while you were looking at the book, he had a large pizza box in his hands and pushed the door open with his hips. He set the pizza on the kitchen table and waited for you and Steve. You had a great time with Steve and Bucky, even more now that Bucky was completely comfortable with you. You listened to their childhood stories and the numerous times Steve couldn’t shut his mouth and ended up with a black eye or a cut on his lip.

“It’s a great thing you’re dating a nurse, Stevie.” Bucky teased and watched with an amused look as both you and Steve fidgeted in your seats.

It was late and you should have been back to your apartment by now. You looked outside and watched the wind blow through the branches of the trees. You cursed yourself mentally for wearing a blouse and no coat.

“I’ll walk you home.” Bucky said, wiping his mouth with a napkin before he stood up and took his coat. You stood up as well and gathered the dirty napkins and glasses that were on the table.

Steve looked at Bucky with slight mistrust, Bucky pulled on his coat to adjust it to his shoulders. When he saw the look in his friend’s eyes he laughed and bowed with his arms.

“Nothing more.” He mouthed at his friend as if he could steal his best friend’s girlfriend. Steve nodded with his eyes close and noticed that Bucky was still trying to get his attention. Bucky pointed at Steve, then put his pointer finger to his lips, kissed it before he nodded towards you. Steve blushed and shook his head. Bucky pointed at you and gave his friend a serious look before he cleared his throat.

“I’m waitin’ for you outside.” He said and you hummed in response. Steve helped you put everything in the sink and walked you to the door. His agitation took over his body and you knew what was about to happen. You thanked yourself mentally for wearing flat shoes and stood in front of Steve.

“Good night.” You said but made no move to leave his apartment. He mirrored your farewell and leaned forward until your noses touched.

You could feel his warm breath against your mouth and you closed your eyes, hoping that this time nothing would get in the way. His hands found the curve around your waist and brushed his hands over your clothed hips. You rewarded him by pressing your body a bit closer, until you almost touched. He closed the distance and pressed his lips gently against yours. He wasn’t sure what to do, you kissed him back and guided him through the kiss.

The kiss was sweet and gentle, you tangled your hands around his neck and kept him close. You moved your lips against his, deepening the kiss. You could hear that he was getting out of breath so you pulled away. He rasped breathlessly but the large smile across his features told you that he was more than okay. When he managed to catch his breath, he pulled you back into his embrace, you could tell he was more comfortable with you. After another heated kiss, he pecked your lips one last time and you let go of his neck.

You joined Bucky outside and tried not to notice the wide grin that he gave you. You clutched your arms together against your chest as the wind made you shiver. As if on cue, Bucky took his jacket off and placed it on your shoulders. You held it close and thanked him. He was a gentleman, he kept a small distance between you and him as you walked along the street but his attitude changed a lot since he first met you. He started to accept the fact that his best friend might have another person in his life. It was a hard truth for Bucky but he knew that this day would come. You were standing near your building when cleared his throat.

“Be nice with him.” He gave you a final warning. “I don’t think there is someone else like him on this planet. He deserves the best.” He said with a nod that was meant for you. You returned his jacket and thanked him for his blessing, you too had a feeling that you’d see more of Steve soon.


	3. Smile for the Camera

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky runs away from an old friend. Steve and Reader’s relationship is blossoming after a couple of month of dating. Steve gets beat up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FLUFF! Though Reader gets into a fight…

 

**_May 1941_ **

“Injured punk, coming through.” Bucky screamed, using his hands to emphasise the noise as he entered your apartment building. Steve followed him, staggering as he held his head back, a tissue covered his nose and mouth.

You opened your door and stepped outside to see where the screams came from, when you saw Bucky and Steve climbing up the stairs you let a small laugh. That was until you noticed Steve and his infamous blood stained tissue. When Bucky first told you that Steve often got into fights, you didn’t think it was that serious.

You returned to your apartment and took the first aid kit out of your cupboard, trying not to think that you just put it back there three days ago. You heard the door close, signalling that the two boys were inside your apartment. Steve sat at his usual spot, the one near the window so you could see his wound more clearly. Bucky sat at your kitchen table and browsed through the magazine that was open on the table.

“Again?” You sighed as Steve removed the bloodied tissue from his face, he smiled at you and blood streamed down his face from his nose only to stain his trousers and the chair.

“Ah, sorry Y/n.” He said, positioning his head back to stop the bleeding.

“Don’t mention it.” You took the things you needed from the medical kit and patched him up. When you were done you used some saline solution to clean his trousers, the blood stain magically disappeared, something that always fascinated Steve. You glanced at Bucky who raised his hands in a gesture of surrender.

“Don’t look at me. You know how he is. I found him behind the diner, three thugs were beating his pretty face.” He looked at Steve and grinned, secretly proud of his friend’s bravery.

“What was it this time?” You asked with a roll of your eyes. You had been dating Steve for a few months and he always had a good excuse to a fight.

“They picked on an old man.” Steve wrinkled his nose to see if it was safe to move. When everything seemed to go fine, he kissed your hand. “Thank you, sweetheart.” Annoyed that you had to patch him up, again you simply pouted and turned away.

Steve looked at Bucky and the latter shrugged. You were putting back the emergency kit when the kettle whistled furiously in the kitchen. Bucky took the kettle from the strove and noticed two mugs on the counter.

“Waiting for someone? Or do you have some kind of powers and felt that we were on our way.” He flashed a grin as he rested his back against the drawers. Steve looked out of the window, seemingly lost in his thoughts.

“Ah ah, you’re hilarious Buck. Remember my friend, the fourth one to our double date?” You tried to suppress a laugh as Bucky’s face turned ghostly pale. “Apparently you do. She’s on her way.”

Bucky snapped back to reality and clapped his hands together.

“Good, well I think I’d better be off.” He took his coat from the couch and hurried back to the door. “Don’t mention me!” He screamed from the hall as he ran down the stairs. You bit back a laugh and sat on couch before you placed the kettle on the coffee table.

“To think that he made such a fuss about us. I wonder what he did to my poor friend.” You sighed as you turned to look at Steve.

“She just slapped him, hard.” Steve said, looking through the window. You rushed to his side and sat on the arm of the chair.

“Ouch! That’s going to leave a mark.” You snorted as Bucky tried to apologise to the woman who was now rushing into the building. When he didn’t get any response, he rubbed his red cheek and looked in your way. Both you and Steve shrugged exaggeratedly and grinned at the poor man.

“I should go too.” Steve leaned against you to kiss your shoulder. “I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.” You slid down the armchair to end up on his lap, making sure that you were not crushing his small frame. He leaned down and left feather kisses on your mouth and nose. When your friend knocked on the door, you straightened your posture and let your boyfriend go.

Steve greeted your friend politely before he left your apartment. Your friend was visiting the apartment one last time before she’d take your lease so that you could move in with Steve. The negotiation was almost settle and you were excited to start a new life with Steve.

The next day you had your things ready, the cab was waiting for you as you made your goodbyes to the apartment. You had been preparing for that day for a while, so you didn’t have much to take with you. Your friend waved at you from the window and you smiled, remembering all the good times.

When you arrived at your new home, you were greeted by Steve, Bucky and a table filled with food. You and the boys spent the rest of the day unpacking and bringing a bit more colour into the house of Steve Rogers. At the end of the day, you collapsed on the couch and nestled your head against Steve’s shoulder, he was drawing a portrait of you. You smiled and took the book from his hands to grab his attention.

You raised your head until your lips were almost touching and brushed your nose against his. You kissed him passionately, his hands searching for your hips. You straddled his lap, you learned from experience that he loved it and he was not as fragile as he seemed. You ran your hands on his chest and unbuttoned his shirt, feeling his soft and bony chest under your fingers. After a minute of passionate kissing, Steve pulled away, couching and breathing hard with his head turned away from you. You stroked his hair and rubbed circles on his chest until he calmed down.

He sighed exasperatedly and pushed a strand of hair off his face. He hated that his asthma always started when he was excited. He looked at you with weary eyes and you kissed his cheek reassuringly.

“It’s okay, Stevie.” You placed a chaste kiss on his lips and pulled away from his lap to take his hand. “We should go to bed anyway, we have a big day tomorrow.” You winked at him.

“Philly against the Dodgers? Y/n, you know the Dodgers are going to win, right?” He grinned mischievously.

“Oh so that’s how it’s going to be, Rogers?”

“Face it, Philly won’t even stand a chance.” He smirked when he joined you in the bedroom.

You had planned to go to Ebbets field to see the great game that everyone waited for. You moved the covers and shivered at how cold they were against your skin. It was exceptionally cold for May, you were happy to have someone to keep you warm.

You lay in your bed, Steve had an arm draped around your waist and his sleeping body was facing you. You traced the cut on his nose with your finger, a sense of fear washed over you. You prayed silently that Bucky would always be able to find Steve before he could get killed. It was your biggest fear. The gentle touch of your finger on his nose made Steve shiver slightly and he mumbled something in his sleep. You placed a kiss on the top of his head and tried to fall asleep.

*

**_September 1941_ **

“Buck, why do we have to take pictures?” The wind blew around your feet, whipping at your dress and threatening to blow it up above your thighs. You grabbed a handful of cloth and held your long skirt down against your thighs. Your other hand was busy keeping your hair in place. You never took pictures outside before and Bucky was categorical, it had to be that day.

“I want pictures of my friends.” Bucky spread his arms, then returned his attention to the Rolleiflex as he tried to understand how the camera worked. It was a portable rectangular camera, with two lenses and a handle.

“You look beautiful, Y/n.” Steve said as he joined you on the grass patch. He looked a bit nervous and kept playing with his gold and white striped tie.

“Right, stop gazing into each other’s eyes and get to work.” Bucky said, holding the camera in front of his face to take a picture.

You looked down at your feet and smiled. You had cream coloured shoes with matching socks and a long dress that stopped right under your knees. There was a thin belt tied around your waist and a tailored collar that exposed your collarbone. Your slightly puffy sleeves stopped just above your elbows and your features were perfectly outline by your hair. You smoothed Steve’s blue jacket and held his hand tightly in yours.

You stood shoulder to shoulder with Steve on the street near your shared apartment. Your fingers interviewed with Steve’s as your tangled hands pressed against your bodies. You held your skirt with your other hand, tilted your head slightly to rest it on his shoulder and felt Steve’s head rest on top of yours. Bucky smiled behind his camera and took the picture.

“It’s in the box.” He said with a bright smile. “Alright, Stevie. Now take one of me and Y/n.”

You stayed on your mark, waiting for the black haired man to join you. For the event, Bucky took his fanciest outfit. A blue jacket and vest above a white shirt and a light blue tie. Your outfit seemed plain next to the soldier. Bucky explained how the camera worked and ran towards you.

You giggled when he caught you in his arms from behind and pressed his cheek against yours, his hands found yours pressed against your belly. Your head was slightly tilted and you looked at the camera with a bright smile. Moments later, Steve informed you that the photo was taken. You took the opportunity to snatch the camera from his hands and push him towards Bucky.

“I know how it works. I’m not as daft as you boys with new technology. Now stop gazing into each other’s eyes.” You smirked as you imitated Bucky’s previous comment.

Bucky chuckled and took his friend by the shoulder, pushing him against his ribcage. Steve chortled and ran a hand through his hair before he caught Bucky’s back.

“That’s more like it.” You laughed behind the camera and took the photo. When you were done, you handed the camera to Bucky and decided to go for a walk.

During your stroll, Bucky escaped to return the camera. You walked hand in hand with Steve, he had a smirk on his lips but you couldn’t figure why. These moments of calm were rare these days, you were thankful that Steve’s bruises and cuts were no longer visible. Sure it made him look tough but there was something about it that wrenched your heart.

You were laughing at one of his witty remarks when two massive guys appeared at the corner of the street. It was when you realised that it was dark, the moon replaced the sun. You pulled on Steve’s hand to cross the street but despite his small frame he stood straight and kept walking forward. Your heart started to beat faster as the two guys cat whistled you and Steve.

“What’s up girls?” They chuckled, leaning against the wall nonchalantly. You rolled your eyes and watched Steve carefully. His jaw was clenched but he didn’t say anything. “Look at that waste! A beautiful babe and a queer. Such a shame.”

You were repeating ‘ _shut up_ ’ in your head like a mantra but they definitely thought they had the upper hand. And they did, these two colossi against your small angry boyfriend, he didn’t stand a chance. But you knew that was not going to stop him. You could tell that Steve was trying his best to just walk it off, until one of the big guys asked if you wanted to know what a real thrust felt like. Steve released your hand and quickly sprung around, which startled the two guys for about one second before they laughed at him, hands on their bellies.

“Apologize to the dame.” He hissed, his head up to look at the two big men.

“Yeah, right. Babe, I’m sorry that you’re dating a fag.” One of them laughed as he looked at you.

You tried to reach for Steve’s hand but he quickly raised his hand to point at them, his voice was tough and controlled despite his anger.

“Show some respect.”

“Steve.” You said loud enough to grab his attention but he ignored your plea.

“I think _Steve_ needs to be put in his place.” The big man grabbed Steve effortlessly by his arm and pushed him down the alley.

You screamed to attract people’s attention but the second guy took you by the waist, your feet were lifted from the ground as you kept screaming.

“Get your hands off her.” Steve screamed from the alley where the first guy beat him up. He fought to free himself like his life depended on it. You heard Steve being knocked down and huffed as he tried to get up.

You tried to wiggle free from the second guy and when you understood that it was not the best strategy, you relaxed your posture. It made the second guy loose his grip on you just slightly and you took the advantage of his position to elbow him hard in the stomach. He groaned and let you fall on the ground. You kicked him in the nuts to make sure he’d stay on the pavement for a lot longer. The guy balled himself up in the foetal position as he whined in pain.

You rushed to the alley and took a rock that lingered on the ground, you threw it on the man who was beating Steve and he immediately turned around. It allowed Steve to launch himself into a dive that landed him to top of the brute, cushioning his fall. He had to use his hands to stand up and hurried back to you, wobbling on his legs. He took your hand and searched your face for some sign of physical abuse but you were fine. His eyes were filled with concern and fear, though you knew it was not the brutes that he feared.

You pulled on his hand and led him out of the alley, running as fast as your legs would carry you until you were out of their reach. You stopped after a minute or two and Steve fell to the ground, his asthma hitting him hard. You caught your breath and fell to your knees next to him. You stroked his arm and kept turning around to see if you were followed.

“I’m…I’m sor-”

“Steve, I swear if you say you’re sorry I’ll leave you here.” You said, standing up to stay on your guard. Steve smiled weakly and tried to stand up, you gave him a hand and walked hurriedly with him. When you arrived near your apartment, you started to feel better.

You opened the door and led him inside, he immediately fell on the couch, rubbing his bruised jaw. The first aid kit was still on the kitchen table, you used it more often than any other thing in the house. You retrieved it and sat next to Steve.

“Thank you.” He said while you patched him up.

“You can stop testing my skills, I’m a good nurse, Steve. You keep me up to date though.” You said with a smile to divert your boyfriend. You winced as you rubbed a cloth on his cut. It didn’t seem to hurt him but he looked at the dirt on your face and sighed.

“I was talking about the alley.”

“I think you actually like getting beat up, Stevie.” You threw the cloth on the table and looked for a bandage but you couldn’t find one. “We’re out of band-aid that should tell you something.” You pouted and stood up from the couch. Steve caught your hand and pulled on it, looked up at you with sad eyes.

“I’m sorry Y/n, I should have kept walking. You were with me and I put you in danger.”

“I’m not a damsel in distress, Steve. I can do well on my own.” You sat on his lap and brushed the hair away from his eyes. “I love that you’re so brave and gallant. You do your best for everyone and that’s one of the things I love the most about you.” You watched as his facial expression softened. His head was still cast down but he raised his eyes to look at you.

“In a room full of people, you’re the only one to stand up to the bullies. That is both reckless and impressive. It’s an honour to patch you up,” You used your pointer finger to raise his head and placed a delicate kiss on his lips. “I just wish that you didn’t have to do it so often. The world is broken, Steve. You can’t save everyone on your own.”

Still with you on his lap, he leaned forward and reached for a piece of paper on the coffee table. You saw the black ‘4F’ stamped on the bottom of the paper.

“I could if only they let me join them.”

“And who would stay with me?” You smiled and stroked his cheek with your thumb.

“You’re not a damsel in distress, Y/n.” He grinned and turned his face to look at you in the eye. You frowned with a smile and shook your head. “I love you.” He cupped your face in his hands. The rejection paper from the army fell on the floor.

“I love you, Steve.” You said truthfully before he kissed you fervently.

*

A couple of days later, you were coming home from your shift at the hospital. As you pushed the door open, you were surprised to find Steve at home. He was standing in front of the door, his hands were hidden behind his back and a big smile was plastered on his face.

“You’re home early. Did something happen?” You smiled back at him but you were a bit suspicious.

He didn’t answer but kept smiling and stretched his left hand, a beautiful but dated round locket was tangled around his fingers. You reached a hand to take it, your heart was pounding wildly in your chest. It was beautifully engraved with lines and circles that formed leaves and branches and at its centre was a blue stone that represented the heart of a daisy.

“My God, Steve! How did you-” You looked back at your boyfriend who was flashing a proud smile. It was a difficult time and jewels were hard to find.

“It belonged to my mother. It was the only valuable trinket that she had.” He leaned a bit closer. “Open it!” He said enthusiastically. You did as he told and gasped, mouth agape in front of the two small pictures inside the locket. “You like it?” He asked wearily as if there were a chance that you could just shrug your shoulders and toss it away unaffected.

On the left was the photo of you and Bucky, with his arms wrapped around your shoulders and your head titled to smile at the camera. And on the right was the photo of you and Steve. Your head rested on his shoulder and a bright shy smile was on his lips. The photos were cut to allow them to fit the small locket. You couldn’t tell that Steve was holding your hand tightly in his, the two photos were gorgeous and showed exactly what your relationships with the two men looked like. You couldn’t ask for a better reminder.

The tears that threatened to fall down your cheeks blurred your eyes. You held the locket on the palm of your hand before you threw your arms around Steve’s neck. Although he was a bit startled, he held you close to him and whispered in your ear, telling you how much he loved you. You held your hair while he fastened the clasp and turned you around again. You closed the space between your lips and kissed him passionately.


	4. I Want You to Join the Army

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky goes to war, Steve joins the army. You’re stationed with your unit in Italy where you met a familiar face. Meanwhile the mysterious American mascot known as Captain America begins his tour in Europe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst and fluff. Some implied smut, sorry it was too long already to write a proper Skinny!Steve smut...  
> I’m paving the way for some Bucky x Reader… I know that the Stark Expo was in 43 but I don’t care. Skinny Steve’s last chapter.

 

**_August 1942_ **

“Steve, you have got to stop!” You screamed at your boyfriend when you took the piece of paper that fell from his pocket. Another ‘4F’ was stamped on the piece of paper, the army rejected Steve… again. Steve hurried back to take the paper from your hand.

“I have to fight with them, for my country, for our freedom and our future.”

“What future? If you go to the war you’ll die!” You screamed angrily and stopped as your words echoed through your head. Steve looked at you, mouth agape. Your words hurt his feelings but you couldn’t take them back. “I’m sorry, Steve. I don’t mean-”

“I know what I am but I’ll be damned if I don’t try.” He took his jacket and slammed the door behind him as he left the flat. You tried to stop him but he was already down the stairs. You stayed still for a moment, looking in front of you distractedly when the door opened again. You snapped back to reality, Bucky was standing in front of you, dressed in his military uniform. You blinked repeatedly at the sight, thinking that it was a dream.

“Did you get your orders?” You asked, voice broken and eyes closed.

“Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes from the one-o-seventh. Tomorrow, at this hour, I’ll be in England.”

“Does Steve know?” You asked rubbing your temples with your pointer fingers, eyes still close to avoid Bucky’s gaze.

“I came to tell him. He’s not here, is he?”

“We sort of argued. He stormed out of the room, I have no idea where he went.” At the sound of your broken voice, Bucky closed the few steps between you and him and hugged you closely.

“I’ll find him.” He kissed the top of your head. “Be sure to go at the World Exposition tonight, I have planned my last night in the US and I want _you_ to join us.” He joked and pulled away from you, mimicking Uncle Sam’s posture from the infamous poster.

“Go get Steve before he gets arrested.” You smiled back at him and gave him a quick hug before you congratulated him. “I’m happy for you, Buck.” You said truthfully even if it meant that there was a big chance to lose him forever.

“Then smile, doll. It’s a night to celebrate.”

A couple of hours later, you waited for the boys at the fair when a girl tapped your shoulder.

“Are you Y/n? I’m Bucky’s friend.” You looked at the girl from head to toe and smiled to yourself, he really did plan his last night perfectly. You nodded and shook her hand before she turned around to find the black haired soldier.

“He’s not here yet.” You informed her but she jumped suddenly and waved at someone. You turned around and saw Bucky waving at her, Steve was walking behind him.

When the duo reached your side, you noticed Steve’s light bruise on his cheekbone and stared daggers at him. Bucky caught his friend’s hand and together they rushed inside the fair.

“What happened to you?” You asked Steve, arms folded against your chest.

“A man insulted the troops, I had to-”

“No you didn’t. This is getting out of control Steve. Then what, some guy will not reply to your ‘hello’ so you will get into a fight.”

“Don’t dramatize, Y/n.” He said, his hands reached deeper into his pockets as he started to follow Bucky and the girl.

“Bucky found you, didn’t he?”

“I had the guy on the ropes.”

“Sure you did.” You walked faster to pass him.

He tried to take your arm but you were already out of his reach. You lost track of them during the night, you stayed alone for a while, trying to clear your head. It was going too fast, Bucky was about to serve on the front lines and you were going to follow him soon. You knew that you and other nurses were going to be sent to France at the end of the month. You told Bucky and asked him to keep the secret. If Steve knew about it, you were afraid of what the suborn punk might do. But it was coming closer and keeping secrets from your boyfriend was eating you alive.

“Still haven’t told him, did ya?” Bucky sneaked up behind you while his friend was admiring one of the futuristic car with an incredibly nervous Steve next to her.

“If I tell him he’ll go berserk and try every single enlistment office in the country.”

“Um, then he’ll go to jail and we won’t have to worry about him.” Bucky tried to joke but even he was nervous about leaving Steve alone.

“Worry about who?” Steve’s voice made you both turn around as the frail looking man observed you with incomprehension. Bucky smiled weakly at you and nodded, it was time to tell him. He left you alone with Steve and joined his lady friend.

“Steve, I’ll be sent to France at the end of the month.” You admitted without being able to look at him in the eye. He took his hands out of his pockets and closed the few steps that separated him from you.

“That’s great, Y/n.” He said genuinely happy for you, though there was an ounce of sadness in his voice.

“I don’t want to leave you alone.” Your voice broke and you played with his hands, your foreheads almost touched.

“I’m not a child.” He rolled his eyes and titled his head to make you look at him. “Think of all the people you’ll save, all the soldiers you’ll save.”

“I know but you-”

“I’ll be fine. Come on, I can take care of myself.” He took your hand and kissed your knuckles.

Howard Stark was presenting his new invention: the flying car. While you were all looking at the brilliant but not finished device, you lost track of Steve. When the flying car fell from the stage, you looked around you and found that your boyfriend was gone. You nudged Bucky and he shrugged before you both decided to look for him. Bucky found him first, near the enlistment office that was put in the fair. Steve looked at his reflection in the glass, trying to imagine what he would look like as a soldier when Bucky slapped his back.

“You really gonna do this again?” He pulled him away from the window.

“Well, it’s a fair. I’m gonna try my luck.”

“As who? Steve from Ohio? They’ll catch you. Worse, they’ll actually take you.” Bucked sighed.

“Look, I know you and Y/n don’t think I can do this.”

“This isn’t a back alley, Steve. It’s a war!” Bucky raised his voice and some people gave him curious looks.

They continued to argue for a moment while you joined Bucky’s friend, she looked bored to death. You heard the boys say their goodbyes in their own special way.

“You’re a punk.” Bucky said to his friend as he hugged him.

“Jerk.” Steve replied, patting his friend’s back. “Be careful.” He watched Bucky walk backwards to return to his friend. “Don’t win the war till I get there!” He warned his friend and entered the enlistment office.

You walked slowly to Bucky, he opened his arms to hug you when he saw the smile that lingered on your lips. You could feel the tears in your eyes ready to fall down your cheeks. He wrapped his arms around you and you buried your face against his chest.

“I’ll miss you, Bucky.” You pulled away and wiped a tear that was running down your cheek. Bucky smiled at you and ran a thumb on your cheek to smudge the tear.

“Hey! You don’t know, maybe we’ll see each other.” You punched his arm hard and he let out a small laugh as he rubbed the spot.

“You dummy, if we see each other that won’t be under nice circumstances.” You scowled.

“And you’ll be very sorry that you punched me.” He winced theatrically as he continued to rub his arm. He hugged you again when you looked at him with sad eyes. “I’ll miss you.” He said sweetly, this time he was not being playful. You kissed his cheek before you let him go.

“Go or she’s gonna think you won’t dance with her. Be careful, Sarge!” You held his hand until he was out of reach.

“You too, Nurse!” He winked and blew you a kiss.

You waited, sitting on the stairs in front of the enlistment office. You saw Steve enter and he was taking a lot of time, you wondered if it meant that all his lies finally caught up with him. You heard him scream your name and you turned around. He reached you in no time and waved the form in front of your eyes, the black ‘1A’ danced in front of your eyes, like it was mocking you.

“You got in?” You asked, thankful that you were sitting down.

“I’m gonna train with the other recruits on Monday.” He beamed. You only had two days left with your boyfriend before he would be sent to New Jersey for his training and you to France.

It was hard for you to keep a normal attitude during those two days. Steve kept telling you how great it was that he finally got in and you had to act like it was a great thing. He had been so nice when you told him that you were going to Europe and you felt like you had to be as supportive even if you had a bad feeling about it.

On Sunday night, you were sitting crossed legs on the couch while Steve was in the shower. When he entered the main room, you quickly wiped away your tears with the back of your hand. He sat next to you and pulled you close to him, the tears might have been wiped but your eyes were still red and puffy.

“A least, we’ll both be in Europe.” Steve said as he carded his fingers through your hair in an attempt to soothe your tears. You laughed and sniffed noisily.

“Yeah I’d rather be in the same city, one that’s not at war.”

“It’s called ‘World War’, sweetheart.” He kissed your head and intertwined his fingers with yours. You laughed bitterly and nodded before you raised your head and kissed him hard.

“I’ll miss you more than anything.” Your voice broke into a whisper as tears streamed down your cheeks. “If you die, I’ll take it very personally so be extra careful.” You warned him as he leaned forward to take a tissue from the coffee table.

“I don’t want to upset my girl.” He said with a smile as you wiped your tears.

“Then don’t die. But don’t say anything, it’s bad luck just nod.”

He broke into a laugh and nodded vehemently before he leaned on top of you, making you lay on the couch. You locked your lips with his, trying not to think that it might be one of the last time. You wrapped your legs around his small waist and moaned hungrily as he kissed you ardently. He pulled away a couple of times to catch his breath, his hands ran timidly under your nightgown. When the position proved to be very uncomfortable, you took his hand and made him follow you to your shared bedroom.

The next day, you kissed Steve one last time before he left for New Jersey where the training camp was. You stayed close, not ready to leave each other until time was running out and you had to let him go. You cried the entire day, lying on the couch draped in a shirt that belonged to Steve.

A week or two later, you were returning to your apartment and picked up your mail. There was a letter that was shipped from England. You tore the paper and read the letter again and again.

 

_My dear Y/n, Steve, my best friends,_

_I really hope that this letter reach you before you leave for France. I miss you and the little punk, I wish I were with you. I wish we could spend another day together, laughing until we have to catch our breath._

_I don’t have much to tell you. Days seem to pass by in the blink of an eye and I try to stand on my feet and do what I am told. One of the soldiers found a radio in an abandoned house, we are listening to some French songs at the moment. We may not understand a word but to say that we needed the distraction is an understatement._

_Steve, I think about what you said that last night. We are in this together, fighting and maintaining peace where we can find it. It never appealed more to me than today._

_Still, I hope that you behave. Don’t get beat up, you punk._

_I love you guys, with all my heart,_

_Bucky Barnes._

 You read the letter until you knew it by heart and that night, you fell asleep with the letter pressed against your chest.

*

**_August 1943 Italy_ **

It was late when you stormed out of the tent, the screams of the injured soldiers still ringing in your ears. You had been working in the south of France but now that the battlefield changed drastically you were sent to Italy.

You haven’t heard much about your boyfriend and best friend in months. Steve was somewhere, that was for sure, but no one knew where the skinny soldier was. Bucky Barnes moved a lot, the last you heard, he was in Belgium.

You gave a small pat on the back of one of the nurses and returned to your facilities. You were alone in the tent, there were a table, a couple of chairs and some army beds. You took your hat and put it on the wooden table. Some of the nurses that started working with you ended up in the hospitals away from the frontline where they took care of the soldiers that could be transported but most of the nurses were still taking care of soldiers on the frontline. And that’s where you were and every day was a challenge.

The first couple of weeks, you were shocked and shook from head to toe but sadly as the war went on, you were getting more accustomed to the horror of the war. You saw all kind of gruesome wounds and held the hand of many soldiers before they gave their last breath. You sat on the makeshift chair, a long sigh escape your lips as you let the tension of the day leave your body for a short time. A voice coming from inside the tent startled you, you stood up quickly and turned around.

“I heard you were the best nurse in town.” A black haired man said, giving you a bright smile. You put a hand over your heart at the sight of Bucky Barnes.

You ran into his arms, the stains on his dirty blue uniform mingled with the blood that was on your white uniform. It felt so good to be in someone’s arms, you couldn’t believe that you were hugging Bucky Barnes. You still remembered his first and last letter by heart even if it was a year ago.

“Bucky.” You whispered still holding him, his hands stroked up the side of your body. You were so happy that he was alive but it felt odd, probably because you haven’t slept in a long time. “It’s you.”

“Yes, doll.” He tightened the grip around your shoulders and you chuckled, no one called you ‘doll’ in a long time.

“Have you heard about Steve?” You asked, voice filled with worry. You never received any letters from your boyfriend which only increased your worries.

“No.” Bucky admitted, pulling away from you. “Why would I? Did something happen back home?” He searched your face for answers as he sat on the table.

“He got in, the night you left, he got into the army. I don’t know how.” You gripped your hips and hunched over, exhaustion and worry took the best of you. “Oh, Bucky! He’s somewhere out here, I can’t help but picture him…” You couldn’t admit to his best friend that everytime you closed your eyes you saw a dead Steve, lying lifeless on the trench. “I tried to reach other nurses and asked if someone saw him but… nothing”

Bucky took some time to process the news and sighed.

“That fucking stubborn punk!” He cursed out loud. “Sorry, Y/n.” You dismissed him with a wave of your hand, as an army nurse, you heard much worse than that. “Think that way, if you can’t find him that must be a good thing.”

“But Bucky-” You wanted to tell him that some bodies were never found or that there were many other nurses you couldn’t reach. So many countries, so many cities and just one Steve. Bucky cut you off, he knew all that.

“We have to stay strong.” He said, closing the space between you and him to take your hands. He spoke with confidence and you nodded.

“Oh sorry, Ma’am.” A blond man entered, his moustache was the first thing you noticed. “Bucky?” His eyes opened wide when he saw one of his companion.

“Come in Tim.”

“I told you, it’s Dum Dum. Pleasure, ma’am.” He said tipping his bowler hat to you.

“Y/n, this is _Dum Dum_ Dugan. We fought together on the battlefields, he joined the one-o-seventh recently.” Bucky introduced you to the soldier and he watched your blood stained nurse uniform.

“How are our boys?” He asked still looking at the blood.

“Most of them will live.” You said reassuringly and he looked relieved.

“I guess the mascot will be a good diversion for them.” He bit back a laugh and tapped Bucky’s back who smirked back at him.

“What mascot?” Dugan had piqued your interest and even made you smile, even though you had no idea why.

“There’s this story of a man dressed up as the American flag. He visited civilians back at home and now he’s touring in Europe.” Dugan broke into loud giggles, holding his stomach as his blaring laugh filled the tent. His laugh was contagious, Bucky looked at you with a small smirk.

“It’s probably just some stupid story from wounded soldiers. He’s just a legend.” You nodded pensively, listening to Bucky. If there were a guy, touring Europe dressed as the American flag you had to see that with your own eyes. The boys mocked the legend while you listened with a smile on your face. It was good to just sit and enjoy the calm that lingered in the air. The calm before the storm, as they say.


	5. It's Tough to Love a Doll That's Not Your Own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Bucky share a moment that might be more than friendly. Reader finds out who Captain America really is and she’s not thrilled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky x Reader fluff in that one because why not. Steve x Reader angst.  
> Song fic. Here's the song: youtube.com/watch?v=ht3TuMZeljM

 

**_ Late September 1943 Azzano, Italy _ **

A loud noise echoed not far from the military camp, soldiers, nurses and prisoners turned around, fearing the worst. Soldiers in charge screamed to get ready for a bombing. You returned to your post and waited but nothing happened. Minutes later, you heard rumours of an attack on the road near Azzano. 

“Dugan!” You screamed as you saw the soldier who was fixing a hole on his bowler hat. He kept saying that it was his lucky charm, and that the hat was giving him some sort of protection. He raised his head at the sound of your voice. “Any idea what that was?” You sat next to him on the improvised seat.

“Nope.” He cut his finger with the needle that helped him fix his hat. He whined dramatically at the sting and held the small wound in front of your face. You rolled your eyes and pushed his finger away from you. 

“Don’t tell me you’re complaining about that small cut.” Gabe Jones said as he approached the both of you. 

“I just need my favourite nurse to tell me everything will be fine.” Dugan purred, bumping his shoulder with yours.

“Hey back off, she’s already taken.” Bucky spoke loudly from behind Jones. 

You had spent the last few weeks with the one-o-seven, Jones and Dugan found Bucky while they fought on the battlefields somewhere in France. They served as Ally soldiers in the company and they were doing a great job, every single battle was a victory. 

The three soldiers were a great team and despite knowing them for a few weeks, you cared for them. They were your war family. Jones was fluent in German and French that proved to be a great strategic advantage, Dugan was a great leader, and Bucky was one hell of a sniper. Of course your relationship with Bucky was a bit different, you knew him very well and the context of the war only seemed to bring you closer. After his work and no matter how tired he was, Bucky would help you find Steve. Sending lots of letters, with whatever paper was available, to the main offices and other nurses in the area. 

Meanwhile, everyone was excited to hear that Flag Boy, as soldiers called Captain America, was on his way to the camp. By the end of the day, you were back into your tent, alone and exhausted. You removed your blood-stained apron and smoothed the grey uniform underneath. The little red cross on your chest matched the one on your hat. You took the hat off and put it on the table, next to a radio. You heard footsteps coming your way, it was really late and most of the camp was asleep. 

“Y/n?” Bucky’s voice asked from outside the tent. You let Bucky enter and stood up to greet your friend. There was something about being with Bucky, in a foreign country, in a context that was so different from back home that made you feel uneasy with him. He was the only thing that kept you going, the only one that kept you sane when everything you wanted was to run away with him to find Steve. 

“Hey Buck. Can’t sleep?” 

“Leaving first thing tomorrow, the attack near Azzano. We’re going to investigate it.” He stood near the entrance of the tent, his face was marked with sadness and nervousness. 

“Be careful.” You half pleaded.

“Promise you’ll patch me up if I come back.”

“ _When_ you’ll come back, I won’t need to patch you up because you’ll be just fine.” You tried to keep your spirits up and be optimistic but the war made it difficult. Bucky smiled at you, running his tongue on his lips with a small smirk.

“You sound damn sure about it.” He laughed quietly.

“That’s how I keep going.” You twisted your mouth to hide the tears that threatened to fall down your cheeks. It was not the first time that Bucky left for a mission but he didn’t usually come to see you at this hour.

He paced the tent for a minute until he reached the table on which you were sitting. He leaned forward and used two fingers to turn the radio on. A soft music came from the transmitter, you could still hear the song through the static. Bucky smiled as he adjusted the sound and turned around to ask for your hand.

“Would you dance with me?” He asked with a small smile. You fidgeted on the table, looking at his hand and back at him. 

The last man you danced with was Steve but the situation was different, it was war, you were a nurse and him a soldier. As a nurse, your trainer told you to do anything you could for the soldiers. You held more hands and kissed more foreheads that you could remember. The injured soldiers were terrified and needed to be reassured. And that was Bucky’s way of telling you to hold his hand before the end. Dancing with Bucky meant that you were accepting the fact that he was going to die. He knew it and now so did you.

“Bucky-” You started, your voice filled with tears.

“I just want one last dance with a beautiful dame.” He couldn’t hide the emotion in his voice. 

You took his hand and followed him to the centre of the tent where there was room to move. He placed his left hand on your back, near your shoulder blade. His right hand caught yours tightly and held it above your shoulder. Another song started, you swayed back and forth with Bucky to the rhythm of the saxophone. You tried to avoid his eyes as he moved his hand on your back, in a reassuring embrace. 

Suddenly, he raised his right hand higher and made you twirl around quickly until you were at arms distance. He gave you a second to regain your balance and pulled on your hand to spin you back into his arms. He tightened the hold on your hand as he kept it against his chest, his thumb stroked your palm idly. Your bodies almost touched now, you could fell his chest brushing against yours as he breathed. You raised your head to look into his eyes, his warm breath tickling your parted lips as he looked at you. The voice of Peggy Lee came through the radio.

_ ♫  _ _ Somebody else is taking my place  _

_ Somebody else now shares your embrace  _ ♫

__

The lyrics hit you hard as you grey uniform pressed against the soldier’s chest. Still, you didn’t snap back to reality, Bucky’s eyes were searching into yours and you couldn’t help but stare back at him. 

♫  _ While I am trying to keep from crying _

_ You go around with a smile on your face. ♫ _

__

Your heart skipped a beat while you continued to dance, you were no longer following the rhythm of the song but simply swayed together, following your own rhythm. You wanted to close your eyes and shake the feeling that started to blossom in your belly but you were afraid that he would mistake it for an invitation to kiss you. You fought to keep your eyes open, ironically fuelling the sensation that grew inside you. 

♫  _ Little you know the price that I’ve paid _

_ Little you care for vows that you made  _ ♫

__

The smouldering look on Bucky’s face was very different from the one he gave to his various girlfriends back at home. You knew him well enough to see it, the butterflies in your stomach went wild, urging you to kiss his plump lips. You haven’t realised that you stopped breathing until your lungs were begging for air. Slowly, ever so slowly, Bucky leaned closer, his lips were getting dangerously closer to yours. 

“James.” His name fell from your lips as you panted hard, not sure if you wanted him to close the distance or pull away.

♫  _ My heart is aching, soon will be breaking _

_ For somebody’s taking my place. _ ♫

__

It was only at that moment that you noticed that you had both stopped dancing. The saxophone played the end of the song as you stood in Bucky’s arms, completely still. Your fingers closed on the thumb that was making small circles in the palm of your hand and his left hand pressed against your back. His fingers dug into your skin as he tried to control himself. He closed his eyes and swallowed hard, making his Adam’s apple slide along his throat as he pressed his forehead against yours. 

“I’m sorry, Y/n.” He raised your hand higher to kiss your knuckles, his eyes still close. He breathed hard to inhale your scent and the announcer’s voice brought you and Bucky back to earth.

“Captain America is in Europe, Europe will be saved.” The man said with a loud, excited voice as he read the motto on his paper. He continued his speech about Captain America and his European tour while Bucky pulled away from you, hand still holding yours and his eyes still locked with yours. He turned the radio off and released your hand.He hunched forward, his palms pressed against the table, now unable to face you.

“I shouldn’t have, I’m sorry.” He said in a barely audible voice. Your replies were not higher than a whisper.

“It’s fine, Bucky.”

“I got carried-”

“It’s fine, really.” You cut him off, talking a bit louder. He turned around to look at you, you noticed the trail of a tear on one of his cheek and pursed your lips. He pulled himself together quickly and stood straight in front of you.

“Thank you for the dance.” His voice was detached and you nodded. You could tell he was hating himself for what almost happened, what he almost did to his best friend. It didn’t matter, to you Bucky was still Bucky and you were still terrified that this might be the last time you saw him. As he turned around to leave the tent, you ran towards him. You caught his arm just in time and pulled on it to make him turn around

He was a bit confused at first but he regained his composure quickly and looked at you with cocked eyebrows. You stood on your tiptoes and palmed his cheek to keep him still while you pressed your lips tenderly on his right cheek. The kiss lasted for a bit longer than it should have but if this really was the last time you saw Bucky, you didn’t want to regret anything.

“Come back.” You said, resting your head on his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around your shoulders and clasped them tightly. 

“I will.” He placed a kiss on the crown of your head and smiled at you before he left the tent. 

It was the last time you saw Bucky Barnes before his unity was attacked on the road of Azzano. Dugan and Jones didn’t come back either, your war family was presumed dead.

*

**_ November 1943  _ **

Bucky Barnes had disappeared for more than a month but you had to keep going. Unable to believe that Bucky was dead, and that Steve was still missing, you sort of broke down. You asked to work in the main building in Italy were wounded soldiers rested. There were beds everywhere and everyday a soldier died. Sometimes more than one, but the beds were soon occupied by other soldiers. 

You received a letter from Colonel Chester who was in charge of the Italian camp where you used to work. Colonel Chester asked for more nurses and despite your chiefs’ concerns, you returned to the camp. When you arrived, nurses talked about the incoming arrival of Captain America. It was the main gossip and everyone was excited. The soldiers, on the other hand, couldn’t care less and you felt the same. Steve and Bucky were all you could think about.

You were taking care of the soldiers who couldn’t walk and be transported to see the war mascot. Most of the nurses took some time off to go see the stud in tight tights. 

“Not interested in ze Captain, mademoiselle.” A soldier with a French accent asked.

“Non, Monsieur.” You replied playfully. He laughed heartily before the wound on his chest made him cough, blood came out of his mouth. You rushed back and helped him, he stopped coughing but all his strength seemed to have leave his body.

At the end of the day, you returned to your tent. A nurse was sleeping on an improvised bed and two men were talking about supplies. When you entered they turned around and looked at you. One of the man nodded before he spoke.

“Nurse?” You nodded in response, unable to speak as you felt your body shake with anticipation and fear. Did they find Bucky or Steve? “We need someone to bring this tray to our guest. Do you mind?”

“What guest? The mascot guy?” You jutted your hips and took your blood-stained apron off. You were a bit relieved that this was all they wanted to talk about but you knew what they really wanted from you. If Captain America wanted to be entertained he would have to find someone else. The men nodded and pushed the tray in front of you. “That’s all I do, don’t expect me to divert him.” You took the tray and left the tent.

The day had been long and tiresome, the last thing you wanted was to see Flag Boy, especially since you had tried to avoid him all day. You announced yourself before you entered his tent. A loud noise came from inside the tent, it sounded like someone fell on a pile of tin boxes. When you entered, you saw that it was exactly what happened. Flag Boy was behind a curtain, the light in the tent projected his shadow on the thin material. You walked fast and left the tray on a table at the far end of the tent.

“Thank you.” Captain America said nervously from behind a curtain where his shadow was pulling on his leg to get out of his costume. Your head raised fast at the sound of the voice, it sounded so familiar. You thought you were hallucinating from the lack of sleep, it sounded exactly like Steve. You frowned with a small smile, you missed him so much that you heard his voice everywhere.

“It funny,” You said as the man came from behind the curtain, your back was facing him and you couldn’t see how worried Captain America was. “You sound exactly like-” You turned around to face him and your smile faded instantly. “Steve!” You gasped, eyes wide open.

“Hi sweetheart.” Steve said bashfully as he looked at you from under his eyelashes.

He walked slowly towards you but you couldn’t understand how someone as small and frail as Steve could be so tall and buff in only a year. You walked backwards until you hit the table with your back and made the tray fall on the ground, the noises of the cutlery filled the room and increased your agitation. He reached a hand to help you but it was too much for you. 

“Get away from me!” You held your hands in the air and ran out of the tent, leaving a man that you hardly recognised in the middle of the room.

You gasped taking the cold night air in your lungs as you wheezed, clutching a metal pole to support your weak legs. A million questions rattled through your brain but you were not feeling well enough to confront him. You heard footsteps behind you and knew who it was, you tried to calm yourself and rushed back to your tent to hide. 

The two following days, you tried to avoid Captain America aka your boyfriend, Steve Rogers. You wanted answers but you couldn’t bear to look at him, he was so different and most of all, you were afraid that his personality changed too. You hardly recognised him. You talked with Peggy Carter about the one-o-seven and learned that Steve was about to do something stupid and brave. _Classic Steve move_ , you thought to yourself and that somehow reassured you.

“He talked about you all the time. Said you were the only one who gave him a chance.” She said in her British accent. You looked down at your feet, and pressed your lips into a thin line. “I was there when they injected the serum. I don’t believe it changed his personality, you should talk to him before he goes. Just in case.” She said before she joined Howard Stark who was calling her name.

You tried, with all your strength to talk to him but it was too much. Steve was about to leave to rescue Bucky and everything around you seemed to be an awful nightmare. The night before he decided to escape the camp, he tried to see you but you were still working. Your work kept you busy, you didn’t have time to take care of your relationship with Steve. You didn’t even notice that he was gone on his rogue mission until Colonel Chester’s screams and curses were heard in the entire camp. When you returned to your tent, you found a note that Steve left for you.

_ I love you, always did, always will. Your Steve. _

Your vision got blurry from the tears that watered your eyes. As if to torture you, your brain started to play your fondest memories of Steve. You clutched the piece of paper against your heart and folded it carefully. 

Peggy Carter was pacing the camp wearily, she had been doing it for a couple of days. Since she came back with Stark from the Austrian frontier, her superiors were giving her hell. You joined her and offered her a cup of water.

“You don’t deserve this, Peggy. You need to stand up for yourself, bunch of testosterone with legs that’s all they are.” You tried to reassure your friend. You grew quite fond of Peggy since she came back from the Austrian frontier. 

“I know, I just hope that I didn’t allow our only chance of victory to enter the gates of hell.” She sighed and sat down next to you. 

“If he’s still the man he used to be, there’s nothing you could have done to keep him here. Bucky is his best friend.” You put your hand inside your grey blouse to take the locket and opened it. “See, that Bucky.” You showed her the picture of you and Bucky in front of the apartment you shared with Steve.

“You two look quite close.” She smiled as she examined the pictures. 

“Yeah.” You laughed but remembered the last time you saw Bucky and the intimate dance you shared. Peggy noticed something was wrong. She didn’t ask for an explanation and you were forever grateful but you felt like you needed to let it out of your chest. “We danced, the night before he went missing.” You looked down at your feet and waited for her reaction. She took a minute to think before she spoke.

“A dance is nothing more than a dance. Unless you want it to mean more.” You looked at the grey-blue sky above your head and shook your head. “Then it’s just a dance, Y/n.” She smiled before she clinked her tin goblet with yours and raised it above her head. “To dancing.”

“Cheers!” You raised your cup above your head.

You waited in silence for a while, wondering what you would say if Steve came back. The idea that he would never come back made you nauseous. You waited for a while until a group of soldiers emerged from the forest. Peggy stood up and joined Colonel Chester while your superior asked for all nurses. The boys were back.


	6. The Flirty, Flirty Girls with Their Flirty, Flirty Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys are back. You clear things out with Steve but of course Private Lorraine is here to ruin everything. Thankfully, you have Peggy Carter on your side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, it should have been uploaded yesterday. My bad! Angst, fluff and implied smut. Bucky doesn't know what he needs... but he knows he can't have what wants.

 

A nurse yanked on your arm, she screamed something but you didn’t listen to her. Your eyes were locked on the soldier that everyone clapped and cheered for, Steve Rogers. You were dragged away by the nurse when Steve noticed you.

You mended small wounds as a punishment for being too late. Small wounds were more difficult to take care of because the supplies were used for more serious wounds. As a result you had to bargain with doctors and other nurses for some bandages and other medical tools.

A man with a dirty dark green shirt entered the tent where you were working. Bucky had a bruise under his left eye and dirt covered his face and clothes. He sat on a chair and waited for you to patch him up. You ran a hand through his dishevelled hair and smiled sweetly at him.

“Told you I’d be back.” He said with a smug smile and immediately winced when you started to clean his wounds. “Captain America helped a lot though, almost didn’t come back.” He looked at you to see your reaction but you remained silent.

He caught your wrist and held you still. His grip wasn’t too tight but it startled you.

“It’s Steve, Y/n. Only Steve would have done what that soldier did. He’s just… more…”

“Brawny.” You said, pulling your hand free. “I know, I just can’t believe that he didn’t say anything. When he has something in mind…” You sighed. “It’s like, he doesn’t care about the people who love him.”

Bucky smiled, though his eyes glimmered with sadness. A man in full uniform, spotless and well-groomed told you that you’d be given some time off in England for your hard work. He obviously never set a foot on a battlefield.

“I can’t wait to find a bar.” Bucky smirked, slapping his thighs as the man left the tent.

*

In London you shared a room with Peggy Carter, away from the battlefield, the screams and the horror of the war. You had been able to clean yourself which made you feel like a complete different person. You looked at yourself in the mirror, the blue dress that you found earlier that day was fitting your body perfectly. You smoothed it nervously and turned around to leave the room.

When you entered the bar that Peggy told you about, you searched for your friends while your fingers played with the chain of your locket. Men stared at you like you were made of chocolate, you smiled as you searched for your friends.

Bucky and Steve were at the bar, sipping on their drinks. Steve just managed to form the Howling Commandos, a group of soldiers who would fight HYDRA and destroy all their facilities.

“You’re keeping your outfit, right?” Bucky asked with a smirk.

“You know what? It’s kinda growing on me.” Steve replied, returning the smirk before the room went silent as Peggy Carter entered the bar, her beautiful red dress caught the eyes of everyone in the bar.

“Howard has some equipment for you to try.” She said after greeting the super soldier. “Tomorrow morning?”

“Sounds good.” Steve replied before Peggy left the bar, a completely baffled Bucky stood next to Steve. He shook his head and snorted.

“I'm invisible.” He gasped. “I'm turning into you. It's a horrible dream.”

“Don't take it so hard. Maybe she's got a friend.” Steve replied with a small smirk before something caught his eyes. In the mirror above the bar, your reflection was looking around to find him. He swallowed hard before his smile faded.

“She will never forgive me.” Steve sighed, looking at the counter. Bucky raised his head and saw your reflection, he had had enough of Steve’s complaints. He slapped his friend on the back and tried to remain unimpressed by how strong he was now.

“It’s Y/n, she spent all her free time looking for you. She’s just shaken, she’ll get used to it. I did.” Bucky finished his beer while Steve smirked at him and returned his gaze on the counter. “Every single girl in this bar, hell, in the world would want to be with you now.”

“Yeah but she’s Y/n. Do you really think she’ll understand?” He asked his friend. Despite the whole serum thing, Steve was still the same shy kid from Brooklyn.

“Understand? Yes. Forgive? Not sure. And that might be why she’s the right girl.” He pressed his pointer finger against Steve’s chest to tease him.

“Tell me ‘bout it.” Steve said, searching his pocket for a small black box. He opened it and put it on the counter. Inside the box, Bucky found a beautiful ring, one that can only be given to the right girl. Bucky studied the ring with an approving pout and slammed his hands on the table.

“How the hell can you afford somethin’ like that?”

“Gigs.” He turned around to point at the picture of himself dressed as Captain America, a banner with ‘Cancelled’ was written on it. Bucky nodded.

“Good for you. You gonna propose?”

“Don’t know, it may not be the right time.” Steve said pocketing the ring.

Bucky patted Steve’s shoulder before he made a move to leave the bar. You saw Bucky leave and entered the room he had just left, Steve was alone in front of his beer. When he saw you, he turned around so fast that his large elbow knocked the glass and spilled the rest of the beer on the counter, shattering the glass into a million pieces. You smirked to yourself, only Steve would be this nervous, you stepped closer and pointed at the bar stool next to him. Steve excused himself and the man behind the bar sighed while he cleaned the mess.

“Do you mind?” He shook his head and pulled out the bar stool to let you sit on it. You stayed silent for a moment, studying his face and new features. Although he looked quite different, his eyes were the same: baby blue and sparkling like diamonds, looking at you as if you were an angel. “Did it hurt?” You asked, motioning to his new body.

“A bit.” He smiled and you cast down your eyes in shame, looking at the counter like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

“Do you still have asthma?” You asked still looking at the counter. You heard a small laugh and Steve shook his head. It took you a minute before you could say another word. “One year.” You whispered and he nodded forlornly.

“And three months.” He tried to smile. You were playing with your hands under the counter, twisting your fingers to stay focus. You tried to avoid his eyes and looked behind you, the poster of Captain America was hanging on the wall. The tour was cancelled.

“So that’s why you joined the army? To become a mascot?” You asked, looking at Captain America’s bright smile on the picture. Steve turned around and looked at the picture with sorrow.

“That wasn’t the plan-”

“Oh, because you had a plan?” You cut him off as anger rose in you and made your voice sound higher. “Tell me, what was the plan? That?” You gestured towards his new muscular body.

“I did what I had to do for my country, for you and for our future.” He tried to take your hand but you kept them under the counter. “Now we can have a future.”

“We had a future.” You spat back. “Did you even thought of me?” Your voice was filled with tears, Steve raised his head to look at you. You almost felt sorry for him, the look in his eyes was heart wrenching. “It was dangerous, reckless and stupid and you should have told me. You know I would have never dissuade you. After all we’ve been through, I should have known.” You slammed your hand on the counter.

“You’re right.” He leaned forward. “I wanted to tell you but it happened so fast and it was my only chance. Y/n, I’m sorry, you deserved to know.”

You both stayed quiet, you were started to feel better around Steve and his new body. All in all, only his physical appearance changed, he was still your Steve. Your body relaxed and he seemed to notice that you were less stressed.

“Do you still love me?” He asked bashfully in a surge of courage.

“Why else would I be so angry?” You smiled with a small roll of your eyes. A bunch of girls giggled when they saw Steve, he didn’t seem to notice them, his eyes were still studying your face but it made your jaw clenched. “I don’t like how they look at you.” You said, eyeing the girls. Steve looked surprised and turned around to look at the girls before he drummed his fingers on the counter.

“You should take my hand then.” He said, resting the back of his right hand on the counter. You smiled and moved your hand to catch his. When he closed his big, calloused fingers around yours, butterflies rushed to your stomach. When they witnessed the encounter, the girls stopped giggling and turned away. You smiled, looking down at your intertwined hands on the counter.

“I missed you.” You said, rising your head to look at him. You jumped off the bar stool and removed your hand from his to cup his face. You studied his face carefully, your eyes lingered on every single feature of his face and neck.

“You’re staring, Y/n.” He smiled playfully, biting his lower lip. “So, what do you think?” He asked when you pulled your face away.

“I can get used to this.” You smirked at him. “But don’t think I’m not still mad at you.” You warned him, waving your finger. He laughed and stood up from his seat. He was so tall now, you had to twist your neck to look at him.

“I know exactly how to make it up to you.” He caught your hand and led you out of the bar.

You woke up the next day, in the bare arms of the well-built super soldier. He had been shifting in the bed all night and just as the light of dawn started to peer through the window, he fell asleep. You had been trying to sleep too but the soft bed on which you laid seemed to swallow you and you sort of missed the roughness of your old makeshift bed. You traced patterns on his bare chest, memorising every line and curve of his new body.

Steve asked you to join him and see what new equipment Howard Stark had planned for him. You never actually met Howard Stark before, you noticed him once or twice in the camp and you heard a lot of rumours about him, so you were a bit anxious to meet him.

You adjusted your military suit that consisted of a brown-green skirt and vest with a light brown shirt and a cream coloured tie. Steve was straightening his tie in front of a mirror, you surprised him by catching his waist and hugging him from behind. He was so strong, you had to remind yourself it was Steve Rogers, the skinny guy from Brooklyn. He caught your hands and spun around to be the one hugging you.

He looked at your uniform and smiled appreciatively, his hands lingered on your hips and with a swift move, he made your legs wrap around his waist. He kissed you gently while he moved to make you sit on the small desk near the mirror. You tangled your hands around his neck and pressed your heels against his back to keep him close while he deepened the kiss. Your locket was hanging in front of your tie, he pulled away from you and opened it. His forehead was pressed against yours while he smiled at the sight of the photos before he hid the locket under your shirt.

“You’re gonna need another photo.” He carefully tucked aside a strand of your hair while he placed a kiss on your cheek.

“I like this one, I don’t want to forget.” You pressed your hands on his chest. It was a bit peculiar and it would take you longer than a couple of hours to acknowledge that your boyfriend now had the body of a demi-god. As your hand travelled down his chest, he placed a chaste kiss on your cheek.

“I know, sweetheart. It still feels kinda new to me too.” He said catching your hand and kissing your knuckles. You looked at him with a sweet smile before you jumped off the desk, ready to see what Howard Stark had in mind for Steve.

You let Steve alone as you paced the military base. When you joined him, he was talking to someone hidden behind a shelf. You could tell that he was nervous, his fingers ran agitatedly on his face and he was hunched forward. A woman with blonde hair and a military uniform moved from behind the shelf, making you walk faster to stop her before she could try anything.

“Y/n!” Steve shouted when you were in his line of sight.

“Am I interrupting something?” You said, hands on your hips as your eyes narrowed.

The woman backed off and rolled her blue eyes before she returned to her newspaper. You turned around and almost bumped into Peggy Carter. The blonde peered over the top of her newspaper to wink at Steve while Peggy looked at them then back at you as you left the room. She was a smart woman, she understood the situation in a second.

“Captain, we’re ready for you.” She said, turning around to join Howard. Steve followed her hurriedly and tried to see if you were still in the room. He sighed and joined Howard and Peggy in the other room.

After he discovered his new battle outfit and weapons, he returned to the common room where you were getting to know the Howling Commandos. You were already familiar with Bucky, Dugan and Jones.

“So, you’re joining us?” Bucky asked, leaning closer to you from across the table. The night before Steve asked if you would be willing to follow the Howling Commandos and joined them as a nurse. The idea was appealing but you still thought that you would be more useful at the camp.

“I don’t know. You guys won’t need my help, you have Flag Boy.” Your irritation was rising now that Steve was flirting around when you couldn’t see. Or more accurately, now that girls flirted shamelessly with Steve and he was too shy to say anything.

“I think that's exactly why we need you.” Bucky laughed and turned around to look at Steve who just entered the room. “How’s the new costume, pal?”

“More battle material, don’t worry they kept the stripes.” He grinned at his friend and then turned around to look at you. “Y/n? Can I see you?” You followed him to a quiet part of the headquarters and sighed as you pressed your back against the wall.

“I just got shot by Agent Carter.” Steve frowned.

“Good. Maybe you deserved it.” You stood on your tiptoes to make yourself look taller and steady yourself by pressing your hand on the wall.

“Is this about Private Lorraine? You know I don’t-”

You cut him off by pressing your lips on his when you saw Private Lorraine walk along the corridor. He seemed startled and lost his balance, falling on top of you and caging you with his hands as he pressed his palms on the wall. He kissed you back when you moaned against his lips, now forgetting completely about the blonde and simply wanting the soldier to take you against the wall.

He pulled away to catch his breath, his face red with awkwardness. He panted slightly, looking back at you with his lust filled eyes. He turned his head when he heard a noise and saw the blonde woman pout before she followed Colonel Chester.

“Y/n…” Steve started, running his hands on his face. “I don’t think that was necessary.” He smiled through his parted fingers. You caught his hands and pulled on them to place a kiss on his lips.

“On the contrary.” You said, brushing your nose with his. “I think it was. Now she knows.”

You returned to the room where the Howling Commandos were waiting. Bucky’s jaw clenched against his will when he saw your hand intertwined with Steve’s but he did his best to smiled at you. The group of soldiers looked at the both of you.

“So you’re joining us?” Bucky asked, his hand pressed on the table. A large map was displayed on the table and they were planning their next mission.

“I am.”


	7. Sometimes, Only One Person is Missing…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Reader make the best of their situation while Bucky struggles with his feelings. The war comes slowly to an end and one last mission will take away someone you love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut and fluff Steve x Reader. Angsty Bucky x Reader Penultimate chapter set in the 40s… “Un seul être vous manque et tout est dépeuplé.” Alphonse Lamartine. If anyone wonders where the title comes from.

 

**_Normandy after D-Day 1944_ **

The days following the landings were Hell and Heaven at the same time. A sickening feeling caught you when you looked at the bodies of the soldiers who stormed the beaches of Normandy. You recognised some of the soldiers, you couldn’t fight the tears that streamed down your cheeks as the Howling Commandos sat with other soldiers, looking appalled, relieved and mortified. Appalled because they fought in what could be the most horrifying event in history, relieved and mortified because they survived it. And little did they know that this war still had more dreadful events in store for them.

Despite the horrible sight in front of you, the Allies were progressing fast. Soon it would be over, soon you would all be able to go back to your lives. Civilians rushed to see the brave soldiers who fought valiantly on the beaches of Normandy, speaking to them in their broken English. Language didn’t matter: a look, a handshake, a smile were enough to understand and comfort each other.

The Howling Commandos were moving south, they were on a quest to destroy all HYDRA facilities in Europe. They were good, very very good. It was a bit overwhelming at times, people recording the missions’ briefings and taking pictures of the national icon while you just tried to do your job. Currently you were stitching Jacques Dernier’s wound while ‘Dum Dum’ Dugan was pacing the tent.

“Stand still!” You shouted at the wounded soldier. “And you, stop moving around!” Jacques kept trying to see his wound and made it difficult for you to do your job.

“Mais, I want see. Okay, okay I stop.” He complied after you looked daggers at him. Dugan finally sat down but it didn’t stop his agitation.

“Why did we split up? It’s never a good idea. Never.” He mumbled while you finished with Jacques. He stood up and turned on himself like a dog who tried to catch his own tail. “She said stop, Jacques!” Dugan shouted at the French fighter who flipped him off before he left the tent. Dugan sat next to you and sighed while you rubbed a clean cloth on his wound.

“Don’t fight with your fellow companions, Dugan.” You scolded the annoyed soldier. “One war is enough, don’t you think?”

He grumbled and moved on his side so you could put a bandage on his broken skin. Steve entered the tent, to see how his wounded soldiers were coping.

“Dernier’s fine. Dugan too. The others didn’t need medical attention.” You reported to your boyfriend/superior. It was not a complicated situation, work was so time consuming that you both treated each other like soldiers. However during the night, you would stay close and relax in each other’s arms, making the best of your situation.

Steve nodded before he left the tent, when Dugan was patched up he followed Steve outside. While you were cleaning up your tools, you could hear them arguing outside the tent. You sighed exhaustedly and stayed hidden. The soldiers were complaining to you about everything that went wrong, not only during missions but also on their private life. The joys of being the only woman around.

The last few weeks had been a bit rough on everyone and tensions started to rise. They were using you as leverage when they fought and you knew that if you left the tent, Dugan and Steve would ask you to pick a side. You stayed hidden for a long time while Steve and Dugan argued about tactical issues when someone opened the curtain behind which you were hiding.

“Found ya.” Bucky laughed when he saw you sitting on the dirty tin case. You gestured him to close the curtain and he sat on the case with you.

“I’m tired for them fighting all the time. They look like children.” You ran your hands on your face and felt Bucky’s arm wrap around your shoulders.

“Tell me ‘bout it.” He mumbled, running his hand down your arm.

You stayed together for a while until the voices stopped and were replaced by laughter. These guys were really weird, they could fight for hours and then be best friends like nothing happened.

“Where were you? Cuddling in a corner?” Dugan laughed when you left the tent with Bucky.

“Shut up, Dugan.” Bucky spat with a smile. It was merely a tease, they were teasing each other a lot. According to Dugan, you were cuddling with every single one of them, and it was true that you were particularly close to Bucky but your heart belonged to Steve. Dugan held his belly while he tried to calm his giggles, Jones was smirking but this whole situation made him uncomfortable.

You stood next to Steve and nudged your elbow in his abs.

“Are you two done fighting?” You gave him a playful smirk that made him roll his eyes. You liked the new Steve, his responsibilities as the leader of the Howling Commandos made him more confident, even rougher.

“Right, everyone take some rest. We all deserve it.” He spoke loudly and the soldiers returned to their usual banter. Dernier and Jones were speaking in French behind you, laughing and hitting each other playfully. You managed to understand some of the words. After almost two years in Europe, you started to understand European languages a bit better.

You took Steve by the waist and pressed your head against his chest, the end of the day meant that you could be intimate with Steve. You heard someone whistle behind you and paid no attention as Dugan and Falsworth teased you and Steve. You were dragged away by Steve and entered a tent that was clean and empty: a real miracle. Steve collapsed on a makeshift bed and gave you a come-hither look.

You took your apron off, threw it on the floor and moved to straddle him, leaning down to kiss him while he wrapped his arms around your waist. You were definitely more comfortable with him and his new body. With your hands on his chest, you slowly ground yourself back and forth against him, smiling as you felt a positive answer to your teasing. Your pulled away and leered at him, he looked at the entrance of the tent while you fidgeted to unbutton your uniform.

“Someone can enter.” Steve said, looking with insistence at the curtain that slowly blew in the wind.

“You want me to stop?” You rolled your shoulders to remove your uniform. He looked at your bare shoulders and bra and let out a small needy groan. “I’ll take that as a no.” You swung your legs to move from his lap and slowly slid your uniform down the curves of your hips until it fell on the dirty floor. You stood in front of the super soldier, wearing only your bra and panties. He ran his large rough hands up your tights, making you shiver with anticipation.

He reached behind his neck to take his dirty shirt and pulled on it until his bare chest was exposed, you noticed a nasty cut on his abdomen. You frowned and examined the wound carefully.

“We’re not playing anymore?” He smirked, pulling you closer. You shook your head and clicked your tongue on the roof of your mouth.

“That’s a nasty cut. You should have let me see it.” You were no longer playing with him and simply leaned down to look at the cut.

“Good God, Y/n, you’re off duty.” Steve sighed exasperated as he placed feather kisses on your neck and slowly kissed down your shoulder, both his hands were already kneading your covered breasts.

“I’m never off duty, Captain.”

“Captain?” He pulled away with a wide grin.

You rolled your eyes and took a hold of his shoulders to examine the wound but he effortlessly pulled you against him, rolling his hips as his fingers moved to unhook your bra. The friction was tantalising, you tried to stay focus on his wound but soon gave in when his fingers tugged at your now hardened nipples. He continued to place kisses on your exposed skin, this time more heated and filled with desire.

“It slipped out.” You moaned.

Without breaking the kiss, you pulled away from him to take off your panties while he got rid of his trousers and briefs. You swung your leg to be on top of him and aligned him at your entrance, coating his generous length with your slick desire. You panted heavily against his ear as you looked down at your now linked bodies, which seemed to fuel his desire even more. You wanted to scream his name but the location didn’t provide much intimacy. He groaned against your neck, whispering your name, repeating it like a mantra.

You were quiet but the soft pants and sound of skin slapping left little doubt as to what was happening inside the tent. You had no idea if someone walked in and you couldn’t care less. Steve was facing the front of the tent but he was too focused on you and the movements of your hips to keep watch.

Steve’s hands travelled down your back and massaged your rear as you rolled your hips, feeling him reach deeper into you. You pressed your lips together, trying to keep the screams of pleasure to yourself as the delicious feeling in your belly started to grow stronger and you felt coming closer to your release. Your toes curled as you increased your speed, making your breasts bounce in front of his eyes. He took hold of your waist, his thrusts meetings yours as you took control of your burning desire. When he felt your walls clench around him, he looked up to see the look on your face, something he always liked to do.

The sound of your loud moans filled the tent and probably the whole camp. You needed one last push to give yourself completely to Steve. He found an angle that would give you maximum friction as he sucked and nibbled on one of your nipple, holding the bud between his teeth while he flicked his tongue on the sensitive bud. You felt his sack tense against your ass, signalling that he was close to his own climax. You closed your eyes shut, feeling your walls constrict and milk his large girth. You were shaking violently as he filled you with his thick warm seed.

Your body felt numb, completely drained of your remaining energy while you wheezed hard, resting your forehead on his sticky shoulder. You could feel your juices mix with his as it dripped down your thigh. He slowly pulled out of you while his hands traced soothing patterns on your back, helping you breath normally.

“I didn’t know you had asthma.” He snorted against your neck.

“Jerk.” You replied playfully with a bump on his chest. He huffed when you hit his wound, you had completely forgotten about it. “I’m sorry, Steve.” You quickly said with a kiss.

You pulled away from his lap and cleaned yourself with the cloth and water on the table. When you were done, you turned around to take your uniform and saw a fast asleep Steve, still in his birthday suit. You smirked to yourself and covered him with a blanket before your left the tent.

The stars were shining in the dark night, the camp was asleep and quiet. You were wide awake, your late night activities with Steve kept you up. You paced the small camp, looking for something to do when you noticed someone sitting on the top of a hill. You stepped closer and recognised Bucky in the dark night.

“Can’t sleep, Buck?” You said as you sat next to him.

“Something woke me up.” He said casually. Your eyes opened wide, wondering if he heard you and Steve but he made no move to explain what woke him up, it could have been a nightmare for all you knew.

“Is it about tomorrow’s mission?”

“No, I just… I dunno, I think I just wanna go home.” He had his arms wrapped loosely around his knees, he looked at the stars like he couldn’t see them.

You moved closer and rested your head on his shoulder, he used his left arm to keep you close.

“It’s going to be over soon, James.”

“You can’t know that.” He replied dryly.

“You’re right, I don’t. It’s been going on for so long, it has to end soon. Smile for me, Sarge.” You bumped your shoulder against his side and looked up at him.

He gave you a small smile before he kissed the top of your head.

“Y/n, I missed you.” He looked down at you, then back at the stars. “I really did. I knew I was going to miss you, but it was like…” He took some time to think about it. “It was like I was missing a limb or somethin’. Don’t look at me like that, I know I shouldn’t tell you this.” He said once you pulled away from his arms and looked at him with pleading eyes. “I just wanted you to know. I really _really_ missed you.” His voice betrayed him but he quickly recovered and fidgeted on the ground. “Nothing more.”

After a minute of stargazing, you leaned and kissed his cheek, wordlessly telling him that everything would be fine. He smiled while he looked at the sky and you stayed close to him.

“I know. I missed you too. I still remember your letter by heart.”

You stayed shoulder against shoulder, remembering the good times when you were all in Brooklyn and life was simple. After a while, you heard footsteps coming your way and Steve sat down next to you, pulling you against his chest.

“Hey! What are you guys doing?”

“Recalling memories.” You looked up and kissed his jawline while Bucky gulped down the lump in his throat.

The three of you stayed in front of the dark sky, recalling stories. Steve and Bucky laughed heartily as they told you stories from their childhood. You were happy to see that Bucky was genuinely enjoying the talk. He laughed bashfully when Steve told you the time he caught Bucky in bed with two women, which made you whistle at the dark haired soldier. He shrugged with a smug smile before he stood up.

“Guys, I’m beat. I’m off to that thing that kinda looks like a bed. ‘Night.” He chuckled, waving goodnight.

“We should go too, Y/n.” Steve said, his arms still around you as you pressed your back to his chest. He stood up and helped you back on your feet. 

*

**_Winter 1944, Swiss Alps_ **

“It’s a simple mission.”

“In theory.” Jones replied as Steve explained the plan. They were supposed to capture Arnim Zola who would be on a train guarded by HYDRA soldiers.

“Dernier, you’re ready?”

“Yes, good. Time to go.” The French fighter said, looking at his stock of explosives.

The Howling Commandos were about to leave for yet another mission but this one was important. Arnim Zola was the top scientist of the organisation. Colonel Chester made sure to put pressure on his soldiers which meant that Steve was even more worried than usual. They were busy gathering their weapons while you looked at them with worried eyes. Bucky stepped closer to you, the strap around his shoulder held his gun against his dark blue uniform.

“Doll?” He repeated when you remained focused on the other soldiers. You shook your head, acknowledging Bucky’s presence and linked your arms with his as he moved away from the soldiers.

“Jacques showed me the plan in detail. I’m not fond of it. That wire thingy?” You shook your head.

“Stop worrying, it’s counter productive.” He joked. “Besides knowing Dernier he probably told you shit.” Your grip on his left arm tightened at the mere thought of losing your friends.

“I know. I should be used to this, but I’m not.” You smiled sadly at him but tried your best to keep your spirits up, the last thing you wanted was to scare him even more.

You talked with Bucky for a while and the discussion made you both relax. It had been months since he admitted that he might have feelings for you and he never mentioned it again. You figured that it was best to pretend like nothing happened. The others were ready to go. Steve walked slowly towards you and patted his friend on the shoulder. Bucky gave you a quick hug and removed his arm from yours before he joined the other Howling Commandos.

“What are you thinking about, Y/n?” Steve smiled and pressed you against his chest.

“Coney Island.” You smiled, stepping on your tiptoes to kiss the soldier. “First thing we’ll do when we’ll be back.”

“Oh, I’m ready for the Cyclone now.” Steve joked with a knowing grin as you pressed your mouth against his. He returned the kiss awkwardly, knowing that the other soldiers where probably watching him. And he was right, Dugan’s voice rose from behind Steve.

“Cap, can I have a kiss too?” He joked, using his hands to emphasise the sound of his voice. Steve pulled away from you and shook his head, biting his lower lip.

“Go, Captain. Make me proud.”

“I have something for you when 'l'll get back.” He walked backwards and blew you a kiss. The other soldiers made loud ‘ouh” at Steve’s comment. He turned around to join them and said something that sounded like: “Not like that, bunch of creeps.” But you couldn’t be sure, they were already too far away.

When the Howling Commandos came back, you were working in the camp, helping Agent Carter. You saw a small man, bald with tiny glasses, he was handcuffed and passed over to Colonel Chester. Despite the apparent success of the mission, you noticed how weary Dugan looked as he walked by you. You left the medical supplies on the tray and ran outside to find Steve. Your bright smile faded instantly when you saw him, he walked slowly, his jaw was clenched and his fists balled up.

When he noticed that you were standing in front of him, he stopped walking and shook his head, unable to say a word. You looked around you quickly. Dugan was inside the tent, Falsworth and Morita where walking ahead of Steve, Dernier and Jones just walked by you and then you understood. You looked around one more time, thinking that you might be wrong that the last member of the Howling Commando was somewhere in the camp. Your body shivered from head to toe, your legs couldn’t carry you anymore and you dropped to your knees on the muddy ground, your hands covering your mouth as long sobs escaped your lips.

Bucky Barnes was dead.


	8. …and the Whole World Seems Depopulated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Following the death of Bucky Barnes, Steve decides that it’s time to end HYDRA for good while you join the rescue team to find Bucky’s body. The journey will be even less pleasant than originally planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s 'goodbye' the 1940s and hello the dark corners of my twisted mind. Some people die and I guess that there’s a bit of gruesome details as to what happened to Bucky after the fall.

 

When he saw you falling to the ground, Steve rushed to hold you in his arms. You were both crying silently as the other soldiers pretended not to pay attention. You didn’t know how long you stayed in the mud but it seemed like a very long time. Steve had his arms wrapped around you, making you almost disappear behind his massive frame. You desperately needed each other.

Peggy Carter was looking at the both of you, her vision started to blur and she shook her head, hiding her emotions from her superiors. You were back on your feet, holding Steve so tightly in your arms that you could have crushed him. Colonel Chester was waiting for the report of the mission and you had soldiers to take care of.

Later during the night when you were finally able to take a break, you were looking for Steve. Now that the initial shock had passed, you needed to know what happened. Steve was nowhere to be found but Peggy was looking for you. She just got back from a town not far away from the camp. She explained that Steve found a bar in an abandoned town where he was desperately trying to drink the pain away. Thanks to Peggy, you found him easily.

You entered the bar carefully, the place had been under attack and everything was in ruins. Steve was sitting alone in the room, a drink in front of him. You took a seat next to him and placed your hand over his.

“I can’t get drunk.” He pushed the glass away from him. “It’s the serum, burns four times  
faster than an average person. Apparently.” He cast his eyes down and frowned. “Did you read the report?” He asked you.

“No.”

“It was all my fault.”

“That’s not true.” You spoke with conviction even though you had no idea what happened during the mission.

“How would you know?” He took his hand away from yours but you leaned forward and caught his cheek to turn his head so that he would be forced to look at you.

“Alright, tell me. Tell me how Bucky’s death was your fault.”

Steve narrated the story, from beginning to end. How they used the wire to land on the train, how Bucky got trapped by HYDRA soldiers and how he helped him get rid of them. His voice broke when he recalled Bucky taking the shield. His voice was not higher than a whisper when he explained that they were both thrown off the train. Bucky fell, Steve couldn’t catch his hand. He heard his friend scream as the Alps swallowed him.

“You lost your best friend but he was more than that.” You wiped the tears from his cheeks with your thumbs. “He was a soldier. You may mourn Bucky but Sergeant Barnes did his work. He fought bravely and died for a great cause, like all our men who died on the beaches of Normandy and in the trenches all over Europe.”

“He was a damn good soldier.” Steve voice broke and you laughed, tears streaming down your cheeks. Steve smiled, wiping your cheeks with the back of his hands.

“Yes, he was.” You fell into each other’s arms, supporting each other as you tried to think of what would come next.

Steve had great plans, he planned to ask you to marry him. He wanted to do it after the mission. In his mind, you would live in New York or anywhere else but he was sure of one thing, you’d be together. Bucky would find a doll of his own and you’d spend your time with them, laughing while your children would run in the garden. His daydream was beautiful but now everything was lost, part of his dream just burst into flames. When he tried to think about his future he couldn’t see much but at least, he could still see you.

He had been playing with the engagement ring for a while, wondering whether he should propose or not. He decided that he would but not right now. Today was Bucky’s day, the day to mourn him. He would propose soon, he had to finish what he started, he had to end HYDRA once and for all.

“I'm going after Schmidt. I'm not going to stop 'til all of Hydra is dead, or captured.” Steve said looking at you in the eye. His voice was sure and strong, you could only nod and support him. He had to do it.

During the night, while they planned their mission, you found out that a rescue team was going to be sent to look for Bucky’s body. You immediately stepped forward.

“I’ll go.” You said, interrupting the officers.

“We have men out there who will do it just fine.”

“Your men may know the area but they don’t know anything about the human body.”

“We’re not expecting Sergeant Barnes to be alive, First Lieutenant Y/l/n. The fall must have killed him, we’re searching for a dead body.” The Colonel said, his voice was unaffected.

“I know, I’ve seen dead bodies before.” You smoothed your uniform and pointed at the red cross on your heart to emphasise your words. “Probably more than you, Sir.” You made him feel uneasy, he looked at the other men before he complied.

“Fine, I guess a nurse wouldn’t be such a bad idea… in case something happens. The Alps are a dangerous place. You’ll leave first thing tomorrow, at the first light of dawn. Clear.”

“Crystal clear, Sir.” You nodded and left the room.

You returned to your tent and packed a few things for the next day. You were anxious to go fetch Bucky’s body in the Alps, you didn’t want to look at his lifeless body –if in some sort of miracle he ended up in one piece. But you couldn’t bear to know that he was there alone, in the cold and surrounded by God knows what. You had to find him. You tried to shake the feeling away when you heard Steve’s footsteps behind you.

“I heard what you’re about to do.” He spoke with sadness.

“Are you going to talk me out of it?” You continued packing and didn’t turn around, you were afraid to look at him in the eye.

“No.” You heard his footsteps coming closer. “Y/n, look at me.” He took your shoulders to make you face him. “I know how much Bucky meant to you. We both have to do what we think is best for him and for us.” He held you tightly in his strong arms while your hands rested flat on his chest.

“Do you really think we’ll get past this? I feel like the pain will never fade.” If it were possible you’d say that your heart was beating with less enthusiasm. Everyone kept saying that one day only the good memories would stay but it seemed so surreal. You took your locket and opened it, the picture of Bucky holding you in his arms seemed to be taunting you. Steve turned his eyes away, unable to look at the picture.

“We’re a team, you and I. We’ll be there for each other, I swear to you. I love you, with my all heart and soul.” He took the hand that was holding the locket and squeezed it lightly to emphasise his words. You noticed that he didn’t answer your question, surely you were not the only one who thought that nothing would ever be the same.

“I want to dance, Steve. Will you take me dancing?”

“Sweetheart, when the war is over I’ll dance with you until our feet bleed.”

“I love you, Steve. I’ll bring him back. Promise me you’ll be careful.”

“I’ll be as careful as you will be.” He managed to give you a small grin that you returned. He leaned down and kissed your lips over and over again. “I love you, Y/n.”

When he left your tent, you continued to pack. It felt like a farewell but you knew that you’ll be seeing Steve again, you felt it in your guts. That feeling gave you the strength to go on. At dawn you were ready to go, more determined than ever.

You looked at the camp as the car drove away, soon it was just a small dot in your line of vision. Peggy was the last one you saw that day, you told her about everything. She swore that she‘d take care of Steve for you and that thought made you feel a bit better. If there was someone you could trust, it was the great Margaret Carter.

The Alps, as the Colonel said, were dangerous. You were with two soldiers, First Sergeant Matthew Lawrence and Technical Sergeant Paul Rushie. The three of you searched the area again and again but Bucky’s body was no were to be found.

“We should be looking at the whole area, not just this part of the Alps.” You said as you moved from one rock to another.

The soldiers sighed, they were disappointed to be in charge of this kind of mission. They wanted to be with the other soldiers and fight instead of collecting dead bodies. You climbed a little rock and looked around you. Your dark olive skirt of your winter uniform blew in the cold wind. You could see better from up there, you hugged the dark blue cape around your shoulders a bit more tightly as the cold winter air made you shiver.

“Hey Rushie, the dame is cold we should go back to camp.”

“I’m a woman, not a dame. And would you be so kind as to address to me using my rank, _First_ _Sergeant_ Lawrence?” You stood from above him with your hands on your hips, your cape floating in the wind. “We are here to retrieve a Sergeant, and we will leave when we’ll find him.” You said using your hand to block the wind that blew in your face.

“We’d be lucky if we can find one of his toe, _First Lieutenant_.” He called your grade in a mocking tone.

His remark made you shiver, when Bucky fell from the train, his body must have hit the stones before he bounced on some other rocks. As much as you hated the thought of it, Lawrence was probably right, you’d never find Bucky’s body.

“I don’t know, if he fell in the river, there’s still a slight chance to find him.” Rushie said, giving you a hopeful smile. You nodded and smiled back, it was nice to have someone on your side.

You stayed with the soldiers and continued your quest to find Bucky in the vast Alps. When you started to lose hope you heard one of the soldier scream.

“Over here!”

You ran as best as you could in the snow and quickly reached Lawrence. He was squatting in front of something that was still hidden from you. When you approached it you recognised Bucky’s dark blue uniform.

“It’s his.” You uttered in a whisper as you looked at the arm in front of you.

“Yep, Sergeant Barnes’ arm. Well it’s bigger than a toe, I’ll give you that.”

“Show some respect Lawrence.” The other soldier scolded before he noticed that you were crying. “You okay there?”

“Fine.” You breathed noisily, the cold weather and snow only made it worse.

“I’m gonna see if there’s more of him over there.” Lawrence pointed at a rock, still completely unaffected.

You turned your eyes away of what was left of Bucky and took a deep breath, Rushie sighed pensively and a cold mist escaped his nostrils. He placed a hand on your shoulder.

“You knew there was no chance to find him alive?” He asked cautiously.

“Aye, I knew but still. He’s my friend.”

You pressed your lips together, looking absently at the mountain while the soldier gave you some time to mourn your friend. He stood close when suddenly, you heard him puff and fall down the hill. He hit the ground hard, a pool of blood soon appeared around him. Your first impression was that he had slipped and fell but as you tried to squat down to reach him, you noticed a bullet hole in his chest. You stayed close to the ground and held your head.

“Soldier down! “ You screamed at the other soldier who was still running around.

Lawrence arrived in a hurry, holding his gun in front of his face, ready to shoot. He took you from the ground and shielded you as he walked backwards to put you somewhere safe. When you were both squatted behind a rock, he adjusted the hat on his head.

“Rushie?”

“Dead, shot in the chest.” You informed him and his jaw clenched.

“Fucking Nazis!” He shouted at the wind but there were no other sound apart from the echo of his own scream. The shooter, whoever that was only fired once.

You stayed hidden for a while before Lawrence decided that it was safe to move. You grabbed his forearm with force.

“Listen.” You whispered, holding your pointer finger in the air. Your eyes were scanning the area as a small sound slowly reached your ears. It sounded like someone was walking, the heavy snow crunched under that person’s feet. You looked at Lawrence and raised your brows, he nodded silently telling you that he could hear the noise too.

With the cold wind that was blowing around you, the noise could be coming from anywhere. You closed your eyes and heard another noise, something was dragged in the snow.

Somewhere above you, a soviet soldier had found the injured body of Sergeant Barnes. He was missing an arm but he was still breathing. Barely. The soviet soldier caught him by the back of his uniform and dragged him in the snow when he heard voices.

That was when he shot Paul Rushie, he left Bucky’s body in the snow as he tried to find a way to shot you and Lawrence. When he couldn’t he returned to Bucky and continued his ascension of the Alps, thinking that you and the soldier where too afraid to move. The semi-conscious Bucky Barnes opened his eyes long enough to see that his left arm was missing. He opened them again when two people emerged from behind a rock.

He recognised you, thinking that he was hallucinating, he murmured your name. You couldn’t see Bucky, you simply looked around you to find the source of the soft noise that kept ringing in your ears. Bucky kept whispering your name as his vision started to blur. The soviet soldier looked at Bucky then back at you and ducked. Another soviet soldier came to help the other with Bucky’s body.

The second soviet soldier took his gun and took his time to aim at Matthew Lawrence.

“Not the girl.” The first soviet soldier said in his native language and the other one nodded before he killed Lawrence.

The detonation echoed in the Alps as Lawrence fell on the silky cottony ground, his body made a soft noise when it hit the snow. You gasped in horror, looking around you, excepting to be hit too. As plumes of warm mist escaped your mouth, you felt something hit you. You fell on the snow next to Lawrence lifeless body, your head hurt and slowly your eyes closed.

**_1944 Two days after Steve went missing_ **

Peggy Carter was at the headquarters with Howard Stark. She bit the nail of her thumb nervously, looking at her feet. She wondered how she would break the news to you, Steve Rogers had crashed somewhere in the sea. His body was still missing, no one could find where Captain America was.

Peggy was there with Steve before he crashed, she spoke to him. He made her promise to find you and to let you know that he’d come back for your dance. She promised that she’d pass the message, she tried to call his name, again and again but he didn’t respond. He was gone.

She was waiting for your return when she heard that another rescue team had been send in the Alps. When they sent a rescue team for a rescue team, it’s usually not a good sign. She tapped her foot nervously on the ground as Howard tried to calm her. Private Lorraine arrived with a single piece of paper that she gave to Stark. He browsed it quickly before he raised his head and looked at Peggy.

“I’m sorry, Peggy.” She turned her head and swallowed down a lump in her throat. She held her finger in front of him in a threatening way.

“Don’t you dare!”

“She…”

“I said, don’t!” She cut him off and stood up. Howard stood up as well and gently placed a hand on her shoulder.

“The soldiers with her were found dead. They haven’t found her or Barnes.”

Peggy nodded without looking at Stark, she pressed her lips together and tried to fight back the tears in her eyes. All her friends were getting killed, she felt so alone and cursed.

“They found this.” He waved at Private Lorraine to step forward.

The blonde woman gave Peggy a small necklace, round with a blue stone in its centre. It looked like a daisy, with leaves and branches engraved on it. It was your locket. She turned it around and opened it, inside there were two pictures. One was you and Bucky, smiling for the camera and the other one was a much skinnier Steve that had his head pressed on top for yours.

“Can I keep it?” She asked Howard who nodded with his eyes closed. She had a small smile on her face as she looked at the pictures of the three friends. She fastened the clasp of the necklace and tugged the pendant inside her light olive blouse. “I’ll give it to Steve when we’ll found him.” She said with a confident voice.

“Peggy...” Stark spoke softly but Peggy didn’t let him finish, she returned to her work.


	9. Cowards Make the Best Torturers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve wakes up in New York. Bucky and Reader are prisoners of the new HYDRA organisation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst, angst everywhere! Reader gets hurt, Bucky gets hurt. TW for mild violence, nothing too explicit... The Reader is basically turned into a battery until they find a better use for her...

 

**_New York 2012_ **

Steve woke up in a strange room, he was in a bed, in clothes that were not his own. The city was loud, a light breeze entered the room through the open window near his bed. There was a radio on a table nearby, it was on and apparently a game was played. A woman entered the room, her appearance was odd but she remained polite.

She greeted him and he looked at her from head to toe. There was something definitively odd about her. She stood in front of him, apparently as uneased as he was. Her outfit made no sense, her shirt was wrongly adjusted and her hair was styled in something that seemed strangely foreign but she insisted that he was in New York, in the 40s. Suddenly the announcer on the radio said something that made him frown.

_“The Dodgers take the lead, it’s eight to four. Oh, oh, dogers! Fine game indeed.”_

“Where am I really?”

“I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

“The game, it’s from May, 1941. I know ‘cause I was there.” He remembered the day after you moved in with him, you both went to Ebbets field to see the Dodgers beat the crap out of Philly. “Now I’m going to ask you again. Where am I?”

When he understood he was in some sort of trap, he stormed out of the room, breaking doors and knocking people down. He ended up outside, in New York but it was not the New York he remembered. Skyscrapers were everywhere and people were rushing along the streets, holding some kind of device in front of their faces or to their ears. Steve stopped running and gasped at the sight of the new New York when Nick Fury arrived behind him.

“At ease, soldier! Look, I’m sorry about that little show back there, but we thought it best to break it to you slowly.”

“Break what?”

“You’ve been asleep, Cap. For almost 70 years.” Nick paused to let Steve process the news. “You gonna be okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay. It’s just… I had a date.”

**_End of May 1945 HYDRA New Facilities_ **

You woke up on a table, wearing a long white plain dress. The metal table was cold under your exposed skin, you tried to move but your head hurt like crazy. You held it in your hands as you sat on the metal table. Your eyes couldn’t adjust to the bright lights, everything was blurry. The room had a familiar smell of antiseptics that reminded you of hospitals, you jumped off the table and tried to find an exit. You couldn’t find the door but you found a window that led to another room. Inside that room there was someone lying on a metal table. You tried to blink to see more clearly, the pain in your head started to fade.

“Bucky?” You gasped when you recognised the man on the table. His left arm was missing but his chest raised and fell to the rhythm of his breathing.

You banged on the window and he opened his eyes. He looked at the ceiling for a long time while you were still trying to catch his attention. When he seemed to snap out of his trance, he looked at you and tried to sit on the table but he was still too weak.

After you took some time to look around, you saw a door near the window and luckily for you, it was open. You rushed to see Bucky, your bare feet felt cold on the concrete floor.

“Bucky!” He wrapped his only arm around your shoulder as you hunched over to look at him. He tightened his grip and you helped him sat on the table. “Careful.” You said when he tried to jump off the table.

“Y/n, why… here?” He tried to talk but he couldn’t utter a proper sentence.

“I don’t know. Wait!” You tried to see if something could be used to transport Bucky but the room was empty.

With his remaining strength, he pushed you away from him and fell back on the cold table with a loud noise that made him cringe. You managed to keep your balance by holding the table.

“Go.” He closed his eyes, unable to keep them open. “Save yourself.” He spoke softly.

You hunched over him and cupped his face, begging him to open his eyes.

“Bucky! Keep your eyes open, I won’t leave without you.” For a second, you saw his grey blue eyes looking back at you. He tried to smile but it was too much for his fragile form so he closed his eyes again. “James, open your _fucking_ eyes!”

The door of your room opened and closed violently. You turned around and saw a man standing on the threshold, two nurses were behind him. You placed a hand on Bucky’s bare chest to protect him and stepped forward to show them that you were not afraid.

“Take her to her room.” The man said before the two nurses entered Bucky’s room and grabbed your arms. Bucky tried to move but he couldn’t do a thing and soon you were escorted back to your room. “Keep her still.”

The nurses held you on a chair while another nurse entered your room. A machine was on a trolley that she pushed into the room. The machine looked futuristic like the things you saw during the World Exposition held by Howard Stark. You had no idea what it was but it looked like trouble. The third nurse plugged cables into to the machine and connected them with two needles. The square processor looked like a monster with two tiny arms. The nurse pressed a few buttons and the machine biped.

The man took the needles in his hands and walked closer to you. You looked at him and shook your head with force, trying to wriggle free but the nurses’ grip was too strong.

“Take notes. Day 1, device ready. Subject connected at…” He looked at the clock above his head. “Eighteen hundred.” You understood that it was military code for six in the afternoon.

Right after he said that, the nurses held your arms before the needles entered the veins on your arms. It didn’t hurt, per say but the needles were big and the feeling was not welcome at all. The nurses locked your arms behind your back and handcuffed you to the chair so that you wouldn’t try to take the needles off.

Once the man put the machine on, the pain started. It began as a slight burning sensation that entered from where the needles were and spread to your whole body. You shut your eyes in pain and screamed while your torturers observed your reactions. One of the nurses was writing in her little book while the others went to see Bucky who was getting loud.  

“Let’s hope this will work.” The man said, looking behind his shoulder to see the nurse who was taking notes.

“Do you know that it’s illegal to keep nurses as prisoners?” You managed to say through your pain.

“Prisoners of what exactly? The war is over. HYDRA is reborn. Hail HYDRA!” He chanted and the nurse joined him.

The man moved to see Bucky who was now strapped down to make sure he’d stay still. He moved to look at Bucky’s missing arm and observed the wound. He nodded appreciatively when he inspected the broken flesh that doctors managed to save.

“You will have a new arm, Sergeant Barnes. Don’t worry, we’ll take care of you.” He spoke gently but the sound of his voice made you shiver and you heard Bucky groan as he tried to free himself.

Soon they all left the room with Bucky. The room was silent, the noises coming from the machine were the only sounds that filled the room. You were looking at the clock in front of you, time passed slowly but when the clock said that it was three in the morning, you were starting to get worried. You were still wide awake, not feeling sleepy at all.

*

A week later, you were still connected to the machine and you were still wide awake. You were feeling perfectly fine, except for the bruises on your body which were the nurses’ payback for spitting your food in their faces. Your hands were still handcuffed behind your back, you understood that the machine was keeping you alive and energised. You wondered what else that damn piece of electronics could do to you.

“Don’t feed her tonight. She needs to learn her place.” One of the nurses said as she slapped you across the face.

You laughed a bit, nervous laughter, the thing with constant torture is that you get used to it. It’s difficult for them to step up, your body was pretty much all purple and green and one more slap or punch didn’t matter at that point. They took samples of your blood, wrote the results in their little notepads and passed the results to other HYDRA agents who seemed to like the results of their experiment.

You could still hear Bucky scream, each scream was louder than the previous one. When you questioned the nurses about Bucky, you received a punch, hence the bruises. Bucky screamed your name until he lost his voice. You could hear his body shake violently every time they tortured him. You couldn’t see him. Every time the noises stopped you prayed that he didn’t die and you found yourself releasing a breath you didn’t know you were holding every time the noises started again, at least it meant that he was still alive. The vicious circle continued, for days and you were starting to go mad, wondering what was happening to your Bucky.

*

After what seemed like months but could have been days for all you knew, a small bald man entered your room. You recognised him right away, it was Arnim Zola, the scientist that had been captured on the train during Bucky’s last mission. He looked at the machine, then at you and smiled, pulling a chair to sit in front of you.

“Miss Y/l/n.” He extended a hand for you to shake before he snorted and nodded at your handcuffed hands behind your back. “Sorry. It’s an honour to meet you.” He said somehow sincerely with his strong accent.

“Can’t say the feeling’s mutual.” You fidgeted in your chair.

“The nurses are complaining about you. Say you keep asking for Sergeant Barnes.” He looked at his feet and nodded forlornly. “I’m afraid Mr. Barnes is gone.” He said with a sad pout as he observed your reaction.

You haven’t heard Bucky scream in a long time but tried to convince yourself that it was a good thing. Your jaw clenched at the words of the mad scientist. He showed you a small key and gave it to the guards. In no time, you were released from the machine and your hands were free. The guards made you stand up in front of Zola.

“I want you to see it first-hand. Come along.” He left the room and beckoned the guards to drag you with them.

Their grip was strong and harsh, making bruises on top of your healing bruises. You were forced to follow the bald scientist into a room where Bucky was sitting on a chair. You hardly recognised him, he looked down at his feet like a dog waiting for its master. His left arm was made of metal and when you were pushed into the room, he had no reaction. You were on your knees in front of your friend and he didn’t even spare you a look. He simply waited.

“Kill her.” Zola spoke as he stayed near the door.

Bucky stood up, making you crawl backwards until you touched the wall. He slowly moved closer to you and forced you on your feet, wrapping his metal fingers around your throat. Your feet were no longer touching the floor, you gasped for air as you watched your best friend choke the life out of you. You tried to fight, to scratch his face but you were defenceless. As you felt the spark of life leave your body, your fingers traced along the part of his shoulder where skin met metal. He frowned and stopped to look at your fingers, the grip of his metal fingers loosen for a second. You took a deep breath which made him look at you, his eyes were cold and distant.

“Stop.” Zola said still unaffected as Bucky released your throat from his metal grip and you fell to the ground, wheezing as you tried to take a lungful of air. “Fraulein, James Barnes is dead. It is my most absolute pleasure to introduce you to.” Zola approached Bucky and gripped his shoulders as you held your throat to soothe the ache. “The Winter soldier.”

The guards lift you from the floor, you were like jelly in their hands, and all your remaining strength was gone. They took you back to your room and reconnected you to the machine. Your head was too heavy and your eyes closed themselves but when the machine biped your energy was slowly coming back. You opened your eyes as Zola started to speak.

“Now it’s your turn.”

“You know he’s coming for you.” You screamed back at him, surprised by the sound of your voice.

“Who my dear?” His accent made his ‘r’ sound thick.

“Captain America!” You wanted to say Steve Rogers but you were afraid to reveal Steve’s identity to the scientist. You moved your head to appreciate the look on his face.

If you were sure of one thing, it was that Steve was on his way. He would go to hell and back to save you and when he’ll find you, Zola would have to pay for what he did to you and Bucky. But somehow Zola didn’t look scared, he smiled back at you and enjoyed the confusion that lingered on your face. He threw a piece of paper on the damp floor, the sound echoed in the room as it hit the floor. He cackled as he closed the door behind him.

The dim light from the machine gave you enough light to see the front line of the folded newspaper. It was an old one, it looked like someone kept it for weeks in hopes to torture you with the dreadful front page of the Nation’s News Source.  
  
**ROGERS DISAPPEARS**

The black and white eyes of Steve Rogers appeared under the headline. A violent sob shook your body as you desperately tried to break free from your chains.


	10. When the Going gets Tough, the Tough get Going

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zola finds a purpose for Reader. The Winter soldier accomplishes his first mission but Bucky may not be completely gone. In 2012, Steve tries to adjust to modern life and finds out about Reader’s last mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst again… Swearing. Reader is tortured again in this chapter and she will be HYDRA’s personal ‘hard drive’ for another chapter. I know tortured Reader isn’t exactly joyful but c’est la vie, right?

 

**_June 1945 HYDRA Secret Base_ **

You wanted nothing more than close your eyes and try to forget about the pain and the horror but the machine kept your energy high. Bucky, or rather the Winter soldier, as they called him now, was away on his first mission. You prayed for his safe return even if you knew that it meant he would have killed someone, someone innocent.

  
And he did, he came back. Blood covered his face and hands as he sat on the chair in the torture room. He let the nurses wash his body, his bleary eyes staring at nothing in particular. You were allowed to move in your cell, your hands were still handcuffed behind your back but you were no longer tied to the chair. You heard people saying that the Winter soldier was back so you stood up from the corner of the cell, where you were sitting and approached the window on the door.  
   
You looked at the Winter soldier who looked back at you like you were no one. You were too upset to cry, you turned around, unable to look at the face of your best friend. Whatever they did to him, they would do the same to you. Soon you'd be like Bucky and, paradoxically, that thought made you feel better.  
   
Soon, you would not remember that your boyfriend was dead, that your best friend was turned into an assassin. Soon you'd be in the darkness, they'd protect you. Guilt, shame, pain, fear... Everything would soon vanish.  
   
A nurse entered your cell, she unplugged the machine and took your arm to drag you out of the room. You passed the Winter soldier who returned to his cryogenic sleep until his next mission. The nurse made you sit on the chair left vacant by the Winter soldier.  
   
Two nurses cleaned you up while another one cut your hair. You knew that months passed since you had been abducted because your hair was significantly longer. Once they were pleased with the way you looked they took off your dirty white dress.  
   
Moments later, a guard arrived and said that the Pink room was ready. The nurse pushed you off the chair and the guard led you to the Pink room. You were wearing a simple blue dress and appeared clean and pretty. The Pink room had a table, two chairs and a mirror. It looked like an interrogation room. You were asked to sit and waited for what seemed like an hour.

 Arnim Zola entered the room with a man who looked around him suspiciously. When he saw you, with your pretty blue dress and the candid look on your face, his features soften. Clearly he believed that you were not a threat. He sat in front of you, waving a little _Bonjour_ with a small timid smile. He was tall but skinny, so so skinny. You didn’t know him but you knew that he was a prisoner of war.  
   
"Gerard knows a lot about the organization, fräulein." Zola said as he stood in front of the mirror and adjusted his bow tie. "Things he shouldn't know."  
   
The French fighter fidgeted in his seat and kept his hands under the table. You tried to give him an 'it's gonna be okay' look but he avoided your eyes and frankly, you didn't know if things were okay.  
   
"Sadly, Gerard refused to tell us what he knows about HYDRA or if he had time to warn someone else." Zola continued sternly as the door opened and a man pushed a trolley into the room. The machine on the trolley was familiar, it was the computer from your cell. There were also wires and an ECT device, especially made for electroshock therapy. "This what I call a computer." He presented the machine.  
   
This time it was you who fidgeted in your seat, knowing damn well what that stupid machine could do and not wanting to know what else it could do.  
   
"Y/n knows it well. This computer keeps her awake. She hasn't slept in three months." Zola continued and Gerard looked at you with wide eyes. You nodded to let him know that it was the truth.  
   
"It can do so much more. As long as she stays connected to the computer she will not age." Zola moved towards you and placed his hands on your shoulders, running his little chubby hands down your shoulders as if you were great friends. "It's a gift she doesn't seem to appreciate but she will."  
   
His revelation made you shiver, you'd be HYDRA's puppet for as long as you lived and they were planning on keeping you _forever_.  
   
"I have created this machine to improve our organization. It can do so much more than keep someone alive. In fact, let me show you." Zola took the wires, attached the needles and stood next to Gerard. "We are still experimenting so I suppose this will... Hurt." He said with a cruel smile.  
   
As Gerard started to move frenetically in his chair, two guards held him down while Zola pressed the needles into his arms. The machine was suddenly on and Zola returned to look at the screen.  
   
"I understand that you refuse to tell us what you know. I wish you did, you would have spared yourself a lot of pain." He pressed a few buttons on the machine and looked over the top of the screen to talk to Gerard. "If you refuse to give us your memories, we'll take them ourselves." He spoke calmly.  
   
Gerard stifled a yell of pain as his eyes rolled back in his head and the veins on his forehead bulged to the surface of his skin. He head hit the table brutally, the rest of his body shook violently. You launched over the table and tried to help him but his body was hot and as soon as you touched him, you received a shock. A wave of static electricity ran over his entire body as he continued to shake on the table. His mouth was open and he started to drool, his eyes fluttered open to reveal the white of his eyes.  
   
"Stop it!" You screamed as you looked at the fighter.  
   
"In a moment, fräulein."  
   
The machine biped furiously and then nothing. Silence prevailed in the room, the fighter never moved again. The guards took his body and closed the door behind them. You were too chocked to cry, you just saw a machine kill a man. What would happen to you now?  
   
Your question was answer almost immediately when Zola reconnected you to the computer. He advised you to stay still as he pressed a couple of buttons. Soon images started to play in front of your open eyes. It felt so real, you had to close your eyes and let the images play behind your eyelids.  
   
It was the memories of the man you just saw dying in front of you. Gerard when he was a little boy, then a teenager, his first kiss, his first love… His entire life played behind your eyelids as if these memories now belonged to you. You felt everything he had ever felt, including the moment when he violently crashed against the table and died. Your visions were interrupted by Zola’s voice. “What did he know? Did he tell anyone about the organisation?” Zola asked as he observed your reactions. You knew the answers to his questions but you were not going to let Gerard die for nothing. Zola could bring out the big guns if he wanted to, your mouth would stay shut. You were as stubborn as your boyfriend. “Fuck off.” You whispered as you slowly managed to push aside Gerard’s memories.  

“She has a big mouth, wanna do something about it?” One of the guard said as he observed you.

“Wait!” Zola hunched over you to observe your eyes.

“Did it work? Can she really see his entire life?” The guard asked, watching you with disgust.

Zola moved to the computer where he looked at the screen and shrugged. He looked back at you and you had to hold your head, there were too many memories crowding in your head, pounding painfully at your brain. The soldier’s memories were trying to push yours aside and you concentrated on your memories.

“Only she can tell us.” Zola frowned, looking at the screen. “The Winter soldier?” Zola returned his attention to the guard who shifted his weight from foot to foot.

“He finished his mission but Barnes is waking up.” The guard admitted. Zola’s eyes shot open wide and he left the room in a hurry.

“Bring the fräulein.” He shouted as he ran down the corridor.

The guard took your arm and made you stand up, you were so focused on your memories that you let him drag you down the corridor without fighting. The Winter soldier was pacing a room, scientists looked at him with weary eyes. They all turned when you entered the room, the newly trained assassin stopped and looked at you.

“Who is she?” Zola asked as the guard tightened his grip on your arm.

“I don’t know.” The Winter soldier looked at you with a frown, like he knew you but couldn’t remember.

The bald scientist sighed. You looked at the friend you used to know, it was your only chance to snap him back to reality. You had to try even if it meant that you could fail, even if it meant that you would get beat up.

“Bucky!” You shouted, tears burning your eyes as you looked at him. “You know me.” He shook his head, he was slowly starting to remember but his memories were blurry and he only saw bits of it. The guard tried to keep your still while the Winter soldier slowly started to look more like Bucky. His lips parted and his eyes opened wide.

“Y/n…” He looked at your bruised face and red swollen eyes and his jaw clenched. “Let her go!” He threw himself on Zola but two men caught him by the shoulders and forced him back on the chair. “Y/n, it’s okay, I’ll save you.” Zola sighed exasperatedly and nodded at two guards to take you back to your cell. “You hear me, baby? I’ll save you. I swear if you touch her I'll break your fucking necks!” Bucky shouted as you were hauled away.

“We’ll see about that later. Bring the machine, someone needs a brainwash.” Zola replied smugly, his accent made him sound even more terrifying.

From the window on your cell’s door you could see Bucky. He screamed in pain when someone turned the button that connected the chair and the device placed on his head.

“You won’t break me!” He shouted through his screams.

**_SHIELD’s Retreat Safe House 2012_ **

Nick Furry allowed Steve to go to SHIELD’s safe house near a lake, far away from the city and all that new technology that confused Steve. Even the cars looked different, they were more sophisticated and he looked so lost every time he tried to do something simple.

He was sitting at a table, reading the files of his former companions. A red stamp that spelled the word ‘DECEASED’ was visible on most of the files. He looked for Peggy’s file and his heart skipped a beat when he found that she was alive. He smiled sadly, looking at the picture of Peggy. There was a number to call, he looked at the phone and decided not to call her. He could see your file at the bottom of the pile, he unconsciously took his time. No one mentioned you when he woke up and he still had no idea what happened to you. Some part of him hoped that you were still waiting for him but he knew it was selfish of him to think that way. The most rational part of his brain wished that you found someone nice, someone who treated you well.

Finally he had to face the last file, the photo they took of you when you joined the army was stapled on the corner of the yellowish file. Tears blurred his vision when he saw the red stamp. Carefully, he took the photo, ran his thick pointer finger down your cheek and swallowed a lump in his throat before he put the portrait in his wallet. He closed the file, he didn’t want to know what happened to you, he didn’t want to know when you died. Your whole life was summed up in two pages and that alone made his heart sick.

He paced the cabin and tried to rest but his bed was too soft. He tried to sleep on the floor but every time he closed his eyes, your face appeared behind his eyelids. As if someone had kicked him in the guts, he sat on the wooden floor. The moon cast a light on your file that was still on the table. With a sigh, Steve stood up and sat at the table. He looked at your file, his chin rested on the bridge that he made with his hands. He waited a long time, his eyes still focused on the dated paper in front of him. Curiosity had the best of him, he opened the file and started to read it avidly. He skipped most of the file and focused on the last paragraph.

_First Lieutenant Y/n Y/l/n was send along with First Sergeant Matthew Lawrence and Technical Sergeant Paul Rushie in the Alps to bring back the body of Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. A week after the group left, civilians found the bodies of the two soldiers who were accompanying First Lieutenant Y/l/n. Her body was never found. Declared dead in 2009._

Steve held his head in his hands while tears dropped to the old paper. He imagined the scene, it played behind his closed eyes. He opened them to make the images disappear but it didn’t work, you were still the only thing he could think about. He looked at the moon like he couldn’t really see it and wished that he never woke up.


	11. Don’t Bite the Hand that Feeds You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After decades of abuse, Reader struggles to remember herself and her friends. She might be more important that she thinks. The Winter soldier may not be as ruthless as he seems. Steve spends some quality time with his new friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soon Reader will see something else than her prison cell but I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to write a bit of Winter soldier x Reader so… Once again Reader is tortured by HYDRA...  
> NB: Just warning you, I won’t be able to update until next Saturday. Sorry guys.

 

**_1972 HYDRA Base Sokovia_ **

You were supposed to be fifty but you still looked like a twenty-something. You were still connected to the computer, it was what kept you young and energised. You knew that time passed, you could see it on other people’s faces, especially Zola. It was late, you knew that because the headquarters were silent. No one was there, except you and the Winter Soldier who was placed in cryopreservation until his next mission.

HYDRA had uploaded the memories of ten people inside your brain. You revealed nothing, they all wanted the information that those people refused to disclose and you did the same. They tortured you, punches, slaps, electroshocks… whatever they could think of but you kept your mouth shut. You knew so much about the organisation now, you could have stopped their activities once and for all.

You knew everything about the people they uploaded. Some memories felt foreign, you could see objects that you knew nothing about and yet you knew exactly how to use them. Clothes looked different, hairdos too. It was like seeing the future, except all this already happened. Wars, Presidents, important international events, films… you knew everything, but you never lived it.

You were fluent in many languages now, you knew how to fight, how to fire a weapon, how to drive all kinds of vehicles. You were basically the most capable human being on this planet. As for your own memories, they started to fade. Your memories of Steve Rogers sometimes prevailed on memories that were not your own. Sometimes it was Bucky, his laugh, his smile, his stupid jokes. Other times it was your parents, but as the decades passed, your memories looked hazy.

At night, when you were alone, you repeated the memories that you remembered, those that were important. Memories of Steve and Bucky. You were sitting on the floor when the door of your cell opened and a man entered. Zola closed the door behind him and took a chair. He adjusted his bow before he opened his mouth.

“You are my greatest success.” He patted the top of your head. “I wish you would cooperate, your living conditions would be more… comfortable.” He looked around the damp and cold cell with a small sad smile. “You are strong. Perhaps it is why the experiment never worked again.” He fidgeted in his seat and looked down at the needle marks on his arms before he quickly covered them with his sleeves. Zola had tried to turn himself into an immortal living machine but each time he tried the machine rejected him and electrocuted him.

You looked at his face, he was so old now. He patted your head like you were a dog and pushed a strand of hair away from your face.

“This is the last time we’ll see each other, Y/n. I hope you will be missing me as much as I will miss you. But don’t worry, fräulein, I won’t be far.” His voice was gentle but it made you shiver, you never got used to his sweet creepy voice.

He stood up and gave you a last nostalgic stare as if he really were sad to leave you. You turned your eyes away, wondering what would happen now that Zola was no longer in the pictures.

**_HYDRA Researched Base 1988 Sokovia_ **

Zola might be dead but it still felt like he was handling the whole organisation. Some things changed in the last fifteen years but you didn’t. You were still connected to that damn computer and even after all this time, you were still hating every second of it. Nurses were no longer taking care of you, actually no one was really taking care of you. It made you think that Arnim Zola, the mad scientist who made you so unique and special, genuinely liked you.

It was the interns’ job to feed you, wash you or try to make you talk. They hated it, probably even more than you did. They had no patience whatsoever and you liked to give them a hard time. The Winter soldier spent most of his time in his cryogenic crate. Sometimes the assassin would be allowed to go outside, assigned to kill someone who was a treat to HYDRA. One time, he escaped their watch and went missing for days. You hoped that Bucky snapped back and ran away. Of course, the Winter soldier always came back.

“Do you think I have time for your whims?” The intern said as he tried to shove a forkful of food into your mouth.

Now you were allowed to move in your cell, but they didn’t let you use anything that you might use as a weapon. And even if you were no longer constantly tied to your chair, you still had handcuffs that held your arms behind your back. That way you could not remove the cables that connected you to the machine.

“Fuck you!” You spat the half eaten food in his face and laughed when he wiped it off with a disgusted look on his face. “You think you’ll be a leader one day? But for now you have to feed the bitch tied to her chair.” You laughed scornfully and he stood up, ready to beat you. You closed your eyes expecting to receive a punch but instead someone talked.

“STOP.” The voice of the Winter soldier came from behind the intern. You opened your eyes slowly.

The Winter soldier was ordered to kill those who posed a threat to HYDRA and the brainwashed soldier complied. He was no longer Bucky. Every time he came back from his missions, he was brainwashed and place in his cryogenic crate. Despite the decades, he looked young and strong.

“I’m sorry, I will feed her properly.” The intern panicked at the sight of the assassin. The Winter Soldier caught the intern’s arm and twisted it until you heard a loud snap, followed by a scream. The intern quickly left the room, probably looking for help.

The Winter Soldier was not your friend, the Winter soldier was a machine destined to kill. But underneath, there was a real person, no matter if that person was Bucky or a sad frightened child. You fidgeted in your seat, expecting him to turn around. He let the door open and sat in front of you. Without a word, he took the plate and fork and started to feed you. He looked at you while you chewed, waiting patiently until you swallowed the food. You looked at him suspiciously and he observed you closely.

He started to hum a song while he looked at his lap. A trained brainwashed assassin was humming a song in a damp room where people liked to torture you. It was a hair-raising sight, something you never thought you’d be living. Not in a million years. You eyed him shiftily until you recognised the song. It was the song that played when you shared a dance with Bucky the night before he was captured by German soldiers on the road to Azzano.

“Somebody else… is taking my place. Somebody else… now share your embrace. While… while I am trying… to keep from crying you go around with a smile on your face… little you know… the price that I’ve pay, little you care… for vows that you’ve made…” You sang the song, trying to remember the lyrics.

“Go on.” He said, eyes closed as he listened to your voice.

“I don’t remember.” You replied quietly.

He kept his eyes close, his head nodding softly, almost imperceptibly and you held your breath, your body was suddenly stiff. He opened his eyes, cold grey blue eyes that looked back at you.

“My heart.” He struggled to say the words. “My heart is aching, soon… will…will…” He looked at his lap, concentrated on the words as if his life depended on it. When he couldn’t find the end of the lyrics, his metal arm grabbed the plate and threw it across the room, breaking it into tiny pieces.

“You! You’re not supposed to be here! Go back to your chamber.” A man entered your cell, the intern followed hastily, holding his broken arm against his chest.

The Winter soldier planted his feet on the ground, arched his back and pushed back against his chair, his eyes were still locked on you. He stood up and left the room without saying another word. The man and the intern looked at you and shared a concerned stare.

“Should we use the machine on him again?”

“The girl can’t even remember her own name.” The man said with a snort before he noticed the broken plate, proof that the assassin had a temper. “I don’t think the machine is necessary.” He replied with a smirk before he ordered the intern to pick up the broken plate. The intern whined, his arm was broken and he hissed in pain as he cleaned the room. Once he was gone, you noticed that he forgot a tiny piece of broken ceramic, you quickly bent down to pick it up, which was not an easy task as your hands were handcuffed behind your back.

The Winter soldier was back in his crate and you were left alone in your cell room. You did your best to keep your smile to yourself. Bucky’s memories were still somewhere.

**_November 1991 HYDRA Base Washington DC_ **

“Did you see that?” A scientist said loud enough to cover your screams.

“Do it again!” The other scientist exclaimed excitedly.

The two mad scientists increased the power of the electroshocks to its maximum capacity while your body shook violently on the leather chair. Your nails dug in the armrest and your knuckles turned white but they looked at you with great interest. You couldn’t yell, they shoved something into your mouth to muffle your plaintive screams.

“This is very interesting. Call the boss.” He turned to talk to the guard who nodded and left the room.

“Please…” You managed to say despite the gag in your mouth.

“Tell us what we want to hear and you’ll be out of here.” The scientist repositioned the electrodes on your temples while the other played with the settings of the machine.

You had valuable information on HYDRA, SHIELD and influential people that the organisation desperately needed but you never said a word. You would rather get beat up than say something that might endangered even more people. You were HYDRA’s puppet, a monster gifted with an incredible stubbornness that they desperately tried to take away from you.

By then you had the memories of fifty people uploaded inside your brain. To say that it was overwhelming would be the understatement of the century. It became harder to differentiate your memories and other people’s memories. Sometimes you felt like you were delirious, all kinds of memories rushed in front of your eyes while you tried to find those that belonged to you.

The Winter soldier was efficient, quick and obedient while you were a pain in the ass. You enjoyed it though, it was the only thing you could control. They thought they could play with you but you were an uncooperative puppet.

HYDRA’s big boss entered the room, the scientists excitedly rushed to tell him about their latest discovery. The boss looked at you and smiled, he nodded at what the scientists told him. The scientists looked overjoyed, they returned to your side and the boss left.

“Lucky you! You’ve just been given your first assignment.”

They put the electrodes back on your temples and turned the machine on. Your screams were once again muffled by the gag in your mouth. You closed your eyes, feeling strangely warm. It felt like your body was on fire, as if you were made of electricity. You could feel the energy running through your veins but everytime you though that it was going to escape your body, the feeling stopped. It was exhausting, you were drained of your energy by the fourth electrically produced seizure.

They carried you back to your cell and at the exact moment you thought you were going to fall asleep, or die, you were reconnected to the machine which immediately re-boosted your energy. You haven’t slept in forty six years, the machine made sure you were still healthy and rested. Outside your cell, you could see the Winter soldier’s cryogenic cell. He was asleep, somehow he looked more like Bucky when he was in his induced cryogenic sleep, but as soon as he woke up the ruthless assassin took over.

You stood up from your chair and went to look at the marks you made on the floor. Years before, you managed to take a piece of broken plate and with that tiny piece you wrote important things on the floor. Your hands were always handcuffed behind your back so you had to sit on the ground, the broken piece in your dominant hand and wrote the best you could, your mind focused solely on the letters.

You wrote your name, after decades of being called ‘the girl’ you started to forget your own name. Steve was the second name you wrote, but now, that name didn’t make any sense. You could spend days trying to remember why you wrote that name on the floor and who that man was. Bucky was the third name and you remembered him quite well. How could you forget about him when he was always right in front of you?

Among memories that were yours, you could see the face of a man. He was blond, small, skinny and his features were soft. But in other memories, he looked different: more muscles, more confident and yet he still had those baby blue eyes that made your heart swell. You couldn’t remember his name. Perhaps he was the second most important name: Steve.

**_July 4th 2012 New York_ **

“Happy birthday, Cap.” Natasha surprised Steve at his apartment.

“How did you know it was my birthday?” Steve cocked a curious eyebrow at her while she let herself in.

“I didn’t.” She looked at Steve decorations’ skills and smirked. She was sure no woman ever set a foot in this ‘straight out of catalogue’ apartment. “Thought it would be funny but apparently it really _is_ Captain America’s birthday. Cheer up, you’re almost as old as America itself.” She snorted as she collapsed on his couch.

Steve stood in front of her, arms folded against his chest. He looked at his feet and sighed. He was not in the mood to celebrate his birthday. Three months ago, the Avengers put an end to Loki’s scheme by defeating the Chitauri. After that Steve started to work for SHIELD, Natasha was his main partner.

“You’re in a great mood.” She said sarcastically with a roll of her eyes. “Let’s get out of here. I would be in the same mood, if I had to live here.” She looked at his stuff and faked a shiver. Steve shook his head. “Come on, Steve. You can’t stay locked up in your apartment all day.”

Reluctantly, he followed her outside. They walked for a while but they didn’t talk much. Natasha didn’t have anything to say and Steve was not in the mood to chat. There was no awkward tension and he liked that about Natasha, she didn’t feel the need to talk when she had nothing to say. He wasn’t sure if he could trust her completely. If mystery had a face, it would look like Natasha Romanoff. Or is it Natalia Alianovna? Or perhaps Natalie Rushman? Anyway, point made.

“What’s going on?” She asked when Steve stopped and looked in front of him, mouth agape. She let him lead the way and he unconsciously started to walk to his old apartment, the one he used to share with you. She looked at the building and connected the dots. “You used to live here?” She looked at the beautiful house that now replaced his old apartment.

“It didn’t look that way.” He observed the house and a woman opened the door. She looked at bit like you, she turned around to smile at a man that she kissed before she left the house. The woman greeted them politely as left her propriety.

“She reminds you of someone?” Natasha asked, looking at the woman then back at Steve. He nodded and she smiled to herself. “Someone important?” He nodded again and she didn’t push further. He would tell her when he’d feel comfortable to. Of course she was going to find the information on her own but that was something Steve didn’t need to know.


	12. It’s Harder to be Left Behind than to be The One to Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve meets a new friend and visits an old one. Natasha helps Steve with his grief while the Winter Soldier remembers the man on the bridge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of quote from CAWS… Violence and stuff, the usual. Ends with a cliffhanger!

 

**_March 2014 Washington DC_ **

“On your left”

“C’mon!”

Sam Wilson watched the super soldier run pass him at the speed of light. He started to run faster but couldn’t catch up the super soldier. When he finished his lap, he sat down near a tree and tried to catch his breath when the soldier casually walked closer to stand in front of him.

“Need a medic?”

“I need a new set of lungs. Dude, you just ran, like, thirteen miles in thirty minutes.”

“I guess I got a late start.” Steve joked.

“Really? You should be ashamed of yourself. You should take another lap. Did you just take it? I assume you just took it.” Sam teased as he took a lungful of air and looked back at Steve.

“What unit you with?”

“58th Pararescue but now I’m working down at the VA.” He held out a hand that Steve took, helping the former soldier to his feet. “Sam Wilson.”

“Steve Rogers.”

“Yeah I kinda put that together.”

Sam recommended the soundtrack from Trouble Man to Steve who wrote it on his little book before he received a message from Natasha. He said goodbye to Sam as she stopped her black sport car and looked through the window.

“Hey fellas! Either one of you know where the Smithsonian is? I’m here to pick up a fossil.”

“That’s hilarious.” Steve rolled his eyes as he opened the door.

**_The next day at the Triskelion_ **

“Are you going somewhere?” Natasha asked as Steve left the lift.

“Why? You have another woman waiting for me somewhere?”

“I do. You should go change.” She played with the files in her hands.

“I’m not in the moo- Fine.” He changed his mind when he saw the look on Natasha’s face.

He entered an empty room where he put back his civilian clothes before he joined Natasha. She wasn’t holding files anymore, she stood in the middle of the Triskelion’s hall, waiting for him. She played with her car keys as he approached her. Steve sighed forcefully before he reluctantly followed her.

“Where are we goin’?” He asked after a while as Natasha’s eyes remained focused on the road.

She didn’t reply but instead parked near a cemetery. He looked through his window and frowned. He turned back to see her but she was already out of the car.

“Time to say goodbye to your old friends, Steve.” She led him near a stone that had the names of all soldiers, nurses and other people who left NYC and Washington DC to fight during the Second World War and never came back. He felt the lump in his throat grow and Natasha returned to the car in order to give him some privacy. He stayed alone in front of the stone, eyes searching the names that mattered to him. Not far from where he was standing, your name was engraved on the stone in golden letters. He swallowed hard as his fingers traced the carved letters.

“I’m…” he started to talk, seeing this as an occasion to get some feelings off his chest. He wasn’t sure how to do it. He never really believed that dead people could hear you when you talked to their gravestone but since he was there. “I’m sorry. I’m not sure why but if there’s one thing I know is that you’d have had a complete different life if we never met.” A tear streamed down his cheek and he tried to look tough in front of the stone. “I wish… I wish I were with you. We could have had a damn good life. Together. I stole it from you, I’m sorry.” He looked at the car, Natasha wasn’t looking in his direction but he kept a stoic figure. “I love you. Always did, always will. Thank you for everything.”

He kept staring at the stone for a while, Bucky’s name was engraved on the stone as well. He looked at it with sorry eyes. He swallowed hard and turned away, he could never let go of his friends. Everyone seemed too modern and his time with the Avengers made him feel even more dated. Tony Stark and his great artificial intelligence, Bruce Banner and his incredible work on thermonuclear astrophysics, Clint Barton and his high tech arrows. Even his closest partner in crime, Natasha Romanoff was a computer genius while he understood nothing. Everything was high tech, even the elevators of the Triskelion. 

It was a lot to take, Steve thanked Natasha but he needed to clear his head. After she left, Steve started to wander around town, until he unconsciously reached the facility for veterans of the Second World War. He asked for Peggy Carter’s room and a young woman showed him the way.

Seeing Peggy in the winter of her life made Steve realise what he never had. The woman who helped creating SHIELD was now lying in her bed. She recognised him right away, he looked exactly the same. He smiled at her and tried to explain what happened, she already heard about it but the old woman forgot almost as soon as she heard about it.

“We never found Y/n.” She explained after Steve mentioned your name. “But we found this.” She leaned with great difficulty and opened her night table. She retrieved a little box in which she hid the locket that Steve gave you decades ago. Peggy kept it all these years, a token that she cherished and a reminder that not everyone survived. Somehow she was right when she told Howard that she’d give the locket back to Steve.

Steve took the locket, his voice was caught in his throat. He opened the little jewel and his mouth twisted in an involuntary smile when he saw how happy you all used to be.

“She must have lost it before-” Peggy couldn’t finish her sentence, Steve nodded pensively. His eyes were filled with tears but he couldn’t cry in front of Peggy, he couldn’t do that to her when she was so happy to see him.

Steve closed the locket, you and Bucky were gone and nothing could change that. He was alone and lost in a world he didn’t recognise. The mere thought of you, afraid and in pain, was too much for him to bear. He thought of all the years he spend sleeping in the ice while you and Bucky were lost in the Alps, your lifeless bodies freezing in the snow. The thought made him nauseous, he turned his eyes away from the locket and noticed the pictures on Peggy’s night table.

“You should be proud of yourself, Peggy.” He said, trying to change the subject.

“I have lived a life. My only regret is that you didn’t get to live yours. What is it?”

“For as long as I can remember, I just wanted to do what was right. I guess I’m not quite sure what that is anymore. And I thought I could throw myself back in and follow orders. Serve. It’s just not the same.”

Steve listened to Peggy, she was still the same woman, confident and brave. He smiled as he listened to her before her disease took over. She opened her eyes wide and looked at him as if he just entered the room. She called his name with a raspy voice, Steve nodded slightly and did his best to smile at her. 

**_2009 Odessa_ **

“Are you sure this is the right way?”

Natasha Romanoff was escorting a nuclear scientist to a safe place and he was seriously getting on her nerves. She sighed and nodded as a reply while she turned the steering wheel. The car sloped upwards somehow steeply, the scientist fidgeted in his seat.

“You should try and get some rest. We still have a long way to go. I’ve got this.” She said, eyes focused on the road as the scientist looked at the hill distrustfully.

“It doesn’t look safe.”

“I got you out of Iran, I think I can manage a hill.” She snorted as she gripped the wheel.

The car continued to climb the hill, the scientist was looking around distressingly. Natasha was too concentrated on the road to see that a man in full tactical uniform and a mask that covered most of his face was looking down at their car.

The Winter soldier raised his rocket gun and aimed at the car’s tyre. When he was satisfied, he pulled the trigger. When the tyre exploded, the car spun fast and threatened to fall down the hill. Natasha took the scientist by his collar and threw herself on him, protecting him with her body. She kicked the door open and they both rolled on the asphalt.

Irritated, the Winter soldier made his way towards them, he took another gun and started to fire at the red haired agent and the scientist. Natasha shot back, she was surprised to see how good that soldier was. He reminded her of herself when she was a trained assassin. He showed no emotion, he was ruthless and unpredictable.

Natasha covered the scared scientist with her body as the Winter soldier approached. She ran out of munitions but she waited for him. When he’d be close enough, she’d kick the gun out of his hand. He would have no other choice but to fight her with his bare hands. He walked slowly, his gun aiming at the scientist. When he understood that he wouldn’t be able to hit him, he changed his plan.

He aimed at Natasha and pulled the trigger. The bullet went straight through her and hit the scientist, killing him instantly. Natasha fell to the ground and looked at the Winter soldier who simply left. His mission was accomplished, Natasha was collateral damage. She was not important, she was not his mission. She applied pressure on her wound with her hand and grimaced at the pain. She looked at her belly and her eyes fluttered close. Bye-bye bikinis.

**_April, 3rd 2014 Sam Wilson’s bedroom_ **

“I made breakfast, if you guys eat that sort of thing.” Sam interrupted Steve and Natasha’s conversation. Steve smirked and slapped his thighs as he proceeded to stand up.

“Zola.” Natasha said in a whisper and Steve stopped. “He turned himself into a monster. A conscious locked inside a computer. I wonder why.” She looked at Steve who stood in front of her.

“He couldn’t let go.” Steve shrugged. “As he said, we’re both out of our time.”

“No, but how did he know that it was going to work? If he experimented on other people, we might have another problem on our hands.” She bit her bottom lip, in a pensive sulk.

“We’ll be prepared.” Steve stated and pulled on Natasha’s arm.

*

_Bucky?!_

_Who the hell is Bucky?_

Steve was handcuffed in a van, so were Natasha and Sam. He looked down at his lap, remembering what happened moments before Brock Rumlow captured them.

“He looked right at me like he didn’t even know me.” Steve said, staring into nothing.

“How is that even possible? It was like seventy years ago.”

“Zola.” Steve said with his jaw clenched. “Bucky’s whole unit was captured in 43. Zola experimented on him. Whatever he did helped Bucky survive the fall. They must have found him and-”

“None of that’s your fault, Steve.” Natasha said through the pain. She rested her head on the window behind her and sighed. Well at least now she knew who the Winter solider was.

**_Later that day, Ideal Federal Savings Bank (HYDRA Base)_ **

“Put him on the chair. Pierce is on his way.” A man said as the Winter soldier dutifully followed, he looked around him like it was the first time he saw the torture room.

You were in your cell, the door was open and you could hear that the Winter soldier was back. Carefully you moved as far as the wires that connected you to the computer would allow. You locked eyes with the Winter soldier on his chair, he blinked then closed his eyes. When he opened them, his eyes were moving left and right as if he was trying to remember something.

A changing of guards gave him the opportunity to leave the room long enough to talk to you. His metal arm was in a pretty bad shape, something went wrong during his last mission.

“The man on the bridge.” His voice was low, as if he was trying to remember something important.

“What man?” Your brows furrowed. The Winter soldier looked at you again, the look on his eyes was different than what you were used to.

“I knew him.” He looked at you in the eye.

“Who was he?” You asked, rolling your shoulders to grab his attention, your hands were trapped behind your back.

The Winter soldier waited for a second, he knew he didn’t have time to think about his next move. He could hear the guards coming back. You looked at him with questioning eyes, you wanted to make him talk but you were too afraid of the trained assassin to pester him with questions. He caught your waist and pulled you hard against him, silencing your surprised gap with his metal hand. The palm of his metal hand was cold against your mouth as your eyes widen, not sure what to expect. His flesh hand reached behind your back and with a swift tug, he broke the shackles. He held the pieces before it could hit the floor and threw them somewhere they couldn’t be found.

“Save yourself.” He whispered in your hear before he pushed you away and returned to his seat. You managed to regain your balance and held the frame of the door, looking at the assassin who nodded. You nodded back and entered to your cell.

After the event of December 17th 1991, you had been allowed to move in the base. Nothing too extraordinary, just the torture room and the Pink room where they continued to upload people inside your brain. The main reason for this sudden faith was that nobody ever dared to touch you. It proved to be fatal to one of the guards. As soon as he touched your bare skin, he convulsed and collapsed to the ground. The power inside you was growing strong, your anger and frustration only seemed to fuel it more.

You took a deep breath, knowing that once you would remove the needles that connected you to the computer, you would have very little time to escape. You pressed the needle and pulled on it, the computer made a funny noise. By the time you took the second needle out of your arm, the machine biped furiously before it turned off completely. You held your wrists and hands, stunned to finally be able to see them after sixty nine years. Your amazement was short lived, you had to do what the Winter soldier asked you to do. You had to save yourself.


	13. Every Woman for Herself & the Devil Take the Hindmost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader finally escapes HYDRA thanks to her newly acquired powers and tries to find the man on the bridge. Reader meets new people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one isn’t following Bucky or Steve because the super soldiers are fighting at the Triskelion and this is what happened to Reader while they fought. Another cliffhanger ;)

 

You didn’t even spare a look to your cell before you ran away. You had no idea where to go, you ran down a corridor, hoping to find an exit.

The screams of the Winter soldier echoed through the bunker, making you hold the wall. The Winter soldier hadn’t been wiped for a very long time and you almost forgot what his screams sounded like. You heard people screaming that you were no longer in your cell and that the computer was shut down. Terrified, you stared into nothing as your hand groped the wall until you found a doorknob and entered the room.

The room was furnished with machines, torture tools and computers. There were two prison cells, both occupied by a man and a woman with ragged clothes. The man was trying to break the glass but it resisted. The woman held her hands in front of her face, a red glowing energy came out of her hands. The man stopped and looked at you from head to toe, it wasn’t hard to understand that you were also held captive.

“Who are you?” He said, banging on the window, he had a strong accent.

The woman raised and tilted her head to look at you.

“I… I’m trying to…”

“Run away.” The woman finished for you. She seemed pretty sure of her statement.

“Help us!” The man continued to bang his fists on the glass of the cell.

You looked at the door, you really didn’t have time to help every prisoners in this base. You heard footsteps coming from the corridor and hid yourself under a table. A guard entered the room and after a quick look, he left.

“She doesn’t have time to help us, Pietro.” The woman said calmly, still focused on the red energy that came out of her hands. “She has to… _save herself_.” She paused and emphasised the last two words, making them sound harsh and cruel.

You stood up and looked around to find a key or a way to open their cages but it was dark and you couldn’t see anything.

“How do they open your cells?” You continued to grope for a key.

“They don’t.” Pietro replied.

The alarm was getting louder and your head was spinning. You ducked under a table, scared beyond reason, your body was shaking.

“She has to go now.” The brunette said, still sitting crossed legs on the dirty floor of her cell. “Y/n has to find the man on the bridge.” Your name resonated in your ears, it felt peculiar to hear someone else say it and you didn’t even ask yourself how she knew your name.

“I can’t let you here. I know what they can do to you.”

“We won’t stay here.” Pietro replied, sitting on his bed with a defeated sigh. “Wanda and I will go back where we were born.”

You were about to ask where it was but Wanda answer before you could even open your mouth.

“Sokovia.” She made slow motions with her hands and wrists while you watched as a small box in the back of her cell started to magically fly across the room until it fell to her feet. She looked at you for the first time. “You can do it too. I can feel it. Your energy, the electricity… Embrace it and you’ll be out of here.”

The door opened again and this time, you ended up facing one of the guards. You turned your eyes away from Wanda and looked down at your hands. You could see sparks of electrical energy going through your hands. Without realising what you were doing, you grabbed the guard face in your hands. The second you touched him, he dropped to his knees and his whole body shivered, eyes rolling into the back of his skull until he fell to the ground.

You looked at the two prisoners with sorry eyes, leaving them alone with the people who tortured you for longer than you could remember made you nauseous but you had to go. It was your only chance. Wanda wished you good luck while you stormed out of the room.

You saw a couple of guards while you tried to find an exit, each of them received the same treatment as the first guard. You didn’t look back, you simply run as fast as you could. You pushed one last door and the sounds of the city as well as the bright light of day hit you. It was the first time you saw the light in twenty three years, you quickly put your hands in front of your face, the sun was burning your sensitive eyes.

Running like the wind, you bumped into a couple of people who yelled at you. You ran for what felt like ages and when your legs were too weak and feeble to support you, you entered the first shop you saw. The old man behind the counter greeted you with a cocked eyebrow as he silently judged your outfit. He had been working over fifty years in Washington DC and New York City, he saw some crazy shit but a woman in rags, with bare feet bleeding on his lino, was a first.

“You okay there, sweetie.” He asked with concern as you kept turning around to see if you were still followed.

“Please let me hide here.” You said as you hid behind the counter.

As you ducked, two guards entered the diner and looked at the old man.

“You’ve seen a woman?” They asked as they looked around the diner.

“I’ve seen many women but no one in the past thirty minutes.” The man replied with a crooked smile. The guard pointed at the blood on the floor and eyed the man suspiciously. “Strawberry jam. Why does toast always lands butter side down, um? Well, jelly side down.” He let out an honest laugh. Someone screamed in the street and it caught the guards’ attention, they left the diner without saying another word.

“Thank you.” You said, tears of joy and fear streamed down your cheeks. The old man led you toward a room in the back of the diner where he said that you could do as you pleased.

The rest of the day went by, the old man continued to work until you heard him lock the door. He came to see you in the back shop.

“You ate anything?” He asked, looking at you with a frown.

“No, I’m not allowed to.” Your capturers often fed you once every two days as a punishment for being an uncooperative puppet. The old man snorted nervously, he understood that you were in trouble but apparently he had underestimated the situation.

“Come with me. I’ll make somethin’ for ya.”

You watched as the old man put something in the microwave. The microwave made a funny noise when you approached it which startled you and you quickly returned to your seat. You looked at your hands, remembering how your powers first appeared and quickly shook your head to forget about it. The old man put the hot plate in front of you.

“Eat up, doll.”

The nickname made you chuckle, you haven’t heard that in a very long time.

“What’s your name?”

“I think it’s Y/n.”

“You think?” He grimaced.

“I haven’t heard it in a while but she said it and I think she was right.”

“She?” He looked at you with rounded eyes and you dropped your fork which clattered against your plate.

“I need to go back. I need to help them, they’re going to hurt them.”

“Calm down! What are you talking about?”

“A woman and a man,” You held your head, trying to remember. “Captured and tortured by HYDRA.”

“Hi-What?” The old man scratched his head as you jumped off the bar stool. “Stay still, you’re hurt and obviously… confused.”

“But I-”

“Stop, you can’t do anything right now. It’s not your fault and you have to eat.” He took the fork and hovered it in front of your face.

You finished your dish which proved to be a difficult task, since 1945 your hands had been trapped behind your back. You were feeling tired and for the first time in forever, your eyes started to close. You soon fell asleep, a small smile on your lips as you finally drifted off into dreamless slumber.

“Morning, sleepy head.” The old man said as you opened your eyes. “I was getting a bit worried. You slept for more than a day.”

“Hi- I don’t even know your name.” You smiled softly as you rubbed the sleep away from your eyes.

“Herbert Leonard.”

“The great Herby Leeny from Coney Island?” You mused, remembering the kid who entertained people in the park.

He was a big name for those who went to the amusement park on a regular basis. Sometimes you, Steve and Bucky went there just to see him. The three of you would stand in front of this funny looking kid who enchanted the crowd. Your hand perfectly moulded in Steve’s slim hand while Bucky’s bright contagious smile made girls swoon. You frowned as the memory played in your head, the faces were familiar but you couldn’t tell who they were.

“Ah yes kiddo, nice to see the old folks mentioned me to their offspring.” He narrowed his eyes to look at you while you fidgeted in your seat. “What’s wrong?”

You wanted to tell him that you remembered him, when he was just a child, performing songs and dances for the passers-by. But you didn’t want to give the old man a heart attack so you shook your head.

“Nothing. So you’re still working? Most people would have retired by now.”

“I’ll retire the day I’ll die or win the lottery, whichever comes first.” He laughed as he put a cup of coffee in front of you. “What about you kid? Got somewhere to go?”

“I have to find a man.”

“Ain’t we all?” He sighed as he sat in front of you.

“No, a specific one. The man on the bridge.”

“What bridge?”

“I don’t know.” You looked at the cup of coffee and held it tightly in your hands to keep them warm but soon the coffee started to boil. You took your hands off the cup and kept them under the table, making sure you wouldn’t hurt anyone.

“I have to open. You can stay in the back shop, I don’t mind.” He looked at the boiling coffee and raised his brows before he looked back at you and smiled.

While Herby Leeny opened his diner, you stayed hidden in the back shop. You wanted to go out and look for the man you were supposed to find but it was safer to stay with Herby. He was a nice man and that was something that you cruelly missed during all these decades.

You paced his little back room and looked at the television in front of you. It was the first time you saw a television that sophisticated, and flat, but somehow it was familiar to you. It must have been from the memories of some of the people uploaded in your brain. You turned the television on, smiling a bit to yourself as you managed to make it work. The woman on the television talked about the arrest of Captain America, a recording taken from a helicopter showed a man on his knees and other people surrounding him, pointing their guns at him.

Captain America was a familiar name. Some part of your remembered that at the beginning of your imprisonment, you believed that a man called Captain America was going to rescue you. But no one came and as the years went by you figured that Captain America was just someone you made up to make yourself feel better. So if Captain America was your imaginary rescuer that never came, why was he on the news?

You narrowed your eyes and stepped closer to look at him a bit better, your nose was practically touching the bright screen. The man was blond and strong, they showed a previous recoding of him where he was fighting on a bridge. Was Captain America the man you had to find?

There was only one way to find out, you took the shoes that Herby gave you and entered his crowded restaurant. Herby was making coffee, his back was facing you and while you felt bad to leave without saying goodbye to the man who rescued and protected you, you had to leave now. Herby would try to make you stay and you had to find Captain America.

You spent the day trying to find Captain America but you were so lost in this new version of Washington DC. You had memories of it but they were not yours, you looked at the cars and the devices that everyone had in their hands as if it were a requirement, some sort of electronic device that they couldn’t live without. You could feel the energy of all these tiny devices converge towards you. The electric energy started to run through your entire body, making your hands spark with a yellowish energy similar to Wanda’s red energy. But while hers looked like a foggy cloud of red, your powers threw sparks of electricity that seemed to increase as your agitation doubled. Soon it looked like your whole body was short-circuiting.

It was too much, you tried to calm yourself but you were too afraid and too lost to control your emotions. The yellowish wave of electricity escaped your control and hit the ground hard, creating a ditch in the asphalt. As the ground began to tremble, people started to hold on to whatever they could find. Another ditch formed on the asphalt as your worries increased, people screaming and falling around you made you feel more anxious than before. The lighting that escaped through your hands was breaking street lamps and throwing cars hard against the windows of the shops on the main street. When passers-by understood that you were the cause behind the earthquake, you had to run away. They looked at you with horror and apprehension but you were just as scared as they were.

You balled your nervous hands into hard fists to stop the lighting and started to run but a black car stopped in front of you. Your heart was beating so fast that you were afraid it might break. You tried to run away from the car, thinking that HYDRA had caught up with you but your shoes were too big and you couldn’t run well. Soon you were surrounded by men and women dressed in black, pointing guns at you. A black man with an eyepatch made a sign for them to lower their weapons and reluctantly they obeyed but kept an eye on you.

“Hold on!” The man with the eyepatch said. “Gotta come with us. It’s okay, we’re the good guys.”

“How can I tell? You’re pointing like ten guns at me.” You tried to calm the energy that came from your hands but anger only seemed to fuel it more.

“Am I? Look, I only got one arm.” Nick Fury said, looking down at his arm in the sling.

“Don’t play with my words.” You raised your hand to point at him but ended up throwing a wave of electricity in his direction. He dodged it and watched as it crashed against a car, flipping it on its side.

“Quite something.” He whistled with an appreciate nod. “No one is threatening you, everything is fine. You follow me and if you don’t like what you see I’ll let you go.”

“How do I know you won’t try to keep me against my will?”

“Looks like you can defend yourself if that ever happens.” He gestured at your hands with a small shrug.

After a couple of deep breath, you managed to calm yourself and followed Nicky Fury into a black van. You passed a building that was completely destroyed.

“Triskelion.” Nick said as you looked through the window. “What’s left of it anyway.” He sighed.

The car stopped in an area that looked sordid, Nick opened the door and you jumped out of the car with a suspicious look at the edifice that stood in front of you. It was isolated and lost in the middle of nowhere.

“It’s temporary. SHIELD’s down.” Fury said as he entered the edifice. “Some of us are still here to make sure nothing gets left behind.” A woman with brown hair stood in front of him and nodded. Fury looked at you and showed you a small room, a questioning room. You shook your head, it reminded you of that damn Pink room where they uploaded people inside your brain.

“You won’t make me go in there.”

Fury sighed and stepped closer to Maria Hill, until you couldn’t hear them. You stood on your guards, ready to run towards the exit if they tried anything. Maria was facing you, arms folded against her chest while Fury’s back faced you.

“You sure it’s her?” Fury asked Maria who nodded vehemently. “Cap leaves hospital today. Call him.” He sighed and turned around to face you while Maria looked for her phone. “Looks like all his _dead_ friends are coming back.”


	14. Life Doesn't Stop for Anybody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Reader are reunited but things are complicated. The Winter soldier trades violence in for nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s a wordy chapter… I’m spoiling CACW Prelude Infinite Comic in this one. So if you read the comics and haven’t read that one yet, I suggest you don’t read this chapter. We won’t see Bucky for a while after this chapter. Steve x Reader angst… sorry it’s not exactly a happy reunion but it will evolve. Y/n= Your name Y/l/n= Your Last Name ;)

 

**_4th April 2014 Ideal Federal Bank_ **

“I don’t know what you’re getting all panicky about. You know as well as I do that if you cut off one head, two more-” One of the only two remaining scientists in the torture room said before the other cut him off.

“All I know is everything has gone to hell. I’m done with all of this. Gonna pack this gear up and get the hell out of the country before any of the authorities digging into this mess find out what we’ve been doing here. Last thing I want is to be the focus of the next Nuremberg-”

The second scientist was also cut off but this time it was the sight of the Winter soldier that made him stop talking. He looked at the large shadow of the man treading towards them.

“It’s… it’s you.” The first scientist stammered.

“Mission report.” The second one said before the assassin stepped closer. “M…m…mission report.” He repeated, his voice was shaking.

“It’s done. Captain America is dead.”

The two scientists sighed in relief before the assassin punched one in the face and grabbed the other one by the throat. The Winter soldier started to remember and he didn’t like what he saw each time he closed his eyes. They made him hurt and kill people. They took his identity and changed him into some kind of killing machine. This would end now.

“I beg you. I have a daughter.” One of the scientist said after the Winter soldier repeatedly hit him.

The Winter soldier stopped and looked at the scientist.

“I don’t need more blood on my hands.” He said as he knocked the scientist unconscious.

**_6th April 2014 Nick Fury Secret Base_ **

_Cap, we got a situation. You know where we are, hurry._

Steve listened to Maria Hills’ message and pinched the bridge of his nose while Sam drove the car. He refused to fight against the Winter soldier. He looked at his best friend, tried to snap him back but the Winter solider had a mission to finish. Some part of him knew that he shouldn’t fight the man on the bridge but it was what his superiors ordered. That small part of him won for a short moment, he took Steve out of the water and left him on the riverbank. The Winter soldier was on his own, no more bosses, no more brainwash. He was on his own mission, he had to find who he really was. Sam and Steve entered the secret base and glanced at the former SHIELD agents.

“Took us a while but she agreed to go in there.” Nick Fury said with a nod towards the interrogation room. The door was closed and Steve couldn’t see who was inside the room.

“She?” Sam’s eyes narrowed as they entered the room that connected the interrogation room.

Natasha was standing in front of the one way mirror. When she heard Sam’s voice, she turned around and let Steve see who was sitting in the interrogation room.

“Y/n!” He crossed the room in two long steps and pressed his palms against the mirror, forgetting for a second that you couldn’t see him. He looked at you, mouth slightly open and tried to understand what was happening but his brain was dazed. “Is it really her?”

“We took her prints, compared it with the ones from her army file. It’s her.” She stood next to Steve and observed you. “Recognised her right away, she hasn’t changed at all.”

Steve turned around and hurriedly made his way out of the room before he was stopped by Fury.

“Where d’ya think you’re going, Cap?” Fury put a hand against Steve’s chest while Steve tried to leave the room. “Stay here, I’m gonna lead the interrogation.” Fury turned around to leave and looked at Maria. “Make sure he stays still. Shot him if you must.” Maria replied with a small smirk.

Seconds later Fury entered your room, you turned your head to look at him while he moved to sit in front of you. He took a deep breath and ran his fingers on the table.

“What’s your name?”

“You said you wanted to show me something.” You replied with annoyance. He pressed his lips together and held out a hand, wordlessly demanding that you answer the question. “Y/n, I think. I don’t know my last name.” You replied truthfully.

“I’m Nick Fu-”

“Nick Fury, director of SHIELD. Former spy during the Cold War. Born in 1951. I know.” Fury cringe as his only eye opened wide.

“You seem to know a lot about me. Mind if I ask you how you know all that?” He sat back in his chair and drummed his fingers on the table.

“I just know.” You said and used your pointer finger to tap your temple. “It’s in there.”

“You gave us quite a little show back there. Are you a mutant?”

“More like a bad experimentation.” You snorted.

“What is he talking about?” Steve asked Maria as he watched the questioning.

“She… She destroyed the 5th avenue earlier today.”

“The earthquake?” Natasha asked, looking at Maria then back at you.

“Not an ordinary earthquake. It was her.” Maria pointed at you and they all returned their attention to the interrogation.

Fury used two fingers to slide a file across the table and tapped on it.

“We know a bit about you too, Y/n Y/l/n.” You raised your head at the mention of your last name and opened the file. There was a picture of you, an old photo from the 1940s and all required administration information. You skimmed through the file before you pushed it away from you.

“You know more about me than I do.” You shrugged.

“Friends, family?” You shrugged again and Fury turned to look at his reflection in the one way mirror. He knew Steve was watching the whole thing. “Does the name Steven Grant Rogers ring a bell?”

“Steve?” You asked eyes closed as you tried to browse through the many memories to find the one you desperately needed. “Steve is the second most important name.” You remembered writing three names on the floor of your cell. Fury looked at you without understanding.

“Who’s the first?”

“Y/n. I mean, me.” You looked around you, feeling a bit out of place. “Steve and then Bucky.”

When he heard you mention his name and Bucky’s, Steve hammered his fist on the glass window that threatened to crack under the violent crash of his fist. Maria was about to tell him to calm down when Fury said “Let _him_ in.”

Steve stormed out of the room and entered the interrogation room. You cringed at the sight of the hurried man who suddenly opened the door. He looked at you like he was about to break into tears and stood still on the threshold.

“Who is he?” You asked Fury.

“Steve.” Fury stood up and made his way to the door, he pressed his only available hand on Steve’s shoulder. “Don’t push her too far.” He whispered as he closed the door, leaving you alone with Steve.

Steve took a step forward, then another and sat on the chair left vacant by Nick Fury. Both his hands were resting flat on the table, he tried to reach out to you but you removed your hands from the table and placed them under your knees.

“It’s you. Y/n… How-? I thought-” He stammered and it made you smile, somehow it felt familiar. “Do you remember me?”

“Vaguely.” You admitted, now you understood that the blond man you remembered and Steve where the same person. “You used to be skinny, right?” He cast his eyes down and smirked a bit before he nodded.

“Who is she?” Sam asked as he looked at what seemed like a private conversation.

“His girlfriend.” Natasha answered before Maria.

“What happened to you? Where were you?” Steve asked with a fixed look. He wanted answers but you were too confused to reply. “Was it HYDRA? Did you escape? What’s going on?”

He kept asking questions and your head was starting to hurt. You wanted him to shut up, to leave you alone. Millions of different memories and voices pounded your head and you wanted to scream. You put your elbows on the table and held your head in your hands while Steve continued to ask questions. He saw that something was wrong and he believed that he was doing the right thing but the pain was overpowering.

“STOP!” You shouted and raised your hands, palms facing Steve.

The next thing you knew, a wave of yellowish energy gathered in your palms and gave off in the room, crashing against Steve and throwing him against the one way window. The window broke into a million pieces and Steve’s confused body fell on the shards while a group of people observed you with round eyes. 

You put your hands under your armpits to make sure you wouldn’t hurt anyone else and started to rock back and forth in your chair, mumbling apologies. Steve slowly stood up, making sure not to cut himself with the broken pieces.

“Told you to go easy on her.” Fury said as he stepped over the broken window.

You were exhausted and dropped your head on the table in front of you. Your eyes closed themselves, you tried to fight the feeling but it was too unfamiliar and you simply feel asleep. Steve looked at you, concern and worry marked his face. First Bucky came back, acting as a brainwashed murderer for HYDRA and now you were back too.

“She can’t stay here. The base will be closed soon. HYDRA is gone, SHIELD too. The Avengers are the only one left.”

“I’ll take care of her.” Steve said as he moved to the table where you were sleeping.

“We.” Sam corrected as he took a step forward. Steve looked at Natasha who nodded.

“That settles it. No one say a word. If someone asks, nothing happened.”

“Dozens of people saw her creating an earthquake.” Maria remarked.

“Can’t prove it, though.” Sam smirked.

“Reasonable doubt. She’ll be hunted down by the government and what’s left of HYDRA.” Maria continued.

Natasha snapped her fingers.

“Um, sorry speaking of government, I have a hearing to go to. I won’t mention her and I’ll get us out of this mess.” She said as she moved towards the door. “Like I always do.” She added with a smirk before she left.

“We’ll wait for them.” Steve said as he carried you out of the room.

“We’ll be ready.” Sam finished, following Steve.

**_11th April 2014 Smithsonian Museum_ **

The former assassin entered the exhibition dedicated to Captain America, the man he saved from drowning in the Potomac River. It wasn’t hard to find information on Captain America, he was immensely popular and his picture was plastered everywhere around town.

He looked at his picture without being able to recognise himself. James Buchanan Barnes also known as Bucky Barnes was Captain America’s best friend since childhood. He stared at the picture of James Barnes who seemed to stare back at him. It was like they were two different people, he was no longer the Winter soldier but he wasn’t Bucky Barnes yet. He was a ghost, one of the many ghosts that haunted him day and night.

*

Later he jumped into a train outside New York and stayed hidden. He fell asleep that night and started to dream, a woman begged him not to kill her. She said he didn’t have to do this, she was wrong. He was robbed of his free will a long time ago, all he could do was obey. He rose his gun and shot her in the head. Bucky woke up screaming, perspiration and tears mingled on his cheeks as he sat on the dirty floor of the wagon. He ran his hands through his hair and focused on his memories instead of trying to breathe normally. In a breathless gap, he decided that he would not go back to sleep and instead, he wrote down everything he could remember.

Some days later he arrived in Romania. He didn’t want to look for answers, it would only led to trouble. Still, he was prepared and if anything happened, he was ready to fight. He kept having nightmares, no matter how hard he tried to leave his past behind him, the nightmares always made sure he’d remember the people he killed.

**_April 15th 2014 Sam Wilson’s house_ **

Steve entered the kitchen and said your name. When he didn’t hear an answer, he moved to the living room and said your name again, a bit louder this time. After his third round of the house, he was screaming your name at the top of his lungs.

“Down here.” Your voice came from the basement.

With a relieved sighed, he went downstairs and saw you sitting on the floor surrounded by things that Sam didn’t want anymore but didn’t have the heart to throw away.

“You know that Sam gave you his room, right?” He asked as he approached you.

“He’s nice enough to let us live here for a while, I’m not going to violate his personal space.” You replied as you read the newspaper. “It’s too bright upstairs, anyway.” You shrugged. After decades in the dark, you were still not comfortable in broad day light.

Steve apartment was owned by SHIELD and currently it was in a catastrophic state. Steve wanted to find a new place, one that wasn’t bugged and you needed a place to hide so Sam nicely offered his help. The three of you were a bit packed together in a small house but so far everything went well.

“You know,” Steve said tentatively as he walked closer. “You still haven’t talked about-”

“Not now.” You waved him off without looking at him. “Oh! Get away from me!” You shrieked when you noticed how close he was.

“Y/n, I just wanna help you.”

“Then get away from me.” You stared daggers at him and returned your attention to the newspaper while Steve held his hands in surrender. He sat on an old wooden box while you finished reading the newspaper. To be honest, the newspaper was three days old and you knew it by heart but you still tried to see if something escaped your eyes. “What are you still doing here?” You sighed, not looking up from your newspaper.

“I’m not touching you. We’re simply in the same room.” He said with a roll of his eyes. “What? We can’t even be in the same room now?” His frustration changed into anger and gave you goosebumps. He wanted to help you but you would not let him come near you.

“You know what might happen if-”

“I trust you, you won’t hurt me, Y/n.” His voice was more gentle and pleading. He was helpless and he really didn’t like that feeling.

“I already hurt you, Steve.” You quickly looked at the cut on his collarbone that was the result of the broken shards of the one way mirror. “I can’t even trust myself, Steve. I barely remember you. You should go upstairs.”

“ _Honey-s_ , I’m home!” Sam shouted as he closed the front door. “I have today’s paper.” He made the last syllable last longer, knowing that the prospect of reading the newspaper would make you come out of your hiding spot.

Steve was already half way up the stairs. He took the newspaper from Sam’s hand and sat at the kitchen table. Sam stood near the fridge while he gulped down what seemed like a litre of orange juice. You slowly entered the kitchen, the shutters filtered the bright sun beams. You sat at the opposite end of the kitchen table and waited for the newspaper. After a while, you drummed your hands on the table to express your annoyance.

“I can read too.” Steve said, waving his pointer finger while he read an article. You sighed dramatically and rested your arms on the table. “You want it? Come and get it.” Steve held out his arms to persuade you to take the newspaper and thus come closer to him. You took a deep breath and sat back in your chair, arms folded against your chest as you shook your head.

The sight of Steve Rogers made you want to punch him in the face. You knew it was not your feeling but most likely the feeling of one of the many HYDRA sympathisers who were uploaded into your brain. Yet you couldn’t tell your _boyfriend_ that you were a monster created by HYDRA. He already knew about your powers and you felt that it was already too much.

Steve kept asking questions, he wanted to know, to help but you refused to spend time with him. You knew it wasn’t fair but it was better than the alternative which was to electrocute him to death. You kept trying to remember Steve Rogers, the man you – apparently- used to live with. To some extent, Steve seemed vexed that you remembered Bucky better. Bucky’s face was familiar, like a lighthouse in the storm. Everytime you thought you were going to lose your mind, you looked at the long haired frozen soldier and remembered that you had something to fight for. Zola told you that Steve was dead, he threw the newspaper on the floor and watched you break into tears.

“So? Any mention of our ghost?” Sam stretched his arms above his head. He just came back from his morning run.

“Nothing.” Steve closed the newspaper with a defeated sigh.

“I guess no news is better than bad news.”

“Um… There’s still some bad news. Herby Leeny, he’s dead. Remember him, Y/n? He was the kid from Coney Island.” Steve looked at you with a small smile.

“The one who sang and danced.” You said in a whisper, holding back the tears. You moved to sit on the edge of your seat. “How did he-”

“He got shot. Probably someone who tried to rob him.” Steve found the article again and turned the newspaper for you.

“I saw him.” You traced the contour of the old man’s face on the photo, remembering the man who protected you when you escaped HYDRA. “He helped me when I escaped. He kept me safe, fed me and gave me his shoes.” You pointed at the old pair of shoes that you left in front of the door. You placed your hand over your mouth to silence a sob.

“That can’t be a coincidence.” Sam abandoned the food on the counter and took the newspaper. “She escapes and ten days later that guy gets killed?” Sam shook his head. “Your buddy’s still on the run. That could be him.”

“No, the Winter soldier helped me escape. He couldn’t have killed him.”

“Y/n, as much as I hate to admit it, it’s still a possibi-”

“NO!” You cut Steve off and slammed your hands on the table. You were furious and you could feel the electricity boil in your veins and judging by the look on their faces, they could see it too. “Let’s go.” You moved fast to take the jacket that Sam gave you.

“Where are we going?” Sam asked with a frown. In the few days that you stayed at Sam’s house, you always refused to go out, too dangerous, too bright, too crowded… too scared.

“HYDRA’s secret base.” You said and the two Avengers looked intrigued. “I’m not going to let Herby’s death stay unpunished. So, we’re going or what?”


	15. It Takes Three to Tango

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Herby Leeny gets murdered by HYDRA, Reader wants answers but she’s not the only one who needs answers. Steve tries to help you by visiting an old friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I re-read it, I realised that this chapter sounds like a Scooby Doo AU… (Which sounds great tbh) Starring Reader as Daphne, Steve as Fred and Sam as Velma! Things may seem to go super slowly but I’m soon going to catch up with Civil War and I don’t want to spoil it so I have to wait... Sorry about that :/ Other than that let’s have some fluffy/angsty Steve x Reader.

 

You gave Steve the directions to Herby Leeny’s restaurant and he parked on the opposite side of the street. The three of you left the car, shutting the doors in a synchronised motion. Sam rested his forearms on the roof of the car as he observed the restaurant. Police ‘do not cross’ yellow tape were still warning eventual trespassers to stay away from the crime scene. You stood on your tip toes to look over the top of the car while Steve looked at the restaurant then back at you.

“It shouldn’t be far. I couldn’t run fast with my bare feet.” You said, looking around you to see if the place felt familiar.

The truth was that when you escaped you were in a hurry and the pounding of your heart against your chest was basically the only thing you remembered.

“Left or right?” Sam asked as he took his phone out of his pocket. He pressed a few buttons and a map of the area appeared on the small screen.

“Left.” You closed your eyes and tried to remember.

“Okay so it must be a big building, right? I have…” Sam moved his finger on the screen, browsing the map. “Nothing.” He frowned and continued his search. Steve walked around to the passenger side door to stay close to him but you took a step back. “Okay I lied I have three buildings that could correspond to what we’re looking for. A warehouse, a bank and an animal shelter.”

“Let’s split up.” Steve said before he met Sam’s eyes.

“Dude, that’s like the first thing the only survivor of a horror movie says before his friends are all murdered one by one. Feel like I might be the first on the list.”

“Okay, together then. Which one first?”

“The closest.” You answered before they could say something.

“Off to the bank.” Sam said after he looked at his screen.

You followed Sam’s directions and in less than five minutes you were standing in front of an old building. The building looked fancy but it was clear that it had been abandoned years ago.

“Seems familiar?” Steve asked as he tried to look inside the building.

“A bit.” You answered, trying to fight the lump that started to form in your throat. You remembered the golden doorknob, you were on the right track.

Inside, everything was old, dusty and left untouched until you entered the safe deposit room. Broken machines and half torn papers filled the room. A leather chair stood in the middle of the safe deposit room, wires were still connected to the chair but the torture equipment was no longer in the room.

“What the fuck?” Sam looked around the room with an appalled look on his face. “Good news is, we won’t have to search the other two other buildings.” He snorted cynically.

“They took most of the equipment.” You said as you looked around the room.

The bank was a temporary hiding place, you often moved and it didn’t surprise you to find it practically empty. Steve kept telling you that HYDRA was gone once and for all but since the room was practically empty, you had no doubt that HYDRA had sympathisers hidden everywhere. It would never end.

Being in this room with the two Avengers made you realised how lucky you were to be alive. You felt a sudden wave of guilt for being so distant with Steve since you came back. Perhaps one of the people uploaded inside your brain tried to make you understand that he was reliable, that everything would be okay.

Sam was squatted near a broken drawer, looking at some papers left by the scientists while you slowly moved towards Steve who was standing in the middle of the room, hands on his hips as he looked at the mess. When you wrapped your arms around his small waist, he gasped quietly before he turned around and hugged you. He was holding you so closely against his chest that it started to be painful.

“Don’t push me away.” He said quietly as he carded his fingers through your hair.

“I don’t want to.” You replied, face buried against his chest. “I have too much thoughts, I can’t control anything. I might even hurt you. _Again_.”

“Hurt me, do your worst. I’ll be nothing compared to what I’ll do to the men who kept you here.” He kissed the top of your head and took a deep breath, smiling as he breathed your scent. He closed his eyes, appreciating the familiar perfume that irradiated from your skin. “I’ve missed you.” He hummed.

“Guys, there’s blood over here.” Sam stood up and pointed at a few drops of blood on the white lino.

Steve released you and stepped closer, he squatted to look at the blood and turned to look at you.

“Two guys were found here, beat up pretty bad but still breathing.” A raspy yet seductive voice came from the other side of the room.

You all turned around at the speed of light and instinctively you ducked down while the two Avengers took a step forward, ready to fight.

“Natasha?” Steve said once the shadowy figure emerged from the dark.

“It’s fun to see that I can still surprise you.” She smirked as she crossed the room.

“How the hell did you find us?”

“Wasn’t looking for you.” She shrugged. “The Winter soldier was here and he was the one who beat up the two guys who were found here. He let them live, guess he’s getting reckless.”

“Or he’s Bucky again.” You tightened your grip around Steve’s strong arm. He turned his head to look at you and nodded.

“There’s still hope.”

Sam and Natasha looked around the place to find something interesting while you tried to find the room where you met Pietro and Wanda. Steve tried to follow you but you were too fast. He ended up in your cell, looking at the shutdown computer and the wires that hanged loosely on the floor. You found him quite easily and stood on the threshold, unable to enter the room.

“Steve?” You held the frame of the door. He turned and gave you a comforting smile. “Can you do something for me?” He nodded fervently, ready to do _absolutely_ _anything_. “Break it.” You pointed at the computer and the anger in your voice made Steve’s jaw clench. He turned and balled his right hand, ready to punch the computer and break the screen.

“No!” Natasha screamed as she entered the cell, bumping into you while she tried to stop Steve.

“It’s what she wants!” Natasha wrapped her hand around Steve’s arm while he tried to move away from her.

“We can use it. It’s important!” She looked at you, silently pleading to talk Steve out of it and after you took a deep breath you nodded.

“It’s okay, Steve. Let her have it.” You turned on the balls of your feet to leave the room. It was too much for you, you had to get out of there.

Steve promptly followed you, giving Natasha a glance before he screamed your name. You didn’t turn around and walked past Sam who was looking at some files. He raised his head in a confused expression as he saw you leave the bank, Steve running after you. Outside, a diffused orange spark glowed from behind the clouds and the suddenly cold breeze made you cross your arms over your chest.

“Y/n!” Steve pushed the door and saw you standing on the pavement. “Y/n, don’t run away.”

“I’m not running away, Steve. I just needed some air.” You turned around and looked at him sternly. “But I won’t let your friends experiment on me.”

“It’s just a computer, Y/-”

“Ah!” You snorted. “No it’s not!” You rolled up your sleeves, revealing the fading marks that the shackles and the wires made on your skin after all these decades.

“Y/n, you have to tell me what happened. I can help you, Natasha can help you too but you have to let us in. Talk to us.” You looked at him and stood completely still. He sighed, something that sounded more like an exasperated moan. “Follow me.”

“Where are we going?” You asked as he returned to the car, leaving Natasha and Sam in the abandoned bank. He nodded for you to join him and reluctantly you followed.

It was dark when Steve stopped the car in front of an old building. You couldn’t see well, you tried to narrow your eyes but you were still clueless. Steve gave you a gentle smile before he opened your door. You followed him inside the building, a couple of old people were sitting at a table, playing cards. Steve knew where he was going so you blindly followed him. You followed him into a room where an old woman was sleeping. You looked at Steve without understanding and he gestured for you to approach the old woman.

“Who is she?” You asked, keeping a safe distance between you and the old woman. At this moment you noticed the photos on her night table. “Peggy?” You searched your mind. You turned to look at Steve who was looking at his old friend with a sad pout. “She’s so old.” Your voice broke when you looked at her hands.

 “Y/n!” The old woman woke up and shot you an incredulous look. She blinked a couple of times, trying to figure out if she was awake or still sleeping. “It’s you! You’re back!”

You looked at her then back at Steve who was standing at the foot of her bed. He smiled at you, his chin was trembling as he tried to keep the tears from falling. The old Peggy Carter placed her hand on top of yours and you gasped, worried that you might have jolted the old woman. You looked at you intertwined fingers and stood still, focusing on keeping the energy inside your body. Peggy laughed, the kind of laugh that brought back fond memories and you relaxed a bit, smiling at your friend.

“I’m back.” You smiled at the old woman who looked at you as if you were a mirage. She wheezed a bit and tried to sit straight on her bed.

“I found your necklace. It’s in a box.” She looked at her night table before Steve took a step forward and put a hand on her shoulder to keep her still.

“You gave it to me, remember?” He adjusted the pillows behind her head.

“Steve! You’re alive!” Peggy started to cry when she noticed him. You looked at Steve who looked back at you with a sad smile. A nurse entered the room and startled the both of you.

“It’s late. She’s tired. You should come back another time.” The nurse tried to calm the ecstatic Peggy who looked at you and Steve with round eyes and a big smile.

She was panting hard so you gently eased her breathing, the circular patterns felt familiar as if you did that a hundred times. You moved Peggy to let her breath correctly, your movements were sure and controlled even though you had no idea what you were doing. The nurse looked at you and smiled. “Are you a nurse?”

You looked at Steve and then down at the duvet while the nurse moved the pillow behind Peggy’s head. You could tell that Steve was eagerly waiting for your answer, he wanted to know how much you remembered.

“Something like that.” You shrugged and removed your hand from Peggy’s small wrinkled hand.

You left Peggy’s room, your legs couldn’t hold you anymore. In the corridor you found a chair and sat on it, your legs were shaking and Steve squatted in front of you.

“I don’t understand how that was supposed to help me?” You put a hand over your chest, your lips trembling as you tried to forget that all your friends were either dead, in their late nineties or brainwashed. He pressed his hands on your knees, tracing patterns absent-mindedly.

“Let’s go.” He said in a soothing voice as he helped you to your feet.

You were crying silently, hands covering your face and he wrapped his arms around you. His heart sank as he buried his face in your hair, your natural scent was bringing him back to a time where everything was so much better. You pulled away, feeling too tired and too weak to control your emotions and the last thing you wanted was to hurt Steve with your powers.

“Y/n…” He extended a hand, asking you to come back into his arms. You crossed your arms, hands securely trapped under your armpits as you shook your head.

“That’s enough touching for one day.” You sniffed noisily and moved your head when he tried to cup your face to smear the tears with his thumbs. He stepped back, hands in the air as he surrendered.

When you were back at Sam’s house, the sky was completely dark. Steve opened the door, moonlight bathed the room in soft light while Sam was playing with his cup of coffee. He sighed when you entered the room.

“You two realise that we have phones now, right?” He threw his own phone on the table to emphasise his point. Steve took the device from his jean’s pocket and looked at the missing calls from Sam. “You both vanished, _with the car_ , and you couldn’t answer your goddamn phone.”

“I’m sorry, Sam.” You took a step forward and tried hard not to giggle but he saw the smirk on your face.

“Something funny, wanna share?”

“You sound like an angry parent.” You heard Steve burst out of laughing behind you as you spoke.

“Maybe if you two behaved like the adults you are, I wouldn’t have spent my evening waiting for you.”

“Sorry, Sam.” Steve laughed. Sam looked at the both of you, laughing in the middle of his living room and pursed his lips, nodding slightly as he sighed.

“So, things are good between you two?” He asked, his index making back and forth motions between you and Steve. You both stopped giggling at the same time. “Guess not. Okay, enough.” He held out his arms and pointed at two chairs. “Sit.”

“Sam, it’s late. I’m sure Y/n would like to-” He stopped when he saw that you were already sitting next to Sam. “Fine, let’s do this tonight. You sure?” He looked at you.

“I’m not made of glass, Steve.”

You stayed quiet for a little while, thinking about how you were going to explain something that you were still trying to process. The two Avengers stayed quiet, patiently waiting for you to talk. Steve stood up to make coffee while Sam watched you chew on your lips.

“Y/n? You okay?” He frowned. You nodded and took a deep breath.

“The last thing I really remember was rescuing Bucky. I fell in the snow and I woke up in a room. Bucky was there and…” You searched your mind but couldn’t focus well. Steve came back with the coffee pot and sat on his chair. “He was screaming.” You were looking in Steve’s direction but your gaze was lost. “I couldn’t move my hands, he was screaming.” Tears fell down your cheeks but you managed to keep a straight voice.

“Y/n…”

“That computer you found.” You cut Steve off. “It never left me. I was connected to that thing for nearly seventy years, it kept me… young. We moved a lot, Germany, Sokovia, United States, Moscow, Siberia, to name a few.”

Sam stood up and took a piece of paper to take notes.

“Zola,” You watched Steve’s jaw clench as you mention the mad scientist. “He experimented on us. Gave Bucky a metal arm. We were beat up, brainwashed, humiliated.” You paused to calm your agitated nerves. “For some reason, they couldn’t brainwash me. Perhaps it was thanks to the computer, I don’t know but I remembered everything. Zola told me you were dead, he even had a newspaper about it. After a while I forgot about you, about Bucky, about everything, even myself.”

The two men looked at you, lips parted as they listen dutifully.          

“They have this room, they call the Pink room.” You put your elbows on the table and closed your eyes, not to focus but to avoid Steve’s sorry glance. “They uploaded people… inside my mind. I lost count after the first dozen.”

“You have people inside your brain?” Sam repeated dumbfounded and you nodded. “What kind of people?” You shrugged.

“HYDRA big names, prisoners of war, people who posed a threat to the organisation. _Anyone_.”

“And the Winter soldier?” Sam continued.

“He was frozen most of the time. When he wasn’t, they tortured him, made him kill people. One time he managed to escape. I thought he would never come back but they found him again and sent him to Siberia. After that,” You took a deep breath and opened your eyes to look at Steve. “Bucky was gone. _Completely_.”

The living room remained quiet for a long time, the only noise was the hooting of the howls. Steve stood up and loosely gestured for you to follow him, knowing that you’d refuse to take his hand.

“C’mon, it’s plenty information of one night. Let’s hit the sack.”

“One move thing,” Sam raised his finger as you joined Steve. “How did you end up with powers?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” You answered simply, but deep inside the memories of how you powers first appeared made you feel nauseous.

You took the stairs and returned to the basement where you felt more comfortable, leaving a disheartened Steve in the living room. Sam fell back in his seat with a deep sigh and looked at Steve.

“Natasha had an idea.” Sam titled his head and Steve looked at him, intrigued. “You’re not going to like it, neither will she.” He nodded towards the basement door.


	16. Blessing in Disguise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve brings Reader to the Stark Tower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve x Reader angst and fluff basically.

 

You woke up early and heard people moving upstairs. You rubbed the sleep away from your eyes and when someone shut the door, you went upstairs.

“Wanna drink something?” Steve startled you. You turned and saw him sipping on his coffee, the newspaper opened in front of him. You nodded and he poured coffee into a mug that he put near him. “You were right. Herby Leeny, the man who rescued you, he was murdered by some HYDRA agents.” He pointed at the photo on the newspaper as you approached him.

You took the cup in your hands and sat next to him.

“I’m sorry, Steve. I act so… weirdly.”

“I understand, it’s alright. When I woke up in this new world, I was alone but I was myself.” He was about to put his hand on top of yours but stopped mid-gesture and pressed his lips together into a thin line. “I’m here, I’ll wait.”

“Will you? Wait for me, I mean.” You put an elbow on the table and rested your cheek in the palm of your hand. “You’ve seen anyone while I was… gone?”

Steve fidgeted in his seat, wordlessly answering your question. You let out a small sad laugh and looked at the ebony table.

“Nothing serious.” He said quickly. “I kissed someone.” Technically, it was more than just one person but Natasha didn’t count, it was a ‘ _work’_ thing.

“It’s okay. I think I kissed someone too.”

“Who?” He asked with a frown, his heart skipped a beat.

“I don’t remember.” You replied genuinely, you were not even sure if it was an actual memory or simply someone else’s memory.

“I mean it.” He put his hand on top of yours, tightening his grip when you tried to pull away. “I’ll wait for you. You can push me away, it doesn’t matter.”

“Why do you even want me? I’m hardly the person I used to be, hell, I don’t even remember who I used to be. I’m a monster, so many people died because of me. You should lock me somewhere I can’t hurt anyone and toss the key.” You spoke fast, pinching the bridge of your nose.

“Y/-”

“Don’t bother.” You stood up, knowing he would try to cheer you up, to tell you that it wasn’t your fault but you knew what you were, what HYDRA made you. You sat on Sam’s sofa and Steve left the room. You were sitting with your knees to your chest, head pressed against the soft material of the sofa when Steve sat in front of you on the arm of the sofa.

“You know what this is?” He intertwined his fingers with the golden chain of the locket that you lost decades ago in the Alps. You shook your head, not remembering what it was. “I gave you this when you moved in with me. We took pictures outside and I got beat up in an alley. You pulled me out of it, threw a rock at the guy who was kicking me. That’s when I knew that you were _my_ girl.” He looked down at the locket and opened it to reveal the old-fashioned photos of you and Bucky and you and a much skinnier Steve.

“It’s how I remember you.” You pointed at the picture of him and smiled. “I want to remember us and everything we had, I really do but it won’t happen overnight.”

“It can if you follow me.” He smiled weakly, he was repeating what Sam told him the night before after you went to bed.

Natasha found a way to help you, but she was also pretty sure that it was something you’d refuse to do. She talked about it with Sam and he frowned at her miracle solution. Still, if there was something that could work, Steve wanted to try it or at least let you decide if you should do it.

Steve stood up and took his jacket while you sat on the edge of the sofa. You looked at him, his back was facing you while he adjusted the jacket. Steve had kissed another woman and you wondered if it really meant nothing. Some part of you was extremely upset about it but after everything that happened you couldn’t really say anything.

“Can I-Can I keep it?” You stammered and Steve looked at you with a frown until he saw that you were pointing at the locket. An excited glimmer brightened his blue eyes as he placed the locket in your hand. “Do you mind…?” You opened the clasp and he shook his head.

You turned on the sofa and handed him the locket. He sat behind you and gathered your hair to one side before he gingerly placed the necklace around your neck. He swallowed noisily when he breathed your scent, the butterflies in his belly went crazy. You took the locket between two fingers and let your thumb follow the blue stone and the pattern of the engraved daisy.

The clasp was fastened but Steve kept holding your shoulders, you felt his lips grazing your neck. You shivered at the sensation and he pulled away. You couldn’t help but whine a bit when his lips left your neck and while it was barely audible, Steve heard it. He pressed his lips to your neck and you tilted your head to look at him. He looked at you with worried eyes but you smiled and pressed your lips against his.

It was not a passionate kiss. It wasn’t even sweet, but somehow it was the most intimate gesture you had ever felt. You allowed him near you, you dared to touch him. It was you being brave and Steve understood that. He let you control the moment, his hands rested on his knees while you moved your lips against his, just enough to feel him. You felt so powerful, being in total control of your movements and your emotions. Your breathing was slow and steady, your heart was beating fast and you loved that feeling. You felt the butterflies in your belly starting to come to life. You pulled away with a smile and looked at him, he opened his eyes and smirked.

“I never felt better.” You admitted.

You agreed to follow Steve, he said that he knew people who could help you and you decided to trust him. It wasn’t an easy decision but you were sure that Steve wanted the best for you. You were in the car, playing with the locket and started to daydream. That small gesture brought back memories: you, standing in front of a group of soldiers, twisting the chain of the locket around your fingers while you looked at them nervously. Steve gave you a reassuring smile and you felt better. You, twisting the chain while a skinnier Steve talked with Bucky. They were eating a pizza, laughing heartily but your eyes were locked on the cuts on Steve’s face. You snapped back to reality and looked at Steve who was focused on the road.

“It was your mother’s.” When he cocked a brow, you showed him the locket. He nodded and gave you a bright smile that stayed on his lips for a long time.

He parked in front of a gigantic tower, you stepped out of the car and twisted your neck to look at it. A big blue ‘A’ was standing proudly at the top of the tower. Steve led you inside where Natasha greeted you.

“We already saw each other but it’s nice to make things official.” She said once you reached the top floor of the tower. You were looking around, amaze by the size of the tower and its incredible view of Manhattan. You were facing the bay window, leaving Steve and Natasha in the middle of the room.

“I’ll gave you some time to talk. It’s better if it comes from you.” She gave him a comforting pat on the shoulder.

Steve nodded, he wasn’t sure about it but Natasha promised that they would not hurt you. He hardly understood when she explained how Bruce could take away the memories of the people trapped inside your brain. Most of all, he wasn’t sure about your reaction. He cleared his throat and called your name which made you turn around. You joined him on the red leather sofa.

“Y/n, Natasha thinks that Bruce can help you get rid of the memories that cram your brain. If there’s someone who can extract these memories, I have no doubt that he’s the man.” He tried to take your hand but you moved them out of his reach.

“Why do I feel like there’s a ‘but’ coming up?” You sighed.

“It’s… experimental, to say the least. He has never done anything like that before and…”

“And he’s going to have to use the computer that was in my cell.” You finished for him and he nodded. You stayed quiet for a while, looking at your hands while Steve waited patiently for your answer. “I’m not going to do that.” You finally said.

“What?” He looked at you like he misheard your words. “I know it’s a lot to take but he can help you return to the person you used to be.”

“I heard you, but I refuse.” You replied matter-of-factly, ending the discussion.

“Why?” There was a tint of irritation in his voice. “All I want to do is help you but you keep pushing me away.” He couldn’t hide his anger now, it ricocheted through the walls and hit you right in the heart.

“You think that if they take the memories away, I’ll be the person you used to love. I won’t be, you can’t erase the pain, the fear or _that_.” You held your hands in front of his face, the palms of your hands slightly glowed with yellowish energy before it faded.

“All I know is that you’re not yourself right now. Damn it, Y/n, two days ago you punched me in the face because I threw away the newspaper.”

“I was angry.” You replied sternly and shifted in your seat.

“I got it, but you can be angry and keep your fist away from my nose.”

“I know, Steve. I already apologised, three times. It was like-”

“Like it wasn’t really you.” He cut you off and you shrugged.

“Sometimes, I feel like someone else is taking control.” You knew that your hostility towards Steve was the result of the HYDRA agents that were uploaded into your mind. Their hatred for the super soldier was beyond anything you could imagine. The others were allies, good people who defended their countries and protected their loved ones.

“Talk to me.” Steve bent down to look at you in the eye. “What aren’t you telling me? Why do you want to let them control you?” He pleaded.

“I- Y-You’re going to think it’s stupid.” You looked at him and sighed. “If I let him take those people out of my mind, they’ll die and it will be my fault.” You sobbed, trying to stay strong while Steve’s face dropped.

“Y/n, these people… they’re already dead.” He placed his hand behind you neck and let his thumb stroke your flesh.

“I know.” You sobbed. “Steve, I’m scared.” You admitted, your body was shaking with fear and sobs. You were starting to lose control but you let Steve take you in his arms. From the look of pure mortification on his face, he needed this as much as you did. Unintentionally you electrocuted him, his body stiffened but he kept you close. “I’m sorry.” You used the back of your hand to wipe your tears.

“I’m stronger than you remember.” He smiled weakly and you chuckled.

“I’m ready.” You took a deep breath and clenched your fists.

You followed Steve in the lab and met Bruce Banner. You knew everything about Bruce, HYDRA had a large file on him. When you saw the machine and the wires something in you snapped, you yelled at Steve, threw his mother’s necklace at his face and called Bruce a monster. Some of the HYDRA agents were trying to take control, knowing what you were about to do.

Natasha was trying to calm you, her hand close to her weapon, just in case, but Bruce held out his hands and managed to calm you. You were focusing on good memories, trying to remain in total control of your body but it was painfully hard. Bruce told Steve to stand back, that it wasn’t really you. Steve nodded, unable to look at you as his fingers traced the side of the locket.

Scared, disoriented and completely overwhelmed, you sat on the chair and closed your eyes shut before Bruce connected you to the machine. The sight of you, screaming from the intense pain, made Steve weak at the knees. Natasha led him out of the room before he could either faint or pounce on you to set you free.

“You should wait outside.” She placed a hand on his chest to keep him still.

Your screams stopped and you stared into nothing, mouth slightly open while Bruce stood behind the computer. They let him work for a minute or two before they entered the room and asked how it was going.

“We’ll know when she’ll be unplugged.” Bruce adjusted his glasses on his nose and stared at the screen.

You couldn’t say a word or move, images rushed before your eyes as you watched the lives of the people stuck inside your head for the very last time. It took hours for Bruce to literally clear your mind. Steve was worried, he paced the room, making Natasha nervous. She never saw the super soldier that worried, she knew how much you meant to him. She realised that, against all odds, Steve had a weakness: _you_.

Bruce called them back, he just removed the wires from your arms. They all looked at you with nervous eyes, what if it didn’t work and made you even more unstable? Could Steve bear it? If you unleashed your powers on them in a fit of rage, how could they stop you? Or the Hulk, for that matter? The danger was real.

You blinked repeatedly, your senses were slowly coming back. You moved your head slightly, it felt less full. Suddenly you could see everything so much clearer, it was like a thousand fans blew away the fog that prevented you from seeing what was right in front of you. You saw Steve’s worried face and smiled at him, a genuine bright smile that made his heart swell. He threw his head back in a silent thank you to the universe –and Bruce- and took a deep breath.

“Steve!” You ran into his arms.

He kept you close, his hand cradled the back of your head as you buried your face into his chest. He breathed hard while you tightened your grip onto his shirt. Bruce and Natasha exchanged a relieved smile and nodded before they left the room. You opened your eyes to see the locket in Steve’s hand and pulled away.

“I’m sor-”

“If you say that you’re sorry, I’ll leave you here.” He said with a wink as he cupped your face. Without the feelings and memories of thousands of people cramming your brain, you felt more capable to control the flow of energy that ran through your veins.

“I’m pretty sure I heard that before.” You stood on your tiptoes and pecked his lips with feather kisses. He stilled your face and hungrily pressed his lips against yours, humming as he felt you respond immediately.

Everything was perfect, considering what you’ve been though. Steve put the necklace around your neck and kissed the exposed skin. You swore to take care of it and Steve hummed.

“I know, sweetheart.” He took the locket between two fingers and looked into your red, swollen eyes. “I don’t blame you.”

“You don’t know the whole story.” You avoided his eyes for a second before he used two fingers two raise your head.

“I know.” He sighed tiredly. “But it’s already much better. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be there for you.” His thumb stroked your cheekbone and you closed your eyes. It was a small gesture but it felt like heaven.


	17. Home is Where the Heart Is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Reader try to fix their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight angst before fluff and smut (yep!) hehe

 

The next day you were seeing Bruce again for a check-up. He was in his own lab, surrounded by his own scientific experimentations. You entered the room alone and knocked on the open door to let him know you were there. He turned around and looked at you with confused eyes before he remembered that he asked you to come.

“You’re alone?” He tilted his head to see if someone else was going to enter the room.

“Yep, came here by myself.” It was a big change, the day before you couldn’t leave the house and now you were walking around New York City on your own. You were still afraid that you’d lose control and hurt people but you tried to reason yourself and for the first time in forever, the only voice inside your head was your own. It gave you the strength to go on.

“Great improvement.” He smiled and gestured for you to sit down. “How do you feel?”

“Good.” You stated simply with a shrug.

You waited for a long time, listening to Bruce’s mumbles and little gasps while he examined you. After a while, he looked at you and smiled timidly as if he forgot that you were in the room. You smiled back, feeling a bit awkward, you had been thinking about how you could apologise to Bruce but nothing came to your mind so you just went with the basic:

“I’m sorry.” Bruce turned around and frowned. “I called you a monster and… I really shouldn’t have-”

“Oh, that.” Bruce looked down at the tool in his hands with a sheepish smile. “It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not. You’re a great man and you’ve done so much for me.”

“I like a challenge.” He raised his head and smirked as he returned to his desk. “I know it wasn’t really you. I’ve seen it on the screen, all the people and lives that were stuck inside your brain… That must have been… complicated.”

“I could tell you that my mind was controlled but I don’t want to hide behind that excuse for everything that I did.” You said and he nodded, his back was pressed against his desk.

“Well, apologies accepted.”

You thanked him a million times before you left his lab. It took you a while to go back to Sam’s place. You opened the door carefully and saw Steve and Sam laughing as they stood near the open fridge. They were wearing sweatpants and damped dark grey t-shits, you smiled at them and sat at the kitchen table. The pair obviously went out for a run like they did every morning.

“Hey.” You said cautiously. You had been acting a bit weird the previous days and now that you were yourself again, you wanted to show them that you were fine but you were afraid to sound like a lunatic.

“I’m gonna take a shower, we have work to do.” Sam looked at you and smiled sweetly.

He nodded at Steve before he left, smirking a bit as he saw the two of you standing in front of each other nervously. Once Sam left, you both talked at the same time then laughed. Steve nodded for you to go on and you did the same, laughs filled the kitchen again. Following an impulse you closed the distance between your bodies and kissed him.

“Um,” He moaned into the kiss and pulled away. “I see that your meeting with Bruce went well.” He smiled and rested his forehead against yours.

You kissed his nose and tilted your head to kiss his lips, then his jawline. His hands travelled to your hips and his fingers dug into your flesh as you buried your face in his neck. He tasted like salt, all sweaty from his competitive run with Sam. You liked it, you sucked the flesh between your teeth and let your hands explore his chest from under his shirt. The material clanged onto his skin, making it hard for you to push your hands under his shirt.

“There.” You pulled away and looked at the dark purple mark that you left right under his jawline. “You’re mine again.”

A glimpse of diffidence washed over his features before he secured his hands under your bottom, lifting you effortlessly until he made you sit on the kitchen counter. You wrapped your legs around his tiny waist, heels digging into his back to press him against you. His hands roamed and kneaded your body with heated passion. You could feel your blood turn into lava, your head spinning as Steve tried to take your shirt off.

“Guys! Gross!” Sam yelped as he entered the kitchen. “Damn, we make food on that counter.” He winced and made a mental note never to prepare food on that counter ever again.

Steve quickly pulled away from you, smirking a bit as his hand pressed against his open mouth to smear the saliva that you exchanged during your heated kiss. He panted slightly and shot an apologetic stare to Sam who sighed.

“I should go take a shower.” Steve mumbled before he left the room.

“Yeah, take a cold one.” Sam said loudly as he looked at you, shaking his head with a faux displeased pout. “Ready?” He asked as he tossed Bucky’s file on the table.

**_August 2014  
_ **

The next couple of weeks were quite complicated and frustrating for all sorts of reason. You were working with Sam, desperately trying to find Bucky or whatever he wanted to be called now. After all this time, you were still unsuccessful and that drove you mad. You told Sam how the Winter soldier survived days alone when he first escaped from HYDRA. You knew he could hide and disappear without leaving a trace, making your task a freaking impossible one.

Steve was working with the Avengers, they were following leads, trying to find Loki’s spectre but so far, their mission was a failure. The three of you were tired and exasperated, seemingly unable to do your fucking jobs and the fact that you were packed together into Sam’s small house didn’t help. You were no longer hiding in the basement, instead you were sharing the guest bed with Steve, which felt a bit weird at times.

Intimacy was a relatively complex notion in a house that was not meant for three adults, let alone two Avengers and a spellbinder. You tried to relit the fire that died a long time ago but the paper thin walls and Steve’s screams of pain every time you accidentally jolted him sort of cast a cloud over the whole thing.

You also had the bad habit to break things, not that you wanted to, but having no control whatsoever on your powers meant that every time an emotion stuck out, your powers did too. The beautiful coffee table, made of wood and glass didn’t last long. The microwaved short circuited the first time you tried to use it. The boys gave you silicate gloves to reduce the damage.

Steve took you out for the day, he held your glove-covered hand in his bare hand as you walked the bus streets of Brooklyn. You were amazed to see how things changed, Steve was used to it now. He enjoyed the look on your face, wondering if he looked as awestruck the first time he witnessed new New York.

“I know where we’re going.” You said with a crooked smile and looked at Steve out of the corner of your eye to see him smile. The streets looked a bit familiar despite the modern settings. When you stopped in front of a nice building with a nice patch of grass lost in the middle of the street you gasped. “Wow! Is that our building?”

“Yep.” He popped the ‘p’ and looked at the building.

“Wow…” You repeated quietly. “Wish we had something like that back then.” You felt Steve pull on your arm and let your body crash against his side. “Remember how we had to sleep with all our clothes on during winter?” You laughed a bit at the memory. At the time it wasn’t exactly the best thing but now it felt so gentle compared to what you’ve been through.

“And the rats in the framework.” He sighed with a snort.

“The babies were cute.” You shrugged against his strong built and he chortled.

You looked at the inhabitants of the house, living their lives so freely. The couple looked like you and Steve, it wrenched your heart, knowing that it could have been your life. You must have sighed a bit too loud because Steve looked at you and the corner of his lips turned into a sad smile.

“Y/n?” He took a step back to look at you in the eye and put a hand on your shoulder. “I was thinking…Maybe it’s time… you know… to…” He cleared his throat and cast his eyes down, looking at his feet. “I mean, we could… find a place. You and I.” He did his best to sound confident and fearless but in that moment, he would have preferred to fight against a million Chitauri.

You started to chew the inside of your cheek while you looked at the happy couple and tried to visualise what your life could be like.

“We don’t have money, Steve.” You pointed out.

“We didn’t have money in 41.” His shoulders shrugged slightly at your comment.

“Yes but I had a job and-” You cut yourself off when you saw the look on Steve’s face. You slowly took a deep breath as you studied the look on Steve’s face. “Okay.” You answered simply, pushing the negative thoughts away.

“Really?” Steve stood completely straight in front of you, eyebrows slightly raised when you suddenly agreed to live with him. “I understand if-”

“I only have you.” You took a step forward and placed your hands on his chest, he wrapped his arms around you. “I guess I’m just a bit afraid. Things are different now, Steve.”

“We can make this work, Y/n. You and I, like we always did.” He cupped your face with his large hands and bent his head to look at you in the eye. “To make this work, you’ll have to trust me. I know you waited for me and I never came to save you, but I’m here now. I want to help you but you need to let me in. Whatever you did, whatever they did to you, I want to know everything. I’ll give you as much time as you want. I’m not leaving you.”

You were awestruck by the man in front of you, so much more confident than he used to be. Yes most of the time he was your bashful super boyfriend but when he activated his ‘protective boyfriend’ mode, he was as confident as Captain America. His hands left your face to catch your hands and remove the gloves.

“Steve, that’s dangerous! There are children around us.”

“I know you can do this. Believe in yourself.” He kissed your hands and you relaxed a bit when you didn’t feel the wave of energy rush through your body.

“We should go back. Sam and I have work to do and Natasha called this morning.”

**_Early September 2014 Some dodgy part of Brooklyn_ **

You took a cautious step inside your new apartment, Steve was standing near the door, anxiously waiting as you judged the place. The place was absolutely awful, a rat nest would have been a hundred times better but considering that you didn’t have a job and Steve wasn’t exactly well paid for his Avenging work, it would have to do.

“It’s great.” You turned around and gave Steve a warm smile.

“I know it’s not much but at least we have our own place.”

There was only one room, approximately the size of a standard living room. The kitchen and the bathroom were in the same corner while the convertible sofa stood in the middle of the room. You quickly understood that if you opened the sofa you wouldn’t be able to take a step in your ‘house’. In comparison your cell was a palace.

Steve walked past you and stood in the middle of the room with his arms held out, almost touching the walls.

“Look, here we can put a small table and-”

“And that’s about it.” You laughed, leaning against the frame of the door.

“C’mon! I’m trying!” He chuckled. “Our old place wasn’t great either.”

“Yeah but at least the bathroom, kitchen, living room and bedroom were not in the same room.” You smirked.

Steve pulled on the sofa and opened the bed which immediately filled the entire room, making Steve jump and almost pushed him out of the room. You couldn’t stop laughing and ended up falling on the bed, followed by Steve who tried to close the door but couldn’t which made you laugh louder.

“Y-You can’t even close the door.” You panted between wheezy laughs. Steve stood up, pushed the mattress away from the door and closed it violently before he jumped on the bed and joined you in your fit of giggles.

You laughed for a moment, tears in your eyes from your giggling while you nestled against Steve’s broad chest. It had been a very long time since you laughed and it felt so good. Finding Bucky was a complicated task and so far you and Sam didn’t make any progress. But you soon understood that you had to take time for yourself and most of all, you had to take time to rebuild a strong relationship with Steve.

Steve’s left arm was wrapped around your waist, keeping you close to his chest as he watched the dirty ceiling. You pushed on your elbow to observe him, he had a warm smile on his face and he gave you a small wink when he saw you staring at him.

You leaned forward to kiss him. When you felt him respond, you straddled his small waist and pressed your hands on his chest, never breaking the kiss. You rolled your hips once to see if it was safe to tease the super soldier and when he moaned against your lips, you ground yourself on him.

“Y/n.” He breathed out. “I-It’s been a while.”

“Tell me about it.” You snorted against his neck.

He raised your knee length skirt to your thighs and played with the hem of your panties while you unbuckled his belt and unzipped his jeans. He lifted his hips to wriggle out of his trousers and briefs and you laid down next to him, pulling down your skirt. You were about to remove your panties as well when you felt two strong hands on your hips, stopping your movements. He hooked his thumbs in the waistband of your panties and ever so slowly tugged them down over your legs. You kicked them off when they reached your ankles.

Steve rubbed your inner tights, purposely avoiding your core while he covered your neck and jaw with deep purple kisses. Your blood soon turned into lava and you could feel the heat building up between your legs. You grunted and flexed your hips, desperately trying to find more friction.

He got the hint and smeared his finger with your wetness before he slowly pushed it inside your burning core, stretching your walls with a second finger. You granted him access and spread your legs, trying to relax as Steve opened you up. He rubbed himself against your arousal, coating himself with your juices before he pressed the fat head of his cock against your lower lips.

“Breathe, okay.” He cupped your cheek with his left hand as his right hand guided his thick manhood. You nodded, head falling back against the mattress as he slowly pushed in. A rain a feather kisses, similar to silent praises covered your neck and mouth. “You’re doing good. Just relax.”

You did just that and let him push deeper inside you until he bottomed out. You were a panting mess and his arms were shaking uncontrollably. You both haven’t been intimate with anyone in nearly a century which can even challenge a super soldier’s stamina.

“I won’t last.” Steve wheezed as if he was still prone to asthma attacks. He squeezed the base of his cock and groaned. You nodded for him to move and immediately let out the sweetest whimper as his cock massaged your walls. It drove Steve nut, your sounds were music to his ears.

“S-Ste…ve.” You panted in a high pitch voice, stuttering when he started to thrust faster.

He angled his hips to thrust deeper and hummed appreciatively when he made you gasp and moan, your small cries of pleasure echoed in the tiny room. He cupped your face, looking into your eyes as his rhythm faltered.

“Look at m-me.” He groaned.

You did what he asked, looking straight into his eyes as you reached your plateau. Your eyes rolled back into your skull and you bit your bottom lip to control your moans. It led Steve to his own climax, he trusted one more time before he stilled his actions and buried himself deep, releasing the thick evidence of his excitement.

His arms couldn’t support his massive frame anymore, he fell on top of you and you ran your hands down the sides of his body until they landed on his perfect ass. You stayed in that position for a while before Steve pulled out of you and laid next to you on the bed. He hooked his arm under your half asleep form and pulled you against his sweaty chest. Steve took the blanket from the floor and put it on the bed, he adjusted it to cover your naked bodies and kissed the top of your head. You tucked yourself up against him, your fingers tracing patterns on his chest until you both fell asleep.


	18. The Truth Must Dazzle Gradually

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Reader go through a pretty hard time and Reader’s first encounter with Tony Stark will not make things better. Reader shows the world how dangerously powerful she can be. Meanwhile 'Joseph Proctor' tries to reach her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst Steve x Reader and angst/fluff Bucky x Reader. The next chapter will explain how Reader ended up with power so it will be a flashback chapter (and you will all hate me). Yay!

 

**_December 31, 2014 Stark Tower_ **

You shivered and clutched your coat around yourself as the cold winter breeze hit your exposed skin. Steve held your hand as he opened the glass door and invited you inside the Stark Tower. You thanked him with a smile and entered the deserted lobby.

“Are you okay?” He asked as the lift started to rise. “We should have stayed at home.”

“I’m fine, Steve.” You took the gloves out of your pockets and Steve gave you a disapproving look. “I don’t control my powers, it’s just a precaution.” It was safer to wear the gloves when you’d be spending the entire night with intoxicated people. “We can’t hide in our _room_ forever.” You smirked, watching Steve out of the corner of your eyes for his reaction.

“I hate it when you say room. It’s our _house_.” A small smile curled the corners of his lips.

“It hardly looks like a house. You know that kids these days have more space in their student bedrooms than us in our home.” You replied with a smug smile and he rolled his eyes.

The doors of the lift opened on the top floor of the tower, revealing a sea of people having a good time. You noticed Bruce and Natasha chatting with a blond man. Steve gave you a small kiss on the top of your head and tightened his grip on your hand. He led you towards the group and you waved a hand in silent greeting.

The party was loud and busy, you soon escaped the group of Avengers who inattentively listened to Clint’s stories and tried to find a quiet place. You were on the balcony when you heard footsteps coming your way.

“Not enjoying the party, are ya?” Tony Stark hunched over the railing and gulped down the rest of his champagne.

“It’s a bit loud.” You mumbled, trying to move away from him.

“To-” He pushed on his elbows and straightened his posture, extending a hand for you to shake.

“Tony Stark, born in 1970, youngest CEO in history, owner of Stark Industries. You’re also known as Iron man. Your parents died in a …car accident in 1991.” You said, sounding like a robot. Tony raised an eyebrow at you and played with his empty glass of champagne.

“Oh good, so you’ve heard of me?” He asked ironically, one of his arm rested on the railing. “You knew my old man, right?”

“I met him a couple of times.” The conversation made you feel extremely uncomfortable, the last thing you wanted was to make small talk with Howard Stark’s son.

“Bruce can’t shut up about you. You’re Cap’s sweetheart, um?” He looked at you and you nodded. He leaned closer to observe you under the dim light of the moonlight. “How’s the-” He raised a finger to his temple and made circular motions. “Coo-coo.”

You looked at him, slightly offended and opened your mouth to reply something bitter but closed it again and sighed.

“I’m not crazy.”

“No, you’re not because they took _things_ out of your brain. Extraordinary stuff, really. Wish they invited _me_ to that party.”

“It wasn’t _things_ , it was people.” You rebuked him.

“Two sides of the same coin. That must be nice, to get rid of the memories you don’t like.” He looked at the scenery and sighed dramatically before he turned to look at you again. “You’re a fascinating _thing_.” He emphasised the last word.

“Are you subtly trying to ask if you can run tests on me?” You eyed him suspiciously.

“Um… no.” He shrugged. “Grandpa Rogers may be in his ninety but he sure knows how to throw punches. Wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of that fist.” He cocked a brow and smirked while you snorted.

“Y/n? Tony?” Steve opened the glass window.

“Relax, Cap. We’re just chatting here, no funny business.” Tony glanced at his watch and clapped his hands. “Last minute of 2014, folks!” He screamed as he returned to the party.

You gripped the railing so hard that your knuckles turned white. Steve looked at you, his eyes dropped to your fingers and he frowned.

“You’re okay?”

“Can you stop asking that?” You let go of the railing and faced the scenery, your back was facing Steve. Sometimes it felt like Steve was babysitting you and that was a feeling you really didn’t like, even before the whole HYDRA thing. Except that back then, Steve didn’t feel the need to shield you from the world.

“Sorry, I jus-”

“Leave me alone, Steve.” You said, over your shoulder but he didn’t move.

“You’re pushing me away, Y/n.” Steve stood behind you, hands on his hips, his body slightly bent as he released an exasperated sigh. “I thought we were past this.”

“Apparently we’re not.”

Inside the tower, the guests were counting the last seconds of 2014. They all had a glass of champagne in their hands. They all looked so happy and you stood there, on the balcony, with your boyfriend, fighting over nothing.

“What HYDRA did to me, to Bucky... We’re never going to be fine. We did their dirty work. The blood is on our hands. That we like it or not.” You desperately avoided Steve’s eyes.

“You’re not responsible for your actions, neither is Bucky. It was Zola who killed those people and put them inside your head.” He took a step forward and caught your hands. “You never killed anyone, Y/n. I know that.”

“What if you’re wrong?” You blurted out and bit your bottom lip hard when his eyes widened.

“What do you mean?” His voice was just a whisper.

“Nothing.” You shook your head and he pressed you against his chest.

“I love you, Y/n. No matter what. I love you.” He whispered in your ear and carded his fingers through your hair.

You relaxed slightly in his arms before you saw Tony, surrounded by a small crowd near the bar. He was telling a story and everyone seemed captivated. You had to get out of there before you’d do something bravely stupid. You pulled away from Steve and told him you needed to walk. He asked if he could come with you but you shook your head.

“I need to be alone.” You said as you opened the French window.

“It’s past midnight, Y/n. It’s dangerous out there.” He pleaded and watched as you removed your gloves and threw them on the floor.

“I’m not afraid.”

And just like that you walked fast to leave the party. Steve didn’t try to follow you, you reached the street and started to walk aimlessly.

You ended up in front of your old house in Brooklyn and stood there for a very long time until you heard voices coming from inside the house. Your body stiffened and you took a step closer, the lights were on.

When you heard the woman scream, you tried to open the door but it was locked. The woman yelped for help and you almost broke the doorknob while trying to open the door. You tried to gather your energy and break the door with your powers but the door was made of wood. Without thinking, you kicked it and the door broke. You stepped inside and quickly looked for the inhabitants.

The woman was on the floor, holding her bloodied head in her hands while a man in a mask stood in front of her and another searched the house. When he saw you, the man who was standing near the woman tried to attack you but you avoided his punches and kicked him in the stomach. You were good, as good as any trained soldier or spy. You knocked him unconscious with a martial arts move you had no idea you could do.

The second one sneaked up behind you with a kitchen knife and the woman screamed. Without even turning to face your opponent, you kicked the knife out of his hands and caught him by the throat, throwing him to the ground. He tried to stand up but you channelled your inner energy and when he touched your bare skin, the man started to convulse.

You tried to calm yourself, blue and red lights that came from the street brightened the room. Still panting, you glanced at the woman who was crying on the floor. She looked so much like you, it was uncanny. Men and women in police uniforms entered the house, guns raised high as they ordered you to lie down on the floor.

You couldn’t calm yourself, the yellow energy swirled around you. You looked at it, then back at the officers who were ordering you to stop but you couldn’t. And the worst thing was that you didn’t want to stop. It felt so good, to be in control of everything, to finally let the powers take over your body. You never felt better.

One of the officers pulled the trigger, probably a scared newbie who couldn’t take the pressure of the peculiar situation. Nevertheless it elicited something within you, something that you really should have kept locked up deep inside. You raised your palms and threw waves of electricity at them. They ducked down to avoid the blow while you continued to attack them.

Eventually, your energy ran out and you dropped to your knees in front of them. One of the policemen rushed to your side and handcuffed you. You were too tired to protest, your body was completely limp when they carried you to the police van.

They locked you up in a cell after they took your prints. A couple of hours later, you were visited by curious officers you looked at you as if you were a ghost and you understood that they found out you were born in the early 20s. You also knew that it meant they would soon contact the Avengers and Steve would look at you with his sad puppy eyes. Disappointment would mark his beautiful face and you sunk deeper into your uncomfortable mattress at the thought of it.

The next morning, the guard in front of your cell grabbed the newspaper and looked at the front page before he looked at you and then the front page again. He snorted and held the newspaper in front of your face so you could read the first page. You saw that you were the headline of the most popular newspaper in NYC and grouched. This was not good, not at all. Now the world knew about you and it could only lead to catastrophe.

**_Dazzling vigilante operates in Brooklyn_ **

_Dazzling, uh_? You smiled to yourself as you read the headline. People argued in the chief’s office and you understood that Steve and Sam tried to bail you out of jail. They were unsuccessful and you spent another night in prison. What a great way to start 2015. The next day, the guard threw the newspaper in your cell and you took it with an obliged smile.

**_Mrs America is 94 years old._ **

You rolled your eyes at the new headline. The article was linked with a picture of you from the 30s and your birth certificate. The article mainly talked about your relationship with Steve Rogers, aka Captain America. You wondered how they managed to get all the information in only one day. The article ended with a question: “Is Dazzle part of the Avengers?”

“ _Dazzle_?” You said loudly at no one in particular but the officer snorted. “Seriously, who came up with that?”

You threw the newspaper on the cold floor and laid on your makeshift bed, mumbling curses at the journalists who came up with your _superhero_ name. You were starting to drift to sleep when you heard a loud voice.

“We’re here to pick up _Dazzle_! Is _Dazzle_ here?” Tony Stark entered the station, he was wearing red sunglasses and a black suit with a red matching tie. He looked quite formal and nice as he snapped his hands to catch the attention of the people around him. “Ah, there she is! _Dazzle_!” Tony beamed when he saw you laying on your bed.

The officer opened your cell and gestured for you to get out. You quickly left the small room and went to pick up your things while Tony talked to the chief. Steve stood with his arms folded against his chest and Sam looked amused by the situation.

“I know what you’re going to say.” You raised a hand when you walked closer to Steve.

“Oh, believe me, you have no idea.” He replied dryly and left the station.

You tried to follow him but Sam stopped you.

“That’s not a good idea. Let him sulk. There are a lot of people waiting for you, _Dazzle_.”

“Seriously, is that a thing now?”

“Hey! You act like a superhero, you get a superhero name.” Sam shrugged with a smirk on his face.

Tony beamed as he approached you. “So what do we say, sleepover at the tower? That’s gonna be fun.” Tony waved at the crowd as he left the station.

“Sam, please. I can’t stay with Tony.” You pleaded.

“It’s just for a couple of days, until we can figure out what to do.”

After you were forced to mingle with the crowd, you entered a limousine and arrived at the tower. Tony quickly showed you around until he stopped in front of a room that was going to be yours for _a couple of days_.

“Ask JARVIS if you need help.” Tony screamed when he reached the end of the corridor.

“Jarvis?” You repeated dumbfounded. A voice came from somewhere in the corridor, it was gentle and smooth but it still startled you.

_“Miss Y/l/n, how can I help you?”_

“Um? I don’t really need help, thanks…” You turned on yourself to understand where the voice came from. “Where are you?”

_“I am an artificial intelligence program created by Mr. Stark. My name is JARVIS, short for Just a Rather Very Intelligent System. I can provide anything you require.”_

“Can you call Steve Rogers for me?” You stood in front of your room, looking at the ceiling while you spoke to the A.I.

_“Mr. Rogers requested not to be disturbed.”_

“Is he here?” You asked.

_“He is.”_ The A.I replied.

“Where?”

_“In the laboratory.”_

You had a feeling that this JARVIS thing was not going to let you go to the labs and luckily for you, you already knew where it was. So you made your way to the labs and easily spotted Steve through the glass windows and he spotted you just as easily. He left the lab and joined you in front of the large bay window.

“Ste-”

“Don’t!” He said harshly. “I gave you time and space and you still refuse to let me in.”

“I’m so-”

“Don’t!” He repeated, his eyes were glazed in tears that he refused to let fall. “If you want to come back, you have to be straightforward with me. I love you but I can’t do this anymore.”

He quickly bent over and kissed your cheek, lingering a bit longer than he intended to. He turned around and disappeared into the tower.

You spent the following days thinking about what you should do. You barely left the room that Tony gave you and paced it over and over, trying to figure out what to do.

_“Miss Y/l/n, someone left a message for you.” JARVIS_ called. Reporters kept calling the tower to interview you.

“Is it from Steve?”

_“I’m afraid not. Joseph Proctor asked you to meet him by the dinner on Main Street.”_

“I don’t know anyone named Joseph Pr-Proctor. Thank you, JARVIS.” You quickly sat on the bed.

_“At your service.”_

You left your room and ran down the stairs until you managed to find the exit. You were not exactly allowed to leave the tower but no one said it out loud so you just quietly made your way down the street, hiding your face behind a hoodie. You reached the dinner where Steve used to be beat up and looked around you. Joseph was the name of Steve’s father and Proctor was Rebecca Barnes’ married name. Rebecca was Bucky’s sister. Your heart was beating incredibly fast, hoping that Bucky would appear soon but instead the payphone rang. You looked at it suspiciously, no one used payphones anymore. You waited before you picked it up.

 “Hello?” The other end of the line was silent, except for a soft breathing. “I know it’s you.” You whispered into the receiver, eyes closed as you waited.

“Y-Y/n?” Bucky’s voice came broken and low from the other end of the line.

“Bucky! Where are you?”

“Somewhere safe. I-In… Europe. Don’t ask me where, someone might be listening to us.”

“Bucky, come back. I need you, Steve needs you. We’re nothing without you.” Silence again. “I know you remember us. The dinner, Joseph Rogers, Rebecca Proctor. No one could have told you about the dinner.”

“Are you okay?” He said after he cleared his throat.

“I- Yes, I’m fine.”

“I just wanted to make sure.” The words came out of his mouth as if he was unsure about them. “Make sure you were safe.”

“How did you find me?”

“Your picture is in every God damn newspaper. It wasn’t hard to find Stark’s number.”

“I met him. I met Tony.” You spoke quietly and looked around you to see if someone followed you.

“How are you holding up?”

“I’m not.” You sobbed. “It’s all my fault. I’m-”

“Ssh, it’s going to be okay.” He soothed you over the phone. “Did you tell Steve?”

“No, I can’t. I need you, please, come back.” You were practically on your knees in front of the payphone.

“Y/n… I can’t come back. You’re the only one who can understand what I’m going through and I wish I had you by my side but I can’t ever see you again.” His voice quaked and he tried to clear his throat to sound detached. “Talk to Steve. He’ll be there for you.”

“And if he’s not.” Tears started to stream down your cheeks.

“He will.” Bucky assured. “Don’t tell him I called. Please, I just wanted to make sure you were aliv-safe.” The line went silent and you thought he had hung up but he spoke again. “I love y-… I’d love to be with you right now.” His words sped up before he hung up.

You held the receiver in your hand and sank to the floor, crying and panting. Passers-by looked at you with curious glances so you pulled yourself together and ran away.

You knocked on the door of your apartment, waiting for Steve to open the door. You tried to calm your agitated heart by taking deep breaths but nothing could calm you down. The door opened to reveal a dishevelled Steve. He was wearing sweatpants and an old grey t-shirt. He hadn’t shaved in the last few days and judging by the dark circles under his eyes, he hadn’t slept either. He held the frame and swallowed hard when he saw you.

“I’ll tell you everything but you have to swear that you’ll keep it to yourself. _For now_.”

 Steve nodded and let you in. You sat on the sofa and patted the spot next to you but he remained in front of you, arms crossed against his chest.

“You should sit down. You’re not going to like it.” You swallowed hard and played with the necklace of your locket.


	19. *The Assassination of Howard and Maria Stark*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title explains it all. *Flashback chapter.*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Death, obviously. Sooooo much angst, sadness overload, I’m crying blood right now hehe  
> No seriously this is some dark stuff...  
> This changes everything and paves the way for Civil War ;) I feel oblige to warn those who haven’t seen CIVIL WAR even if it’s a bit different. SPOILERS!!! (sort of)

 

**_*_ **

**_December 17 th, 1991 _ **

A sudden gush of cold wind blew your hair across your eyes. The sun was hidden by a dark grey cloud while you stood at the top of a cliff. You were outside for the first time since 1944, HYDRA’s orders. They said you were ready for your first assignment, and after spending decades watching Bucky kill innocent people against his will, you knew exactly what it meant.

You looked down but there was nothing more than trees and bushes. There was a road that led to a big house, probably the home of some billionaire who wanted to live far away from everyone else. The Winter soldier was behind you, he was waiting for something.

“Hey! What are we doing here?” He turned around and placed his pointer finger on his covered lips, he was wearing his tactical gear which was not a good sign. His mask hid most of his face but you knew who he was. Bucky, your friend, was somewhere inside the Winter solider.

The Winter soldier turned to face the house. HYDRA had gave him instructions: _If the girl tries to run away, kill her._ He was conflicted, somehow, he enjoyed having you around. When he came back from his missions, he always stopped by your cell. He’d sit on the floor, knees to his chest and observed you until the scientists asked for him.

“We have to kill someone, right?” The Winter soldier nodded, still facing the house.

As you took one step closer to the edge, small rocks fell down the cliff. If this meant that HYDRA was going to use you as they were using Bucky, you’d rather end this all right now. The noise caught the Winter soldier’s attention and he sighed exasperatedly, grabbing on your arms before he pushed you over in the dirt. He took off his mask and held it in his metallic hand.

“Don’t play games. Stay still.” He barked. “You have a mission and if you want to come back-”

“I don’t wanna go back.” You cut him off with a sinister snort.

The Winter soldier turned around at the sound of a car that was slowly approaching. He put a hand on his gun and glared at you before he looked around to find a hiding spot. As soon as he turned, you stood up and ran in the opposite direction. Your legs were shaking, you couldn’t run fast and he tackled you to the ground as you fell onto the stones and dust.

You tried to wriggle away but he was on top of you, one hand on his pocket knife while the metal hand kept you still on the ground. The order in his head said to kill you, but the pain in his heart made him question the order. He loosen his grip and stopped fighting, in a defeated sigh, he dropped the knife and looked at you in the eye. You were startled and stopped fighting too. You failed to notice that the man, who was driving, stopped the car and launched himself at the Winter solider, thinking that you were in danger.

The white haired man was on top of the Winter soldier, trying to knock him unconscious. You threw a panicked glance at them and in a desperate attempt to save Bucky, you took a large rock at lingered at your feet and smacked the man’s head. You didn’t mean to hit him hard but blood splattered everywhere, covering the rock and your face.

The man fell, holding the side of his head. Your eyes opened wide at the sight of the blood and you let the rock fall at your feet. You didn’t recognise the man but Howard Stark was laying at your feet, a much older Howard Stark. He recognised you.

“Y/n?” He extended his blood covered hand in a gasp. You took a step back and covered your mouth with your hands as you realised what you did to him. Howard tried to stand up but fell face down on the ground. The Winter soldier looked at you with a frown.

“Y/n?” He grimaced as he said your name. He observed you with a fixed stare when a piercing shriek made you turn around. The woman in the car was trying to open the door but in her panic she forgot to unlock the car. “Y/n.” The Winter soldier repeated, he didn’t seem to care about the agitation around him.

When Howard started to wheeze, the Winter soldier took a step forward and turned the injured men so that he would lay on his back. His flesh hand went for Howard’s throat, palm wrapped around the neck, cutting off his air supply.

 _Sergeant Barnes_ were Howard’s last words before his eyes stared into nothing, blank of all emotion.

The woman managed to open the door but stood near the car, afraid to come closer when she saw your blood covered face and Bucky’s hand around her husband’s throat. You raised your hands to appease her but she screamed.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean-” You took a step closer to her but she was already rounding the car to sit behind the wheel. “Oh God, what did I do?” You looked at the lifeless body of Howard Stark on the ground next to the Winter soldier.

“Barnes?” The Winter soldier frowned, closing his eyes shut. He was trying to fight the memories that played behind his eyelids.

While the Winter soldier was literally lost in his own mind, you ran towards the car. Maria Stark was desperately playing with the key but the car refused to move. You slammed your hands on the passenger’s window, leaving the handprint of your hands as well as Howard’s blood. Maria screamed while you begged her to listen. When the car started to move, Maria sobbed in victory and turned the steering wheel. Her face was contorted in the most heart breaking grimace as she drove away from the body of her husband.

You ran after the car, hands reaching for her even if you knew you couldn’t stop the car. She was about fifty feet away when you felt an unpleasant change inside your body. The feeling of helplessness turned into a wage of energy that burned inside you. It started from your feet and quickly spread through your entire body until the energy channelled itself in your hands. A yellow blaze, similar to thunder, escaped from your palms and hit Maria Stark’s car, throwing her car off the hill.

You fell to the ground in the middle of the deserted road, eyes closing shut when you heard the haunting screams of the woman who crashed against down the hill. You looked at your hands with loathing, your mouth was wide open and tears were streaming down your cheeks. You stayed on your knees for a few more seconds before you stood up on wobbly knees and staggered down the road.

Black smoke slowly rose from the car. The car was upside down and a bloodied, lifeless hand hung loosely from the driver’s window. Maria Stark was dead. You wanted to throw up, you wanted to throw yourself down the hill but instead you turned around and looked at the Winter soldier. He was sitting on the ground, back pressed against a large rock as his body rocked back and forth at the sight of the dead man in front of him.

This was not the Winter soldier. You rushed to his side and gasped when you saw that more blood oozed out of the wound on Howard’s head. His face started to lose its colours and his glassy eyes were absolutely terrifying.

“Barnes…Y/n…” The Winter soldier mumbled agitatedly.

“We have to go.” You murmured as you stared at the lifeless body of Howard Stark. “Now!” You detached your gaze long enough to grab the assassin’s arm.

He followed you without hesitation, even lead you to a place that was lost in the nearby woods. Soon black cars with heavily armed HYDRA agents arrived at the crime scene. They were looking for you and the Winter soldier. You stayed hidden under a cypress tree and when an agent almost stepped on your hand, you gasped and felt the cold metallic hand of the Winter soldier against your mouth.

Other agents threw Howard’s body down the hill, where his wife was and covered the blood on the ground with sand. Rescuers and policemen joined them. It took them hours to recover the car and the Starks. The forensics concluded that it was an ordinary car accident and that Howard was driving way too fast, though the marks that the tyres left on the asphalt would suggest otherwise. When the night came and most of the agents left the crime scene, the Winter soldier guided you to a safe place that was lost in the woods about an hour away from the road.

The place looked abandoned, it was filled with old newspapers and empty cups of coffee. Dust and spider webs decorated the cabin. There was no light and just a tiny bed in the corner of the room. The bed was merely an old mattress and an even older, smelly blanket rested on top of it.

It was cold and humid, you crossed your arms and watched as the Winter soldier dusted the blanket before he tossed it to you. It fell at your feet before you could catch it but you mumbled a thank you before you wrapped yourself in it.

“I hide here sometimes.” The Winter soldier explained. He wasn’t looking at you, something in his behaviour changed and he looked uncomfortable, almost embarrassed.

The room went completely silent after you gave him a small nod.

“You were going to let me go.” You said softly and raised your head to look at him. “Why?”

The Winter soldier crossed the room in a couple of steps and gripped your shoulders.  

“We danced.” He stood still, his fingers slowing slid down your arms to catch your hands

The position in which you stand felt familiar, you saw images of him, holding your hand against his chest as you swayed to the rhythm of a song. You remembered him, looking at you as if you were the most exceptional person in the whole world, his lips hovering before yours but never went closer.

“You remember, don’t you?” You moved your hands to hold him as if you were actually dancing. “I do too.”

 “Y…Y/n?” He uttered with his eyes close.

“Who’s Y/n?” You asked, not remembering your name after decades of being called “the girl”. Y/n was written on the floor of your cell but you still struggled with the memories.

“You.”

He closed his hand around your waist and pulled you against him. He was surprisingly gentle as he stared into your eyes, his tongue darted out to lick his lips before he pressed his mouth against yours. Your eyes remained open in semi-shock while he stood completely still, his lips still pressed against yours. The Winter soldier and Bucky Barnes were both fighting to take control of the body.

Soon he started to loosen, Bucky Barnes seemed to have won this battle against the Winter soldier. You felt his hands cup your cheeks and you remembered him, the womaniser from Brooklyn, the great friend of the skinny blond man who seemed to be really close to you, the sniper who fought so bravely.

“Bucky.” You whispered against his mouth. The sound of his name, escaping your lips drove him wild and he pulled you even closer. The more Bucky kissed you, the more you remembered. It was as if his lips were directly connected to your memories. You remembered everything and fatefully, guilt consumed you while you kissed your boyfriend’s best friend. You couldn’t pull away from Bucky, you wanted it too much. As soon as his lips touched yours, you knew you had been craving for them all this time.

The long haired soldier broke the kiss, panting with his eyes close as he pressed his forehead against yours. It wasn’t long before Bucky broke into tears, you caught him in your arms and drew patterns on his back to soothe him. You stayed on the dusty, wooden floor for a very long time and eventually fell asleep. When the first rays of sunshine brightened the cabin, you opened your eyes slowly. You were on the mattress, Bucky’s warmth enveloped you. His flesh arm was around your waist while he kept the other one as far away from you as possible. You fidgeted on the mattress as you tried to stretch.

“Say my name again, doll.” You heard Bucky’s voice behind you and his lips pressed against your shoulder. You turned to look at him, his eyelashes met his cheeks and he looked like he was still sleeping.

“Bucky.” You whispered and he smiled. He opened his eyes and his smile faded immediately.

“Your face... It’s covered-” He stopped mid-sentence and tried to wipe the dried blood of Howard Stark from the left side of your face. You sat straight on the mattress, kicking the dirty blanket to get out of bed.

“I killed that man. I killed her, too.” You tried to stand up but your legs were shaking and you would have fell if Bucky didn’t catch you by your waist.

“No,” Bucky knelt on the bed and wrapped his arms around your waist, his head rested on your lower stomach. “I killed him and… and so many more.” He swallowed hard. You moved your hands from the side of his face, combing through his dark locks before you looked at your hands.

“What did they do to me? I’m… I’m a monster.”

 “They must have experimented on you, Y/n. I promised you I’d save you and I failed.” He sobbed and you sat next to him on the mattress.

“You never failed me. Never.” You tightened your grip on his metal hand. Time passed slowly as you both stayed against each other. “Who were they? The man and the woman.”

“I don’t know. He knew us, the man, he said our names.” Bucky pulled away from you and looked into your eyes. “I think I saw him before.”

“He looked… familiar.” You nodded and you both tried to remember the white haired man but nothing came to your mind. “What now?” You broke the silence.

“We can’t stay here. They’ll find us. We need to go back to town and find a train or a car to leave the country.” You nodded and rested your head on his shoulder for a minute. His fingers brushed lightly against your waist, soothing you in a way you never thought was possible. “I’ll, um…, I’ll help you find Steve. If that what y-you want.”

“He’s _gone_.” You didn’t have the strength to say his name or the word ‘dead’, you were sure it would have killed you. You remembered the newspaper that Zola gave you decades ago. Steve had disappeared, he was gone. Bucky took your hand and squeezed it.

“I’m sorry.” He murmured.

Minutes after that you were on your way to the nearest town. You walked for a long time, you looked at your dirty, blood stained clothes. Surely people would stare at you and Bucky with his full black military gear and his metal arm. He stole a few clothes and brought them back to the alley were he asked you to wait. He turned around while you took your dress above your head.

You were trying to find food or a way to get out of here when you saw a small crowd in the middle of the street. You heard that someone died and it piqued your interest. You nudged Bucky who nodded and you listened to the conversation. Howard Stark and his wife Maria were found dead the previous day on the road near their house.

“Howard Stark?” You gasped at loud.

“Yes, sweetie. What a terrible news! Did you know he had a son? Tony. Poor boy, he’s so young.” The old woman shook her head, eyes closed.

Bucky’s hand tightened in yours and he pulled you away from the crowd. When the old lady opened her eyes again, you and Bucky had already disappeared. Bucky walked fast and you had to follow because he kept holding your arm but you couldn’t keep up with his rhythm. You were panting when he made you enter a small alley.

“We killed Howard Stark, Bucky!” You screamed-shouted at him. He ran his hands through his long hair and took a deep breath. “We won’t be able to escape.”

“We will.” He took a step forward to catch you in his arms. He rubbed your back as you buried your face against his chest.

“Everywhere we’ll go… we’ll have to carry this secret with us. I can’t live like that.” You sobbed as you clutched his black shirt. Suddenly you felt Bucky’s body stiff, you looked up and saw the familiar emptiness in his eyes. The Winter soldier was fighting back. “Bucky?” You tried to pull away but the Winter soldier kept you close in a painful embrace.

“Y-Y/n.” He said, face twisted with pain as he desperately tried to fight the Winter soldier inside his own mind. You could see from the look on his face that he was fighting with every fibre of his being. His metal arm contracted and you could feel the pounding of his heart against your hand. “I…” He closed his eyes shut, unable to say a word. “I love you.” He managed to say through the pain but even his love for you couldn’t outweigh the Winter soldier.

The Winter soldier had an order, if the girl ran away he had to kill her and the girl ran away. He pushed you against the wall and took his gun out of the holster. He raised it and aimed at you, his movements were stiff and hesitant. You pressed your palms against the wall and waited. Being killed by the Winter soldier was probably better than spend your life plug to a machine. At least you would be free, the pain would stop.

He lowered his gun and looked at the floor. When he looked at you again, you saw the tears that streamed down his cheeks. His jaw was clenched tight as he raised his gun again, longer this time and you whispered to him.

“It’s alright, Bucky.”

His finger trembled on the trigger and a deep voice came out from the front of the alley. A man screamed and called for help as you were held at gunpoint. The Winter soldier turned to shot the man but you couldn’t let the Winter soldier kill again, not when you knew that Bucky was still somewhere, so you launched at him and jolted his metal arm with the electricity that ran through your body. It was too much for you, your body was not used to the emotions and you fainted.

When you woke up, you were back at the base, two guards were by your side as you watched Bucky being torture. He looked at you the whole time, his screams ricocheted against the walls. They stopped the torture and Bucky tried to strangle one of the scientists.

When you jolted him in the alley, it brought Bucky back. Just when you thought that things couldn’t be worse, a man slowly entered the room and spoke in Russian. He said a list of words that made Bucky tense on his chair. When he was done, the man smirked as the Winter solider stood up, ready to do whatever the man ordered.

The Winter soldier returned to his cryogenic cell while you were put on the chair for more experimentations and torture.

*


	20. Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve tries to cope with Reader’s revelation. The Avengers take care of Ultron while Reader and Sam follow a lead that might be connected to Bucky -or someone else...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuu... this is already chapter 20...  
> Have some protective Steve y’all. Bucky won't be back until 'civil war' but that will arrive pretty soon. Reader is a badass.  
> I'll try to upload next Wednesday but I make no promises (dissertation are not as fun as fanfiction...shame) Thank you so much for bearing with my story! It warms my cold cold heart :)

 

Steve was quiet, he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, pressing his hands together as you finished your story. You told him everything, well… mostly, he didn’t need to know about the kiss. You gave him some time to assimilate the blow but you couldn’t stand the silent that settled in the room.

“Say something, please.”

Steve exhaled forcefully and buried his face in his hands. He took a deep breath and slumped back on the sofa.

“You killed Tony’s parents?”

You have no idea if it was the fact that he said the words out loud or if it was because now your secret was out but you started to feel sick. While you were throwing up, you heard Steve move to squat behind you. He gathered your hair in a high ponytail and circled your back, soothing you with his words. You wiped your mouth and stood up to clean yourself while Steve stood behind you. Your legs couldn’t support you any longer and you started to cry, avoiding your reflection in the mirror. Steve wrapped his arms around your waist.

“It’s going to be okay. Everything will be fine.”

“I-I can’t believe you’re… still here with m-me.” You sobbed as you turned around to nest your head against his solid chest.

“Where else?” He rubbed your back and rocked you back and forth.

After a while you fell asleep in Steve’s arms. He gingerly scooped you up, laid you on the sofa and put a blanket to keep you warm. Steve’s phone rang and he sighed when he saw Tony’s name.

“We lost her.” Steve could hear muffled by the noises in the background. Iron Man was flying around town to find you.

“It’s alright, Tony. She’s with me.”

“She told you what you wanted to hear?”

“She did.” Steve spoke softly and looked at your sleeping form on the sofa.

“Are you back together?”

“I will never leave her. Sorry, Tony.”

“Sorry? Sorry for what? Look, Cap gotta go. Don’t worry about it, I should have looked after her better. Good to know she’s safe.”

Tony hung up and Steve stood in the middle of the room, watching you sleep. You started to twitch, your legs kicked the blanket and desperate groans escaped your lips as you fought an imaginary opponent. Steve sat next to you and shook your shoulder to wake you up. You woke up, breathless and disoriented, looking around you until you saw the familiar face of Steve and relaxed just a bit.

“It’s alright. You’re safe.” He took you in his arms and rocked you back and forth until you felt better. Your tears damped his smedium shirt.

You stayed curled up in Steve’s arms for a very long time, his chin pressed on the top of your head and from time to time he would whisper praises and reassuring words into your ear. The sky was dark and the air was cold.

“Where are they buried?” You asked after a while.

“I don’t know.” Steve drew back, trying to gauge your thoughts. “Don’t do that to yourself, Y/n.” He sighed when he read your expression. “Tony thinks his parents died in a car accident. I guess it’s better that way.”

“What do you think he would do to me if he knew the truth?”

“I don’t want to think about it.” Steve replied dryly. “Look, you’ve been through hell and back. No one can deny that. I’d punch Zola in his damn face if I could. Tony is fine now. Why rub salt into old wounds?”

“But Stev-”

“Promise me you won’t say anything. If something were to happen to you… I don’t think I could go on.” He cut you off.

Steve’s promise made you think of Bucky. Bucky found a way to talk to you today and he made you swear not to say anything to Steve. You reluctantly agreed, you didn’t know much anyway. The only thing you knew was that he didn’t want to be found and he was no longer in the US. You were sure that keeping secrets from each other meant that something terrible was going to happen.

It happened before. In 1943, you and Bucky shared a moment of doubt. You clearly remembered how close your bodies were, how Bucky’s lips almost met yours. The soft music played in the background but the only music you could hear was the drumming of your heart against your chest. You never said anything to Steve.

But what if you did? Perhaps Steve would have been so furious that Bucky wouldn’t have joined the Howling Commandos, he wouldn’t have fallen from the train and you wouldn’t have gone to the Alps to retrieve his body. And then what? Steve would have disappeared and you would have lived your life with Bucky, always wondering what happened to Steve.

“Doll?” Steve put you out of your reveries. “Promise me.”

“I swear I won’t say anything.” You nodded.

You stayed up all night, not saying a word. Bucky was right, Steve would be by your side no matter what. He was always so loyal and caring, you hoped that it was genuine that he stayed because he loved you and not because he wanted to spare himself.

**_April 29 th 2015 Avenger Tower_ **

The phone rang in the lab of the Stark Tower. You were in the corridor, walking back to your room when you heard it and decided to answer the call.

“Tony?” The familiar husky voice of Natasha escaped from the receiver.

“It’s Y/n.”

“Y/n, I… backups… -thing… wrong… help… avengers…” The static on the line was too loud, you could only understand bits of her sentence but from what you got, she was in trouble.

“Where are you?” The other end of the line was silent. “Natasha, I can’t hear you. Where are you?”

“… Sudan.”

“I’m calling the others. Hang on.” You stormed out of the labs and called JARVIS. “Where’s Tony?” You screamed as you ran to the lift.

“ _Mr. Stark is in his facility on the third floor. He asked for privacy. May I take a message?”_

“Tell him Natasha needs help, she’s in Sudan. It’s urgent, JARVIS!”

_“I will inform Mr. Stark.”_

It gave you chills how the A.I was always so realistic and yet it always remained calm and serene. You returned to your room, Steve was working on a new lead to find Bucky. Some new rich firm had bought the building you were living in with Steve and the tenants were relocated out of the neighbourhood. When Tony heard about it, he offered one of the many rooms available in the tower. You were reluctant at first but agreed.

“Steve!” You panted after your sprint back to your room. “It’s… Nat, she’s in trouble.” Steve turned around on his chair and nodded before he left the room to grab his shield.

In less than ten minutes, JARVIS and Maria Hill managed to gather the Avengers and they were now about to jump in a quinjet.

Without Steve around, you left the tower and stayed with Sam who was back from one of his mission to find Bucky. Following Steve’s advice, you went to the reunions on post-traumatic stress that Sam held at the VA centre. You entered his house, Sam’s face was stern and you didn’t have to ask how the mission went. You were both working on some files that you found in an abandoned HYDRA base where weapons and dead HYDRA agents were also found.

“Who do you think killed them?” You rested your cheek in the palm of your hand as you looked up from the gruesome photos.

“No idea. Could be your buddy, could be Fury for all we know. Haven’t heard from the man in months. He seemed pretty shaken after the Triskelion thing.”

“No, it can’t be Bucky.” You shook your head, knowing that Bucky was not in the United States. He wouldn’t dare to come back, he probably had a hard time escaping in the first place.

“Why not?” Sam frowned.

“I- I don’t know. It looks too messy.” You lied. Sam nodded pensively.

**_29 th April 2015 Sam Wilson’s house_ **

You haven’t heard about Steve or the other Avengers since they left to help Natasha. You stood in front of the television, pressing buttons on the remote to find a channel that would mention something about the Avengers. Nothing. They must have kept a low profile, which wasn’t easy when the team consisted of a man in blue tights, another in a red and gold iron suit, a gigantic green man, a fierce red hair, a god walking around with a hammer and a tired man shooting arrows.

**_1 st May 2015 Sam Wilson’s house_ **

“Wow, you’re not going alone.” Sam said as you packed a bag.

“We can’t leave all this unsupervised.” You pointed at the files on the kitchen table. “I’ll be fine, I need to get out of here. I know HYDRA better than you and Steve might need your help. Call me if you hear anything.”

**_2 nd May 2015 Tony Stark’s Celebration Party_ **

Loki’s sceptre was in the Avengers’ tower and everything seemed to go according to plan. Tony organised a great party to celebrate the victory but you were still working on your lead. Steve asked Sam about Bucky but Sam didn’t have anything to report.

“And Y/n?”

“She’s fine. She’s investigating a lead on our ghost. She should be back in a few days.”

“She said anythin’ during the sessions?”

“You know I can’t repeat what was said.” Sam gave an apologetic smile to his friend. “Anything in particular?”

“Nothing, just… nevermind.” Steve shook his head.

Later that night, Sam left the tower and called your phone. You answered right away.

“Hey! Steve’s back. He’s fine. You?”

“I’m good. What took them so long?”

“Natasha found Chitauri armors and other creepy stuff-”

“What _other creepy stuff_ , Sam?” You articulated his words with slight worry.

“An army. Hey, listen! It’s been taken care of.” Sam spoke fast when he heard you gasp. “They have the Doc in custody, they found another research base in Sokovia. Does it ring a bell?”

“Sokovia?” You pondered his question. For some reason, it felt familiar but you couldn’t remember all the places HYDRA kept you. There were so many different bases but you were sure that someone mentioned Sokovia before. “What did they find in Sokovia?”

“Loki’s sceptre. Thor’s gonna take it back with him. Everything’s fine. Do you need help?”

“I’m good. I’ll be back in a few days.”

**_10 th May 2015 Avenger Tower_ **

As soon as you entered the tower, you knew that something was wrong. You tried to call JARVIS but the A.I was missing. You frowned and the doors of the lift opened to reveal a man -you guessed- his skin was red and he pretty much looked like a living robot.

“Hello, you must be Y/n.” He extended a smooth red hand that you hesitantly shook. “My name is Vision. I found that some people liked to call me Viz, if you feel more comfortable with that name.”

“You sound like JARVIS.” Your eyes opened wide when you heard his voice.

“You are not the first to point that out.” He snorted.

You looked behind Vision to see Clint and Natasha on a nearby sofa, looking completely disconcerted. You gave a small smile to Vision and moved to the sofa.

“What the hell happened in here?” You gestured to the broken glass windows and the living robot who followed you.

“That’s nothing.” Clint took a deep breath. “You should have seen Ultron.”

“Ultron?” You shook your head and pinched the bridge of your nose. “What the hell is an Ultron? How long did I leave?”

“Apparently long enough for Clint to have a family.” You heard someone chuckled behind you and saw Tony standing on the threshold.

“You have a what now?” You looked at Clint with round eyes. “Can somebody explain what is going on?”

Tony stepped closer and explained that with the help of Bruce, they created a machine that could think on its own. The machine rebelled and attacked them. They used the stone in Loki’s spectre to create the perfect human/robot, hence the metallic red skinned man standing next to you. Vision stopped Ultron after an epic battle that resulted in many _many_ casualties. The team’s spirit was pretty low.

“Where’s Bruce?”

“MIA” Natasha sighed and stood up from the sofa.

“He’ll come back, he always comes back.” Clint used the space left vacant by Natasha to lay down on the sofa. He stretched his legs and sighed.

“Yeah, good for him.” She left the room.

You searched the tower and found Steve and Sam about to leave the gym. They both looked as fresh as a morning rose, which was a bit weird since they were leaving the exercise room. You greeted them and put your backpack on the bench.

“I’ve heard about the whole Ultron thing.”

“Yeah, Steve just explained. Have you seen the robot dude? That’s fucked up.” Sam sat next to your bag. “You found anythin’?”

“With Sam we found files from a HYDRA base not far from Washington.” You told Steve in case Sam didn’t mention it. “The police found weapons and dead bodies, shot by a man with, and I quote, ‘ _absolutely no moral values_.’” You took some files out of your backpack and gave them to Steve.

“Please, don’t tell me it’s Bucky.” He sighed.

“Nope, but I know him.” You took the picture of Brock Rumlow from another file and passed it to Sam. “He’s name is-”

“Rumlow.” Sam said in a whisper and gave a grave look to Steve as he showed him the picture you found.

“You know him?” You frowned.

“I fought that son of a bitch. Though he was dead.” Sam crossed his arms against his chest.

“He arrested us after we fought against Buck on the bridge.” Steve nodded. “How do you know him?”

“He was Pierce’s pet. Followed him everywhere. I heard him when I escaped, he was in the torture room with Bucky.” You explained. “He’s very much alive, though his face isn’t exactly… what it used to be.” You passed the pictures you managed to get from the hospital where Rumlow was treated.

“Karma’s a bitch!” Sam winced when he saw the picture of Rumlow on his hospital bed, his body was covered with scars and bandages.

“He escaped the hospital a few months after the battle. Punched a nurse and ran away.”

“And then?”

“Then, I found the CCTV of the base near Washington. A couple of agents found some old SHIELD technology, they thought they could use it to rebuilt HYDRA or whatever. Rumlow broke in the base, killed the agents with a couple of thugs he found on the way and left without taking anything.”

“Why would he kill everyone and not take the weapons?” Steve frowned, trying to understand the logic behind Rumlow’s actions.

“Um, because he’s not working for HYDRA anymore.”

“How do you know that?”

“I’ve seen it. He shot one of his men in the face when the guy started to scream ‘Hail HYDRA.’” You gave them another file with the crime scene photos and the CCTV file that you managed to take on your phone.

“Good, one less bastard to deal with.” Sam threw the photos on the floor while Steve watched the video.

“Yeah, except that Rumlow isn’t gonna just disappear.” Steve folded his arms against his chest. “Any idea what he’s about to do next?”

“I’d say he wants revenge.” You mirrored his posture and shrugged. “He’s gonna come for you two.”

“I already beat his ass once, I’d be happy to do it again.”

“How did you find all that?” Steve frowned suspiciously and pointed at your phone.

“I’ve spent decades with them. I know how they work.” You shrugged and picked up your backpack, giving Steve a fixed look. “I need to shower.” You walked out of the room.

When you were in the corridor, you waited for him and he soon left the room to run after you. He smirked at you and returned your phone before he pulled you into a tight hug.  You wrapped your arms around him and took a deep breath, inhaling his scent. He kissed you for a long minute before you followed him to your shared room.

“Seriously how did you get all that?”

“Told you. I just had the feeling that I knew how to find the information I needed.”

“Should I be worried? Are _they_ coming back?” By _they_ , Steve referred to the people that HYDRA uploaded in your head and that Bruce successfully managed to pull out.

“No, but I guess their skills stayed.” You knew how to fight, how to move around a crowd without being seen. You spoke at least five different languages and you could drive pretty much any kind of machine. “How are you holding up? With the whole Ultron thing, I mean?”

“It was though, we lost someone.” Steve’s face dropped. “Which reminds me that I have someone to show you. She’s like you, power stuff,” Steve waved his fingers in front of his face and you rolled your eyes at his nescience. “She got that from Loki’s sceptre.”


	21. The Light that Shines from Within

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader sees Wanda for the first time since she escaped and learns how to control her powers to Steve expense. Tony is feeling lonely and the team is almost defeated by Rumlow in Lagos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. Civil War spoilers.

 

After a quick shower, you joined Steve in one of the many living rooms in the tower. He was standing in front of someone who was sitting on the sofa, back hunched slightly and face buried in her hands. Long brown locks were covering her shoulders and back. She turned around when she heard your footsteps. You looked at each other with the same confused, yet relieved expression.

“It’s you!” You both said at the same time.

She stood up and crossed the room, you didn’t really know Wanda Maximoff but you’ve been thinking about her and her brother for the past couple of months. She helped you when you were escaping HYDRA and you couldn’t do anything for her. When you mentioned that other people were held captive, Sam and Steve tried to find more information but they came back empty-handed. She instinctively caught you in her arms, happy to find someone who could understand her.

“I’m so sorry. I tried to find you but you were gone. I wanted to help you.”

“You couldn’t have helped us, no one could.” You forgot that she had an accent and that’s when it hit you. She was from Sokovia, that’s why the name sounded familiar.

“Where’s your brother?” You tried to look behind her shoulder but the only one in the room was Steve. He swallowed hard, dropped his head and closed his eyes.

“He’s… H-He didn’t make it.” She pulled away from you and glanced behind her shoulder to look at Steve.

“I’m sorry.” You put a hand on her arm and rubbed gently.

“Thank you.” She smiled weakly and returned to her seat on the sofa. You followed her and stood next to Steve.

“You two know each other?” He frowned.

“Remember the siblings I saw when I escaped?” He nodded. “It was them. They were locked inside a cell in the abandoned bank.”

“I remember you have powers.” Wanda looked at you. “You don’t know how to control them but I can help you. My brother helped me when I couldn’t control my powers. I’d be happy to teach you.” She moved her fingers and let the red glowing energy escape her fingers. It danced around her fingers to prove her point.

“I think I should let you two talk.” Steve smiled, kissed the top of your head and left the room. You watched him leave with a smile on your face and sat next to Wanda on the sofa.

“I don’t really want to control this. I’d rather get rid of it.” You sighed and carefully raised your hands as if they were weapons of mass destruction -and they were.

“You won’t be able to get rid of it. You need to learn how to control it or it will control you. If you can choose when you want to use your powers, you will not live in fear of hurting anyone.”

“I don’t want to use my powers.”

“I know and by controlling your powers, you’ll be able to choose not to use them.” She gave you a small smile.

“Fine.” You gave in.

**_25 th October 2015 Stark Tower_ **

The Avengers had a new base in New York and the team was not what it used to be. Tony and Clint retired, Thor was doing God knows what and Bruce was still hiding from the government _and_ the Avengers. Despite the fact that Tony retired, you still saw him on a regular basis. He often came to the new headquarters and sometimes helped the team during missions.

You called Tony’s name when you entered the tower but no one answered. Pepper had an office on the third floor so you took the lift to see her. Her office was completely empty, her name was even removed from the side of the door.

You strolled into your old room to take the few things you and Steve forgot when you moved out. When you were done, you looked for Tony. You were still a bit weary to spend time alone with the billionaire, after all you and Bucky killed his parents. He had showed you anything but kindness, which made you feel even worse. The silence that lingered in the tower was not a good sign.

“FRIDAY?” You called the new A.I but she remained silent.

Your heart started to beat faster and you hurriedly checked the labs but Tony wasn’t there. When you finally found him, he was pacing a room, trying to take a helmet off his head. He was groaning and pulling on it but he was helpless. Suddenly, a loud noise echoed in the room and Tony feel on the ground. His body shivered and the machine next to him short-circuited, a dark puff of smoke rose as the machine shot sparks of light. You stormed into the room and took the helmet off his head. The machine protested but your powers made the pieces of electronics obey your will.

“T-Thank y-you.” Tony coughed, trying to stand up. You picked the bottle of water from the desk and handled it to him.

“What were you doing?” You chided.

“W-Working on a new program.”

“Where’s FRIDAY?” Tony sat on his office chair and closed his eyes. He paused for a moment to take a breath, trying to collect himself.

“Technically? Nowhere.” He smiled smugly at you before a fit of coughing hit him, shaking his whole body. “I had to turn her off while I worked on this.” He gestured to the machine and helmet. “It takes a lot of power.”

“You’re lucky I came here.” You pushed on your hands to sit on the desk and observed the machine.

“I would have survived,” He patted your knee as a thank you. “I always do.” He finished more sternly.

“Where’s Pepper? You don’t usually work on hazy computer stuff when she’s not around.”

Tony stood up and pressed a few buttons on his tablet to put the power back on before he asked FRIDAY if he received any messages.

“Well, if I have to wait for her, I’d wait a long time.” He continued to work on his tablet before he put it on the desk and sighed. “Keep this to yourself, will you?” You nodded. “She left me. Told me she couldn’t live with Iron Man and I had to choose... But damn it, I don’t want to stop.” He threw his head back. “I want her and all of this.” He gestured at the iron suits.

“I’m sorry, Tony.” You jumped off the desk and patted his back affectionately. “Is that why you built this… monstrosity?”

“No, that’s for me.” He rounded his desk and pointed at his temple. “Binary Augmented Retro Framing.”

“Um, Barf?” You laughed, frowning at the name of the device.

“Yeah, gotta work on that name.” He grimaced. “I’m working on something to _alter_ bad memories, so to speak. God knows I have a few. What Banner did with you was exceptional. I’m trying to recreate that.”

“Um… and how is it going?” You pursed your lips.

“Not that well at the moment. But I have time,” He sighed and traced his finger on the photo of him and Pepper. “All the time in the world.”

**29 th _November 2015 New Avengers Facility, Upstate New York_**

The targets were blown away as you twisted your fingers and let the energy flow through your body. Wanda was praising you and Natasha was waiting for you at the end of your parkour. You fought with Natasha, she might be the famous Black Widow but you were as agile as a cat. You tried to hit her with your powers but her combination protected her. She cackled and kicked you in the shin, sweeping you off your feet. A triumphant smile graced her lips before you put your hand to the ground and created a mini earthquake that made her fall.

“Better luck next time.” You stood up and extended a hand to help her on her feet.

“You’re a fast learner.” She smirked and used your hand to stand up.

“Um, it helps to have everything stuck in my head. I do it without thinking.” You shrugged and saw Steve enter the training room. Wanda crossed the room to talk to him, she put a hand on his shoulder and he nodded. “Don’t tell me we have another mission.” You and Natasha moved closer to them.

“You’re doing great, better than I expected but I need to see how powerful you are. You need to lose control completely, so Steve-”

“Wanda I like you, but if you touch Steve-” You cut her off.

“I’m not going to do anything.” She rolled her eyes and pointed at you. “You are.” You chuckled nervously.

“Oh no! No, I’m not hurting Steve!”

“He volunteered.” Wanda shrugged.

“Yeah, that’s kinda his thing. Right, Steve?” Natasha smirked, playing with her empty bottle of water.

“You know what Romanoff...” Steve pointed at her playfully. “It’s okay, Y/n.”

“You’re all completely mad.” You observed them with round eyes, trying to see if they were serious. “Okay fine, how do we do this?” You looked at Wanda who nodded at Steve. He took a deep breath and grimaced a bit before he opened his mouth to talk.

“Y-You know I kissed Natasha.” He put his hands on his hips and looked around, he shifted his weight from one foot to another. You turned around, your shoulders tense before he even continued, you saw him do that a million times when he was nervous. “She wasn’t the only one.”

“Ex-cuse-me?” You said through clenched teeth. “Steven Grant Rogers!” You heard Wanda and Natasha chuckle a bit behind you but paid no attention. “Is there a girl in New York City you haven’t kissed?” You asked theatrically, your hands balled into fists.

“I thought you were dead and-”

“Oh God! Seriously? You’re giving me the ‘I thought you were dead’ excuse?” Wanda nudged Natasha when your hands started to glow. The yellow energy slowly spread out from your hands to your arms and torso but you and Steve were too busy to notice it.

He opened his mouth to talk but you were already shouting at him.

“Look at me, I’m Captain America and I have two million girls lining up to kiss me.” You moved your arms around as if it were a great imitation of Steve.

“Oh, come on!” He rolled his eyes.

“Um guys?” Natasha tried to catch your attention when she saw your feet hovering a few inches above the ground.

Steve tried to open his mouth again but more nonsense escaped your lips and in an attempt to make himself heard, he screamed back the worst thing he could have said.

“Hey, you said you kissed someone too!” He threw his hands up in exasperation.

“Oh my God!” You shouted, your body was burning with anger and your powers were starting to make you lose control. “Really? That’s the only thing you manage to come up with after ‘I thought you were dead’?” By now, you were standing high above the ground, enveloped in a yellowish light that controlled your body and thoughts.

“Y-Y/n?” Steve seemed to realise that something was definitively wrong with you.

“Yeah good! Focus on the energy, don’t let it consume you.” Wanda screamed. “Steve, you should grab your shield, she’s about to turn you into a kebab.”

Steve threw himself on the floor as a lightning escaped the palm of your hand. He took his shield and dodged another lightning by hiding behind his shield like a little tortoise. You were suspended in the air by the energy that came from your body. It was exhilarating. Wanda was screaming orders but despite the fact that she was standing right below you, it was like she was speaking from another room.

You tried to control the flow of energy but in your attempt, your powers decided to play hide and seek. You were falling to the ground when Steve launched himself at you and caught you before you hit the ground.

“Thank you.” You mumbled embarrassed and vexed.

“No problem.” He said, bringing you back to your feet.

“Note to self: don’t anger Y/n.” Wanda tried to joke but the tension in the room was palpable. “You guys want to take a break?”

“No let’s get this over with.” You shook your head and faced Steve.

After a while and a lot of _Ouch, she did it on purpose_ from Steve everytime you touched him, you knew how strong you could be. It was about time you controlled the energy and feelings that you buried inside yourself. You were gathering your things, Wanda and Natasha were already out of the training yard but Steve gathered his things silently and eyed you the whole time.

“Are you still mad?” He finally asked.

“No.” You let your bag fall to your feet and sat on the bench with a sigh. “It’s just... do I know her? Is she working here?” He shook his head, his lips curled slightly as he joined you on the bench. It always made him smile when you thought that someone could steal him from you. “What’s her name?”

“Jane, I think. No Janice, Janice Moore. She was my dentist.” You nodded, lips pursed in a pensive grimace. When you stayed quiet too long, he broke the silence. “A penny for your thoughts.”

“I was thinking that I’ll never go to her surgery.” You heard him laugh, his fingers intertwined with yours.

“That’s all?”

“Yeah, I know it doesn’t mean anything.”

“And the guy you kissed?” He asked cautiously. “It meant anything?”

“No.” Whether or not you were trying to convince yourself that kissing Bucky meant nothing was up for debate.

**_May 4 th 2016 Avengers Facility_ **

Steve and the rest of the Avengers were on their way back and from what you saw on the news, the mission in Lagos didn’t go as planned. You stayed in the compound with Vision, the two of you had to stay behind to make sure everything was all right.

You were in the living room, watching the news with Vision when you heard the jet enter the base. You turned the television off and left the building to greet your friends. They all had that look of complete mortification on their faces. They all walked past you, Wanda was walking with her arms folded against her chest. She didn’t even acknowledge your presence, they were all walking like zombies.

“Need a hug?” You opened your arms to greet Steve who welcomed the hug without saying a word. “Come on. Let’s go inside.” You kissed his cheek and took his hand to go back inside the building.

After a long conversation, Steve told you everything. Rumlow and his thugs broke into the Institute of Infectious Diseases, thankfully Natasha managed to take the phial back from Rumlow’s henchmen. When Rumlow mentioned Bucky, Steve’s brain stopped working properly. He didn’t see that Rumlow activated a bomb and Steve would have been dead if it were not for Wanda. Unfortunately, she lost control and the blast killed civilians who were hiding in a nearby building. In short, things were pretty tense.

“You know what’s about to happen?” You sat next to Steve on your large bed.

“We need the whole team.” He nodded. “This time we won’t get out of it.” He took your hand and put it to his lips, kissing the heel of your palm. “We messed up, they’ll be coming for Wanda and you. You should let Natasha hide you somewhere they can’t find you.”

“If we run away we’ll give them what they want. We’re not criminals, Steve.”

“I just can’t lose you again.” He turned his face to look at you, tears breamed his worried eyes. You sat on your legs and cupped his cheek. He instantly closed his eyes and nestled against the warmth of your hand.


	22. Friends are the Family you Choose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> General Ross gives the Avengers an ultimatum and it’s time for everyone to choose their team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Death, Civil War spoilers, sad Steve... the usual

 

**_3 rd June 2016 Avengers’ Facilities Upstate New York_ **

You were looking for Wanda, a month after the fiasco in Nigeria, she had been training all day and night. You frowned when you didn’t find her in the training room and continued your search. After an hour, you realised she wasn’t in the compound which was peculiar since she barely even left the base anymore. In the kitchen Vision and Natasha were looking at some files that Tony sent a few days ago.

“Anyone knows where Wanda is?”

“She said she needed to reconnect.” Natasha answered while pouring herself a cup of coffee.

And it clicked, you knew exactly where she was. You found her among the white and grey tombstones of the cemetery you swore you’d never visit again. You walked past the memorial made for the soldiers who died during WWII and tried to forget that your and Bucky’s names were still engraved on the stone.

She was sitting on her knees in front of the spotless grave, you stood behind her and leaned forward to put the bouquet of flowers you bought on your way to the cemetery. She kept her eyes on her brother’s name and raised a hand that you took. You squeezed her hand in yours, rubbing your thumb reassuringly on her knuckles.

“Pietro would be proud of you, Wanda.” You squatted next to her and she snorted, using the heel of her palm to wipe her cheeks.

“I doubt that.”

“Wanda... You know how much he loved you, he would have done anything for you.” You put a hand on her back and rubbed soothing circles. “What do you think he would have done?”

“He...He would have hugged me to death.” She laughed as more tears spilled down her cheeks. “H-He would have said that it isn’t my fault but you know it is. It’s my fault all these people died.”

“You can’t control everything. There are variables you can’t predict, you can’t save everyone.”

“You sound like Vision.” She grinned and turned her head to look at you but you could feel the pain in her smile.

“I do spend a lot of time with him.” You smiled, sitting next to her. “You won’t be able to save anyone if you keep wearing yourself out. You’ll lose control and it won’t be pretty.”

“And now you sound like me.” She put her head on your shoulder and stared at the name of her brother. “You and Steve, you’re the closest thing to a family I will ever have.”

Her confession made your heart swell with friendliness. You gave her the time she needed with her brother before you walked back to the car with her. She returned to her room instead of heading straight for the training room and although you thought it was an improvement, you sighed when you heard that she was watching the news again.

Steve was sitting at his desk, he just turned the screen off and sighed, looking at his lap. You put your hand on his shoulders, massaging the tight muscles and leaned to kiss your way down the side of his neck. He welcomed your warmth and raised a hand to run his fingers through your hair while he hummed contently.

“You should talk to Wanda.” You pulled away and kissed his cheek tenderly. “She’s not doing well.”

He pivoted on his chair and pulled you on his lap, cupping your face before he placed a gentle kiss on your lips.

“I will.” He promised.

You walked into the kitchen with Sam, who just took a shower after his training session. Natasha and Vision were leaning against the kitchen island when an electronic voice informed the inhabitants that someone was at the door. You were waiting for Tony but he showed up with an important guest that didn’t bode well for the Avengers. You all shared a look and sighed. Vision flew through walls like a ghost to warn Steve while Natasha went to greet the guests.

You waited for Steve and Wanda in the meeting room, Tony was sitting on a chair away from the rest of the Avengers, he looked miserable. The Secretary of State was standing by the door, patiently waiting. He kept smiling gently at the people in the room but you knew he wasn’t there to congratulate the team. When everyone took a seat, the meeting started.

You watched in silence as General Ross showed the many battles the Avengers fought and considered victories. This new angle, however, put in light the damage and casualties. You turned on your seat to look at Steve, his jaw was clenched and when Wanda looked away from the screen he started to speak.

“Okay, that’s enough.”

“For the past four years you’ve operated with unlimited power and no supervision, that’s an arrangement the governments of the world can no longer tolerate. But I think we have a solution.” He put a thick document in front of Wanda who slid it to Rhodey. “The Sokovia Accords, approved by 107 countries. It states the Avengers shall no longer be a private organisation, instead they’ll operate under the supervision of the United Nation’s panel, only when and if that deems it necessary.

“So there are contingencies?” Rhodey asked.

“Three days from now the UN meets in Vienna to ratify the accords.”

You suddenly understood why Tony wasn’t sitting with the rest of the team, he had already signed the Accords. The Secretary of State left the room with one simple answer to his question: sign the accords or retire.

The debate was open, everyone had their opinion on the matter but Sam and Rhodey were arguing for everyone. Vision provided statistics while Steve continued to read the doorstop book that General Ross left.

As soon as Tony mentioned that they had to accept limitations or they’d be the bad guys, you knew that Natasha would sign the accords. Rhodey too, he made his point clear half a dozen times and Vision supported his arguments. You knew that Sam wasn’t going to sign anything and it seemed like Steve wasn’t keen on that either. Wanda was still unsure and you wanted to read the accords before making any decision.

General Ross gave you this monster book only three days before the meeting in Vienna, classic government move. You really had to read the whole thing. On one hand, being the government’s puppet seemed like being HYDRA’s puppet with a different agenda. But the team needed to be supervised by someone with more relation than Steve or Tony. If one of you lost control again, things could worsen quite fast.

“What if this panel sends us somewhere we don’t think we should go? What if there’s somewhere we need to go and they don’t let us? We may not be perfect but the safest hands are still our own.” Steve argued with Tony.

And as planned, Natasha supported Tony. Steve stormed out of the room and you frowned, taking the accords while he went downstairs. The rest of the Avengers continued to argue but you were too focused on the accords to participate in the conversation. One by one they left the room, no matter what they said, they all had their own views on the accords and nothing could change that.

After you finished reading the accords you noticed Tony sitting in front of you on the yellow sofa.

“What do you say?”

“They have a point.” You shrugged and Tony seemed pleased. “But it doesn’t change the fact that governments can make disastrous decisions. Have you heard about World War II?” You sarcastically asked and Tony sank into the sofa.

“Everyone make mistakes, Y/n. Governments, me, Steve, even you.” He held out a hand to point at you. “Isn’t there something you regret, that you wish you haven’t done?” He asked nonchalantly but you tensed at his words.

It took you a while to see through Tony’s armour of jokes and sarcasms but he was actually quite charming and nice. You enjoyed his company and it was even more difficult when you kept a huge secret from him. You and Bucky were responsible for the death of his parents and it was eating you alive but you promised Steve you’d never say anything.

When you remained quiet, Tony saw he had the opportunity to make you change your mind. He used the one subject he knew would make you question everything. _Bucky_.

“You’ve been trying to find your friend. What do you think is gonna happen when you’ll find him?” Tony asked. “Do you really think Barnes will join the Avengers like nothing happened?”

“It wasn’t his fault, he was brainwashed. You guys welcomed me, I don’t see how that would be different.”

“You didn’t run away, Y/n. And frankly, you’re lucky Banner managed to take these people out of your brain. You’re yourself again, can’t say that about Barnes.”

“You don’t know that.” You spat dryly.

“Neither do you.” He replied with a shrug of his shoulders. “Let alone that, if you fight 107 governments, they’ll never make an exception for your friend. He’d be put in a cell far away from here, nobody would see him again and that’s the best case scenario. You know as well as I do that they’ll kill him as soon as they have the chance.”

“You think they’d make an exception if I sign?”

“Only one way to find out.” He took the phone and handed it to you. “Barnes, Maximoff and you. The three of you are the biggest threat at the moment,” You opened your mouth to protest but he dismissed you with a wave of his hand. “It doesn’t matter whether they are right or not. It’s what they think and they have more power than any of us.”

He stood up to let you make the phone call to the Secretary of State but you were still hesitant.

“How long do you think Captain America can fight 107 countries? When he’ll fall, _because he_ _will_ , you’ll all fall. No second chance. If you have one foot in the henhouse, you _might_ be able to control the damage. It’s up to you.” He nodded at the phone that you had in your hand and left the room.

You returned to your room with a worried feeling in the pit of your stomach, you felt like you sold your soul to the devil. You promised General Ross to sign the papers if he swore not to harm any of the Avengers, including James Barnes. And since you’re not a beginner, you faxed him your own conditions that he would sign when you’d sign the accords. You sat on your bed, waiting for Steve. He wasn’t going to be pleased but you had to know that no one would die in this conflict. It was important.

“Y/n.” Steve entered the bedroom carefully, he looked even worse than you did. He slowly crossed the room to sit next to you on the bed and patted your thigh, trying to find the words. “It’s Peggy,” He swallowed hard. “She’s gone.”

The words hit you right in the heart, your mouth fell open and you couldn’t stop staring at Steve. You tried to say something but instead of words, a wail escaped your lips. He immediately caught you in is arms, pressing you against his chest as your sobs made you shiver. He put his hand on your head and whispered reassuring words in your ear.

You were both laying on the bed, embraced in each other’s warmth and contemplating how everything suddenly started to crumble around the two of you. You left his lips on the crown of your head and propped yourself on your forearm to look at him.

“A jet is waiting for us if you want to come with me.” His pointer finger traced the wet lines made by your tears.

“We should get going.” You nodded.

**_7 th June 2016 London_ **

You were in the bathroom of the hotel room, adjusting your dark blouse in your black skirt before you swung the black vest over your shoulders. You stared at yourself in the mirror and took a deep breath, it was going to be an emotional day. A loud groan from the bedroom jolted you out of your reverie and you quickly left the bathroom. Steve was pulling on his tie, messing the fabric.

“This damn thing won’t-” He cut himself off with a sigh, closed his eyes and sat on the desk behind him. You quickly approached him and wrapped your arms around his small waist. He buried his face in the crook of your neck and cried.

“I know, I know, honey” You whispered and held him close. When calmed down and pulled away, you tied the ribbon tightly in a knot and smoothed his clothes before Sam knocked on the door. “We’ll meet downstairs.” You said loud enough. When Sam was gone, you returned your attention to Steve. “Are you going to be okay?” You ran your hands down his arms, stroking his hard biceps and he nodded.

“Stay close, okay?”

“Absolutely.” You kissed his lips before your took his hand and left the room.

Peggy Carter’s funeral was stunning, it warmed your heart to see that your friend touched so many people. She was a generous woman and the most loyal friend. You all stood up when the pallbearers entered with the casket. The look on Steve’s face broke your heart, he was holding back the tears. He and the other men put the casket in front of the priest and Steve sat next to you. He took your hand and held it tightly until his knuckles turned white. You held his biceps with your other hand, patting the suit with gentleness.

The ceremony was short and sweet, soon you and Steve were the only one left. His hand was still in yours and you were both glued to each other, unable to move.

“I have to go.” You reluctantly said. “Natasha is probably waiting for me.” You stood up from the bench and cupped his cheek, thumb stroking the flesh tenderly.

“Are you sure you wanna sign this?” He put his hand on top of yours.

“I’m sure, Steve. People need to be protected from me and you can’t see it because you love me too much.” He was now standing in front of you and you never saw any one looking so morose. “But Steve, I love you too.”

You were pretty sure that it was not going to end well and with you in Tony’s team, he had a better chance to find a good deal. Retirement was not an option for them, they’d fight until the end.

“If you ever change your mind,” He kissed the back of your hand. “I’ll be waiting for you.”

“Same, Captain.” You stood on your tiptoes to kiss him. “Don’t do anything stupid.” You hugged him tight before you left.

You returned to the hotel to take your bag and headed straight to the jet that was still waiting for you and Natasha. Once the two of you were inside, the steward closed the door.

“He never even thought about signing them, you know.” You gave a small smile to Natasha who nodded pensively. She looked at the empty seats and sighed.

You changed in the plane to attend the Convention at the International Centre in Vienna. There were so many important people, you had to be at your best and it wasn’t easy when the only thing you could think about was Steve and Bucky. You were asked to go in a private room to sign the accords, the paper you sent to the Secretary of State was already signed and stamped. With a heavy heart, you took the pen and wrote your name before you signed.

“Where were you?” Natasha asked when you returned from the private room.

“Signing the accords.”

“How do you feel?”

“Like I made a pact with the devil.” You sighed and excused yourself to go drink something. When you came back, Natasha was in a conversation with the King of Wakanda and his son, T’Challa.

A male voice asked everyone to return to their seats and before the meeting even really started an explosion blew the building. Some guests were trapped under pieces of the roof and you instinctively jumped forward to help people, after all you were still a nurse.

Other people helped you too and you could hear the sound of firefighter siren coming closer. You put those who were too shocked to move on one side along with those who had minor injuries and rushed to the King of Wakanda who was motionless in his son’s arms. There was nothing you could do for him, he was already gone and the war has just begun.


	23. If you Can't Beat Them: Join Them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader helps Steve and Sam. At the Joint Counter Terrorist Centre, Zemo wakes up the Winter Solider.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will focus on the battle but meanwhile let's all die inside together. It's mostly a mix of angst and fluff for both pairings.

 

You shook the dirt off your skirt and tried to catch your breath but everything felt like WWII and you had to move away from the crowd. You could see Natasha talking to T’Challa and you stared at them, he stood up and moved away from her before she answered a call.

A blonde almost bumped into you, and you had to take a step back to let her and her men continue their search for Bucky who was now the prime suspect. You looked at the blonde again, she was familiar. You frowned trying to remember where you saw her when it hit you, she was Sharon Carter, Peggy’s niece. The last time you saw her was a couple of hours ago at her aunt’s funeral and yet she was now in Vienna. You turned around and saw Sam in a coffee shop. He was wearing a cap and sunglasses and before you could move, another man with a cap and sunglasses entered the coffee shop. You hastily crossed the road to the other side of the street and entered the coffee shop right after Steve.

“The hell are you two doin’ here?” You whisper-shouted, trying to stand a bit further away from them, clearly they were wearing disguises.

“How did you find us?” Sam asked looking straight ahead.

“Two dudes with caps and sunglasses, looking suspicious as hell? God, Sam! No wonder you’re soldiers and not spies.”

“You’re alright?” Steve asked, eyeing the blood and dirt that stained your outfit.

“Yeah, it’s not my blood.” You tried to arrange yourself when you noticed that people were giving you weird glances. “Back alley, now.” You said before you left the coffee shop.

You waited for the two worst spies in the universe near the dumpster.

“Did you see Bucky?” Steve asked, hands on his hips.

“No. They say it was him, I saw the news but I don’t think it can be him.” You sighed.

“Why not?” Sam mirrored Steve’s posture.

“He’s not in Vienna, he’s in Bucharest.”

“How the hell do you know that?” Sam threw his hands up in mild annoyance. The three of you had been trying to find Bucky for over a year and you succeeded in that task a few weeks ago but kept it a secret.

“He called me once. He called the tower and then a payphone in New York. I compared the numbers and it led me to a payphone in Romania. I hacked the security cameras and I saw Bucky. All I had to do was to follow his journey on the CCTV.” You looked down at your feet and bit your bottom lip while the two Avengers looked at you with their jaws clenched. “I know where he lives.” You confessed.

“We’re leaving. Now!” Sam took Steve by the shoulder, after you gave them the address.

You returned to what was left of the International Centre and saw Natasha waving at you.

“Tony is in Berlin. Emergency meeting.” She explained as she held the door open and you climbed into the back seat.

**_8 th June 2016, Joint Counter Terrorist Centre, Berlin_ **

“We have four people in custody.” Everett Ross moved around the room and gestured at Sharon Carter to follow him. “Get the shrink here before they arrive and do not put King T’Challa in a cell. I don’t want another political incident.”

Steve and Sam found Bucky in his apartment in Bucharest but so did T’Challa who believed that Bucky killed his father, King T’Chaka. After the chase, War Machine arrested the four men.

You looked at Natasha with round eyes but she seemed hardly surprised.

“You knew about this?”

“I didn’t know he’d be wearing a catsuit, but yeah.”

A few hours later, Everett Ross and Sharon went to the main hall as the cars that brought the _criminals_ parked. Tony was on the phone, he had been for most of the day and Natasha, despite ordered not to, followed Ross and Sharon. Steve and Sam were no longer allowed to keep their suits and had to stay in the meeting room.

You were alone with Steve in the meeting room while everyone else waited for the psychiatrist.

“Did he say anything?” You asked Steve who shook his head. “He remembers, Steve. I know he does.” Steve nodded pensively. “Are you going to talk to me?”

“You knew where he was. You should have said something.” He replied bitterly.

“He made me promise not to.”

“You should have said something to me, Y/n.”

“Just like I should have told Tony about his parents.” You replied.

“It’s different.”

“No it’s not. You made me promise not to say anything and now we’re friends. Damn it Steve, he is my friend! It’s sick.” You stood up from your chair and left the room.

Tony entered the room a few minutes after you left and almost made Steve sign the accords but failed miserably after he mentioned that Wanda was locked in the Avenger’s headquarters.

You joined Natasha and everyone turned to observe the televisions. The psychiatrist entered the cell where Bucky was locked up and started to ask questions.

Out of the blue, the power went off and everyone started to run in different directions like headless chickens. Ross was screaming orders and the engineers were doing their best but they couldn’t see Bucky or anything else for that matter.

You turned around in time to see Steve and Sam storm out of the meeting room. Sharon was standing alone in the room and you understood what happened. Natasha and Tony were as confused as everyone else but they were ready to fight. No one was paying much attention to you, so you left the room to find Sam and Steve. When you found Sam, he was running back to the cafeteria, the psychiatrist was already gone.

“Where is he?” You raised your voice to speak louder than the people who were screaming.

“Dunno.” Sam turned around. “He got away. Steve?” He yelled back.

“I have no idea, thought he was with you.”

A loud noise above you made you both look up. Without needing to say another word, you both rushed to the roof and got there right on time to see a helicopter fall off the runway into the river down below. You and Sam ran towards the edge and watched Steve emerge from the water.

“Go help him. There’s a warehouse about a mile away from here. It’s safe, stay under the radar and I’ll meet you there.” You rushed back to the building. “Go now before they figure out you’re still there.” You shouted behind your shoulder and Sam followed you.

He hastily left the building and you returned to the meeting room where everyone kept screaming.

“Barnes, Rogers, Wilson.” General Ross shouted as he left.

You pushed the glass door open and sat in front of Tony with a defeated sighed.

“We have thirty six hours to find Steve and the Jolly Rogers before Ross pulls the trigger.” Tony filled you in.

“Great.” You pinched the bridge of your nose. You felt beaten and powerless, yeah that is what happens when you make a deal with the devil. If Sam still trusted you, you knew exactly where the boys were. “What now?”

“I have an idea.” Natasha said with a small grin.

“Me too. Where’s yours?” Tony moved on his seat.

“Downstairs. Where’s yours?”

“I’ll be back in a few. Try to gather as many people as you can. We need a team.” Tony stood up without answering Natasha’s question and left the room. You followed him out of the room and called his name to make him turn around. “What’s wrong?”

“Tony, a team? What exactly do you have in mind?” You put your hands on your hips and faced him.

“You know what’s comin’, Y/n. So I’m asking you one more time. Are you with me?” There was panic in his voice, he knew that without your abilities, he would lose a valuable asset.

“I’m with you.” You sighed tiredly and Tony closed his eyes in relief before he took a step closer and put his arm around your shoulders, pressing you against his chest.

“Great. I really _really_ need you.” He said softly and at that moment you knew that guilt was a larger part in your choice than you cared to admit. “I promise you, I’ll give him another chance.” You nodded and returned to the room where Natasha was getting ready.

“Anything you wanna share?” Natasha’s brows furrowed when she saw that you were anxiously biting your nails.

“We’re about to fight. I can’t fight them.” Your gaze was lost.

“With your abilities, I’m pretty sure you’ll have to face Wanda.”

“Not helping.” You shook your head and pouted at the Russian. “I need to get out of here.” You stood up and quickly left the room, leaving her alone.

When you were sure that no one was around, you turned at the corner and walked faster to leave the building. Sharon followed your journey on the screens, pressing buttons to darken the screen everytime you appeared on the monitors. The technicians grumbled that the power was not completely back again and Sharon smirked to herself. She saw you leave the building, with your powers it wasn’t difficult to short-circuit the control panel.

You silently prayed to find Steve, Sam and Bucky in the warehouse you told Sam about and when you saw Steve guarding the main entrance you sighed in relief.

“Anyone followed you?” He let you in and returned his attention to the sky.

“No.” You tried to see if Sam and Bucky were around. “How’s Bucky?”

“Still unconscious. Sam is looking after him.” He turned his head to give you a tight smile. “Thanks for the warehouse.”

“Saw it when we arrived yesterday. I figured one of us would have to use it at some point.” You smirked.

“One of us?” He repeated grimly. “You’re still with Tony.”

“We need boundaries, Steve. It’s a fact, unlimited power always play tricks with people’s mind.”

“You think it’s better to give unlimited power to the government?” His brows knitted in confusion and you opened your mouth to talk but he lowered his voice. “This is because of Tony’s parents, isn’t it?” You avoided his eyes and he put a finger under your chin to make you look at him. “Admit it, Y/n!”

“Cap!” Sam’s voice made you turn around.

You both ran to the room while Bucky gathered his thoughts. Bucky was himself again, he talked about Sarah and the newspaper that Steve use to put in his shoes. It was enough for the both of you but Sam needed more. Bucky revealed that a couple of words could control his mind, that he wasn’t the only Winter soldier. Sam and Steve went in the other room to set their battle plan, making sure to speak low as you were still in the warehouse and not on their team. You took the opportunity to sit closer to Bucky.

His metal arm was trapped and he looked like he could use a shower but pushed a strand of hair behind his ear to look at his face. He gave you a small but genuinely smile and it went straight to your heart.

“You know he’s gonna fight for us?” He said, chin pointing at Steve.

“He doesn’t need to fight for me.” You shook your head and smiled weakly at him. If only they could understand that you were trying to protect them.

“You’re with Tony?” His head shot up when you answered affirmatively. “Stay with us. I won’t be able to protect you if you’re teaming with Tony.” He tried to sit on the edge of his seat but he couldn’t move a lot.

“I don’t need to be protected. Other people need to be protected from me.”

“Doll.” He said softly. “I know how you’re feeling. What happened to Tony’s parents, it’s a tragedy but you don’t owe him your life. Come back to me.” He pleaded.

“After what I did to his parents, I owe him everything, Buck. But it’s not just about that, it’s about what’s best for everyone.” You stood up and stood in the middle of the room.

“It’s not what’s best for me.” He extended his right hand and caught your hand, stroking your knuckles with his dirty thumb. He looked at Steve and leaned to whisper. “You told Steve about…”

“About our kiss?” You whispered even lower then shook your head. Bucky nodded, his eyes cast to the floor as he seemed to ponder if this was a good thing or not.

He put your hand to his lips and kissed the back of your hand. At the reassuring scent, his eyes sparkled with tears he hastily fought back. You yanked on the machine to free his metal arm and he stood up. Your chests collided when he pulled you into a tight hug, wrapping his arms around you.

“I missed you so much.” He whispered in your ear and you had to close your eyes.

“Are we seriously going to fight Y/n?” Sam grabbed Steve’s arm as they were about to enter the room after their quick talk.

“She made up her mind. She’s with Tony.” Steve looked at Sam and tried to convince himself that the fight was right. “I made up my mind too. I said I’ll protect her and Bucky and that’s what I’m going to do. No one touches her.” He asserted Sam’s stare to make himself clear.

“And if she shots at us?”

“You duck.”

They both entered the room as you were pulling away from your embrace with Bucky and turned around. Sam looked completely mortified and Steve just tried to keep a straight face but you knew him well enough to see that he was afraid.

“I guess this is it, we’re parting ways.” You smiled weakly at them before you crossed the room to leave. Steve walked you to the exit and caught one of your hands. “Tony’s running around the globe to find a team. You should call for backup too.” You grazed your fingers along his arm and he nodded.

“You’re not really with Tony, are you?” A small smile graced his lips when you informed him of Tony’s plan.

“I don’t agree with everything they say and certainly not with the fight. He’s going to give you one last chance, please think about it. You know how much I hate to patch you up.” You stood on your tiptoes and ran your thumb over a light bruise on his jaw. He put his hand flat against the small of your back, pressing you against him.

“I’m sorry, Y/n.” He looked at you in the eye and his smiled faded.

“I’ll make sure you have your gears.” You conceded with a weak smile.

You pressed your lips against his and instantly he deepened the kiss. It was probably the last time before a very long time and he wanted it to be memorable. Sam and Bucky had a good view of the two of you kissing passionately.

Sam smirked as he watched the exchange before he avoided his eyes. Bucky, on the other hand, was not as fond of the show that played in front of him. For some reason he couldn’t look away, his heart clenched in his chest and he fell back on the box. HYDRA might have tortured him for decades but this was a whole different kind of torture, one that he couldn’t bear.

He couldn’t stomach it, everything in his body hurt and he dreamt to be the one kissing you. He wanted to hold you against his chest, run his fingers through your hair and show you how much you meant to him but he wasn’t allowed to. He needed to feel your heart beat stupidly fast as he’d close the distance between your lips, he wanted to inhale your laboured exhales and most of all he craved to make you moan against his lips. But instead, it was Steve who made you moan softly against his mouth before you pulled away to catch your breath. Stupid, dizzy smiles lingered as you both took a lungful of air.

“I love you. Be careful.” Steve put a strand of your hair behind your ear and you replied with a long kiss before you left the warehouse.


	24. We All Come Out Swinging

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's clobberin' time!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter focuses on the airport battle. Some angst for both pairings, Reader gets mildly injured. And I don't care, no one is allowed to hurt Rhodey!

 

You looked for Sharon as soon as you came back from the safe house. When you asked her to break into the safe and collect the boys weapons, she didn’t even hesitate. You kept watch while she moved the stuff and called Steve for the arrangements.

Meanwhile Natasha, being herself, understood you were up to something. When she saw Sharon drive away, the car was so heavy that the back of it almost touched the asphalt, she knew what you were up too. She promised T’Challa that she’d help him find Bucky and following Sharon was the best way to find him. She didn’t tell Tony about your misdemeanour, she was kind of playing both sides too.

Tony came back with Vision, Rhodey and his War Machine suit, a kid in red spandex and Natasha brought T’Challa. You vaguely listened when Tony gave orders to everyone, you heard that he wanted you to fight Wanda. According to Vision, Clint was back and he was Natasha’s target. She didn’t look please but she nodded.

“They are at the airport.” Natasha informed the group after she followed Sharon. “They’re suiting up.”

“Guess it’s time.” Tony sighed, he was already wearing his iron suit.

“Tony.” You crossed your arms, you were the only one still in civilian clothes. “You promised you’d give them a chance, remember?”

“I do. That’s why I’m sending you first and not Sticky Boy.” Tony gestured to Peter who was fanboying so hard, you wondered where Tony found him. “Suit up, we have to pick the elders up from the airport.”

You entered the deserted airport and went straight to the runway. The alarm was on and a voice in German repeated that all passengers had to leave the airport immediately. You walked slowly when you spotted Steve and his team at the other end of the runway. Tony and Rhodey appeared from nowhere behind you.

“Wow, it’s so weird how you run into people at the airport.” Tony joked and turned to Rhodey. “Don’t you think that’s weird?”

“Definitely weird.” Rhodey confirmed.

Steve was not going to abandon his best friends and Tony felt too guilty to back off. They talked but it was like the other one wasn’t really listening. The team arrived one by one, Spiderman made a pretty noteworthy appearance. With Captain America’s shield, Tony’s team had the upper hand. That was true until Scott Lang, who was hiding as his miniature self, knocked Peter to the ground.

“What the hell was that?”

“I believe this is yours Captain America!”

“Oh great… Alright, there’s two in the parking lot, one of them is Maximoff. Dazzle?”

“On it.” You turned back and ran to the parking lot, Tony followed you.

“Rhodey, you wanna take Cap?”

Lang fought Natasha, Rhodey took Steve and Peter chased Bucky and Sam in the terminal while Tony arrived first to the parking lot.

“Wanda, I think you hurt Vision’s feelings.”

“You locked me in my room.”

“Okay first, that’s an exaggeration. Second, I did it to protect you. Hey Clint!”

“Hey man.”

When you arrived in front of the parking lot, Tony was on the floor, cars surrounded him while Clint and Wanda ran away.

“Yeah I detected that too.” Tony spoke to FRIDAY. “Where were you?” He shouted when he saw you.

“Hey, I only have two legs.” You shrugged and helped him to his feet. “Need a boost?” He nodded and you gathered your energy to power his iron suit. You and Tony returned to the runway where the main fight was.

“Is this part of the plan?” Natasha retorted.

“Well my plan was ‘go easy on them’. You wanna switch it up?”

Steve’s team ran to the jet and Vision used the infinity stone to stop them.

“Captain Rogers. I know you believe what you’re doing is right but for the collective good, you must surrender now.”

Both teams faced each other, you observed your frenemies very cautiously but no one flinched. The fight was impending.

“What do we do Cap?”

“We fight.” Steve said loud enough and his team marched forward.

“This isn’t going to end well.” Natasha slurred as Steve’s team started to run.

You all took a few hurried steps before you were running towards your frenemies.

“They’re not stopping!” Peter gasped, skipping a bit as he ran.

“Neither are we.” Tony replied dryly, focused on his target.

Soon everyone was throwing punches and kicks. It wasn’t an easy fight, mostly because you were not fighting enemies but your closest friends. Tony was fighting Lang who managed to get in to his iron suit. To save Spiderman from an explosive arrow, you had to throw a ball of electricity at Clint’s face which made him come for you. You were ready to fight when Natasha joined in.

Wanda was protecting Clint, she attacked you but you managed to block her powers with yours. Soon the energy of your combined powers loitered above the battlefield. The red and yellow energy merged into one glowing, vibrant orange ball of light bursting upward menacingly before it exploded. No one had time to run for cover at the sound of the blast. It threw most of you in the air, creating more bruises and cuts. The explosion created deep cracks and the air was filled with ashes.

“Whoa, what was that?” Rhodey shouted through the com.

“If I continue to fight Wanda, we’re all dead.” You panted as you tried to stand up. A glance at the other side of the broken airport showed you that Wanda, Clint, Natasha and T’Challa were in a similar state. Vision was the only one standing among the havoc, T’Challa saw Bucky and ran after him.

“Leave her alone. Take the little guy.” Tony instructed.

For a second you wondered how you’d be able to find a man who was the size of an ant in this gigantic mess. Luckily –or not-, Lang found you and he wasted no time, alternating between his normal size and his ant size. You were good at fighting too, perks of having the skills of the most capable people HYDRA could get their hands on. You had the upper hand and after you heard Peter scream, you rushed to his side.

He was trapped under a broken plane, he blamed Captain America but kept saying that it was ‘so cool’. You couldn’t help but chuckle while you helped him, he was fanboying so hard. A piece of broken plane fell and hit you hard, making you fall to the ground. Peter was already fighting someone else, it was as if the kid was high on something stronger than milk and cookies. He threw punches and flew around the airport, his web tangling everywhere.

You put your hand to your head and grimaced at the pain. More debris were falling directly on you but you were to dizzy to understand what was happening. You closed your eyes, head falling to the ground when everything went dark. You opened your eyes slowly, you expected to be hit but instead a man stood above you, shielding you with his body. The broken pieces of the plane battered his back, his face twisted in a painful cringe.

You collected yourself, blinking the shock away. With a swift movement of your hand, the broken pieces hovered above the man, surrounded by a sunny energy. Bucky looked over his shoulder, smiling as he witnessed how well you controlled your powers. He gave you a small smile before he helped you back on your feet. He took your hand, leading you in a quiet part of the runway where the fight wasn’t happening and squatted to examine your head.

“I’m fine.” You shook your head. You felt woozy and you could feel blood running down the side of your head. The warm liquid stained your temple and cheekbone.

“Stay here. Don’t fight.” He pleaded, he was staring at the gash on your forehead and the blood that streamed down. Head wounds always bleed a lot but it almost paralysed Bucky, his heart skipped a beat. “Who did this?” He tried to see where the members of his team were because it had to be someone from his team.

“Y/n, could need a little boost here.” Rhodey said through the com. Bucky heard it and pulled the device from your ear, throwing it on the ground.

“Hey, I need that. They need me.” You said groggily, extending a hand to take the device.

“I need you, babe.” Bucky cupped your face in his palms to catch your attention. It worked, you almost forgot about the device that lingered on the ground. “Don’t die on me, ‘kay. The jet is over there.” He turned your head to make you look. “As soon as you can stand, go there and wait for us.” He brushed his thumb back and forth over your bottom lip and hesitated. His lips hovered near yours before he sighed and pressed his lips on your forehead instead. As you were gathering your strength, you saw Natasha enter the depot where the jet was. You hunched forward, took the device from the floor and put it in your ear.

“It’s Y/n. I’m coming.” You tried to keep a strong voice and stood up on wobbly knees before you joined the fight.

War Machine and Iron Man stood in the middle of the runway and you joined them, pressing your glowing hands on their suits until they were fully charged and ready to fight. They flew away and you stood still until your head stopped spinning. It never did because another strong man appeared right in front of you. Steve cupped your face and peered deeply into your tired eyes.

“Who did this to you?” He screamed but you heard him as if he were ten feet away from you. You managed to shrug and tried to keep your eyes open. “Wanda? Clint? Lang? Tell me!” His voice was loud, broken and angry.

“No one. Someone trapped the kid under a plane. Got hit by a piece of it.” You spoke softly, steading yourself with a hand on his chest.

Steve’s lips parted in a silent gap, you were too lightheaded to see the look on his face. He was the one who trapped Spiderman under the plane, he was the one who involuntarily caused this to you. He pressed you against him and held you close, feeling his throat constrict. He closed his eyes, the chaos disappeared but the guilt still clawed at his belly.

“Dazzle, this isn’t Romeo and Juliet. Hit him or leave it.” Rhodey screamed through the com.

You gathered your strength and pulled away from Steve who was still standing in front of you, eyes sparkling with anger and fury as he understood what he inadvertently did to you. He would have kicked himself in the guts, broken every bones of his body. He was his own enemy. He realised he couldn’t control everything.

“This is my choice.” You whispered, seeing the look on his face and his eyes opened wide. He came back to reality and looked into your eyes before he nodded. He said the same thing to Peggy before he crashed the plane into the ice.

You walked away and disappeared behind some broken part of the airport to help your team while Bucky arrived, his jaw clenched as he watched you go.

“We gotta go. The guy’s probably in Siberia by now.”

“I take Vision, you get to the jet.” Steve replied before Sam interrupted them through the com.

“No, you get to the jet. Both of you.”

Scott distracted the rest of Tony’s team. The little guy turned into the biggest, tallest, most impressive thing you had ever seen. With one step he crushed a truck and scared the hell out of everyone.

“Holy shit!” Peter exclaimed

“Okay… tiny dude is big now, he’s big now!” Rhodey recapped for everyone.

Steve and Bucky started to run to the jet while Lang used Rhodey like a rag doll. Tony tried to rescue his friend while Spiderman was twirling around the big buy trying to make him lose his balance. You couldn’t do much, the last thing you wanted was to aggravate the situation. Dizziness and superpowers were not a good combination.

“Okay anybody on our side hiding any shocking and fantastic abilities they’d like to disclose? I’m open to suggestions.”

Just when Steve and Bucky thought they made it to the depot after leaving Wanda injured on the ground, Natasha appeared from the back of the room.

“You’re not gonna stop.”

“You know I can’t.”

“I’ll regret this.” She raised her arm and aimed at Steve who stood straight in front of her. When she fired, he was surprised to still stand on his feet. He turned around and saw the Black Panther on his knees. “Go.” Natasha said while she fired again.

Bucky and Steve hurriedly entered the jet and flew away, closely followed by War Machine. T’Challa gave Natasha a death stare.

“I said I’ll help you find him not catch him. There’s a difference.” She ended her sentence with a smirk.

War Machine followed the jet and called for help when he saw Sam following him. Vision was kneeling besides Wanda. When he finally decided to fire, Sam dodged the blow and Rhodey got hit. His suit was down and he fell at high speed. He tried to call Tony but the com was not working anymore.

Sam and Tony hurried to save Rhodey while the jet flew away, unaware that one of their frenemies was in great danger. You ran to the field and used your powers to boost his suit. As he dangerously approached the ground, you gathered the strength you had left and managed to soften his fall. He crashed to the floor but he was alive.

Tony landed with a relieved sigh and nodded at you. You shot him a small smile that he mirrored. Sam landed next to Tony and before he could do anything, Tony threw himself on him. The two men started to fight with their bare hands. You made sure Rhodey was fine before you crossed the field and put your sparkling hands on the two Avengers, jolting them. They both fell to the ground, groaning and panting.

“Enough!” You screamed. “No more fighting. Look at what we did to the airport.” You gestured to the chaotic building next to the field.

Police cars and ambulances arrived as you spoke. Wanda and Clint were taken away while Vision watched the scene powerless. Scott didn’t even protest when the policemen put him in a car, he was still too weak after his impressive performance. Paramedics helped Rhodey and put him in the back of an ambulance. While you yelled your frustration on Tony and Sam, Natasha took you by the arm.

“Come on. You have to let the doctors see you.” She put you in an ambulance with Tony and Vision, who definitively didn’t need medical attention.

A couple of straps later, you were good to go. You entered the waiting room where Tony and Natasha were talking before she turned around and left. Tony sighed as you cautiously approached him.

“You okay?” He asked when you hunched over the hurdle. His arm was in a sling and he had a nasty bruise under his eye but he was fine.

“I had better days.” You sighed before you turned your head to look at him. “And that’s coming from someone who spent seven decades in the hands of HYDRA.” You cynically joked. “Rhodey?”

“They’ll keep him for a while. Broken ribs, broken collarbone and lots of contusions but it could have been worse. A lot worse.” He extended his only available arm and pulled you into a hug. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.” You welcomed the hug after the horrible day, even if it made you feel even more guilty. Your secret would soon come out and things would get ugly real soon. You were the reason why he lost his parents and there was nothing that could change that.

“Come on.” He pulled away and sniffed a bit, clearing his throat to mask the sound. “We have work to do.”


	25. The Truth will Set you Free but First it’ll Piss you Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Reader go to Sam for information about Steve and Bucky while the super soldiers arrive in Siberia. Tony learns the truth about the death of his parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> angst, all the angst! 4 more chapters until the end :)

 

**_June 10 th 2016, the Raft, Atlantic Ocean_ **

You followed Tony and listened to what FRIDAY had to say while the jet drove itself to the Raft. The man who interviewed Bucky was not the man Ross hired, but you already figured it out with what Bucky told you in the depot. Helmut Zemo killed the real psychiatrist and used his identity to infiltrate the Joint Counter Terrorist Centre. He also impersonated Bucky and blew up the building in Vienna.

You arrived at the Raft where they kept the remaining Avengers on Steve’s team. The secretary of State was waiting for you.

“You’re lucky you’re not in one of these cells.” He motioned for you and Tony to follow him.

The room was dark and gloomy, engineers and scientists were looking at the screens displayed in the room. The bay window led directly on the cells down below. You couldn’t tear your eyes from the screen that showed Wanda tied up in a straitjacket. She looked directly into the camera and you turned around to see that Tony was as mesmerised as you were by the cruelty of her detention. 

“You do your thing and I do mine.” He leaned to whisper in your ear. You frowned, trying to understand what he meant before a small grin curled the corner of your lips.

“So you talk and I wiggle my fingers, right?” He grinned and opened his mouth to talk but you cut him off. “Before you ask, yes I had to make it weird.” You smirked.

“They grow up so fast.” He smiled and ruffled your hair a bit before he turned to leave the room.

Clint’s voice ‘welcomed’ Tony as he entered the round room where the Avengers were held captive. After a brief argument, Tony went to Sam who refused to say anything.

“You don’t want to talk? Fine. I came here with someone you’ll like better.” He nodded to the bay window and from the inside of the control panel, you saw Sam looking at you. It was your cue. You took a step back and put your hands behind your back. You focused on the energy that came out of your hands and hijacked the computers, shutting it off.

“She’s hijacking the system, we have about one minute before they manage to put it back on.” Tony explained.

“What did you do? Put it back up!” General Ross shouted.

“Just look, ‘cause that is the fellow that was supposed to interrogate Barnes. Clearly I made a mistake. Sam, I was wrong.”

“That’s a first.” Sam mocked.

“Cap will need all the help he can get. We don’t know each other very well, you don’t have to-”

“Nah, alright.” He cut him off and waited before he continued. “I’ll tell you but you’ll have to go as a friend.”

“Easy.”

You managed to control the equipment while the staff tried to see what was wrong. When Tony moved away from Sam’s cell, you stopped what you were doing and watched as the computers came back to life. General Ross sighed and eyed Tony suspiciously before he turned to you.

“I hope you still remember you’ve signed the accords, Miss Y/l/n.” General Ross’ eyebrow lifted. “Once we get Barnes, you will both be prosecuted.”

“Remember yours?” Your voice was calm despite the anger that consumed you. “No one dies. You don’t touch Barnes, Rogers or anyone else.” You asserted, taking a few steps to destabilise him.

“I remember.”

“Funny but that SWAT team who crashed Barnes’ apartment seems to say otherwise.”

“Collateral damage.” He shrugged.

“Sure.” You turned around to leave when you saw Tony at the doors. “And you say that your hands are safer than ours? Who’s gonna write a new series of accords for you, Mr Secretary of State.”

“Don’t smartass me.”

“Simply stated facts, Sir.” You nodded and left the room, following Tony back to the jet. On your way back General Ross stopped you again.

“Stark? Did he give you anything on Rogers?”

“No he told me to go to hell. I’m going back to the compound instead but, you can call me anytime. I’ll put you on hold I like to watch the line blink.”

You climbed into the helicopter with Tony while Steve and Bucky were already on their way to Siberia.

“What’s gonna happen to your friends?”

“Whatever it is,” Steve spoke after a long silence. “I’ll deal with it.”

“I don’t know if I’m worth all this Steve.”

“What you did all those years, it wasn’t you. You didn’t have a choice.”

“I know. But I did it.”

The jet fell back into silence, Steve didn’t reply. Bucky hesitated before he said the words that kept repeating in his head.

“She wasn’t in the warehouse.”

Steve didn’t turn around while his friend spoke. He knew Bucky was talking about you, he heard him talk to you through the com during the battle. He dreaded this conversation but he had no way out.

“She didn’t want to come.”

“I told her to wai-”

“I know.” Steve cut him off. “I heard you.” He put his forefinger on the communication device and Bucky’s lips parted before he closed his eyes. Once again, silence prevailed.

“I kissed her.” Bucky tried to keep his voice loud but it escaped his lips as a whisper and to his surprise Steve didn’t flinch.

“I know. Figured it out.” He quickly replied but waited before saying more, mostly because it wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer to his next question. “You love her?” He let out an almost inaudible snort when Buck didn’t reply. “Guess that means yes.”

“I’d never do that to you, Steve.” Bucky’s voice was strong as he spoke because that was the truth.

“I know. But you did it.”

Silence prevailed for the rest of the flight. The minute you said that you remembered kissing somebody, Steve knew exactly who it was.

Back in the day, when he was skinny and frail, he never worried that someone might take you away from him. The way you looked at him, the way you came home excited to see him and his new drawing even if it was yet another portrait of you. The way you mumbled to yourself, cursing him as he came back with a black eye or a swollen lip. He often found you crying in the bathroom after you patched him up, he never said anything because you always wiped the tears and pretended that nothing happened.

He loved that wicked game you both played everytime Bucky showed up with a new girl. You’d both be rolling your eyes, smirking mischievously as the girl started to plan her future out loud, while an anxious Bucky fidgeted in his seat. You’d tease Bucky, asking him when they were going to tie the knot and try not to laugh as Bucky’s face turned even redder.

It was love. Pure, unadulterated love. No one could have taken you away from him, not even Bucky.

But then he took the serum. Things changed. He often thought about that look on your face when he appeared from behind the curtains, his massive frame replacing the skinny boy he used to be. He caught you watching the old photograph in your locket, your finger tracing the curves of the man he used to be, a sad smile lingered on your lips.

Even Bucky was different, he seemed distant. Steve knew you still loved him and he loved you just as much. Ever since you came back, things changed. You were still the same, but enhanced with your powers, your impressive fighting skills, etc… And there was a pain that he couldn’t even begin to imagine. A pain that only Bucky could understand.

And yet, the kiss didn’t matter to him. You were still his girl, the only girl he had ever loved. Nothing had changed, he’d still go to hell and back for you and Bucky. And if something were to happen, he had to know that Bucky would be there for you.

“Promise me one thing.” Steve took the shield in his hands and turned to face Bucky. Bucky swallowed hard, not exactly sure what to expect but he nodded. “If something happens to me, take care of her.”

“Steve.” Bucky pleaded.

“Swear it, Buck.” Steve sighed and Bucky took a deep breath before he stood straight in front of his best friend.

“I swear I’ll take care of Y/n.”

“Let’s go.” Steve opened the door.

**_Same day, Former HYDRA Base, Siberia_ **

Steve was protecting Bucky with his shield while the war hero walked wearily, his gun raised high.

They were already inside the base when you arrived with Tony. The first thing you spotted was the jet that they stole in Germany. Tony used his technology to open the door and walked in front of you, arms held out to protect you with his iron suit. You walked behind him, hands sparkling with electricity, ready to attack. The doors of the lift opened, Bucky was pointing his riffle but Steve relaxed when he recognised you.

Steve and Tony talked, Bucky was still aiming at Tony. Things were pretty edgy between the two stubborn men and their tendency to use sarcasm as a defence mechanism scared you but they relaxed and nodded at each other.

“Erk! Manchurian candidate, you’re killing me.” Tony pointed exasperatedly at Bucky. “There’s a truce here. You can drop..” He gestured at Bucky’s riffle.

Tony climbed the few steps, Bucky followed him wearily and Steve took a step closer to you. He didn’t let any emotion show and you didn’t know what to expect. Steve traced the stripes on your forehead, he didn’t say a word and you closed your eyes, missing the gentle warmth of his hand. You heard him swallow hard and opened your eyes.

“It’s good to see you.” He said, eyes still focused on the patched up wound.

You cupped his face to make him look at you in the eye. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the wound. “We should join them before Tony says something dumb and Bucky tries to kill him.”

“Or the other way around.” Steve joked.

Tony and Bucky were a few steps ahead of you, Bucky holding his riffle against his shoulder and Tony scanning the room.

“I got heat signatures.”

“How many?” Steve asked, standing ready to fight.

“Um... one.” Tony seemed a bit surprised.

You all entered the room, it was damp and dark and you could vaguely distinguish some cryogenic crates. Steve entered first, looking around the room when a loud voice filled the room.

“If it’s only comfort, they died in their sleep.” Zemo’s voice bounced on the wall of the almost empty room. You all took another few steps forward to see the impact on the crates and the dead super assassins. “Did you really think I wanted more of you?”

“What the hell?” Bucky sighed.

The lights went on and Steve threw his shield where Zemo was hiding but nothing happened. Steve and Tony approached the bunker while Bucky pulled on your arm, wordlessly asking you to stay close to him. You glanced at Steve who was standing in front of the bunker, Zemo tried to destabilised him but Steve didn’t cringe. That was until Zemo played a video on the closest computer and Steve immediately caught the date. _December 17 th 1991._

“An empire toppled by its enemy can rise again, but one which crumbles from within?” Steve glared daggers at Zemo. “That’s dead... forever.”

Tony approached Steve and the screen and you felt like you were going to pass out. Every muscle in your body contracted. Bucky’s riffle was lowered but he stood on guard and took one step back to cover you.

“I know that road.” Tony double checked the screen. “What is this?” He screamed.

Tony saw everything. How you smashed his father’s head with a rock, how Howard Stark called you and Bucky by your names, how Bucky strangled the agonising man and how you pushed his mother’s car off the road with your powers. The video cut right after that moment. Bucky put the hand that wasn’t on his gun behind his back, searching for yours.

You were too focus on Tony’s reaction to see Bucky’s hand. He groped for your hand and landed on your thigh, pulling you out of your trance. You looked down at your thigh and caught Bucky’s hand. Ever so slowly, he took a step back, your chest was almost pressed against his back and you had to follow his lead. Tony almost threw himself on the two of you and Bucky released your hand to raise his riffle again before Steve tried to calm Tony.

“Did you know?” Tony repeated.

“Yes.” Steve replied firmly with a nod.

There was a few seconds of calm before Tony punched Steve to the ground, Bucky took a step forward and aimed at Tony but the latter sent him flying across the room. While Tony punched Bucky, you picked up Steve’s shield and aimed at Tony. The shield collided with Tony’s back, making him leave Bucky to fight you.

“You tried to be my friend!” Tony pushed you to the ground and you refused to use your powers on him. “Tell me, did you enjoy watching me suffer?” You dodged a kick but got hit in the stomach by his fist.

“Tony.” You pleaded, trying to push him away.

“You killed my parents.” Tony’s face was twisted in anger and disgust as he looked down at you.

Steve caught his shield back and threw himself on Tony as the building started to fall down. A large piece of the wall fell right in the middle of the room.

“He’s not going to stop. Go.” Steve shouted at you and Bucky direction.

Bucky caught your hand and made you follow him out of the room. You were running along the corridor and you both stopped when you heard Steve’s strangled scream. You looked at each other and didn’t even exchange a word before you rushed back to the room. Steve thought that you finally managed to escape, he wasn’t pleased to see you again.

“Go.” He shouted.

“Not without you.”

The fight was unfair, three against one but Tony wanted to kill when the three of you only tried to break his suit. Without his suit, Tony wouldn’t be able to fight and despite how you felt, you had to use your powers on him.

You tried to short circuit his iron suit while he did his best to hit you and the super soldiers. He couldn’t use the boosters on his feet but the ones on his hands worked just well enough to send you flying across the room. Bucky pinned Tony to the wall and tried to break the reactor but Tony was fighting back.

You watched in horror as the booster cut Bucky’s metal arm off. Bucky fell to the ground and Steve went berserk, punching Tony with all his strength. You thought he was going to kill him and by the look on Tony’s face, he was thinking the same.

With his shield, Steve broke the reactor and Tony was powerless on the floor, you wrapped an arm around Bucky’s shoulder and helped him get back on his feet. Steve turned around, still holding the shield.

“That shield doesn’t belong to you.” Tony rasped as you all walked away. “You don’t deserve it. My father made that shield!”

Steve dropped the shield. It took the three of you a couple of minutes to make it to the lift. You put Bucky against the wall before you bent over with your hands on your knees, breathing hard. You could feel the wound on your forehead bleed again as well as a wave of pain that ran through your body. The doors opened and the freezing air hit your sore face. Steve took Bucky by the waist, he pointed with his chin at the jet and you nodded.

The noise of footsteps on the soft velvet ground made you and Steve turn quickly, thinking it was Tony but the Black Panther stood in front of you. Zemo was unconscious at his feet. Steve looked at him with weary eyes but you took a step forward. After all, the King of Wakanda was in your ‘ _team’_.

“We need your help.” You pleaded and after he pondered your request, T’Challa nodded. “Thank you.” You sighed in relief.

“I will take care of you and your friends.” T’Challa swore and Steve let him help carrying Bucky to the jet. You followed, walking backward to make sure Tony wasn’t following you.

Hesitantly, Steve agreed to let T’Challa take care of Bucky while you climbed into the jet. It was time to go save your friends from their underwater prison.


	26. A Broken Heart Bleeds Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Reader rescue the Avengers. Bucky decides to reveal his feelings to Reader and Steve makes a life changing decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major Bucky x Reader angst but don’t worry both boys will have their own happy endings. Steve isn't exactly really happy either. I guess it ends on a cliffhanger...

 

You sat hunched over, head in hands as you finally managed to breathe correctly. Steve pressed the autopilot button and slumped in his seat with a soft groan. Apart from the hums of the engines, the jet was silent.

You felt a presence and opened your eyes to see Steve straddling the small bench. He patted the empty spot with one hand while his other hand opened the first aid kit. You moved to sit on the bench while he rubbed alcohol on a compress.

“This might sting a little.” He said before he set the compress over the gash on your forehead that reopened during the battle against Tony.

“Ouch!” You pulled away from with a wince.

“Told you.” He cupped your cheek to keep you still while he started to gently scrub the dried blood. It took him a good thirty minutes to clean your wounds and place the straps over the cuts. “Do you remember when you said you hated patching me up?” He asked as he disposed of the used cotton balls and compresses. You nodded. “The feeling’s mutual.”

You took the box from his hands and did the same for him. After you cleaned the dried blood and cuts, the dark bruises on his cheekbone and jaw rose on his pale skin. When you were both patched up Steve stood up.

“I put the coordinates you gave me. We still have a good hour before we land. We should get some rest.” Steve sank into a leather seat and put his hands across his belly as he closed his eyes.

“Steve.” You wanted to make sure he wasn’t too upset but he cut you off before you had the chance to continue.

“Not now.” He spoke sternly, his eyes still closed.

You couldn’t sleep, you paced the jet anxiously looking over your shoulder to look at the seemingly asleep Steve. The underwater prison rose from the sea and Steve opened his eyes.

“It’s time.” He announced, reaching down to zip up the hoodie.

“How do we do this?” You asked as the jet landed on the runway.

“Together.” He stood close to the door and waited for your approval before he opened it, knocking down a guard in the process. He quickly silenced another while you jolted two guards off the platform.

“First door on the left.” You directed him to the cells before you entered the control room. It took only a few minutes to rescue the Avengers and you were leaving as fast as you arrived.

Scott gave you a bright smile as if you haven’t punched each other in the face a couple of days before. Clint helped Wanda before they followed everyone. The jet was a bit crowded but hopefully the ride to Wakanda wouldn’t be too long.

Eight hours later you were in the infirmary, nurses and doctors took care of your wounds. Their King granted you full access of the palace but you were too tired and upset to marvel at the beautiful place. You sat cold and detached on the examination table until you were good to go.

From what you understood when you found Clint and Wanda, Tony was back at the compound. You sat next to Clint on the sofa and slept for what felt like an eternity. When you opened your eyes, you were both laying on the same sofa.

He groaned in his sleep when you swung your legs off the sofa. You sat up, rubbing your hands over your eyes and decided to go look for Steve. It was very early in the morning and you finally realised how luxurious yet peaceful the palace was. You were walking along the corridor when you spotted a large statue of a panther and stopped dead in your tracks, impressed by the sculpture.

“Y/n.” Steve brought you out of your reveries and you turned around, still speechless. Steve approached carefully and stood next to you as he, too, looked at the statue. “How are you feeling?” He didn’t spare you a look and crossed his arms defensively.

“Better. You?” He shrugged. “Steve, I-”

“That guy you kissed,” He interrupted. “It was Bucky.” You nodded before you looked at your feet.

“How did you-”

“Bucky told me.” Steve cut you off again. “But I heard him call you ‘ _babe’_.” You both stayed silent for a moment before Steve opened and closed his mouth, wondering if he really wanted to hear an answer to his question. “You love him?” He finally said in a strangled cry that wasn’t meant to sound that broken. “You know what? Don’t answer that.” He shook his head.

“I’m not going to bullshit you, Steve. It happened.” You turned to look at him but he kept looking at the statue. “The context was... disturbing, to say the least but it’s not an excuse. I care about him, a lot but that’s it.” You spoke with what little confidence you had left, trying to convince yourself.

Steve nodded, a tight grimace that vaguely looked like a smile curled the corners of his lips.

“He’s in the infirmary, he wants to say goodbye.” He sighed, still unable to look at you.

“Goodbye?” You uncrossed your arms and frowned. “Why? Where is he going?”

“He’s going back under.” Steve explained. You tried to put a hand on his bicep but his body was stiff and you figured that it would be better to give him time.

The infirmary was spotless, people working in bright white blouses, surrounded by machines and white walls. Bucky was sitting on an examination table, it was the first time you saw him since you fought Tony. They managed to minimise the damage on his left arm, his stump was covered to prevent diseases. You approached carefully and he smiled softly at you.

He smelled like soap and before you could stop yourself you ran your hands through his hair, combing the strands back. His hair was soft and clean, you let your hands wander until you cupped the back of his head and slowly moved to his face, his beard scratching your fingers as you slowly puled away. You smiled at him as he gave you a tender look.

“You’re going back?” You asked despite already knowing the answer.

“I have to. It’s too dangerous.” He sighed, letting go of your forearm so you could sit next to him. “Until someone figure out how to take the goddamn words out of my head...” He pointed at his temple and shrugged.

“But I just found you again.” You protested, holding back the tears and a sob shook Bucky’s chest.

“I know, I’m sorry.” He looked at you with a forced smile. “It won’t be forever. Hopefully.” You snorted and shook your head.

“Try not to come back when I’m eighty, old and wrinkled.” You joked bitterly, remembering how it felt when you last saw Peggy.

“I’ll do my best.” He smiled as a tear escaped one of his eye and coursed down his cheek. He turned his head quickly and wiped the tear with the back of his hand. “Y/n?” He swallowed hard. “If this is the last time I see you,” He paused, trying to steady his voice before he continues. “I want you to know, I love you.”

“Buc-”

“Please, let me finish.” He cut you off and moved on the table to look into your eyes. “The first time I saw you, I didn’t like you at all.”

“Charming.” You scoffed.

“I was afraid of what you might do to Steve. But I was wrong, it took me a while to see you for who you really are. And I was proud to call you my friend.” You smiled at him and he reciprocated before he looked down at his lap. “Then I had to leave and I missed you. I missed you more than I thought I could miss anyone. I had this urge to come back to you. I fought for you, so I could see you again. It hurt to think about you, somewhere in Europe, with soldiers, bombs and everything... I had to find you.”

You wanted to make him stop, he was not helping the ache that bloomed in your heart, not for one bit. But you were holding your breath and couldn’t say a word.

“I wanted you, only you for the rest of my life and you were not mine. I could have live like that, knowing you were happy with Steve. But then everything went cold and dark and I saw you, standing alone in the snow. I thought I was dreaming, that I was dead and you were my reward.” He snorted under his breath, his features clenched. “I was so wrong. Your screams rang in my ears all day and night. I was so fucking powerless. For God’s sake, I almost killed you.” He wheezed.

“It wasn’t you.” You quickly leaned and placed a hand on his cheek, forcing him to look at you.

“Believe me, I tried to stop thinking about you the way I do but I can’t. And I thought, m-maybe, you felt the same about me.”

And there it was, the unspoken question you dreaded.

“Bucky.” You said gently, too gently perhaps because it sounded like you were pleading.  

You always refused to admit you might have feelings for him. Now that he was going back in the cryo crate, it wasn’t worth admitting anything. You had to annihilate his hopes so when he’ll wake up again he’ll be able to move on. It would crush you but there was nothing else to do. God knows when you’d see Bucky again, it could be a month, a year, a lifetime.

“You and I, we’ve been through so much. I would have stopped fighting a long time ago if it were not for you. But,” Bucky sighed, ‘ _but’_ , his least favourite word, he forced himself to look at you again. “I love Steve.” You gave him a sad shrug. It wasn’t a lie, but not exactly the truth either.

There is no word known to mankind that would describe the look on Bucky’s face and if that word existed, it would be an understatement. It was as if his heart had been pulled out of his chest and crushed in front of his eyes. And he was willing to bet that it would have been less painful. A strange emptiness seized you and you knew, at that moment, that you were dead inside. You and Bucky stared at each other in awkward silence when Steve entered the room. You jumped off the examination table and turned to Bucky.

“Are we still friends? Can I hug you?”

“Of course, come here.” He did his best not to break in front of you and extended his only available arm. You wrapped your arms around him, taking a deep breath of his scent as Bucky buried his face in your hair. “Goodbye, Y/n.”

“Bye, Bucky.”

You gave him a tight smile before you turned and walked away but Steve stopped you. He searched your face with wide eyes but you assured him you were fine.

“It’s not something I want to see.” You shrugged and left the infirmary.

You tried to keep all the pain locked up for a few more seconds, nails digging painfully in your palms. You were about to lose it, your heart was breaking in two, your whole body was shaking and you tried to control the energy that surrounded you. You felt it, exude from your chest, enveloping you in a warm comforting blanket of guilt and pain.

You were in your room, crying your soul out when someone entered and you shivered uncontrollably. Wanda couldn’t stand straight, her face was twisted in a painful grimace as she closed the door behind her.

“I can feel your pain.” She was holding her chest, her knuckles turned white. “I can help you.” She garbled and you shook your head when you saw the red energy that came from her hand.

“No. No, thank you.” You said through your sobs and shook your head but a thought occurred to you. “Can you take memories out of someone’s mind?” Wanda’s pain faded when you relaxed.

“You mean erase them?” She shook her head after you said yes. “Steve asked me the same thing. I tried on myself but nothing happened. Pietro’s still dead and I can still feel the pain in my heart.”

Meanwhile Steve was still with Bucky while the nurses opened the crate.

“Last chance.” Steve tried again.

Bucky shook his head and jumped off the examination table. Steve hugged his best friend, patted him on the back like they used to and for a second, it felt like home.

“She doesn’t love me. She loves you.” Bucky spoke in his friend’s ear and Steve pulled away to look at him.

“She told you that?”

Bucky exhaled forcefully and nodded. “Steve, you’re the luckiest guy in the world. Make sure she’s happy, okay?” Steve smiled at his best friend. “I’d tell you not to do anything stupid but we both know you can't help yourself.” Bucky smirked before he entered the crate.

“You’re a jerk.” Steve grinned and shook his head.

“Punk.”

About a month later, things started to get worse. Clint was afraid for his family, he couldn’t call them because you were all on the run and he was afraid that the government might lash out at his family. He quarrelled a lot with Steve about it.

Sam always took Steve’s side. And while Scott liked the palace, he was afraid for his little girl too. It shocked everyone, even himself, when he sided with Clint. You were working on a new arm for Bucky with the scientists in the palace when you noticed Steve on the threshold. He nodded at you to follow him and you excused yourself.

“How is it going?”

“Good. I managed to remember the prototype HYDRA made, they are improving it.” You explained as Steve used the wall to support himself. “What about you?”

“I’m going to turn myself in.” He blurted out and your jaw was on the floor. “I can’t keep everyone here. They have a family, a life and they’re afraid. It’s not right. My family is safe.” He pressed his soft lips on the top of your forehead. “You and Bucky are safe, now I have to make it right.”

“You are the most righteous man I’ve ever met, Steve Rogers.” You wrapped your arms around him. “Are you sure there is no other way?”

“Tell me if you can think of something, I’d rather stay with you.” He gauged your reactions but you couldn’t think of anything. “I talked to Tony.”

“Tony?” You frowned. “Are you sure about this?”

“Yes, don’t worry about him. I’ll tell the others that they’ll be home soon, as soon as I can work a good deal for all of you.”

You didn’t sleep much that night, Steve’s hot and sweaty body helped you unwind. You pressed your head against his chest, damp hair sticking on his glistering skin and cuddled until it was time for him to leave.

Two days later, Tony sent a car for Steve. Steve scoffed when he entered the luxurious car, Tony was still himself. The driver stopped in front of an old building, Tony was patiently waiting. They awkwardly shook hands and stared at each other for a while.

“Glad you came to your senses, Ca- Steve.” Tony avoided Steve’s eyes and put his sunglasses back on.

“Thank you for doing this, Tony.” Steve said truthfully and Tony turned around with a snort.

“I’m not doing this for you but for the Avengers. You said so yourself, they’re mine now.” He pushed the door and entered the great hall, climbing the stairs to the first floor. “Believe it or not but it was kinda hard to find someone who would represent you. You’re _persona non grata_.” Tony spoke with his usual playful tone but his words sounded cruel.

“You found someone?”

“Two actually. They volunteered, figured you had that in common. Might as well worth the try.” Tony had his hand on the doorknob, he twisted it and opened the door.

Steve frowned slightly when he saw his lawyers. One was reading a file, fingers drumming on the table, he had medium length dirty blond hair. The other one looked straight at him with a small smirk. He was rearing red sunglasses and a cane was carefully placed against the table.

“Rogers, this is... sorry I didn’t catch your names.” Tony gestured at the lawyers.

“Foggy Nelson. Big fan!” He shook Steve’s hand with an admiring smile for the national hero.

The man with the red sunglasses pushed his chair and stood up, extending a hand in front of him that Steve caught and shook strongly.

“Matt Murdock, pleasure.”

“Pleasure’s all mine.” Steve replied politely.


	27. The Devil Pulls the Strings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt has a plan and Reader finds herself in a delicate situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pfiou this one was hard to write. It's a trial and the next chapter will be the end of the trial. This is a big fuck you to Nick Spencer btw (Cerspen wink wink). I hope this chapter won't super boring, I hope you'll like it.

 

United States v. Rogers was about to happen and the press loved it. Matt and Foggy knew that they had to make a deal with the prosecutor. Civilians were not supporting the former National Hero stating that Captain America let them down for his personal gain. Steve knew that fighting Tony to protect you and Bucky was selfish but he couldn’t care less about it.

It had been ten days since he last saw or talked to you and he was desperate for some kind of reunion but it was dangerous. While the government accepted to grant immunity to Clint, Sam and Scott, they refused to make any kind of deal for you, Bucky and Wanda. If Steve called you, he would lead the government to the palace in Wakanda.

“Unfortunately, there isn’t much we can do.” Matt’s voice was low and serious.

“Our hands are tied.” Foggy nodded, his mouth slanting into a sorry pout.

“What happens to them if I accept the deal?”

“They’d be the government’s property. Most likely the subject of experiments to recreate some kind of formula. We have the guarantee that they’d be treated properly but they’d have to follow the ranks. Something like a golden prison.” Foggy looked down at his notes. “No contact with anyone not from the RAFT so you wouldn’t be able to see them again.”

“And if I refuse?” Steve sighed.

“They’d break the deal made for Barton, Lang and Wilson. Now that they know why you came here, they’d probably send people to their homes. Try to intimidate their families.” Foggy took a deep breath and played with his pen on the table. “If, or rather, when they’ll catch your friends, they won’t be so gentle.”

“But that is speculation.” Matt tilted his head.

“We know what happen when someone makes a fool of higher authorities.” Foggy held out his arms. “We can’t win, we cannot possibly win this fight.”

“It’s not a fight.” Matt reminded him with a smirk.

“Either way, we’re screwed.” Foggy shrugged.

“Depends on what we want to win.” Matt said rather mysteriously and grinned at the two men. “What do you want, Mr Rogers?”

“I want the guarantee that _all_ my friends will be safe.” Steve replied and Foggy pinched the bridge of his nose.

“How far are you willing to go to save your friends?”

“I’d do anything.” Steve replied immediately.

“Then it’s not you the people should hear.” Matt said and Foggy snapped his fingers, but Steve was oblivious. “This is dangerous, it can backfire at any time but if it works your friends will be with you.”

“There are a lot of _ifs_.” Steve remarked.

“You said you’d do anything.” Matt smirked and shrugged.

*

“Guys, come take a look at this.” Scott entered the room where you all gathered.

Scott held out his arms so that everyone could see the tiny screen of his phone. You were squeezed between Scott and Sam while Wanda stood on her tiptoes behind Clint to watch the screen. T’Challa entered the room at the same time as Sam scolded Wanda for talking while the anchor-woman was still speaking.

“Why don’t you use the television?” T’Challa frowned, pressing on a button to reveal a television embedded in the wall. You all stopped fighting and slowly pulled away from each other with slightly red faces and embarrassed glances at each other. “Children.” T’Challa chuckled to himself.

General Ross was standing in front of an old building speaking into the microphones, which hovered in front of his face. “ _We will not tolerate the actions of a group of hooligans who would rather put this country to fire and the sword than face the law_.”

“ _Hooligans_?” Scott repeated, brows knitted and mouth twisted in a grimace. “What is he? A sports commentator?”

“ _This country will fight its enemies, even those coming from within_.” General Ross continued his speech. “ _Today Captain Steven Rogers admitted he has been a danger to this country and pleaded guilty of all charges held against him_.”

“ _What is he accused of_?” A journalist asked, speaking louder than the crowd.

“ _Conspiracy. Captain Rogers has endangered the security of our nation-”_

“Okay, enough.” Sam spoke louder to cover up the voice of General Ross. “Conspiracy?!”

The screen went black and you looked at them, trying to understand what they were thinking. After numerous exasperated sighs, Clint broke the silence.

“We gotta go back.”

“I hope you’re joking.” Sam crossed his arms over his chest and tilted his head.

“It’s over, they won.”

“Steve would want us to stay here.” You shook your head.

“But Steve’s not here, Y/n.” Clint shouted. “And he’s in deep shit, like 25 to life kind of shit.”

“He knew what he was doing. He’s protecting us.” You shouted back.

“No, he’s protecting _you_. And who’s protecting my family, uh? I should but I can’t because I’m stuck here.” Everyone remained quiet. “The worst they can do is charge us with destruction of public property. We’ll be fine.”

“You maybe.” You took a step forward and pointed a finger at Clint. “But what about Bucky, Wanda and I, um? We killed people.” Wanda fidgeted next to you. “According to my file, I died in 1944, Clint. I don’t have any legal papers and Wanda isn’t even a citizen of the United States. They can do whatever the hell they want with us.”

“We don’t have to talk about th-” Scott tried to calm everyone but Clint surged forward.

“You do whatever you want, Y/n. I’m not staying.” Clint shouted before he turned around and left the room. Scott opened his mouth to say something but sighed and shook his head before he followed Clint.

The next day, Sam found you in front of Bucky’s crate and threw the newspaper on the seat next to yours. You looked at the headline and felt a wave of anxiety hit you.

_Are the Avengers hiding in Wakanda?_

“We can’t stay here anymore.” Sam stood in front of you with his hands on his hips. “We gotta leave, Y/n.” He reluctantly admitted.

After a long conversation, you agreed to go back to the US while Wanda stayed behind to look after Bucky. It was too dangerous for her to go back to the United States. The journey back to New York was incredibly stressful, Clint was still pissed off and you couldn’t believe that you were back where it all started.

As soon as the jet landed, a bunch of men in black suits led you to an old building where you were asked to wait for the prosecutor in charge of the case. He gave all of you a simple choice: testify against Steve and be free or you would all be prosecuted. If one of you refused the deal, you would all end up in prison so you reluctantly nodded. You left the office and saw a handcuffed Steve walking down the corridor, a couple of guards surrounded him.

You ran towards him but an officer stopped you. Steve tried to push past the guards but he groaned as they kicked him in the shin and he had to follow them. You looked over your shoulder while the officer handcuffed you.

“Y/n Y/l/n, you are under arrest for the murder of Howard and Maria Stark. You and James Barnes are also under arrest on the charges of objection of justice, high treason against the government of the United States, criminal conspiracy and...” The officer continued his speech as you were dragged away from your friends.

“See!” You shouted at Clint. “It was a setup.” You narrowed your eyes and scoffed at his incredulous stare.

The next day, you were in a meeting room of the prison waiting for your lawyer when two men entered and nodded at the guard. They introduced themselves as your lawyers and mentioned that they were the one who defended Steve.

“Did a poor job, lads.” You scoffed bitterly. “What the hell happened?”

“Well... according to the law you don’t exist so the deal was obsolete.” Foggy explained as he read your file. “I’m seeing here you were an army nurse and fought with the Howling Commandos, that’s a great thing.”

“How so?” You asked.

“It shows you care for people. That and the fact that you originally signed the accords, we can use it to our advantage.”

“To get a deal?”

Foggy looked at Matt and sighed.

“The prosecutor refuses to make a deal. He wants a quick trial for you and James Barnes-”

“Wait, what?” You blinked in disbelief. “Bucky’s not even here.”

“Doesn’t matter, he’ll be judged in absentia.” Foggy continued. “You have to trust us and do exactly what we say.”

The preliminary hearing was a complete failure, they refused to let you out on bail because you ran away after the battle in Germany. You had to stay in prison during the trial. Some days, you were not asked to sit in the courtroom and you knew that they would be talking about Bucky. Thanks to Sam, who brought you your outfits for the trial, you knew what was happening.

“They blame Barnes for about every single murder in the US.” He told you. “He’s even accused of murdering JFK.” He sighed and tilted his head. “He was our president in the 60s.” He explained.

“What proof do they have?”

“Old documents from HYDRA and SHIELD. Some in his favour, others... not so much.” He took a deep breath. “There are pictures of the tortures and pictures of his killings. The jury seems to sympathise but since Barnes is not here... the prosecutor can twist everything to his advantage. General Ross isn’t helping. There are rumours that he rigged the jury. Don’t worry I’m working with Nat, we’ll see if that’s true.”

“Fuck.” You cursed before you bit down on your bottom lip. “You testified?” You asked cautiously.

“Yep, made a great speech about how awesome you guys are.” He smirked. “I don’t care about the immunity. I’m not for sale.” He gave you a small nod and you knew that he was serious.

“Thanks, Sam.” You smiled gratefully. You would have hugged him but they had a ‘no touching’ rule.

“Everyone is supporting you, Y/n. I met Morita and Falsworth. Cool dudes.” He smiled at you before he shifted in his seat. “I also met Rebecca Proctor.”

“Bucky’s sister? She’s still alive? Is she alright?”

“Yeah, she’s a bit overwhelmed but I mean, we all are.” He leaned forward but made sure he was not touching you. “We’re all behind you. You can do this, it’s the last day and if there’s someone who can charm the jury I know it’s you.” He grinned and you reciprocated.

It was the last day and you were the last one called to the stand. You mentally repeated everything that your lawyers told you the day before. You swore to tell the truth and tried to keep a straight posture while Matt Murdock approached the stand.

“Miss Y/l/n, would you mind telling the court when you were born?”

“I was born in 1920.” You answered with a tight smile to the members of the jury, some of them smiled back.

“If I’m correct that makes you 96-year-old. Now, I think everyone can tell that my sight isn’t perfect-” He smiled as a couple of people laughed softly at his joke. “But according to my associate you don’t look 96.”

“He’s right.” Matt nodded at you to continue and you took a deep breath. “I was the subject of experimentations by an organisation called HYDRA. They manipulated computer and science to keep me young and healthy.” You summed up in a brief sentence like you rehearsed with your lawyers.

“HYDRA? The Nazis organisation that was shut down by SHIELD?”

“Yes.” You answered.

“I know this must be a difficult subject for you but would you mind telling us the nature of these experimentations?”

“Electroshock therapy, brainwashing...” You answered after taking a deep breath.

“Psychical and psychological abuses?”

“Absolutely.” You winced at the memories.

“How long did it last?” Matt turned to the jury as he asked the question.

“About seventy years.”

“They let you go?”

“Absolutely not.” Your jaw clenched and you saw Foggy mouthing you to calm down. “I managed to escape.”

“How so?” Matt returned his attention to you.

“Bucky, he broke my handcuffs and told me to save myself. _He_ saved me but he couldn’t save himself. They were coming for him.”

“Thank you. No further questions.”

He returned to his seat and the other lawyer, Mr Cerspen, smiled at you before he stood up, he clearly tried to look kind but his smile was as fake as his toupee.

“I am really sorry about what happened to you. It must have been hard.” He said with gentle faux-concern.

“That’s an understatement.” You mocked and avoided your lawyers’ eyes, you knew you should have been controlling yourself but that piece of shit was already trying to undermine your ordeal.

“When you say that _Bucky_ helped you, are you talking about Sergeant Barnes or the Winter Soldier?” He tilted his head, as if he was trying to understand the difference between the two. “Sergeant Barnes, who fought bravely for his country? Or the Winter Soldier, who faces charges for more than sixty murders?”

“Well if you want to put the Winter Soldier on trial, I’m afraid that person is gone.”

“So is Sergeant Barnes.” He smirked.

“Sergeant Barnes is alive, the Winter Soldier is dead.” You spat back. “Bucky is brave and strong. He wasn’t himself when he killed these people. He was brainwashed and you’re being unfair.” You said loudly and the lawyer nodded with a smirk.

“You are saying that Sergeant Barnes was brainwashed when he murdered his _targets_.” He used his fingers to make quotation marks on the last word and it took all your self-control not to beat the crap out of him. “What about you? Were you brainwashed when you murdered Howard and Maria Stark? Miss Y/l/n, you spent nearly seventy years with the Winter Soldier, yet you claim that your friend, _Bucky_ , as you call him, helped you escape. It seems to me that your _friend_ could have prevented all the murders just like he helped you _escape_.” He emphasised the last word.

“It’s a bit more complicated than that.”

“Please enlighten us.” He raised a brow and turned to the jury.

“Objection!” Foggy stood up and paused, trying to find a good argument but winced when he had nothing. “This isn’t going where I want.” He mumbled and sat down.

“Wait for your cross examination. I will not tolerate another false interruption.” The judge pointed at Foggy with a dead stare. Foggy apologised and Matt nudged him with his knee under the table.

Mr Cerspen looked annoyed, he continued.

“Isn’t it true that your friend James Barnes killed his targets on his own accord after he decided to join the organisation and that you were a willing participant in the tests made by HYDRA?” He shouted and people gasped in the assistance. “You did not escape, you infiltrated the Avengers to tear them apart.”

“No, that’s ridiculous!”

“Objection! Speculation.” Matt shouted but the lawyer continued as if Matt said nothing.

“Isn’t true that Steven Rogers is working for HYDRA as your silent partner, your boss, HYDRA’s new leader?” Your face reflecting your anger, you opened your mouth to shout but the lawyer continued. “May I remind you that you’re under oath?”

“Your Honor!” Matt was on his feet, head tilted and he gestured to the stand.

“I’ll allow it Mr Cerspen, but be careful with your accusations.” The judge replied.

“You are making false accusations. Steve and Bucky fought during the Second World War, I was a nurse. We broke down HYDRA’s facilities one by one and you’re saying we work with them?!” You narrowed your eyes and frowned.

“Unfortunately, the three of you are the only one left to answer our questions. How convenient.” He finished sarcastically.

“Objection!” Matt sighed exasperatedly. “Do we really need to hear Mr Cerspen‘s comments?”

“Sustained. Rephrase or withdraw it, Mr Cerspen.”

“I withdraw it, your Honor. I only have one more question.” He looked at the judge and she nodded. “Do you love _Bucky_?” The way he said his name sounded harsh and cruel. “You are still under oath, Miss Y/l/n?” You fidgeted in your seat and looked at the members of the jury who looked at you with a lot of attention.

“I do.” You said in a whisper and tried to avoid the stare of your friends in the audience. “I love him, he’s my best friend. We’ve been through hell and back together, we supported each other and we will continue to be there for each other.”

The lawyer returned to his seat with a proud sly smirk while Foggy cleared his throat and stood up.

“Miss Y/l/n, you mentioned you were a nurse. You must have saved a lot of soldiers during the war?”

“Many. Soldiers and civilians.” You tried to calm down.

“What about prisoners?”

“Of course. Everyone needed to be patched up. We were not animals.”

“You did everything you could for the people around you, no matter their religious beliefs or faith of any sort.”

“We didn’t really have time to chat and I wasn’t interested. All I wanted was to give them the opportunity to see their families again.”

“Mr Cerspen wants us to believe that you joined HYDRA. Can you please tell us an ordinary day in the hands of HYDRA?”

“I was handcuffed for seventy years. They had interns who fed me when they decided I was obedient enough. They beat me, tortured me, controlled every single thing about me. They used my brain to uploaded people with important information. I started to lose touch with the world. Couldn’t remember my own name but I _never_ ever revealed anything. They electrocuted me so many times that they triggered this.” You let the sparks of yellow light dance around your hand and watched as the jury looked at you in amazement.

“Pretty impressive.” Foggy nodded “Did you control it right away?”

“No, Wanda taught me how to control my powers. She said that by controlling them I could choose not to use them.”

“That is quite smart.” Foggy smiled to the jury. “No further questions.”

You both returned to your seats and the judge waited a moment before she continued.

“Right, if you are both done with the testimonies, I’ll let the jury-”

“Actually you Honor,” Mr Cerspen stood up. “We have one last witness.”

“Fine, who are you calling?”

“We are calling Anthony Stark to the stand.” The lawyer smirked and you clutched Foggy’s arm. He swallowed thickly and you watched powerless as Tony walked past you.


	28. The Right Thing to Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trial comes to an end but the result won't please everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to re-write it because I thought it was too dark & sad. So this is the less gloomy version (gives you an idea how morose the first version was...) Anyway, this is the penultimate chapter before the general ending and then.. Steve's ending!

 

The day before your testimony, Tony paced around your room aimlessly. The bed was properly made, military style, but the desk was a mess. There were photos, a gigantic list of modern films you had to watch and Steve’s doodling books everywhere. The room was as you and Steve left it. Tony looked around, trying to understand you.

There was a series of framed pictures on the desk, a gift from Natasha and Wanda. Natasha must have searched everywhere for the pictures of your parents and other relatives. She even found a photo of Bucky, Steve and yourself standing in front of Coney Island’s famous Wonder Wheel. Tony observed the photos, it was the first time he saw them.

He was shocked to see you with a big smile on your lips, genuinely happy as your boys stood next to you. Jaw clenched, Tony looked at the other pictures. One that got his attention was a picture of you in your nurse uniform, posing with the Howling Commandos after a mission. Your hair was a mess, dark stains on your apron, tired eyes but a smile graced your lips and it eclipsed everything else. Tony turned around at the sound of Rhodey’s footsteps.

“She was a nurse. Did you know that?” Tony asked Rhodey who shook his head. “World War II. My father mentioned her once, said she was competent but I don’t know, I guess I thought she was working in the headquarters.”

Rhodey approached him and looked at the pictures too. His collarbone was still bruised but they removed the casts the week before.

“Look at how she smiles now.” Tony pointed at a photo from your last birthday party.

“She’s seen some crazy shit, Tony. You’re different too, people change.” Rhodey shrugged and grimaced discreetly massaging his collarbone. “I know she killed your parents but that girl saved my life.” Tony turned around and left the room, leaving Rhodey alone in someone else’s bedroom. “Hey, where are you going?” He followed Tony.

“I need to know more about her.”

**_The next day, Tony’s testimony_ **

Tony put his hand and swore to tell the truth. You knew that Sam was sitting right behind you and it helped you relax. Scott and his daughter were also there to support you, Natasha was playing outside with Cassie and Clint sat at the far end of the courtroom. He felt guilty but he would do it again, his family was the most important thing in his life.

“Mr Stark, where did you meet Miss Y/l/n?”

“New Year’s Eve 2014.”

“Anything particular happened on January 2nd 2015?”

“I bailed her out of jail.”

“After she lost it and used her powers on civilians? Correct?”

“Yes.” Tony nodded but raised a finger. “Although you should have said: after she used her powers on civilians who were attacking a woman in her house.” Mr Cerspen looked a bit destabilised by Tony’s reply but he continued.

“Can you tell us what happened on June 10th of this year?”

“I took Y/n to a HYDRA base in Siberia. Steve and Barnes were already there. The other Winter Soldiers were dead, killed by Zemo.” Tony narrated the events to the members of the jury who listened carefully. “There was a video of Y/n and Barnes...” Tony shifted in his seat and put his elbow on the arm of the chair. “Killing my parents.”

“Exhibit 56, your Honor.” The lawyer turned to the television. The events of December 17th 1991 played for the courtroom. You looked down at your hands in your lap and cringed when you heard the sound of the car crashing down the hill. “Does it look like Y/n was brainwashed?”

“Objection. Mr Stark isn’t an expert in brainwashing.” Foggy rolled his eyes.

“Sustained.”

“I’ll rephrase it then. You’ve known her for more than a year, would you say that the person on that video acts differently?”

“Yeah.” Tony snorted and Mr Cerspen opened his eyes wide, apparently this was not what he expected. “I mean, I’ve seen that tape at least a dozen times. It’s never less painful but,” He shrugged and looked at the jury. “It’s not the woman I know. And I talked with a bunch of World War II veterans who knew Y/n, it’s not her.”

“Mr Stark, if I recall well you told me that only a, and I quote, _heartless person_ could have done something like that.”

“Absolutely, and I agreed with myself.” He joked and some of the members of the jury laughed. “But Y/n has a heart, biggest one I’ve ever seen.”

“Mr Stark!” The lawyer said through gritted teeth. “This is the woman who killed your parents. We all saw the video.”

“No, that was a scared woman defending herself.” Tony pointed at you. “She can tell you every single detail of what she’s been through and you still wouldn’t know how scary and painful it was. I know, I’ve been there.”

“The witness is yours.” The lawyer returned to his seat, jaw clenched.

“As someone who lost his father I’m really sorry about your parents, Mr Stark.” Matt said as he approached the stand. Tony nodded and waited. “You were taken prisoner, is that right?”

“Six years ago in Afghanistan.”

“Can you tell us what the veterans had to say about Y/n?” Matt faced the jury.

“They all agreed on the fact that she was a kind-hearted, competent, and this is their words _, good-looking gal_.” Tony grinned. “And before you ask, they remembered everything.”

“I’m sure it must be difficult to remember such desperate times.” Matt nodded forlornly.

While the jury deliberated, you waited in your cell until the guards came back two days later. You were in the courtroom when the members of the jury came back. Your heart was racing and Matt smiled warmly. The pressure in your head was building up, you could feel the blood being pumped through in painful, erratic pumps. You swallowed hard, feeling like you were going to pass out.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, have you reached a verdict?”

“We have.”

“Will the defendant please rise for the verdict?” You stood up and braced yourself, hands pressed plat against the table. “In the case of the United States of America versus Y/n Y/l/n and James Barnes, on the charge of objection of justice how do you find the defendants?”

“Not guilty.”

“On the charge of high treason against the government of the United States how do you find the defendants?”

“Not guilty.”

“On the charge of criminal conspiracy how do you find the defendants?”

“Not guilty.”

“And on the charges of sixty-seven different count of murder how do you find the defendants?”

“Not guilty.”

You threw your head back and sighed in relief. Loud cheers echoed behind you and the judge asked for silence.

“Your Honor, I would like you to reconsider the deal made by Steven Rogers.”

“It was a complete different case, your Honor.” The other lawyer was livid.

“You accused Captain Rogers of being the new leader of HYDRA and as we saw these accusations were, not only incorrect, but beyond ridiculous.” Matt continued.

“I’m sorry but Mr Murdock is right. The deal made with Captain Rogers is void. Captain Rogers is a free man.”

Sam leaned forward and grabbed your shoulders, screaming _fuck yeah_ in your ear and Scott did a little victory dance.

“In that case we are pressing charges against Wanda Maximoff, Scott Lang, Samuel Wilson, Clin-”

“Mr Cerspen, you’ve monopolised the court’s time and most importantly _my_ time for over a month. Leave it, Miss Maximoff and Sergeant Barnes can return to the United States whenever they desire.” The hammer marked the end of the trial and you soon met your friends outside the courtroom.

You all cheered and planned a great party, while you waited for Steve. Tony was standing with Rhodey a bit further away and you walked slowly towards him, testing the water.

“Thank you, Tony.” He nodded, jaw clenched.

“I did it because you saved Rhodey’s life.”

“You didn’t believe what you said?” You frowned.

“I did but it won’t erase my pain, Y/n. You don’t have to go to jail for something you never intended to do but my parents are dead and I can’t blame anyone. Where’s my justice?” His voice broke and Rhodey put a hand on his shoulder. “You’re gonna celebrate and what? I should join you and be happy that you’re not legally responsible for killing _my_ parents?”

You were about to reply when someone behind you shouted _STEVE_! and everyone cheered. You looked over your shoulder and saw Steve hugging Natasha. When you returned your attention to Tony he was already gone. You ran towards Steve and caught him in your arms, he wrapped his arms around your waist and kissed your forehead. Someone started to shout and you all turned to see what the fuss was about but soon everything was quiet again.

“Okay, let’s leave before something else happen.” Scott said, taking his daughter in his arms.

Meanwhile Tony was outside the building with Rhodey talking about what they should do now when they heard someone shout. They turned around as the shouting intensified and saw General Ross leaving the building. He was screaming at his assistant, clearly unhappy about the outcome of the trial.

“You know what you have to do.” He said to the man standing next to him who immediately put a hand on his gun and nodded. “They can’t be allowed to walk among us. Freaks...”

“It will be done tonight, Sir.” The man walked away.

General Ross looked around to see if someone overheard the conversation before he waved at his driver. Behind a pillar, Tony and Rhodey looked at each other with worried eyes.

*

That night, the living room was filled with people happily munching their pizza. Morita and Falsworth were sitting on a sofa with Sam who was cracking up at the stories of the two former Howling Commandos. The party was going great, Matt was already gone but Foggy was still drinking shot after shot with Natasha and Scott.

“Not enjoying the party?” Steve sat next to you at the kitchen island. “You haven’t eaten anything.” He looked down at your plate and frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s just something that Tony said.” You shrugged before you met Steve eyes and he nodded for you to continue. “He said we shouldn’t celebrate. We killed people and we’re celebrating it.”

“That’s not what we’re doing, Y/n.” Steve exhaled. “And you know it.”

“Yeah, I know but... sixty seven people, Steve. That’s at least sixty seven lives destroyed like we destroyed Tony’s life and no one will pay for it.”

“Eat something, okay?” He avoided the conversation and gently put a strand of your hair behind your ear. A deep, gleeful chortle filled the room. “At least Sam is having fun.” Steve grinned, looking at his friend.

“I can’t believe these two are Morita and Falsworth.” You said while you munched your slice of pizza. “I feel so old.” You scoffed and Steve leaned to kiss your temple.

“Tell me about it, sweetheart.”

You went downstairs to find a bit of fresh air when the A.I warned that someone was at the door. The loud music and laughter made the voice of the A.I sound like a whisper. The door opened and Tony ran towards you.

“You have to get out of here.” He shouted and you took a step back.

“Tony, calm down.” You raised your hands in surrender but he shook his head.

“They’re coming for you.” He mirrored your position to show that he was not a threat. “Where is Wanda?”

“Not here.”

“They are after her and Barnes too, Y/n. Where is she?”

Suddenly the window next to you shattered into a million pieces and a man entered. He aimed his gun at you and fired. You threw yourself to the ground, avoiding the bullet. The music stopped and you fired your powers at random, hoping to hit the shooter.

Tony helped you get back on your feet and the Avengers stood ready to fight. You could feel your phone vibrate against your thigh. The only one who had your number and was not in the room was Wanda. You were all so focused on the man who broke the window that you didn’t see the second shooter behind you.

Something hit you and you exhaled a shaky breath, you put your hand above your belly and fell to your knees. The world around you seemed to fade but you were too high on adrenaline to feel the pain. Your hand was covered in crimson blood.

People shouted your name and everything went dark.

**_Days later, Hospital_ **

Steve was sitting in the waiting room, playing nervously with his cup of coffee while Wanda was sitting next to him.

“Why don’t you wait in her room?”

“I think she’d rather wake up to see Bucky.” Steve replied without looking at her.

“I think she’d want to see you both.” She pressed her lips into a thin line.

Steve raised his head to look at her and smiled softly. She was right and he knew it. He gave her a quick kiss on the forehead before he walked to your room. Bucky was sitting in front of your bed, his new metallic hand holding yours.

“I said _no one is allowed to come here._ ” Bucky sighed before he looked over his shoulder and saw Steve. “Oh, it’s you.”

“Can I stay?” Steve smirked and took his phone out of his pocket when the device started to vibrate.

“Of course.” Bucky nodded. “Who’s that?” He nodded at the phone.

“Sam. They have General Ross in custody, Tony’s taking care of the mess.” Steve read the message and pocketed his phone. “Looks like things are slowly going back to normal.” Steve took a seat at the other side of your bed and waited in silence.

“When is she going to wake up?”

“I dunno, Buck.”

“What’s gonna happen then? You’ll go to Brooklyn with her and start a life?”

“If that’s what she wants.” Steve nodded and gently ran his thumb from your forehead to your temple. “She might want to be with you.”

“I doubt that, she doesn’t love me.”

“You know she does.” Steve sighed and watched your hand loosely tangled with his.

“She said she loved _you_ , not me.” Bucky replied.

“Even if she doesn’t love you the way you do, she still loves you as her friend.”

“When did you become an expert on women?” Bucky snorted teasingly.

“I’m a thinker.” Steve grinned. “But really, I’m just repeating what Natasha told me.” He chuckled and Bucky laughed with him before he returned to his serious self.

“She’s your girl, Stevie.”

“She’s no one’s girl.” Steve replied with a shake of his head.

“Natasha told you that?”

“Nope, I learned that by myself.” Steve grinned. “I’ll respect her decision, whatever it is.”

You started to awake from your deep slumber and Steve returned his attention to you. Your right hand was holding something warm but slippery, like a pole that someone held too long. Groaning softly, you tried to keep your eyes open but everything was blurry. You heard someone shout and more people filled the room. You had no idea what was going on but the pain in your belly soon faded.

Steve followed one of the doctors outside while the nurses checked your vitals. Soon you were alone with Bucky and you had to blink to see him clearly. You tried to say something but your voice was hoarse. What was he doing here? He was supposed to be in cryo sleep.

“Hey there, beautiful.” Bucky whispered with a smile. You definitely recognised his voice but it only confused you more. “You scared the crap outta me, doll.” He brushed his new metal fingers on your knuckles and you looked at your intertwined hand.

“Back?” You mumbled.

“Shh, don’t talk. Yes, don’t worry.” He said gently. “Everyone’s fine, I’ll tell you all about it later, okay?” He smiled when you tried to nod. “Now go back to sleep, take some rest.”

You couldn’t fight it, the urge to close your eyes was stronger than anything else so you did what Bucky asked. When you woke up hours later, Steve was the first person you saw. He immediately leaned closer to you.

“I thought you’d never open your eyes.” He said with a warm smile. Bucky was standing behind him.

You looked at him with a sweet, tired smile. You tried to talk but it hurt your throat, you could only whisper. Steve moved to sit on your bed and leaned to kiss your forehead. Your hands landed on his chest and you hummed contently. When Steve pulled away, you turned to Bucky but he was about to leave the room.

“Stay.” You extended a hand for Bucky. He tried to avoid your eyes and took a deep breath before he twisted the doorknob.

“I just wanted to make sure you were fine. I should leave you two alone.” He said before he left the room.

“Please!” You pleaded but he was already gone. Steve sighed and you looked at him, the look on his face made your heart tighten in your chest.

“I know it’s not easy, Y/n.” He stood up. “But you have to choose. Me? Or Bucky?” He looked at you with his tired baby blue eyes and sighed. “Take some rest, we’ll talk about it later.” The door closed behind him as he walked away.


	29. There Are No Safe Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader receives love advice, Bucky works on his memories and Tony is ready to move on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short-ish chapter to conclude Tony’s storyline and help Bucky with his trigger words. I'll explain tomorrow how the two endings are going to work. Bear with me, the last chapters are nothing but fluff.

 

A week later, the doctors told you that you would be able to leave the following day. During that week Sam and Natasha were the only two who visited you. Apparently Wanda and Bucky were working on something and Steve wanted to give you time to think. Although, from the questions that Sam and Natasha asked, you knew they were both only a few doors away.

You had feelings for Bucky, even Steve noticed so you couldn’t hide it anymore. How did that even happen? You were one of the most powerful person, and yet you felt so weak. How could you choose between two handsome super soldiers? You were weighing pros and cons when a knock on your door disturbed your train of thought. An old woman entered and looked at you as if you were a ghost.

“Rebecca?” You gasped when you recognised Bucky’s sister.

“You haven’t changed at all.” Her big blue eyes opened wide. “I saw you in the courtroom. That nice looking fella, Sam, he said he’d help me get in touch with my brother but Bucky...” Her voice trailed off. “He doesn’t want to see me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Can you talk to him? He always listened to you back then.” You snorted, glancing at her with a raised bow. “He’d never admit it, but he listened to you.”

“Things are a bit complicated between us right now.”

“He finally told you how he felt about you?” Rebecca sat on the chair next to your bed.

“You knew?”

“He sent me a letter, the last one I received from him before Colonel Chester called to say that he had been killed in action.” She took a piece of paper from her pocket and gave it to you. You quickly skimmed through the letter. “I know you love Steve and I know how much Bucky means to you, but it’s killing him.”

_What’s wrong with me? Out of all the women on Earth, I have to fall in love with my best friend’s sweetheart._

_[...]_

_How do I forget about her? I’m not even sure I want to. If Steve knew, he’d kill me and that’s exactly what I deserve._

“Why can’t I have them both?” You whined with a tight smile and Rebecca took a deep breath as she raised her head to look at you.

“I was only seventeen when I received his last letter and honestly, I didn’t know how he could fall for someone he was not supposed to love. Then I fell in love and I understood. It’s not something you can control.” She looked at her wedding ring and sighed.

“It’s so much more complicated. Love alone, it can’t stand the test of time. You need honesty and respect. Love is more than just gazing into each other eyes, it’s about being each other’s strength. My husband, he never spoke much, never really felt comfortable saying I love you out loud. He was kinda shy but he was always there for me. Comforting me, supporting me, protecting me.”

You sat straight up in bed and listened carefully.

“Always managed to make me laugh when I was feeling down.” She chuckled, at a memory of her late husband. “But I never doubted that he loved me, he showed it every single day. And when he said I love you, I was shivering. You can’t have them both because love is a unique feeling, only one person can make you feel that way.”

She looked at you and stopped talking. You tilted your head and instead of weighing pros and cons, you tried to think about the one who made you feel stronger, the one who could warm you with a smile or brighten your day by simply standing next to you.

“When you love someone, you feel it in your guts. It feels like home, it’s making you feel more like yourself. That person can be the one you met a long time ago or the one you thought was just a friend.” She gave you a small nod. “I wish I still had mine.” She pushed with great difficulty on her hands and stood up. “I should let you think about it. Please, tell Bucky to say goodbye to his little sister.” She smiled at you before she left the room.

The next day, you were gathering your stuff when the door opened and the nurse pushed a wheelchair into your room. You told her that you were able to walk but she explained that it was the correct procedure. Sam already told you that Tony wanted to talk to you and take you back to the compound. You told him that you were good with this arrangement.

Tony wheeled you to the lift without saying a word.

“Thank you for warning me, Tony.” You broke the silence.

“You would have done the same.” He replied a bit dryly before he sighed. “I don’t want to hate you all my life, Y/n. It’s just a really messed up situation and I feel cheated but then again, some people might argue it’s payback for how I used to be.”

“ _Used to_ , Tony.” You shifted in your seat to look at him. “You carry your burden and I carry mine. We’re not evil but we’re not saints either.”

“Our lives are a darker shade of grey, um?”

“I guess.” You shrugged and the doors opened. Pepper was standing in front of the door and she looked as surprised as Tony. “Oh silly me, I forgot to tell Pepper you were already going to pick me up.” You smirked as they stared at each other.

They had been staring at each other for so long that the automatic doors started to close while you were still in the lift. They both extended a hand and the doors opened again. You chuckled lightly and stood up.

“Thanks for the ride, Tony but I can get home on my own. Looks like you have a lot to talk about.” You walked past Pepper and waved Tony a little goodbye but he barely saw you, he was still mesmerised by Pepper.

You walked away with a happy smile, your love life was complicated but at least Tony had a second chance with Pepper. You called a cab and reached the headquarters in no time. Sam, Natasha and Maria Hill greeted you with large smiles and warm hugs.

“Sorry you got shot.” Maria grimaced as she rubbed your arms.

“It’s fine.” You chuckled because that was not the first time you heard that sentence. Was that going to be a thing now? The thought of it upset you, but being an Avenger was not an easy job.

A couple of days later Steve was still on a mission with Clint and Scott but it felt like he was trying to keep his distance from you. You patiently waited for his return while working with Wanda on Bucky’s memories.

As it turned out, General Ross hired gunmen to kill Wanda and Bucky but thanks to Wanda and her powers, they were still alive. She killed the first shooter easily and dodged a bullet from the second shooter before she took care of him too. The shot she avoided broke Bucky’s cryo crate, waking him up. She tried to call you but you didn’t answer. When she finally managed to talk to someone, Steve informed her that you had been taken to hospital and the two of them left Wakanda in a hurry.

“I can’t extract the words.” She pulled her hands from Bucky’s head and groaned in frustration. “I can feel it, it’s right here but I just... urgh I need something to contain the words. Imagine a safe locked deep inside your mind and we’d put the words in it.” She tilted her head and her eyes opened wide. “Like in Inception.” She beamed.

“’The hell are you talking about?” Bucky groaned in pain and mild-confusion.

He took a deep breath and hunched over, lacing his finger behind his head, looking defeated. He was completely exhausted, he kept re-experiencing the killings over and over. He was about to lose it.

“I think we should take a break.” You warned her when you saw the look on Bucky’s face.

She agreed and left the room to grab a bottle of water. You squatted in front of Bucky and placed your hands on his knees.

“You don’t have to keep doing this, Buck.” You said with a friendly voice.

“I’m still a potential threat.” He sighed. “I need to be at peace with myself.”

“Hey guys! What’s that?” Wanda entered and tossed Bucky the bottle of water. She had a small box in her other hand. “It was on the kitchen counter. There’s a card.”

_I’m burying the hatchet. Hope it helps. Tony Stark._

“I still don’t know what it is.” She examined the device with furrowed brows.

“Barf!” You gasped.

“You need to use the bathroom?” She raised her worried eyes to search your face.

“No, it’ B.A.R.F. One of Tony’s invention. It’s supposed to turn bad memories into good ones.”

“Funny, that’s exactly what we’re trying to do.” Wanda scoffed. “Do you know how to use it?”

“No, but it can’t be that complicated.” You took the machine and took a cautious step towards Bucky.

“It’s from Stark, you sure about this?” He raised a hand that showed his agitation.

“I am.” You nodded and handed him the device. “I trust him, Bucky and I wouldn’t ask you to do this if I were not sure.”

Bucky took the device from your hands and put it on. His eyes were dimmed with uneasiness and anxiety. Wanda walked over to him and waited for his approval before she put her glowing red hands on his head again. You expected Bucky to scream but as soon as Tony’s device was on, Bucky’s face brightened with the light of happiness, as if he had been hit by a beam of sunlight.

Wanda shot you a worried glance, she couldn’t see the look on Bucky’s face but you nodded, silently asking her to continue. A couple of minutes later, she pulled away and he switched off the machine. He seemed completely dazed, mouth slightly opened and kept blinking until he finally met your eyes.

“Are you okay?” You asked with slight apprehension.

“Y-Yeah...” He smiled for what felt like the first time in forever. “Go ahead, doll. Say the words.” He braced himself and held the arms of the chair tight. You took a deep breath and closed your eyes.

“ _желание_.” The word gave him a small spasm. “ _ржaвый_.” He frowned slightly. “ _Семнадцать_.” Nothing happened. “ _Рассвет, Печь, Девять_ ” Nothing happened and Bucky started to smirk. “ _добросердечный, возвращение на_ _родину_ ” You were both grinning wide.“ _Один_ ” Bucky was confident enough to stand up. “ _грузовой_ _вагон_. Oh my God, it worked!”

“I’m sure we can also erase the...” She trailed off when she was about to say ‘killings’ and patted the seat but Bucky shook his head.

“No, the words made me dangerous but I don’t want to forget about them. They deserve to be remembered.” He turned to you and grinned. “But maybe we could celebrate.”

“Celebrate what?” Steve entered the room with Clint and Scott.

“The trigger words are gone.” You beamed and looked over your shoulder. Steve was smiling at you and it made you release a relieved sigh you had no idea you were holding. “I think this calls for a celebration.”

“Indeed.” Steve took Bucky by the shoulders and hugged him tight.

You ordered pizzas and sat with everyone in the living room, eating happily. Bucky called Rebecca and she arrived at the compound with her son who was in his mid-fifties. They looked at each other for a while before Bucky took a step forward and wrapped his arms around his little sister. He whispered something in her ear and she laughed.

The rest of the evening was quiet, you listened to everyone’s battle stories and had a good time. You knew that you would soon have to talk to one of the boys and end things once and for all but you figured it could wait until morning.

 “You made your choice?” Rebecca asked when you helped her get in the car. She reached over, put a wrinkled hand under your chin, and raised your face up to look at her.

“Yes.”


	30. NOT A CHAPTER

 

Guys this isn’t a real chapter but a quick heads up.

First of all, **thank you so much** for reading all of it. I know that it’s a quite long story and it’s also very dramatic so thank you for bearing with me. I loved your feedbacks, they were all so nice!

I realised after writing chapter 5 that Reader could also end up with Bucky and kinda made it a thing after that. So here’s what’s gonna happen: after chapter 29, the story is over and you have the possibility to choose who you want to end up with.

The endings are pure fluff, the fluffiest things I’ve ever written.

Next week, I’ll post three chapters where Reader ends up with Steve.

  * Monday (4th July) Wedding
  * Wednesday (6th July)
  * Saturday (9th July) Babies



The week after that, I’ll do the same for Bucky.

  * Monday (11th July)
  * Wednesday (13th July) Wedding
  * Saturday (16th July) Babies



Okay this is really interactive... or at least that’s what I’m trying to do. Basically I decided to write three parts for each because they deserve fluff after all the angst.

There’s only one smutty chapter with Steve because I already wrote him and Reader twice and smut is hard to write. But Bucky is getting busy.

You can choose to end up with Steve and if so you’ll be done with the story next Saturday or you can wait and read Bucky’s ending. You can also read both, they are separate endings.

Each chapter can be a conclusion of the story. For example if you want Reader to end up with Steve but you’re not into kids, I suggest you stop reading after the first chapter. Does that even make sense? I truly hope this isn’t too complicated, I tried to make it as simple as possible

I know that there were simpler ways to end this but I really love the idea of interactive endings.

Wish me luck ;)

Cheers,

M x

 

 

 


	31. To Vow in Front of God – and Elvis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's ending 1/3. Reader and Steve realise they wasted enough time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy fourth and happy birthday Stevie! FLUFF! ‘Implied’ sex too.

 

The next day you entered the kitchen and saw Bucky standing in the middle of the room with Steve. They both looked at you when you entered and you felt your knees buckle.

“Bucky, can we talk.” Your mouth was dry and the words came with difficulty, hoarse and rough.

Bucky nodded, he knew what was going on. You both wandered a few steps away from Steve who had his arms crossed over his chest and kept looking at you.

“I know how you feel about me.” You started and Bucky fidgeted. “You’re the only one that can understand me. And I’m the only one who can understand what you’ve been through.” You put a hand on his arm. “But that doesn’t mean we’re made for each other.”

“No?” He looked at his feet.

“It means that whatever happens, I’ll always be your friend.” You made him look at you. “I know that’s not what you hoped and I am sorry, so sorry but-” You had trouble finding the right words. You wanted to make sure that he had to move on but you didn’t want to leave your best friend heartbroken.

“I understand. I told you, as long as you’re happy, I’ll be fine.” He nodded, his eyes were closed and he gave you a small smile. “Steve deserves the best, and unfortunately for me, that means you. It has always been you, Y/n.”

“You’ll find someone, Buck. And that girl will be the luckiest girl in the world.” You pecked his cheek and he took a deep breath before you smiled at each other.

“You okay?” Natasha asked cautiously as Bucky watched you and Steve leave the kitchen. He nodded without looking at her. “Wanna talk about it? I’m a pretty good listener.” Her voice was soft and sweet, it made him turn around.

“You wanna listen to the ramblings of an old man?”

“Why not. I’ve got time... and a bottle of vodka.” She smirked.

“I can’t get drunk.” He replied with a chuckle.

“But I can. Come on.” She turned on the balls of her feet and smiled at him over her shoulder.

*

Steve was walking fast, you had to compensate by jogging intermittently to keep up with him. You closed the door behind you when you reached the bedroom but Steve’s back was facing you. You called his name softly and his shoulders dropped.

“I don’t think I can keep doing this.” He didn’t turn around and you walked to stand beside him. You started to hold your breath, hoping that it would help you control the tears that started to glass your eyes. “I can’t lose you, then win you back and lose you again. I’m not strong enough.” His voice was broken.

He turned around and you forced yourself to breathe again. Upon seeing the way your chest heaved, he trapped his quivering bottom lip between his teeth.

“I’m with you.” You said with a gentle smile.

“For now.”

“Forever.” Your firm voice made him shiver. “I love you.” You stated simply.

“But?”

“But I feel like it doesn’t mean anything anymore.” You shrugged. “I told you these words too many times and now they have no real meaning. My feelings for you are as strong as that night when you stepped on my feet when we danced. You were so shy and I was happy to finally meet a man who was smart, handsome, kind and so different from any other guy.”

A smile graced his lips as he recalled the memories as well.

“Do you ever think what might have happened if you had left the bar a minute earlier? Or if I got there thirty seconds later? We would have never met. And if I knew back then that to be with you I’d have to live most of my life locked up and tortured, I would have entered the bar anyway.”

“Is that your new way of saying I love you?” He grinned from ear to ear. God, you missed that shit-eating grin.

“No.” You scoffed, rolling your eyes as you stepped closer to him. “That is.”

You stood on your tiptoes and laced your fingers behind his neck as you slowly rubbed your lips over his, giving him the opportunity to say no. He closed his eyes, panting slightly as he waited for your lips. You smiled before your lips met his in a deep passionate kiss. You slid your hands into his hair, as his hands skimmed to the small of your back to press you against him. He let you take control of the kiss. You caught his bottom lip between your teeth and tugged gently, smiling against his skin when he moaned.

He could feel your need to make him yours again. He gladly obliged, he had been so worried that you might leave him for Bucky. You broke the kiss to catch your breath but your lips were still ghosting over his skin. You left feather light kisses down his neck before he cupped your face and made you look at him.

“I know you think only Bucky can understand what you’ve been through but I’m here for you. I want to know everything and I will tell you everything.” He took a step back and sat on the bed, patting the spot next to him.

You hesitated, chewing on your bottom lip before you took a cautious step forward and sat next to him.

“Tell me everything you remember, everything you felt and everything you’re afraid of.” He put a hand on your knee. “I can start if you want to.” He offered and you nodded.

He told you everything without censoring himself. He told you how he found out about your death, how he tried to adjust to modern life and how lonely he felt until he met Natasha and Sam. He told you he often dreamt of you and that it was more painful than having a nightmare. When he woke up you were still gone and he was still alone.

You listened carefully, never interrupting him even when he told you, in full details, how it felt when you came back. When you refused to talk to him, when you tried to avoid him or when he understood that you had kissed Bucky and kept it a secret.

“I didn’t know.” You murmured after he finished. “I’m sorry.” You looked up at him with glassy eyes.

And then it was your turn. Since he had been so honest, you figured he deserved to know everything. You explained in full details how HYDRA tortured you, how they kept you and basically everything they did to you. You couldn’t look at him in the face but you could see the bulging muscles of his bicep under his short sleeved shirt. He desperately needed to punch someone in the face or to catch you in his arms and never let you go, but instead he continued to listen attentively.

You told him about the Winter Soldier and Bucky, how difficult it had been to come back after years spent in the dark. How terrified you had been to hurt him or anyone else and how you decided to keep your distance.

You stopped talking and the room fell into a deep silence. He knew you inside out and you knew him just as well. The silence was strangely comforting and brought you closer, you finally felt like the girl you used to be.

“I don’t want to spend another second without you.” He took you hand and brought it to his lips. He jumped to his feet with great anticipation for what he was about to do. He found the black velvet square box that he kept in his drawer and took a deep breath. He knelt in front of you, his hands were shaking a bit but he had a large grinning smile plastered on his face as he opened the box.

“Steve! How long-” You gasped when you saw the solitaire.

“I bought it before I was sent to Azanno. Gigs.” He chuckled. “It paid pretty well. I wanted to ask you to marry me but then Bucky _died_ and things got complicated.” He raised the box higher and straightened his posture. “Will you marry me?”

“Yes! Now!”

“Now?”

“Now! Before something else happens again.” You grinned and stood on your tiptoes to kiss him. He wrapped his arms around your waist and let himself sink into the kiss.

“Alright, let’s do this.”

Steve found out, thanks to his great Internet skills, that it was pretty easy to get married in Vegas. You packed a small bag and discreetly left the compound, or so you thought.

“ _You really think you can run away like that_?” Clint’s voice echoed in the jet, like it was being projected through a megaphone and you pulled away from Steve.

“ _Yeah, suddenly you decide to get married and we’re not invited_?” Sam’s voice followed.

You looked at Steve with knitted brows and he shrugged, hands still holding your hips while the autopilot drove the jet.

“ _I thought we were friends_!” Wanda faked a cry.

“ _Yeah, jerk!_ ” Bucky’s voice filled the jet.

“Where are you and how the hell do you know?” You raised your upper body and Steve rested his head on your shoulder with a sigh.

“Told you, we can never have a moment.” Steve mumbled against your shoulder and whined when you swung your legs to pull away from his lap.

“ _Hey, Stevie. You should really learn how to delete your browser history_.” Natasha scoffed and her laugh filled the jet through the com. “ _Vegas, uh? Wait for us, we are right behind you_.”

Steve turned in his seat to look at the radar and saw that another jet was following them. He sighed and slumped back into his seat.

“Ah, we should have seen this coming.” You sat down on his lap and nestled against his brawny chest while he wrapped his arms around you.

First, Steve was a bit annoyed that the gang tagged along during your romantic escape but when he realised all the things that had to be done, he agreed that it might not be such a bad idea. He gave them orders and they booed him teasingly.

You and Steve went to the marriage licence bureau with Bucky and Wanda while Natasha and Sam went in search of a proper wedding attire and wedding rings. Clint booked the chapel and took care of the ceremony.

The clerk made sure that everything was valid but frowned when she looked at your new ID card. She took Steve’s and Bucky’s and her confusion only deepened.

“1918? Oh boy! I bet you eat really healthy and excise a lot. Look at you, beefcake, I’m sure you work out.” She whistled and batted her lashes at Steve who fidgeted next to you. Bucky and Wanda laughed quietly behind you.

“Um, yeah. I-I do.” He mumbled, his face was a deep shade of red.

“Is that gonna be a problem?” Wanda twisted her fingers as she leaned closer to the woman. The red energy escaped her hand and hit the woman’s temple. She relaxed almost immediately.

“Absolutely not.” She looked a bit groggy for a second before she stamped the papers and filled the administrative forms. “Congratulations.”

You smiled in victory and left the office but Steve shook his head.

“That wasn’t very moral.”

“Oh please, Steve. Live a little.” You laughed and Wanda happily linked her arm with yours.

Bucky chuckled and wrapped his arm around Steve’s shoulders as they followed you and Wanda.

“I hope you like to follow orders, Stevie. She’s your boss now.” He gave his friend a silly smirk and laughed when Steve shook his head.

You arrived with all the papers and the lady at the front desk told you that everything was ready for your wedding. The word wedding made you shiver.

“I can’t believe we’re doing this.” You said with an excited smile.

“Don’t you think we’re rushin-”

“Steve, we’ve been together since 1940.” You rolled your eyes. “I think we’re good. What the hell is that?” You gasped when you saw Natasha entered with the wedding dress.

“That’s all they had.” She shrugged and thrust the dress forward. It was the ugliest dress you had ever seen. It was white with tiny transparent bubbles. “Hey at least it’s old, borrowed and blue.”

“Blue?” You asked while Wanda kept laughing. Natasha looked for something at the back of the dress and the transparent bubbles light up in different shades of blue with made everyone laugh hysterically. “Great. Now I think we’re rushing this all wedding thing.” You grimaced as you took the dress between two fingers.

“It’s festive, a bit like Christmas.” Steve laughed and you turned around to stare daggers at him but you spotted his costume as Sam entered and you couldn’t contain your laughter. He frowned before he looked over his shoulder and shouted. “Oh no! I’m not wearing that!”

The white trousers were at least five inches too short and the jacket was covered with golden glitters. The suit came with a top hat with a blue flower on it.

“Stop complaining and go get change.” Sam threw the suit to Steve.

Looking at your reflection in the mirror, you were amazed to see that the dress looked even worse but you couldn’t care less. You were happy and around by people who loved you so that ugly dress didn’t matter. You and the girls were laughing so hard that you had tears in your eyes. The door opened and Bucky slowly entered.

“Y/n you look...” He saw you in the dress and had to press his lips together to control his laughter. You were happy to see that he appeared to have a good time, you knew it was not easy for him but Natasha was always with him and he didn’t seem to mind at all.

“Oh come on, say it. I look awful!” You gave a twirl and everyone doubled up with laughter.

“Come on, Barnes. The ceremony is about to start.” Natasha took his hand and led him out of the room, Wanda followed.

You waited for Steve behind the doors and almost fell to the ground when he appeared at the corner. He raised a hand, warning you not to laugh but it was too late. The suit was two size too small but according to Sam: _that’s all they had left_. _Sure_ , you thought. Steve hugged you and wrinkled his nose at the smell of the old borrowed dress.

“I can’t wait to get you outta that dress.”

“Steven Rogers!” You said in faux-outrage.

“I didn’t mean it like that but... yeah.” He fidgeted in his suit. “This thing is too tight, I’m gonna suffocate.”

When you pushed the door, a man with black hair combed back in a quiff greeted you. He started to sing and dance in his white suit, the sequins sparkled in the room. You stood there mouth agape, this was not what you were expecting.

“It’s Elvis!” Clint shouted, his arms held out and an excited smile on his face.

“What’s an Elvis?” You leaned and whispered to Steve.

“I think it was on the list.” He whispered back before Elvis pointed at the place Steve had to stand.

“Wait, wait, wait!” Natasha stood up and turned the switch of your dress on. The blue bubbles made you look like a Christmas tree and you pursed your lips while Natasha returned to her seat with a proud smirk.

You walked down the aisle with Elvis. Clint was enthusiastically singing along while Natasha rolled her eyes. Elvis left you next to Steve and continued to sing which made both of you chuckle.

“Here we are in the city of lights, Las Vegas! We’re here to celebrate a promise. A promise of love between Steve and Y/n. Marriage is a promise to communicate and to share, to treat each other with respect...” He stopped mid-sentence and sang again.

You glanced at your friends who were all cracking up, even Bucky was laughing even though he had no idea who Elvis was.

“Do you have the rings?” Steve nodded. “Place it on her finger, look at her in the eye and repeat after me. I take you to be my loving wife, in good times and bad, in sickness and heath, for now and forever.”

Steve looked at you in the eye with an amused smirk before he took a deep breath and took a more serious expression. He repeated the words slowly, making sure they meant something. The man in sequin made you swore the same vow as you put the ring around Steve’s fourth finger.

“Now Steve, repeat after me. I promise to always love you tender. And Y/n, repeat after me. I promise to never step on your blue suede shoes.”

You and Steve frowned with a confused snort while the rest of your friends laughed hysterically. You repeated the words, wondering if that was a real thing to say nowadays.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. Kiss your wife, my friend.” Elvis said before he started to sing again.

The music and cheers from your friends gave Steve the confidence to swoop you into his arms and kiss you lovingly. You smiled into the kiss when he started to sway with you to the rhythm of the rock and roll song.

Your friends all stood up from the little white benches and started to dance with you in the small chapel. You were laughing as Steve twirled you into his arms. Bucky and Natasha were dancing on your left and Wanda was sandwiched between Sam and Clint, laughing until tears blurred their vision.

Outside the chapel the best men gathered around you and Natasha took a photo as they were holding you in their arms. She took a couple more pictures before you returned the dress and suit to the lady behind the front desk. You were married, it took you a minute to realise it.

The air was hot and the light was dim, your husband’s strong arms circled you from behind while you waited for the rest of the gang. Everything was perfect. You wanted to remember this feeling of serenity.  

“I’m starving.” Clint said as you all gathered in front of the chapel. “They’re buying.” He smirked at you and Steve and everyone else agreed.

You all spent the evening in a bar, chatting, eating and drinking. The place was busy and you were making a lot of noise but somehow it was the most peaceful night you had in a while. After a few hours, you and Steve escaped and returned to your hotel room.

Steve immediately stripped his clothes off and pressed you against his bare chest, helping you get rid of your clothes. The heat radiating from your bodies caused the temperature to rise. He lifted you in his arms and carried you to the bed. He looked into your eyes and reached out to touch your face, his thumb brushing over your bottom lip. You sucked in a breath, eyes holding his before he slipped inside you.

You watched the light of dawn slowly crept into the room while your face pressed against Steve’s bare chest, his heart beating like thunder beneath your cheek. You both laid there, Steve had his arms wrapped around you in post-coital bliss.

 “Does it sound weird to you? Y/n Rogers?” You asked without looking up at him.

“Nope, sounds perfect.” He carded his fingers through your hair. “And about time.” He chuckled and you looked up at him with a sweet smile.

“What now?” You kissed his toned chest.

“I’m yours, Y/n and I’m game for whatever you want.” He replied. You smiled at him and put your head back on his chest. “Can I be honest?” You were surprised to hear his question but let him continue. “I want our life back, before I became Captain America, before the war. I gave up the shield and I don’t want it back.”

You propped yourself on your side so you could face him and he managed to keep an arm wrapped around you, gently caressing the curve of your waist. You cupped his face and placed an innocent kiss on his lips.

“I don’t want to be an Avenger.” You replied and he smiled. “We can do anything we want. Absolutely anything.” You were suddenly overjoyed and swung your legs, placing a knee at each side of his waist.

“Anything, sweetheart.” He laughed at your excitement and rested his hands on your hips. “How does the world sound for our honeymoon?” He asked with a hopeful smile.

“Are you serious?! Yes, the longest honeymoon in history.” You beamed and Steve sat straight up in bed, pressing his chest with yours.

“I love you Y/n Rogers.” He said with a seriousness that made you shiver. He felt it, his hands were pressed against the small of your back, desperate for more contact. Your hands instinctively rose to his shoulders to keep your balance. He captured your lips in a hungry kiss that left you both breathless.


	32. Being in this World is a Luxury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's ending 2/3 Reader and Steve's life is about to change drastically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Technically it's Thursday *shrugs* My eyes are closing themselves so excuse me if this chapter sounds like it has been written by a child. I went full French in this one, oops... Oh and there's smut. Still, try to enjoy!

 

**_Rome, Italy, 2018_ **

“Steve?”

You looked around you, hoping to find your husband but with the sea of people gathering around the Trevi Fountain, it was like looking for a needle in a haystack. You found him a bit further away from the crowd, taking pictures of a flock of pigeons. You joined him.

“What are you doing? You realised that this is one of the most beautiful monument in the world, right?” You startled him, but he recovered quickly.

“Sorry, I was just replying to a text.” He had a devilish grin on his lips.

“What did you do?” You narrowed your eyes suspiciously.

“What makes you think I did anything?” He replied with a small shrug, trying to hide that stupid grin.

“You have that look on your face.” You placed your pointer finger at the corner of his mouth. You looked down at his hand when his phone vibrated against your hip. “Why is Clint calling you a dick?” You frowned and Steve raised his hand to look at the missed texts. And then you understood. “Please tell me you didn’t send him a picture of the pigeons.” You rolled your eyes but couldn’t hide your smirk.

“I did.” Steve admitted with a laugh.

“You’re such a child.” You shook your head and turned but Steve wrapped his arms around your shoulders and held out his right arm.

“Smile!” He tried to find the right angle to take a picture of the two of you in front of the fountain. He turned the phone around and nodded in approval. “Nat keeps nagging me. She says we don’t send enough pictures.”

“Um, this one is pretty nice.” You tilted your head to kiss his jawline.

“We should go back to our room. We need to pack.” Steve caught your hand and you both walked away from the crowd.

**_Paris, France 2018_ **

The next day you arrived in the City of Light. Paris seemed to be the right place to celebrate your second wedding anniversary. As soon as you left the metro you clutched Steve’s hand. There were people everywhere, bumping into each other as they hurried down the corridors to take their metro. It was overwhelming, you felt like a lost child in a mall.

You finally found an exit but it seemed like there were even more people in the streets, tourists were walking slowly while Parisians grumbled as they walked past them. It was really different from the last time you visited Paris in 1944. The buildings were the same, old and full of history. Paris always had its own style.

“It’s so beautiful!” You sauntered down the street, not caring for the people around you and almost bumped into someone.

“You say that everytime.” Steve chuckled but he was as awestruck and kept turning on himself until he felt disoriented.

You laughed and took his hand, heading for the road close to the Seine where it was a little bit less busy. You walked hand in hand, pointing at monuments and making plans to visit them later. You walked for a while, until an ad caught your attention making you stop mid-step.

“What’s wrong?” Steve asked when you were no longer following.

“Is that Pepper?” You pointed at the beautiful blonde on the poster. Steve took a step forward to look at it before he nodded.

“It is! She’s giving a speech at the cit-citai dai science- damn my French is rusty.” He shook his head.

“Mine isn’t. Cité des sciences et de l’industrie.” You smirked after you read the poster.

You visited many countries and spoke the language of every country you visited. It was the only good thing that came with being HYDRA’s puppet for decades. Once Bruce managed to get the memories of all these poor people out of your brain, the knowledge stayed.

“That’s cheating. It’s already in your head.” Steve teased.

“You’re just jealous. Nasty trait, Steve.” You nudged him. “Come on, I want to see Pepper.” You took his hand and entered the metro, avoiding those who climbed the stairs.

A half hour later you were observing Pepper on the threshold of the conference room where she gave a speech. She spotted you and Steve and you both waved at her. She smiled and quickly concluded her speech. Her French was excellent, as expected from the workaholic Pepper Potts.

“It’s been a while!” She hugged you. “You must have been pretty busy these last few months. We barely heard about you.”

“Sorry about that.” Steve apologised with a wince. “We barely had our phones.”

“Yeah, we’re old.” You intertwined your fingers with Steve’s and smirked at Pepper.

“I have to go back.” She pouted as she looked over her shoulder. “But join me for dinner tonight. My treat. La Tour d’Argent at seven.” You nodded and she waved goodbye before she joined the students.

In your small but cosy hotel room in Montmartre, you took a shower and dressed with the nicest dress that you had, a beautiful spring dress. A bit before seven, you were trying to find the restaurant Pepper talked about.

“Found it.” Steve showed you a building at the corner of the street. It looked quite plain from where you stood, looking more like an apartment building than a restaurant. “I think we’re overdressed.” He flinched, smoothing his suit.

A valet opened the door, you turned to look at Steve with round eyes and he raised his eyebrows. The hall was actually pretty fancy, you asked for Pepper Potts and he led you to a lift. Another man pressed the buttons and the lift rose. The doors opened on the fourth floor and you suddenly forgot how to breathe.

“Jesus Christ!” Steve cursed out loud and the people who heard him snapped their head around to look at him with discontentment. “Sorry.” He raised a hand in apology.

If the restaurant looked ordinary from the street, it sure wasn’t on the inside. The place was so clean and elegant you had a hard time keeping your cool. Elaborate golden patterns were embroidered on the blue carpet and the chairs looked so comfortable with their blue pads. But what left you breathless was the view, it overlooked the Seine and the Cathedral of Notre Dame. It was incredible.

Once you were both sitting next to the bay window, you looked around the room and shifted in your seat.

 “Actually, I don’t think our clothes are fancy enough.” You pouted while Steve examined his fork more closely. He looked around the room and carefully put the fork down.

“Oh, no they’re not.” He scoffed, adjusting his tie.

“I’m late, excuse me.” Pepper sat at the other end of the table, she was wearing a gorgeous dark green dress. The waiter arrived with three leather bound menus. The prices were not on your menu.

“Is the food free?” You smirked when you studied the menu and Pepper laughed softly.

“No. Since you are my guests, you don’t get to see the prices.” She explained and you both listened.

“But what if we order something really expensive?”

“Don’t worry about it, just pick whatever you want.” She smiled sweetly before someone called her name. “Oh! Sorry guys, I’ll be quick. Don’t peek.” She warned Steve, placing her menu under her plate before she left the table.

“I don’t like this place, it’s too pretentious.” He looked around him.

“Yeah, but come on, look at the view!” You extended a hand, showing the bay window and Steve pivoted in his chair to look over his shoulder. He shrugged and straightened his posture, facing you.

“Mine is better.” He replied with a proud smirk and a wink.

“You’re such a smooth talker.” You shook your head, feeling a wave of heat swept across your face. “Ok, what are you going to order?” You tried to distract him. He looked at you, total adoration in his eyes.

“Um...Frog.” You looked at him with a sickened pout. “What? It’s French.” He grinned.

“That’s just gross.” You narrowed your eyes in disgust.

“We ate grasshoppers in Thailand, but frogs are gross?” He teased you, head tilted to understand your logic.

“Urgh, please don’t remind me. I feel sick just talking about it.” That statement sounded like a big fat exaggeration but you did feel a bit nauseous.

Pepper came back and studied the menu quickly.

“Tell me about your trips. I want to know everything!”

You spent a great evening, telling her how you decided to use the money that you gained after the trial to live a never ending honeymoon. Pepper and Tony were together, for good this time and they were travelling a lot.

“Actually, Tony’s in Madrid right now. I’m leaving a bit earlier so I can join him, you can use my room if you want.” She put her hotel card key on the table after she paid the bill.

“We can’t accept.” Steve declined politely.

“Yes, you can. I owe Y/n. My love life is back on track thanks to you so it’s the least I can do. Well that... and dinner.” She chuckled.

You said goodbye to Pepper and took a car to take the stuff you left in your hotel room. You decided to go to Pepper’s hotel on foot, since it was not too far away. The night was dark, the stars were shinning above you as you walked hand in hand. Your feet were killing you and you felt a bit sick but you were so happy, you refused to let it ruin your mood. When you entered the suite you giggled in disbelief, it must have been a dream and you were going to wake up soon.

The suite had three rooms, a gigantic living room with leather sofas and other comfortable wing chairs. The rest of the suite was ridiculously exuberant, from the size of the dressing room to the training room. The bedroom was styled in the forties or maybe fifties, a king sized bed stood in the middle of the room, there were enough pillows to smother a football team. You flopped down onto the bed, wiggling your arms as if you were making a snow angel.

“Someone’s having fun.” Steve leaned against the frame of the bedroom door and crossed his arms over his chest. You could hear the faint sound of water running, a smirk curled one corner of his lips. “Wanna have fun with me?” He offered a hand that you gladly took and he made you follow him.

In the bathroom everything was in stainless steel, and it was cleaned so meticulously that you could see yourself as clearly as in a mirror. You stripped off your clothes, Steve’s muscular body already took most of the space in the bathtub. You managed to fit by sitting on his lap, your back pressed against his chest. The water was almost too hot but you quickly relaxed as Steve wrapped his arms around you.

He buried his face in your neck, leaving open mouth kisses down your neck to your shoulder.  You moaned softly while his plump lips bruised your skin. You slowly tilted your head, giving him a better access and ran your fingers through his hair. 

“Where do you want to go next?” He asked, his hands went to your shoulders, fingers massaging the soft flesh around your neckline.

“I want to stay in that bathtub forever.” You hummed, eyes closing shut.

“You’d be all wrinkled.”

“Way to spoil the mood.” You grinned, tilting your head to look at him.

“I was thinking Denmark.” He continued.

“Done.”

“Belgium?”

“Done.”

“Switzerland!” He said in a loud, triumphant voice.

“Switzerland it is then.” You chuckled before you put a hand over your chest, feeling like you were going to be sick.

“What’s wrong?” Steve shifted, his protective instinct kicked in immediately.

“Nothing, I just feel a bit woozy. Probably ate too much.” You waved his worries off and he pressed you against his wet chest again. He kissed your hair before he rested his chin on the top of your head.

You stayed silent for a moment, you watched the way he had to bend his long limbs to fit in the tub.  You absent-mindedly caressed his thigh until you felt him harden against your back. You grinned to yourself and he felt it since his check rested against the side of your head. You grabbed the back of his neck, catching his lips and enjoying the soft groans that ripped from the back of his throat. One of his hand played with your breasts while his right hand travelled down your chest to massage your inner thigh.  

The water was cold but a wave of desire hit you in your stomach and pooled inside you. You broke the kiss, giving his bottom lip a playful tug with your teeth as you writhed, desperate for him. He chuckled and you lost your breath when the pad of his middle finger brushed over your clit. You spread your legs for him, making sure he had full access.

He slid his middle finger into your core, hooking his finger to rub against the spot he was well acquainted with. You whimpered and he added another finger but it wasn’t enough, you needed him.

“Bedroom.” You groaned against his lips.

You quickly used the towel before Steve’s lips covered yours again, he put his hands under your ass before he carried you into the bedroom. Your back pressed against the mattress as Steve hovered in front of you.

“I love the effect you have on me.” You cupped his face tenderly.

“Honestly, I’m quite proud of it.” He braced his hands against the bed on each side of your head. He looked down at his erection. “Look what you do to me, sweetheart.” He purred when you started to stroke his painfully hard cock.

You aligned him at your entrance and instinctively held your breath as he slid in deep.

“Breathe, baby.” He leaned forward and kissed your lips. You took a deep breath and he started to move, slow and intimately until you were begging for more.  He re-angled and slammed into you, each hard thrust made your breasts bounce.

You pulled on his neck to kiss him hard, your walls clamped around him, clutching him relentlessly and you had to pull away from the kiss. You threw your head back, exposing your neck. Steve took the opportunity to lick his way up from your neck to your chin, biting the flesh lightly.

“W-Wait for me, I’m- almost t-there.” He grunted, increasing his rhythm until he buried himself deep and ground his hips against your ass. You clawed against the sheet, mouth opened in a silent cry as he hit your g-spot over and over again. Your body shook violently, back arching off the mattress.

You came together, sharp cries and breathless curses escaped your mouths. You dozed almost immediately after, it had been a long eventful day. Steve adjusted the covers and kept you close to his chest as he joined you in deep slumber.

You woke up, head pressed against a too hard pillow. You snaked a hand under your head and hit the pillow to shape it the way you wanted but instead Steve’s sleepy protests filled the room.

“Stop hitting me!” He cringed and held your wrist.

“Oh God! I’m so sorry, Steve.” You were suddenly wide awake. You rolled on your side to kiss the slightly red round shapes on his chest. “I thought you were a pillow.”

“I got it.” He chuckled. “See, this lifestyle is dangerous.” He threw a couple of pillows on the floor and made a show of clicking his tongue on the roof of his mouth. He cocked a brow when he saw what he assumed was guilt on your face. “I’m fine, you hit as hard as a kitten. Ouch!” You flicked his chest.

“I don’t feel good.” You buried your face in the pillows.

“Ah, guilt...” Steve replied with an amused sigh.

“No, I’m serious. I think I got food poisoning.” You held your stomach and Steve pushed the covers to get out of bed.

“I’ll call room service, they probably have something.” He picked the landline and leaned to place a finger on your lips as you were about to talk. “Let me take care of you.” You closed your eyes, feeling even worse.

You heard Steve replying _right_ at least a dozen times before he picked a pen and scribbled something on a piece of paper. He thanked the woman on the other end of the line and hung up.

“There’s a doctor at the corner of the street, she can see us in ten minutes.” He squatted next to the bed and gently ran a hand through your hair. You opened your eyes lazily and smiled at him.

You brushed your teeth and put your clothes on before you left the suite. You entered the doctor’s office and sat on the examination table while she tried to figure out what was going on with you.

“Right, I’ll have the results of your blood test tomorrow. Until then drink a lot of water and if you still feel sick, we’ll perform other tests.” She shook your hand and let you go.

“So?” Steve stood up from his seat in the waiting room and you crossed the room to hug him. “How are you?” He tried to look at you in the eye but your face was pressed against his chest.

“I want to barf but I’m hungry.” You sighed.

There were so many places that served breakfast, Steve settled for a small friendly bistro near the Seine and ordered enough food to feed an army. The smell of food repelled you, you ate what your stomach allowed you to and rubbed your tired eyes.

“We should go back to the hotel.”

“No, it’ll pass. What do you want to do today?” You fake a cheerful tone but you couldn’t fool your husband.

“I want to snuggle close to you in that ridiculously soft bed. That’s what I wanna do today.” He threw his napkin onto his empty plate, threw notes on the table and stood up.

After a long nap and two films, you were feeling better as long as you didn’t move. The next day, you entered the doctor’s office.

“I’m Mrs Rogers.” You told the secretary.

“Oh!” She said and a line creased between your brows, wondering what was going on. “The doctor will see you shortly. She asked for Mr Rogers too.” She smiled sweetly at the two of you.

“What did she say?” Steve asked when you were waiting in the side room. The whole conversation had been in French.

“The doctor wants you in the room too.” You told him.

“Is that a bad thing?” He probed.

Before you could answer, the doctor opened the door and let you in. You sat next to Steve and the doctor gave you the results of your blood test.

“Nothing to fear.” She smiled warmly at you. “Vous êtes enceinte.”

You looked at her with big round eyes and she chuckled lightly but Steve was completely lost.

“What did she say? You’re _a_ _saint_? Is that code for something?” He questioned, placing a hand on your knee. He looked so confused and agitated and you were incapable of uttering a single word.

“Not a saint, _enceinte_.” The doctor repeated but he still looked at her with a curious expression. “What’s the word in English?” She tapped her finger on her temple and you gave her the translation.

“Pregnant.” You murmured and Steve froze.

What happened next happened in slow motion. Steve leaned forward, eyes wide open, and tried to rest his elbow on the desk but missed and ended up falling from his seat, almost punching himself in the face as he fell.

Without exactly knowing how, you ended up in your suite, the doctor’s words still echoing in your brain. Steve was sitting next to you.

“A baby.” He whispered. “ _Un bébé_.” He said dramatically, staring into nothing before he turned to look at you. “I love you so much.”

“So you’re happy?”

“Happy?” He blinked repeatedly. “Sweetheart, that’s all I ever wanted. You, me and a big old house where we could raise our kids.” You hugged him. “I guess it’s the end of our honeymoon.”

“Oh yeah, it ended ten minutes ago when my breakfast made an unexpected come back.” You pulled away from his chest. “Steve, it’s time to go home.” You reluctantly admitted.

“Urgh...” He whined.

You arrived at the compound two days later, the Avengers were in the living room and you needed a place to stay before searching for a house. Luckily, your old room was still available. They all screamed when they saw you and Steve enter the living room.

“You’re back!” Wanda beamed and stopped mid-step, she was about to hug you. “You're different.” She frowned before she studied your silly expression or perhaps used her powers on you. “She’s pregnant!” She shouted and gasps filled the living room.

Bucky tried to keep Natasha’s hand in his but the redhead was too excited, she made a beeline for you. He followed her and hugged you first. You were surrounded by your friends, almost smothered by them, and looked at Steve with pleading eyes.

“Told you.” He mouthed with a wicked grin.


	33. It Takes Courage to Raise Children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve’s ending 3/3 Steve and Reader life is a never ending battle. Not really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just good old fluff and protective Steve :) There are time jumps in this last chapter. Next stop: Bucky’s ending!

 

Your feet were digging into the muddy ground, walking steadily was already a difficult task since you haven’t seen your swollen feet in over a month. Yet Steve held your hand and insisted on showing you something.

“You gonna love it.” He kept saying but so far, all you wanted was to go back to the compound.

“Steve... There’s mud everywhere, my back is aching and the baby is doing weird somersaults.” You bent over and clutched your big belly when the baby kicked you particularly hard.

Steve dropped to his knees in front of you, knees digging into the mud and held you belly with both hands. His eyes shot open when felt the baby moving, it was not the first time but it always amazed him.

“Woah, you’re not kidding! A little gymnast.” He looked at you tenderly and stood up. The baby calmed down and you straightened.

“I’m good. Where’s this thing?”

“Not far, I swear. See that building?” He extended a hand and pointed at a small cottage that used to be a hunting cabin. “It’s where we’re going.”

Sam was standing on the front steps of the wooden cabin with a big smile on his face and his arms held out. He screamed _Tadaaa_ but you failed to understand his excitement.

“Tada what?” You shrugged. “It’s just an old dirty cabin lost in the middle of nowhere.”

“It’s _our_ cabin.” Steve beamed and raised his hands to explain when you shot him a sceptical look. “Hear me out. We repair it, make it look all shiny and new and Sam and I can start our business. It’s not far from the city so it’s perfect.”

“Uhuh.” You pouted, not really impressed. “Are we gonna live in this thing?”

“No.” Steve rolled his eyes, he expected your reaction. “We’ll stay in the compound until we find the right place for us. That’s for work.”

“You really think I’m gonna raise a child in the Avengers’ headquarters?” You blinked, brows shooting up your forehead. “There are weapons everywhere! What are we going to say to people? This is the training room where the deadliest assassins work out, this is the lab where two crazy scientists make weird ass experiments. This is the gun room, ideally placed next to the nursery because why not.”

“Nothing is going to happen, Y/n. And it’s just temporary, I swear.” Steve caught your shoulders, leaning slightly to look into your eyes. “Come in!”

You followed Sam and Steve inside the cabin and gasped in horror. The place was old, damaged and gross. The cabin must have been a temporary home for a few people and most of the rats around town. Instinctively, you put a hand on your belly and rubbed it protectively.

“You have to see the big picture.” Steve said when he saw the look on your face.

“Please, enlighten me ‘cause right now it looks like a scribble.”

“Look!” Steve took a step forward and held out his arms to show how big the place was. “This is where we’ll welcome people. Put a few chairs, a table, magazines...” He spoke with enthusiasm. He took a few hurried steps and stood at the other end of the cabin.

Steve heard about a program that put together soldiers suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder and trained service dogs. It did wonders for Bucky’s health while you were visiting the world. The fact that he had to make the dog obey him without being aggressive helped him a lot. And knowing that the dog was in hyper-vigilance mode made it easier for him to sleep at night.

Sam would lead meetings like he used to before he became an Avenger and Steve would take care of the dogs. He was excited to be surrounded by golden retrievers and Labrador. They already had a name for the place, _The Wilgers Shelter_. The way they talked about it made you think that maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea. You nodded with a smile and Steve’s face lit up with joy.

“Fine.” You conceded and the two boys high fived. “Now let’s go, we’re going to be late.” You turned to leave, Steve followed you with a big smile.

Clint and Laura were on a romantic getaway and you all took turns looking after his three children. Steve and you had the evening shift. “ _Think of it as practice,”_ Clint teased. Steve made a beeline for the three-year-old Nathaniel who was clutching Natasha’s shoulder.  

Lila was sitting on her knees in front of the coffee table, drawing a picture while Cooper watched a movie with Bucky. Toy Story was playing on the screen and it seemed to make him wary, he wasn’t a big fan of animated films. You could see at least two messy braids framing his face, he must have had a rough afternoon.

“Wow, Bucky! You look really cute.” You teased and he slightly rolled his eyes before he quickly smiled at Lila who turned around after your comment.

“He promised to keep them.” She smiled. “Aunt Natie said that if he took them off she wouldn’t play with him. I thought grown-ups didn’t like to play.” She shrugged and returned to her drawing.

“Depends on the game.” Bucky mumbled under his breath.

When you came back from your long honeymoon, you quickly understood that Bucky and Natasha were in a relationship. They were very discreet, Natasha had always been very quiet about her personal life. But Bucky shared his thoughts with you. They were both half broken souls but together they felt complete again. And yet they didn’t just talk about their scars and worries, they also had the same sense of humour and way of living. In short, they were in love.

Bucky kissed your forehead and your belly before he joined Natasha and they both grinned wickedly at you and Steve, happy to finally leave the three kids. Nathaniel was in his high chair, you had to feed him to make sure the food wouldn’t end up on the floor. Lila and Cooper were still watching Toy Story, they seemed captivated by the film. They were not the only one, Steve was sitting with his chest pressed against the back of the chair, his chin rested on his folded arms and his lips were slightly open as he watched the animated film.

Disney was on the list of things you had to see and when you finally sat down and watched a _Disney film_ , Steve couldn’t stop talking about it. In less than a week he made you watch most of the classics. The week after that, the songs were blasting through the speakers in the headquarters. He knew most of the songs by heart and sang random lines sometimes even in the middle of a conversation.

“Nat stop playing with that and eat it.” You scolded the child and it made Steve snap back to reality.

“Hey! What about Matthew?” He tried to rekindle the topic of names.

“We already ruled it out. Um, Olive?” You shrugged. You didn’t know if you were expecting a boy or a girl. Steve said that it didn’t matter and the others decided to bet on the sex of the baby.

“No! We already settled on a girl’s name. It’s gonna be Ariel.”

“No, you keep trying to make it happen but,” You paused to fill Nathaniel’s glass with water. “Over my dead body. I am not naming my child after the little mermaid.”

“So? It’s a great film and a lovely name.” He shrugged and Gracie said that she liked that name. Steve held out a hand and his eyes opened wide as if to say _See, told you_. “Like you had a better name anyway.” He rolled his eyes playfully.

“Sarah.” You said with a one shoulder shrug, it was his mother’s name and you knew he’d appreciate.

“Okay, you win.” He approved with a soft smile and stood up to give you a kiss.

Nathaniel grabbed the plastic spoon from your hand and played with it while your head was thrown back to kiss Steve. You broke the kiss and traced patterns on his strong chest before he sat next to you. Nathaniel giggled and tapped his hands on the tray in front of him when Steve made funny faces at him. You stood up to put the plate in the sink when something in you broke. Literally.

“Oh, shit!” You cursed, forgetting that children outnumbered you. The floor was slippery beneath your feet and your legs were soaked.

Steve was on his feet in a matter of seconds, he ran out of the room, screaming Natasha’s name and came back with your suitcase. Natasha and Bucky ran into the living room, expecting a fight but then Natasha saw you holding your belly, breathing hard and she squealed. You smiled when you realised that Bucky still had the braids and you wanted to say something but a contraction made you scream instead. Natasha said they’d take care of the kids and Steve took your hand.

“No, we can’t leave. We don’t have a boys’ name yet.” You said, eyes closed shut because of the pain. Steve looked around the room, trying to magically find a name so that you’d agree to leave.

  _You did it. Next stop. Andy!_ The television was still on and Buzz Lightyear shouted.

“Andy!” You both said at the same time.

“Andy’s fine, okay? Let’s go!” He made you follow him.

*

**_Seven Years Later_ **

 

“You’re late.” You said as Steve joined you near the car. He had a cap and sunglasses on, clearly trying to look incognito.

“Had to leave the twins with Bucky’s first.” He whispered as if you were on a secret mission. “Is Andy out yet?”

As if on cue, your seven-year-old boy smiled at his teacher as he left the building. His school bag was almost as heavy as he was. Unfortunately, the super soldier serum wasn’t hereditary. Andy was a skinny boy, his light blue eyes were even bigger behind his glasses and his puffer left a permanent mark on his jeans. He reminded you of Steve when you first met, Andy was the cutest little boy.

Steve and you hid before Andy could see you and you observed him. He came back home with bruises two days in a row and you wanted to see what was going on. You were pretty sure that his angelic face attracted bullies like it did to his father. And you were right, a tough looking boy grabbed your son by his small shoulders and pushed him to the ground. Steve was about to run toward his child when you stopped him.

A little girl, black hair and dark eyes crossed her small arms over her chest and looked at the bully, she said something but you were too far away to hear her. The little bully backed off a few steps and raised up his hands. Your son stood up and dusted his jeans. The little girl smiled at him and picked his backpack before they walked together towards the exit.

“He found his Bucky.” You clutched Steve’s arm.

The little girl introduced Andy to her mother and he looked around him to find you or Steve, a puzzled frown marked his forehead as he adjusted the glasses on his nose. You left your hiding place, feeling relieved and Andy saw you. You kissed your boy and ruffled his hair a bit.

“Can I go play with Angelica?” He asked as Steve took his backpack. The little girl and her mother approached you. She offered a hand that you both shook.

“I’ll take them to the park, an hour or so. Is that okay?” The mother asked and Andy looked at you with imploring eyes.

“Yes, we live in-”

“The Avengers’ headquarters. I know who you are.” She smiled softly at you and Steve. Andy followed her to her car. Steve looked as his son entered the car of a stranger and his body tightened when he waved back.

“Are you sure about this? We don’t even know her.”

“I know her. She’s the one who organise the parent-teacher meetings. You would know if you came to the meetings.” You smirked at him and he pursed his lips. You laughed and playfully hit his chest, he circled your waist and looked around him, lowering his voice.

“We have an hour or so and no kids to take care of.” He grinned from ear to ear. “I wonder what we could do.” He adopted a fake pensive pout and winked.

“You could take a cold shower.” You shrugged smugly but knew that you’d jump in his arms as soon as you would be alone with him.

You returned to your place in the compound and thought that you were alone until two high voices startled you. The twins ran into your arms, Bucky was leaning against the frame of the door with a smile.

“Look dad! I’m an astronaut!” One of the twins held out her arms as Steve picked her up.

“Uhuh, who let you play with the foil again?” He asked the four-year-old girl who was wrapped in aluminium foil.

“Bucky!” She beamed and the latter winked impishly at Steve.

**_*_ **

**_Eleven Years Later_ **

 

“That’s Barky, he arrived yesterday.” Steve had a golden retriever puppy in his arms.

“Barky?” Your daughter, Sarah, scoffed. “Seriously dad?”

“Hey! Try to think of names!” He complained loudly and woke up the small puppy.

Sarah looked at Andy with a knowing smile. The kids always loved to visit Steve and Sam’s shelter and play with the dogs. They could always tell when their father was the one who named a puppy.

“Remember Bashful?” Andy recalled and Sarah snorted. “He was always sleeping.”

“Yeah, and when Happy tried to bite Sneezy?” She continued and the kids laughed until Andy spotted Angie and ran towards her. Steve and Sarah walked back to the cabin.

“It’s nice that Andy has a friend like Angie. They remind me of Bucky and I.” Steve said and Sarah burst out laughing. “What?”

“Dad, Andy’s in love with Angie. And Angie loves him too.”

“What? Since when?” Steve scarred the puppy who started to bark, for once he got the name right with that one.

“Since ugh... ever, I guess. I’m surprised you never noticed, mom did.” She shrugged. “So? Are you in love with Uncle B?” Her peals of laughter frightened Barky.

Sarah joined her twin sister Ariel... Steve wore you down until you caved. You were looking at a cut on one of the dogs’ paw and didn’t hear Steve approaching you.

“So our child is in love with someone? You should have told me!” He put Barky back in his basket and leaned against the examination table. He was vexed.

“I’m sorry. It’s just a crush, she’ll have other boys. And I thought you’d freak out.”

“What?” Steve straightened and his jaw clenched.

“What?” You repeated, realising your mistake too late.

 “Oh no, no no no.” He shouted and turned on himself. “No no no. Not my daughter! Which one? Sarah? I bet it’s Sarah! Is it Ariel? No!” He rambled, his heart racing with fear and apprehension. You quickly walked toward him and put your hands on his chest, forcing him to calm down.

“Breathe, it’s okay.” You tried to guide him through it but he kept whining.

“It’s Ariel, isn’t it?” You nodded to confirm his worries and he tipped his head back, glancing at the ceiling. “But she’s four and she wants to be an astronaut.” Steve wailed.

“She’s almost sixteen, baby. She’s growing up.”

“I don’t know shit about women. How am I supposed to raise two?” It wasn’t surprising to hear Steve curse but it still gave you chills.

You did everything to calm him down and almost succeeded until Bucky opened the door and bent over at the waist, trying to say something that seemed important. He breathed hard, trying to catch his breath.

“A-Ariel...” He said through his ragged breath.

“Spill it out, Buck!” Steve shouted.

“Ar-iel and Ho-Howie.” Bucky managed to breathe out and put his pointer finger to his lips, mimicking a kiss. Steve’s eyes opened so wide that you were afraid they were going to pop out of their sockets.

“Howie?” He turned to look at you and you grimaced. “My baby girl is dating Howie Stark?” He laughed without humour and shook his head.

“Howie is a good kid, Steve.” And it was true, Howie Stark looked like a mini Tony with dark blue eyes and he was as kind and serious as Pepper. He was a year older than your girls.

“I’ll have to murder him, I’m sorry Y/n but that’s the only reasonable thing I can think of.” Steve shrugged his shoulders, sounding strangely calm. Bucky nodded behind him.

“You two are going to be the death of me!” You rolled your eyes and walked past them “Talk to him if you want to, but don’t scare him away. There are worse kids than Howie.”

“Can I bring Bucky too?”

“No!” You shouted from the other room.

The day after, you were sitting on the sofa in the compound’s living room, waiting for Howie and Tony. Steve was too calm, you didn’t like it at all. You noticed that Sam and Bucky were in the kitchen and often peeked at you out of the corner of their eyes.

“Why are they here?”

“Dunno.” He shrugged. “Just eating something I guess.” Steve’s ability to lie never improved with time.

“Don’t do anything stupid, Steve.” You sighed.

Tony entered the living room with Howie who looked really embarrassed by the situation. Behind them you spotted Rhodey and Peter Parker.

“What are you two doing here?” You gestured at the two Avengers.

“I live here.” Peter smirked before he noticed Bucky and Sam. “Oh, but what have we got here?” He sassed them and Bucky flipped him off.

Tony and Howie sat on the sofa in front of Steve. Tony had that shit-eating grin on his face, you knew something bad might happen.

“Oh, this is a glorious day.” He beamed and Steve’s jaw tightened.

“Dad-” Howie tried to reason his father but Tony raised a hand.

“Shh, the adults are talking.” He didn’t even try to hide his smirk, which fuelled Steve’s anger. “So my boy likes your girl, uh?”

“You know what’s gonna happen.” Steve stated as he straightened his posture. He reminded you of his former alter ego, Captain America.

“Why do you think I brought these two with me?” Tony sneered. “If you win my boy won’t see your girl ever again but if I win you’ll let them go on a date.”

His words made you gasp _. A fight? Are they fucking serious?_ You thought. That was wrong on so many levels, you had to do something.

“Hey, the testosterone club!” You shouted, making the boys turn their heads to look at you. “No one’s gonna fight.” Howie sighed with relief but Tony chuckled.

“Excuse me-”

“Shut up, Stark and listen to me.” You cut him off and he gulped. “I watched you two fight once, even participated, and I’m not going to do that again. These kids like each other. Deal. With. It. Both of you.”

“Yeah! You go, Mrs Rogers!” Howie beamed.

“Shh!” You cut him off. “You hurt my daughter and I’ll unleash my husband on you, got it?” You stood behind the sofa and placed your hands on Steve’s shoulders.

Steve was so proud of you, you could feel it in the way he looked at you and how his body tightened when your hands fell on his broad shoulders. He turned to Howie and narrowed his eyes menacingly. Howie nodded, swallowing hard.

“I really like your daughter and I don’t want to hurt her.” He said honestly.

“Then don’t.” Steve replied with a nod.

After a civil handshake Tony left the living room, Howie, Rhodey and Peter followed him. Sam and Bucky left the kitchen, a bit bummed out that it ended without a fight. Steve’s eyes glimmered with admiration as he extended a hand for you. He pulled you onto his hip and kissed you hungrily, his lips devouring yours.

“You are the best.” He spoke against your mouth.

“Don’t worry about the girls, they’ve been training with Natasha since they were able to crawl.” You laughed and gasped when he lifted you against him and carried you to the bedroom.

“That’s a relief.” He grinned. “I love you.”

“I love you, Steve.” You wrapped your arms around his neck as his lips covered yours, his tongue thrusting into your mouth.


	34. All the Sins you Never had the Courage to Commit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky’s ending 1/3 Reader chooses Bucky. He decided to takes her on a date but it doesn’t go very well until they reach the compound.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky’s ending follows chapter 29. This one is a sad fluff but it still counts as fluff, right? Anyway, there’s smut too. Enjoy!

 

The next morning, Steve was sitting alone in the kitchen. You didn’t join him in bed, instead you paced the compound until the sun rose. You knew who you loved, the one you truly wanted and it almost broke your heart to think that it wasn’t Steve. His bag was at his feet, he knew that if you took so long to choose, it was because you didn’t want to hurt him. You opened your mouth to talk but he raised a hand and you let him speak.

“I love you, Y/n. I will always love you. You gave me a chance when no one else did.” He took a deep breath as you sat. “But we changed, we’re different and it’d be wrong to keep trying just for the sake of it.” At this point you were staring at your hands because you knew he was right and you had nothing to say against that. “We love each other, we’re just not _in love_ anymore.” His lips quivered as he tried to smile but recovered with a shrug.

“You’re right.” You whispered after a while. “But it doesn’t mean you have to leave.”

“I have to. I saw the way you look at Bucky when you think no one is watching. I know he loves you too. You belong together,” You opened your mouth to explain yourself but Steve continued. “And I know you never meant for this to happen but here we are. And as much as I support it, I can’t stay and watch you love him the way you loved me. So I have to go.”

“I feel so bad.” You ran a hand down your face.

“Don’t. It’s okay, I hope you guys will be happy together. And maybe one day we’ll see each other again.” He stood up and gave you a small smile as he squeezed your shoulder.

“I hope so.” You returned his smile. “You’re the kindest man I have ever met, Steve. You deserve someone amazing.” He nodded and hugged you quickly before he grabbed his bag and left.

After Steve left, the others treated you like glass so you decided to keep your distance. You were fine, after all it was a mutual decision and the most reasonable thing to do. But when you met Sam, he gave you a sad smile that made you feel like shit so you stayed off the radar.

It was three days later, in the middle of the night, when everyone else was sleeping, that you saw Bucky again. He couldn’t sleep and ended up in the kitchen but you were in the middle of the room, your back faced him and he wondered if he should say something. He didn’t have to wonder for long, you put your glass of water down on the counter, turned around and met his gaze. At first you thought he was a hallucination so you gasped but Bucky didn’t flinch.

“I heard about Steve.” He started, testing the water. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. It was a mutual decision.” You explained. “We had a great time, and perhaps under different circumstances, we’d still be together but... We keep seeing each other as who we used to be and not who we are now.” Your mouth tightened into a pout and you shrugged.

“I understand very well.” He leaned against the frame and crossed his arms over his chest.

The room fell into deep silence, you stroked your arms nervously and fidgeted. Bucky eyes were cast down, he had no idea what to do or say. He thought that you were avoiding him in particular but he couldn’t have been more wrong.

“Bucky?” You voice was breathless despite the fact that you haven’t moved an inch. He looked up at you, his expression indecipherable in the darkness. “Do you really love me?” You were about to cry and you mentally cursed yourself when your voice betrayed your emotions.

“Do I lo-” Bucky jerked away from the frame as if he had been slapped across the face. He couldn’t believe that after everything he told you, you still doubted his feelings. He sashayed forward until he stood in front of you.

“Y/n.” He sighed wondering how he could put his feelings into words. “You’re the love of my life.” Tears brimmed his eyes. The butterflies in his stomach were running wild, almost made him light-headed.

“You know that time in the infirmary, I wasn’t completely honest with you.” You tried to look at him but you couldn’t meet his shiny blue-grey eyes. You pressed a hand to your stomach and he knew you felt them too. “I’m in love with you.” You said through a sob.

He closed his eyes, swallowed hard and felt tears run down his cheeks as you finally admitted your feelings for him. You moved carefully and tangled your arms around his neck, you were on your tiptoes and Bucky hesitated before his hands rested on your hips to steady you against him.

“Prove it.” He said with a cheeky grin.

You moved your hands to cup his cheeks, feeling the coarse bristles of his beard under your palms and took a few seconds to make sure you’d never forget this moment before your lips brushed over his. You kissed the edge of his mouth, then took his bottom lip between yours and gently pulled on it. You released him and kissed his slightly open mouth, moving your lips against his in featherlike kisses. Warm breath escaped his parted lips, his fingers digging deep into your flesh.

You moaned softly, prompting a shiver from Bucky. He gave you all the time you needed, your lips meeting his for the second time in almost twenty five years, although this time you didn’t feel guilty. You knew he wanted more but you needed to be reassured.

“I want you, I _need_ you.” You spoke against his mouth. “Don’t run away.”

“Never.” His hands tightened around your waist as he pulled away slightly to look into your eyes. He took his hands from your waist and removed his dog tags before he put them around your neck.

With nothing to hold you back, you captured Bucky’s lips hard enough to emit a moan from him. Your hands still cupping his cheeks, you licked his bottom lip and your tongues met for the first time. The kiss was greedy, passionate. Silent tears started to run down your cheeks and you could feel his tears soaking your thumbs.

You pulled away, breathless and kept your eyes closed as he rested his forehead against yours. Your tears mingled with his, your exhale became his inhale. You chuckled lightly as you both tried to catch your breath, stealing sloppy feathery kisses that made your heart skip a beat.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight.” You said after a while, a big smile lingered on your lips. “Stay with me?” You made it sound like a question and Bucky answered with another passionate kiss.

In the living room, the film that you both agreed on played for no one while you kissed like teenagers. You fell asleep sitting on the hardwood floor, your head lulled against Bucky’s chest as his arms circled you from behind. His cheek rested on the top of your head, his warm breath hitting your forehead.

**_Weeks later_ **

You were both going back to the compound on foot.

Bucky’s shirt was torn in half, your shoe was broken and you were both hungry. Bucky had insisted on taking you out but things got out of control. The restaurant was awful, the waiter dropped the jug of water, ruining your barely touched dishes. Bucky was furious and you had to leave the restaurant, the sleeve of his shirt got caught in the door and tore with a ripping sound. When he hailed a cab, the driver refused to let him in because he was the Winter Soldier. Fuming, you took one of your shoe and threw it at the car as it drove away, breaking your shoe in the process.

“Do you think one day people will stop being afraid of me?” He asked as you walked along the road.

“Look.” You took a deep breath and held his hand. “They’re afraid because they only know what they read in the papers. I know you, you’re still the Bucky I knew but you’ve grown. You’ve seen pain and sadness and it made you a better person. You have empathy, you understand people, you want to help them. One day they will see you as I do, just give them time.”

“You’re so good to me. And what do I do? I take you on the worst date ever.” He groaned.

“Stop complaining, we’re together.” You took his left arm and put it around your shoulders.

“Sorry, doll.” He sighed and pressed you closer to his side as you both continued to walk. “I just- I had planned this night perfectly and it turned out to be a huge mess.”

You tried to pull away to look at him but as you moved, your hair got caught in a plate of his metallic arm. You gasped and held your hair while Bucky swore out loud and used his other hand to free you from his arm.

“See? That’s exactly what I meant.” He walked with his hands in his pockets.

“That’s nothing. C’mon.” You laughed and linked your arm in his metal arm. “Okay, I need to ask. Why did we go on a date anyway? I like our movie nights.”

“I just wanted to make things official.” He shrugged. “We’ve seen each other for a few weeks and I wanted to go out with you, y’ know, like normal couples.”

You stopped and gripped his arm tight enough to make him turn around. You pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, his beard scratched the sensitive skin around your mouth.

“If you stop complaining until we reach the compound, we’ll make things official. Twice, if you feel like it.” You smirked and winked at him. He pretended to zip his lips, lock them and toss the imaginary key, which made you laugh.

As you hoped, Bucky didn’t say another. Occasionally he would lick his lips in a suggestive way, or drag his bottom lip between his teeth, trying to get you all riled up. You tried to act like it didn’t affect you and simply snorted but when you spotted the compound, you found yourself almost jogging.

However once you were alone in his room, he seemed reluctant to go further. He rubbed the back of his neck and stood in the middle of the dark room. You closed the door and leaned against the wooden door. He turned around to face you and you could feel the different vibe.

“We don’t need to do anything.” You said cautiously.

It had been so long since he got intimate with a woman. Even on his own, his ragged breath, the pounding of his heart reminded him of the rush of adrenaline before pulling the trigger on an innocent victim. But he refused to let it ruin a future that promised him all he ever wanted so he took a deep breath and said.

“What if I lose control? I could hurt you real bad.” He tried to find your eyes in the darkness of his bedroom. “I couldn’t handle it.”

“I’m not exactly a saint.” You used your powers to turn the lights on, making your point. “Just relax and trust yourself.” He nodded.

You took a step closer and put a hand on his chest, his heart was beating incredibly fast, a mix of excitement and fear. Your own heart was racing fast enough to wake up the butterflies in your stomach. You took his flesh hand, thinking that he’d oppose less resistance with it and put it on your shoulder. Slowly he pushed your jacket down your arms and you threw it carelessly onto the floor.

You raised your arms above your head while Bucky moved your shirt with excruciating slowness, sending shivers up and down your spine. His palms were barely grazing your sides and his warm breath hit you as he studied your bare skin.

“You’re going to give me a heart attack.” You shuddered under his touch, feeling your nipples hardening as he stared down at you.

“Tell me about it.” He scoffed, voice so hoarse and low that your knees buckled and he reacted swiftly, wrapping his arms around your waist.

He pulled your shirt up and over your head, tossing it onto the floor. He swallowed thickly, his Adam’s apple bobbing, at the sight of you in your bra. You kissed his throat, his Adam’s apple begging to be touched. He quickly discarded his ripped shirt and white singlet. Your fingers ran along his muscular chest. His eyes never left your fingers as they followed the curves of his pecs down to his hard abs. You locked eyes with him before your fingers worked his belt off and unbuttoned his jeans.  

Your other hand found the scar on his left shoulder where flesh became metal. The doctors and nurses in Wakanda did a remarkable work but sadly they couldn’t erase the poor job HYDRA did in the first place. You titled your head up to look at him, his eyes were closed shut and his jaw was clenched. You pulled your fingers from his scar and he opened his eyes.

“Don’t stop.” He reached for your hand and put it back on his scar. That’s when you noticed that only one of his arm was wrapped around your waist.

“I trust you, Bucky.”

And as if he had been dying to hear the words all this time, he raised his new shiny metal arm and hooked it around your waist, pulling your body closer. You trailed kisses from the scarred skin on his shoulder to his sharp jawline, feeling the goosebumps that covered his skin.

His hands went from your waist to your rear where they groped in search of a zipper or button at the back of your skirt. You straightened yourself, letting the skirt fall around your feet. Bucky looked at you from head to toe, exposed in front of him in your underwear while he was still wearing his dark blue jeans.

“We can still st-”

Your sentence was cut short as Bucky quickly crashed his lips against yours to silence your worries. His hands cupping your ass, he lifted you up and wrapped your legs around his waist before your body bounced on the mattress of his bed.

You pushed on your elbows to look at the man in front of you who was getting rid of his jeans. You noticed how red his cheeks were. His lips red and swollen from the kiss and you could feel yours sting too. The dark lust that clouded his blue-grey eyes gave you the courage to trace the outline of his hard cock. The spider tickling of your finger made him thrust forward involuntary. 

Standing at the foot of the bed, he got rid of his last article of clothing. His aching cock sprang free, bobbing inches away from your face, the tip already oozing precum. You reached behind your back to unclasp your bra while he jerked your panties down your legs in one swift motion before he crawled back to the bed. He captured your lips, his hand roamed down your body and slipped between your legs, his major finger dragging the dampness over your clit. He groaned, breaking the kiss to look down at his hand as he slowly inserted one finger to the second knuckle.

“You’re so wet, baby.” He bit his bottom lip and looked back at you as he buried a second finger. His voice was thick and husky and it made you shiver from head to toe. You whimpered helplessly as he moved his fingers faster. “You’re too snug, I don’t want to hurt you.” He pushed a third finger, his cock leaking on your thigh, twitching against your skin as you shivered. “Tell me what you want.”

“I w-want you, Bucky. I’m y-yours.”

His glistering finger pressed against your belly, keeping you still as his metal hand guided his cock to your entrance, coating himself with your slick desire. The rounded thick tip of his cock pushed past your lower lips and you both moaned loudly at the wonderful feeling. He gave you the time to adjust to his thickness. Your back instinctively arched off the mattress. Eyes closed shut, your head threw back against the pillow, exposing your neck to him.

He nipped and sucked along the pulse point below your ear and you couldn’t help it, you needed more. You rocked your hips and he got the hint, pushing his hard length until he was seated to the hilt, stretching you in the most delicious way. He stilled for a moment and you took the opportunity to kiss him everywhere your mouth could reach. You placed a kiss on his left cheek then moved to his lips, his neck, his shoulder but you were too caught up in the heat of the moment to notice that his body was taut.

“W-Wait.” He stammered out and you pulled away.

“I’m sorry-”

“No! God no, don’t ever apologise for kissing me.” He closed his eyes shut, his breathing was laboured. “I just need a second.” His heart was going to burst out of his chest, the feeling was dolefully familiar. His body associated adrenaline with killing so he had to reaccustom his brain. His jaw clenched hard and you raised a hand to cup his cheek. He took two long deep breaths and opened his eyes with an apologetic smile.

“I love you.” You nuzzled his nose and he smiled, laugh lines wrinkled around his eyes.

“I love you, Y/n.” He tilted his head and pecked your lips before he silently asked for your approval and you nodded.

He pulled out until the tip of his cock remained inside you and slowly pushed back in. You whimpered on an exhale and felt him shiver. He repeated the torturous slow pace until he felt confident enough to thrust faster. Your mewls and whimpers gave him the energy to fuck you into oblivion. You could hear your arousal as he flexed his hips, edging in and out of your body at a fast, steady rhythm.

“T-Those fucking sounds... I’m t-trying to last, doll.” He grunted, watching the way your breasts bounced with each hard thrust. He hooked one of your knee over his shoulder to reach deeper and leaned down to kiss your breasts. He watched the way his dog tags rested against your breasts, slightly bouncing. You buckled against him, moaning his name. “Fuck!” He squeezed the base of his cock. “H-Have a little mercy, it’s b-been a while.” He panted.

“You... Y-You feel so _so_ goo- _Ah_!” You bit the heel of your hand, eyes rolling shut as a mind shattering orgasm ripped through you. Your body shivered, back arched off the mattress and toes curled as your walls gripped Bucky’s cock.

“Jesus Christ!” Bucky groaned, suddenly thankful for the super soldier serum. He dropped your leg and pulled out of you, wanking himself off until he covered your chest and stomach with his hot cum that spurted from the slit.

You ran your fingers along his arm, his hands still caged you while he memorised every single detail of your naked sweaty body.

“You’re so fucking perfect.” He nipped and kissed along your collarbone, then down into the welcoming V shape of your breasts.

He left the room and returned with a warm washcloth that he used to clean the mess he made before he covered your bodies with the sheets. You mumbled in your sleep and he chuckled lightly before he closed his eyes. Your cheek was pressed against his chest, he never felt more alive.

*

Bucky bent his flesh arm under his head while his metal arm was draped over your waist. His eyes were focused on the large window at the other side of his room. Pink and orange clouds dusted the sky as the sun slowly rose. A brand new day. A nightmare woke him up and he decided to stay awake, his reality was far better than any dream his mind could come up with.

He took a deep breath, his chest rose and your head, which was resting on his chest, followed the movement. You stirred slightly and opened your eyes, the room was not too bright. You moaned softly as you snuggled closer to Bucky and placed a kiss on his bare chest. He looked down, now fully aware that you were awake.

“Morning.” He kissed the top of your head and chuckled when you grumbled a reply. “I’d love to stay here with you all day but we have work to do. I’ll go take a shower while you wake up.”

You rolled to your side and groaned.

“If we shower together, we can stay in bed for another thirty minutes and we’ll save water.” You tried to bargain, eyes closed and a smirk on your lips. You felt the heat of his breath before he pressed his lips against yours, but before you had time to deepen the kiss they were gone.

“Don’t tempt me, doll.” He chuckled when you whined.

FRIDAY’s voice came through the coms, warning you that Sam was trying to call you.

“Yes, Sam?”

_“Hey, mission’s cancelled.”_ His voice filled the room through the coms.

You hugged the sheets against your naked body and sat on your heels, silently beaming with a big smile on your face as Bucky frowned.

“What happened?” Bucky asked.

_“Barnes?”_ Sam gasped. _“What are you- Oooh, I see_.” Sam cooed and you reprimanded him. _“Some dudes from outer space took care of it during the night.”_ He explained.

Bucky threw his clean clothes onto the floor and crawled back into bed. He removed the covers, laying you on the mattress, your naked body exposed to his hungry eyes. He put his pointer finger against your lips, silencing you while he kissed his way down to your stomach.

“What dudes?” You raised your brows, trying to focus.

His finger was still against your lip and his mouth placed an open-mouth kiss right over your pussy. You darted your tongue to lick his finger, swirling it around his first knuckle before you bobbed your head up and down like you would do with his cock. He spread your lips with his other hand and started to eat you out in long, firm strokes. You had to bite his finger to stifle a moan.

“ _I don’t know. Nothing to worry about, though. Steve was with them.”_

“Steve?” You both gasped. Bucky pulled away from you and kissed his way up your stomach.

_“Yeah, along with a tree and a raccoon.”_

“Are you high?” You asked while Bucky laughed, face buried in the crook of your neck as he continued his ministrations with his fingers.

_“No, I’m not.”_ Sam sighed. _“Anyway, enjoy your day off.”_

“Oh, don’t worry about us. You might want to hang up, you’re about to hear how much we’re enjoying it.” Bucky warned and Sam immediately hung up the phone. You playfully hit Bucky’s chest with a scolding stare. “Looks like we’ll stay in bed all day after all.” His voice was sinfully low.

“What about your shower?” You hoped that your voice came out strong and steady but instead it was nothing more than a breathy murmur.

“Actually, I really want to save water with you.” He smirked, dragging his bottom lip between his teeth.


	35. Sleep is my Lover Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky’s ending 2/3 Bucky and Reader’s wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut, yep Bucky needs it :P Other than that, no real warnings.

 

In the dressing room, everything around you was either beige or white as you studied your reflection in the mirror. A knock on the door disturbed your train of though. Natasha opened the door and smiled sweetly at you, she was holding your wedding dress in a beige cover.

It was a simple dress from the early 1920s but it meant the world to you. It was almost the same as the one your mother wore for her own wedding, a nice way to keep your family in your heart. Natasha stood speechless in front of you. The dress was so well-fitted that it seemed to have been cut out especially for you. You readjusted the bodice of the dress so that the scoop neckline enhanced your cleavage. The bodice and the way the skirt fell also accentuated your waistline.

You felt the light tickle of the veil on your shoulders and neck as Natasha carefully adorned your chignon with the carved hair comb. A whistle made you both turned around. Clint had a gigantic composition of your favourite flowers, he crossed the room and put it on the table. You took a deep breath of the flowers’ perfume as you read the card.

_Y/n, I wish you the best for the years to come. I will always be there for you. Steve_.

“I’m so happy to see you’re not wearing a fluffy dress.” He grinned, breaking the silence. “The groom is ready.”

“Okay,” Natasha said, turning on her heels to look at you. “Something new?” You showed her your shoes. “Something old?” You pulled on the chain around your neck and showed her the dog tags. “Something blue?” You turned so she could see the carved comb. “And something borrowed?” You smoothed the dress and smirked. “You’re good to go.” She beamed.

*

“Ah, Wanda!” Bucky smiled as she opened the door of his dressing room. “Can you help me with that? It’s been...well decades since I had to make a knot.” He held each end of the loose tie hanging around his neck.

“Sure.” She smiled and eyed Sam who was sitting in a chair. “Sam couldn’t help you?”

“I’m only here to make sure he’s not gonna run away.” Sam replied. “I’m the best man, never said I was _your_ best man.” He smirked and Bucky fidgeted while Wanda tightened the knot.

“You’re very handsome.” She took a step back. “Whenever you’re ready.” She smiled encouragingly before she closed the door behind her.

“Sure you’re not getting cold feet?”

“She’s all I ever wanted. No one will take her away from me.” Bucky narrowed his eyes. “I can’t believe she said yes.”

“Wait, she still has time to change her mind.” Sam scoffed when Bucky stared daggers at him. “Alright, let’s get married.” He slapped Bucky’s back.

*

Natasha told you to wait behind the closed doors and you stood nervously, wondering if you had to walk down the aisle alone. A man cleared his throat and you turned around to see Tony in an elegant suit. A gentle smile graced your lips as he offered you his arm.

“I like your dress. It suits you well.” His voice cracked slightly.

“I like your suit.”

“Ready?” He put his hand on the doorknob and twisted it when you nodded.

The place was crowded which was strange since the Avengers were the only people you knew. All heads turned when you entered with Tony. You spotted Wanda who was sitting between Rebecca, Bucky’s sister, and Clint. She gave you a thumbs-up and you laughed before you locked eyes with Bucky and the world around you disappeared.

He was wearing his old dark olive military uniform. He took off his hat and gave it to Sam, your eyes opened wide when you saw his new haircut. His short hair framed his chiseled cheekbones. It was a bit longer than what he used to have during the 40s but significantly shorter than his winter soldier hairstyle. He was clean shaven, you could see the cleft in his chin as he smiled at you.

Everything was perfect, Tony kissed your temple and took a seat next to Rhodey while you stood shoulder to shoulder with your future husband. You looked at each other out of the corner of your eyes and grinned from ear to ear.

“You cut your hair.” You whispered as the man in front of you began the ceremony.

“You like it?” Bucky whispered back.

“It’s perfect.” You slightly turned your head and gave him a small wink. All you wanted was to run your fingers through his hair and cover his face with kisses. You returned your attention to the man in front of you who praised the true meaning of love but noticed that Bucky was looking at you.

“James, you’re staring.” You smirked, still focusing on the old man in front of you. Bucky chuckled to himself and leaned discreetly.

“Can you blame me? You are absolutely stunning.” The veil blew as his warm breath hit the side of your neck.

You were not paying attention anymore, Bucky’s eyes were burning your skin. Your heart beat fast and you started to hold your breath when you turned your head to look at him. Everything around you vanished, you were the only two left in the world. You gazed at each other until the man in front of you cleared his throat, pulling you out of your reverie. Soft chuckles raised behind you.

“Sorry.” You could feel the heat rise to your cheeks and ears. “You were saying?” You faced the old man and the chuckles doubled. Bucky cast his gaze down, laughing softly but he, too, had no idea what the old man just said.

“I was saying,” The old man grinned. “James Buchanan Barnes, do you take this woman to be your wife, to honour her, to comfort her and to keep her in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?”

“I do.”

Two words that would have made you swoon in front of the whole bunch of almost strangers if he didn’t ask you the same question two seconds later. Bucky swallowed hard and sighed in relief when you said ‘I do.’ Sam scoffed, leaning forward to give him the ring. Bucky’s thumb traced the side of your finger after he put the ring around your fourth finger.

You reached for his left hand. He was hesitant to show his metal hand to the whole audience but your trembling hands and tearful eyes made everything around him feel so insignificant, he found himself caring very little about his metal arm.  

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

Bucky gave you a full-teeth grin before he tilted his head to capture your lips in a tender kiss while the audience clapped and hooted. Public display of affection never really embarrassed Bucky, the kiss was gentle but passionate enough to remind them that your heart belonged to him.

*

You were waiting in the corridor, people were gathering around the band as they introduced you and Bucky for your first dance as husband and wife.

“Mrs Barnes?” Bucky extended a hand and winked. “Would you dance with me?” The new name put a large smile on your lips and you took his hand.

You entered the dimly lit room and smiled at the crowd. Bucky held your hand against his chest while your other hand rested on his arm. His right hand moved to your shoulder blade as he made you sway to the rhythm of the familiar song.

“You had to ask for that song.” You chuckled as the band played ‘ _Somebody Else_ ” by Peggy Lee.

“It’s our song, doll.” He cast his eyes down to look at you. “Remember that night in the tent, I asked you to dance with me and that’s the song that played on the radio. God, I wanted to kiss you. I would have given anything to taste your lips.”

His thumb stroked your palm and your heart fluttered, that night was your fondest memory of Bucky. The moment that started everything. The song was about to end, and just as the singer ended the last verse, Bucky leaned and kissed you with a tenderness you had never felt before.

“I’ve waited almost 80 years to change that memory.” He had a satisfied smile on his lips. “Worth it. Everything was worth it. I love you, Y/n Barnes.”

*

Tony and Pepper were on the dancefloor while you sat alone at a table. Bucky was dancing with Scott’s daughter and you couldn’t tear your eyes away from them. Maria Hill sat next to you, she looked nervous.

“I have something to tell you.” She started.

Suddenly, a loud male voice disturbed the already loud party and everyone turned around.

“Oh, come on! This isn’t music!” Peter Quill entered the room and rushed on the stage where he gave instructions to the band and they reluctantly started to play ‘More than a Feeling’ by Boston. “That’s more like it!” Peter bobbed his head to the music and kids joined him.

You stood up and laughed as you scanned the room and finally saw Steve standing near the door. His face lit up when he saw you.

“You look great.” He smiled genuinely when you approached him.

“Thank you. I’m glad you stopped by.”

“Thought it would be too much to attend the ceremony.” He pouted. “But I couldn’t miss the party. Hey, jerk!” He greeted his friend when Bucky appeared behind you.

“Great to see you, pal.”

Without hesitating, the best friends hugged each other. Bucky put his metal arm around your waist, the silver contrasted with your pale dress. Steve saw the ring around Bucky’s finger, you were both anxiously waiting for his reaction.

“Mind if I have this dance?”

You nodded and turned your head to look at Bucky, diffidence marked his features but he recovered quickly. You followed Steve on the dancefloor.

“I’m happy for you. Really.” He said as you both swayed.

“I really missed you.” You looked up at him and smiled.

You patted his arm when the song ended. Steve joined Bucky while you sat next to Wanda and Maria, the boys were looking at you.

“I owe you.” Bucky said without tearing his eyes away from you.

“Nah, you’re the man she deserves. We had the best of times but things changed.” Steve turned to look at Bucky. “Take care of her. Like you promised.”

“I will.” Bucky replied and grinned when you laughed at something Wanda said. You looked so happy and cheerful. “How ‘bout you, got anyone worth mentionin’?”

“Actually...” He gave Maria a soft smile. She pursed her lips as she looked at him and winked.

“Maria? Good for you, Stevie!” Steve and Bucky smirked at each other before they erupted in fits of laughter. The sound caught your attention and the part of you that was still a bit anxious completely disappeared.

*

When most of the guests started to zigzag because of the drinks they had been drinking all night long, you escaped the party with Bucky and returned to the compound. He pushed the door open with his hip while his lips covered yours, his tongue assaulted your senses.

Once you were inside the room he took his jacket off, still not breaking the kiss. You pulled on his pale tie while he tried to unbutton his dark green shirt. When it wasn’t cooperating, he ripped his shirt open sending the buttons flying across the room. He groaned when he couldn’t find the clasp to undo your dress. Frustrated by the complicated garment, he flexed his biceps and tore your dress. The noise of broken fabric reached your ears and you lightly punched his bare chest.

“Bucky!” You reprimanded.

“What? It’s not like you’re gonna wear this dress ever again.” He pointed out.

“Fair enough.” You tilted your head and hummed when his tongue licked a path up your neck, teasing and nibbling. “But you can take your time.”

“I did. You have no idea how close I was to take you in front of everyone.”

You wiggled out of your panties but he made you keep the half-torn wedding dress. He walked backward with you until the back of your knees hit the bed. You sat on the edge while he sunk to his knees and raised your spotless wedding gown to expose your bare cunt. A ragged moan escaped his throat, he placed a kiss on your inner thigh avoiding where you wanted him most. You propped yourself up on your elbows to watch him and whimpered. Of course that little bastard was going to make you beg for it, no matter how painfully hard he was.

“Bucky.” You pleaded.

“I thought you said to take my time.” He chuckled and pressed an open-mouthed kiss to your clit, sending a shiver down your spine. “Hold the bottom of your dress.” His voice made you shiver again.

His lips were soft, teasing the throbbing bud of your clit. He flicked his tongue across your clit twice, eyes meeting yours before he pulled away. You could have punched him in the face and he knew it. With a torturing slowness, he circled the entrance of your cunt, the tip of his fingers barely pushing past your lips. He grinned devilishly, eyes blazed with lust.

“You’re so wet for me, baby.” He cooed, licking the tip of his fingers, eyes rolling shut at the taste. “I don’t think you need my tong-umf.”

You couldn’t take it anymore, you gripped his short hair for anchor and rubbed yourself against his mouth. You could feel his smile against your lower lips as his fingers opened you to his tongue. Your hips started to undulate, seeking the pleasure you craved. He flattened his tongue and licked you from front to back in long strokes before he pulled away. He pushed his fourth metal finger into you and pumped it slowly, gauging your reaction.

“Can you feel it? Can you feel the ring around my finger?” He spoke between kisses to your clit.

You clutched the sheets and threw your head back, it was more than you could bear. The ring pressed against your lips each time he buried his finger deep inside your core. You were so wet, your juices trickled down between the cleft of your ass cheeks.

“Look at me.” He ordered

He inserted another finger that he pumped hard, curling them in a come hither motion that made you tremble, feeling your walls clench around his fingers. You forced your eyes open and locked eyes with him. His lips covered your clit and he hollowed his cheeks, sucking the very life from your body. Your mouth opened in a silent cry, the way his chiseled cheekbones popped out and the devilish glimmer in his eyes made you come undone.

Flames spread from your belly to your breasts and your thighs shook uncontrollably as your orgasm exploded between your legs. You let go of the dress and giggled, still out of breath, when it covered his face. He tried to resurface, pushing the skirt from his face with a relieved sigh and watched you laugh with a sweet grin on his lips.

“You want to kill your husband?” He tutted and quickly removed his slacks and briefs.

You knelt on the bed and quickly took his hard cock, licking and sucking like it was your favourite ice cream. You looked at him as your tongue traced the throbbing vein leading up to the swollen tip, making him growl.

“W-wait, I’m gonna blow my load down your throat if you keep doing that.”

“I’m not stopping you.” Licking the tip of his cock like a kitten lapping up milk, you swiped up a drop of precum on your tongue.

“Lay on the bed, doll.” You did what he asked with a pout. “I need to be inside you when I come.” He covered your body with his and guided his wet cock to your entrance. You both gasped when his erection disappeared completely inside you. “See how easy it is for me to fuck you when you’re soaked.” He whispered into your ear.

He took your hands in his, fingers intertwined as he leaned to kiss your lips, swallowing your moans when he started to thrusts faster. Your legs were spread wide around his waist, making him reach impossibly deep inside you but it wasn’t enough for him. He rolled with you so he laid on his back.

“Ride me. You look so good when you ride my cock.” He gathered the bottom of your wedding gown in his fists and watched you bounce on his hard member.

“Your mine, Barnes.” You say after a full circle of your hips. He angled his hips to rub against your clit, reminding you that he could still take things into his own hands.

“So are you, Barnes.” He replied lustfully. “And if you don’t speed this up, I’ll show you again.” You ran a hand through your hair as you looked down at him, bouncing faster. “ _Yeah_... _Oh G-God_ , do that again!” He closed his eyes.

“Eyes on me, soldier.” You kept doing the things you knew he loved.

When the dress became an obstacle, he ripped it in half and sent the rags to the floor. The action was so hot that you started to undulate your hips, seeking more pleasure and feeling him reach almost too deep. His hands rested on your hips as he helped you ride him.

“God, I fucking hate that dress.” He moaned. He started to thrust upward in short, snappy jabs, making you cry out.

“ _O-ooh_ you’re – _Aahh_! You’re a... _Fuck_!” You wailed, his cockhead kept hitting your g-spot. He was driven by lust and desire, jackhammering into you, vaguely aware of the bed’s protests as the headboard repeatedly hit the wall. It took all your strength not to swoon and continue your ministrations.

“I’m a fuck? That’s not a nice thing to say to your loving husband.” He chuckled breathlessly. “Go with me.” His eyes never left your face as you were about to let go. He cupped your cheek with one hand and you nodded.

With both your hands pressed against his chest, you whined and shivered as he fucked you restlessly. Your sweet juices dripped down the base of his cock to drench his balls and thighs, making the most obscene noises. Your forehead pressed against his, you screamed at the top of your lungs when his sack slapped against your ass and his fingers rubbed harsh circles over your clit. His cock began to throb against your walls, his thick seed filling your cunt.

You fell on top of his sweaty chest, feeling him soften inside you before you rolled to your side. You traced your middle finger along the slit of your lips. The hot creamy load dripped down your legs and covered the sheets. He extended his arm to pull you into his embrace and you happily obliged, looking at him as you cleaned his cum from your middle finger.

“You’re going to be the fucking death of me.” He groaned.

“I hope Nat isn’t gonna ask for the dress back.” You grimaced, spotting the torn garment.

The next morning you woke up sore and covered with a mix of sweat and cum but you had never been happier. The body under yours was as messy and sticky but you couldn’t help the large smile that spread across your lips. You moved the sheets and hit the shower before he could wake up.

When you came back he was still sound asleep, your chest was heaving with happiness. He had slept through the night for the first time in years without having a bad dream. You went to the kitchen, the others were God knows where. It was rare to have the whole place to yourself.

You made a cup of tea and stood in front of the bay window in one of Bucky’s shirt. The warmth of the ceramic around your palms contrasted with the cold tiles under your feet. Outside, the clouds were low and dark, sheets of rain poured down diagonally, whipped sideways by the increasing wind. You gazed through the window, happy to be safe inside the compound when a pair of arms circled your waist. Bucky’s chin rested on your shoulder as he watched the wind swept out the branches. You nestled against the protective embrace of your husband and turned your head to kiss his temple.

“Morning, sleepy head.” You whispered lovingly and he chuckled.

“I’ve never slept better.” He kissed your shoulder. “I love you.” He tightened the embrace and buried his face in the crook of your neck.


	36. A Series of Natural and Spontaneous Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky's ending 3/3 Bucky and Reader have a family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy jumps in time. Enjoy the last chapter!

 

You giggled to yourself as Bucky woke up and quickly closed your eyes, pretending that you were still asleep. He kissed your forehead, something he did every morning and went straight to the kitchen. You opened your eyes and pouted, he obviously didn’t see the photo of the ultrasound that you pinned to his metal arm with a magnet.

You groaned in frustration and followed him to the kitchen where Wanda and Natasha were already eating breakfast. Bucky was pouring coffee into a mug and took another when he saw you. Wanda turned to ask him something and saw the photo as well as all the notes that the Avengers loved to pin to his metal arm. They had a contest and so far Clint held the record.

“Oh my God!” She screamed and Bucky turned his head, wordlessly asking if everything was alright. She looked at you and you promptly shook your head. “T-There’s a spider.” She replied quickly.

“You’re the most powerful woman in the world and you’re afraid of a little spider?” Bucky joked and handed you a cup of coffee.

“Romanoff, Barnes you’re with me today.” Sam entered the kitchen. “Last minute mission in Madagascar. We have to hurry, take your things we’ll leave in five.”

Sam was the new Captain America and he took his role very seriously, even when everyone started to call him Bald Eagle. He loved the suit so much that he wore it everywhere he went. Bucky put his cup down and leaned to give you a kiss before he followed Natasha down the corridor.

“Um, Bucky.” You tried to catch his attention but he was already gone. You sighed and looked at your cup pensively.

Wanda ran after them and only stopped when they turned around. She was breathless, bent at the waist as she tried to catch her breath. She pointed at his metal arm and Bucky saw all the little notes.

“I told you to stop d- HOLY SHIT!” He cursed, mouth wide open, seeing his bean shaped child on the ultrasound.

“I take your shift, if that okay with Baldie.” She smirked at Sam who narrowed his eyes.

Bucky didn’t even wait for Sam’s answer, as soon as he remembered he had legs, Bucky ran back to the kitchen. You were in the middle of the room, ready to go back to your bedroom but he stopped right in front of you and fell to his knees. He wrapped his arms around your waist and kissed your belly.

“Finally.” You carded your fingers through his hair and saw his tears darken your light grey shirt.

He stood up and carried your to the bedroom, your legs wrapped around his waist as he placed soft kisses on your lips and neck.

**_A Year and a Half Later_ **

The baby was crying. Eyes still closed, you tried to smack Bucky’s back with your hand but your hand landed on the mattress. You propped yourself up and rubbed your eyes, the baby was still crying. You left your comfortable bed and groggily made your way to the baby’s room. Bucky was standing in front of the crib, looking at his son but he did nothing to stop the crying. He gasped when you spoke.

“Sorry.” You grimaced and held the crib. “I didn’t mean to startle you.” Your eyes darted between the two before you leaned over the crib.

“Is he hungry? Does he need his diaper changed?” Bucky asked while you rocked the child but little George continued to cry.

“No, I think it was just a bad dream.” You replied, trying to calm the child. Bucky looked at George and raised his flesh hand to gently stroke his cheek but made no move to take him. “Bucky... I know it’s hard but you have to hold you child. George needs you.”

Bucky sighed and sat in the chair next to the crib. He buried his face in his hands, his elbows propped up on his knees. He rose his left arm and looked at you with tearful eyes.

“You want that thing to hold our child?” He waved his metal hand.

“Buck, your arm is a blessing. How many times did it save my life? I can recall three times and that’s just off the top of my head.” You kissed the top of your baby’s head but he wanted Bucky and you were trying your best to give your son what he wanted.

“I’m scared.” Bucky’s voice betrayed his emotion. “I don’t want to hurt him.”

“I know.” You took a step closer and squatted in front of him.

George tried to grab his father’s hand and kept hitting the metal with his tiny fist. The baby babbled softly, leaning closer to the cold metal. Bucky sniffed noisily and chuckled as he let his son take his flesh finger in his tiny fist.

“He wants his father.” You said softly and Bucky timidly took the child in his arms.

His flesh arm supported the baby’s head while he tickled him with his metal index. They both laughed softly, the baby wriggled his feet until he managed to hold a foot and put it to his mouth. It made Bucky laugh, he raised his head to look at you but panicked when he saw you leaving.

“Can you stay?” He stood up from the chair and quickly crossed the room. “Just in case.” He pleaded. You looked at your boys and smiled, Bucky was scared and nervous but the baby was completely fine.

“Yeah.” Bucky gave you a kiss, his metal hand cupped the back of your head. You wrapped your fingers around his metal forearm. “ _This_ arm never hurt anyone, Buck.”

He pressed his forehead against yours and kissed you playfully before he returned to his chair. He played with George for a while and you watched them in silence, a satisfied smile curled your lips.

“My baby boy.” Bucky watched as the boy clasped his finger with his perfect little hand.

Bucky’s face turned to an expression of pure love and you felt a bit too much. You quietly escaped the room to leave them alone, everything was going well.

**_Seven Years Later_ **

George was eating his breakfast in the kitchen while you listened to his stories and prepared his lunch. He was super excited because his class was visiting a farm and he couldn’t stop talking about it. Bucky entered the kitchen, his four-year-old daughter sitting on his shoulders. He pretended to fall and she screamed with a laugh.

“Maggie, what are you going to present today?” You asked as Bucky sat her next to her brother.

“Something.” She replied mysteriously.

“Ouh, _something_?” You put the knife in the sink and sighed. “Why do I feel like I’m gonna have to call Uncle Tony tonight?” You gave Bucky an exasperated look. When your son had to present an object to his class, Tony gave him a real lightsabre. Needless to say that it didn’t end well.

“I’ll be there, don’t worry about it.” Bucky grabbed a plum from the bowl of fruit and bit into it.

“Of course you’ll be there, silly.” Maggie scoffed and her cheekiness made you chuckle.

You kissed your husband before you asked George to hurry. He ate his cereals at the speed of light before he took his bag and followed you outside.

Bucky and Maggie walked to her classroom. She explained that the coat racks were for the students so he had to keep his coat on. It made him smirk, she was too cute for her damn good. When he entered the classroom, the teacher frowned.

“I’m here to make sure...” Bucky grimaced and pretended to hold a lightsabre. She nodded with a dramatic sigh.

“I remember George, sit down.” She offered one of the chair in the room.

He looked at it for a minute wondering how the hell he would fit in such a tiny chair. He looked so out of place and cute, sitting in the tiny chair, his knees almost touching his broad chest. He smiled tightly at the other children who gave him curious glances.

“Okay class!” The teacher raised her voice to get the children’s attention. “We’ll start with Maggie because her daddy has to go soon. Maggie, what did you bring for us today?”

“My Dada!” She held out her arms and the kids turned to look at her, unimpressed. The teacher frowned and looked at Bucky who was as clueless as she was. Maggie stood up and made her way to the blackboard, she waved at her father who reluctantly approached.

“My dad has a metal arm.” She blurted out and the kids gasped. Bucky looked around him and unconsciously hid his left arm behind his back. “Come on show them.” She slapped his thigh, the only place she could reach and he looked at the teacher with an apologetic shake of his head. “He thinks it’s scary.” The little Maggie shrugged. “Sometimes he points to us with his metal finger when we don’t behave but we’re not afraid.”

Ever so slowly, Bucky took his glove off and waved at the class. More gasps filled the room and he relaxed a bit when he saw how awestruck the kids were. He rolled his left sleeve up to his elbow, exposing more metal and the room was no longer silent. The kids were screaming questions, raising their index fingers in the air.

“Can my dad have one too?” One boy asked and Bucky chuckled to himself.

“Does it rust when you take a shower?” Another kid asked.

“Can I put magnets on it?” Another asked.

“Yes you can,” Maggie answered. “But he doesn’t like that. Also we’re not allowed to write on it with markers.” She spoke from experience.

Bucky smiled looking at his little girl explaining the way his metal arm worked and how he cleaned it. She was so confident and natural, it made him proud. To his surprise not one kid asked how he got his metal arm, most of them wanted one for their parents.

“I am not afraid of it, it’s just an arm.” She replied after the teacher asked if it scared her. “He has a scar on his shoulder because he fell off a train in _1944_.” She accentuated the year like it was a scary story she was telling her friends around a campfire.

“Nonsense!” One little boy shouted.

“Uhuh!” Maggie replied.

“Nahein.”

“Uhuh!”

“Nahein!”

“Kids, enough!” The teacher pinched the bridge of her nose. “Mr Barnes?”

“It’s true.” Bucky seemed a bit taken aback by the kids’ _conversation_.

“See,” Maggie stuck her tongue out at the boy. “My Uncle Tony says my daddy’s so old he could be my grandpa.”

“Oh really, he said that?” Bucky looked at his daughter who just shrugged.

“Anyway, when my dad married my mum he had a ring but now he has this!” She took his metal hand and showed it to the class. On his ring finger, Bucky had a pattern engraved instead of his wedding ring. The ring started to rust around his metal finger, so he found a solution.

“So cool, it’s like a tattoo.” One girl on the first row beamed.

“My dad is super strong, stronger than all your dads combined. When I have a fever he put his arm on my forehead and I feel better. Oh, and also I love him.” She concluded and the kids clapped.

“I love you too, kiddo.” Bucky squatted and kissed her round cheek.

The teacher let Bucky leave. He waved at his little girl before he left the classroom, not sure what just happened. He went grocery shopping and walked around town but it was only when he had to pick Maggie from school at the end of the day that he realised he never put his sleeve down his arm. When you came back home with George, the boy went straight to his father.

“Hey dad, look!” The boy lifted his hand and showed him a bandage. “A goat bit me.” He looked so happy.

“Does it hurt?”

“Nah.” The kid ran away.

You closed the door behind you, removing your large hoodie and revealing your combat suit. Bucky smiled at you and crossed the room, seeing that you were exhausted.

“Long day?” He caught you in his arms and you welcomed the embrace, your head pressed against his shoulder.

“The longest.” You mumbled against his neck. “You? How did it go with Maggie?”

“She showed my arm to the class.” Bucky scoffed.

“She did what?” You pulled away and looked at him with a confused smile.

“Yeah,” He shrugged and smiled. “I- I don’t know.” He sighed contently. “What did I do to deserve you guys?”

“After everything, you deserve a million kids telling you your arm is the greatest thing ever.” You kissed his cheek.

“I got a solid twenty today.” He kept smiling. “That was great. I think I’m gonna go on tour.” He joked, his hands rested on your hips.

“Yeah, you do that.” You playfully rolled your eyes.

**_Eleven Years Later_ **

“What do you mean there’s nothing you can do?” Bucky shouted into the phone.

You went down the stairs and frowned trying to understand what was going on. You heard a chuckle behind you and turned around to see your son sitting at the dinner table. Eighteen-year-old George was as stunning as his father was with his dark brown hair and light blue eyes.

“Dad’s going crazy because Maggie is still with her friends.” He stood up. “He’s on the phone with Uncle Tony.” You sighed tiredly and George put his arms around you. “Ah, Ma’! Don’t worry, you know how he is with Maggie.” He said before he climbed the stairs to go to his room.

“How late is she?” You asked as he walked past you.

“Ten minutes.” George tutted when he heard you curse out loud.

You stepped into the living room where Bucky was still shouting and snatched the phone out of his hand.

“It’s okay, Tony. Thanks for your help.” You said quickly before you ended the call. “Are you out of your mind?” You threw your arms in the air in a show of exasperation.

“She’s ten minutes late, Y/n. TEN!” He looked at his watch and pointed at the dial.

“I know how to read time, Bucky.” You pushed his wrist away from your face. “You have to calm down, she’s going to come back.”

“I told her the other day, if she comes home after curfew I’m locking her in her room.”

“Yes, that doesn’t sound irrational at all.” You rolled your eyes and took a step forward to put your hand on his arm. “She’s a teenager.”

“When I was a teenager I listened to my parents.”

“Yeah, right.” You scoffed.

“Okay, maybe I wasn’t exactly going where I said I would be going but when they said ten o’clock I was back at... guess what? TEN FUCKING O’CLOCK!” He paced the room furiously.

“STOP CURSING!” George screamed from his room.

“And he spends too much time with Steve.” Bucky pointed at the stairs and you rolled your eyes.

“Someone said my name?” Steve entered the living room, Maggie was walking in front of him.

“Margaret Natasha Barnes!” Bucky shouted when he saw his daughter. “Do you know what time it is?”

“Yes, sorry. I had to walk and Uncle S found me on his way here.” She threw her coat on the table. “Hey, is Georgie home? I’m going to say goodbye.” She ran upstairs and Bucky followed her, screaming delirious threats at her.

“Sorry.” You chuckled slightly embarrassed before you hugged Steve. “And thanks for driving Maggie back home.”

“No need.” He smiled at you. “I’d do anything for my Goddaughter.”

“What about me?” George stood at the top of the stairs, watching Steve.

“My Godson is attending New York’s finest art school for free, I think that’s a bit better than a ride home.” Steve crossed his arms and grinned.

“Hardly.” Your son teased before he came downstairs to greet his favourite uncle. “I’ll go get my stuff.”

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” You asked Steve for the nth time.

“Yes, Y/n. I’m the headmaster that is just one of the perks of the job.” He smiled softly at you. “You’re scared, aren’t you?”

“I know he has to leave but why today?” You whined and Steve pulled you into a hug. “Feels like yesterday he came home so excited because a goat bit his hand.” You mumbled with a pout.

“Yeah, and remember when my daughter loved me?” Bucky came downstairs and put his hands on his hips, he was hurt and miserable.

Steve beckoned him with a nod and extended an arm to pull Bucky into a three-way hug. Bucky gladly obliged, sighing softly. You were sandwiched between two strong men, and soon you felt the urge to breathe.

“Dying pressed against two super soldiers isn’t the worst death but I’d like to see my grandchildren first.” You managed to pull away from the hug but the two super soldiers hugged each other for a few more seconds.

“How’s Maria?”

“Great, thanks for asking.” Steve smiled. “She asked me to give you this.” Steve handed you a pair of black earrings that you removed for some obscure reason during your last girls’ night after you had too many drinks.

“Oh, fuck!” You cursed at loud, taking the jewels. “Thanks! I thought I lost them.”

“Language!” Steve and George said at the same time. George had his bags at his feet, his black hair combed back and his blue eyes behind black frame glasses.

“That’s my girl!” Bucky wrapped his arms around your waist from behind and kissed the side of your neck. “You have a bad influence on my kid, Stevie.”

“It’s all relative.” Steve grinned and helped George with his bags.

You watched George and Steve put the bags in Steve’s car, Bucky’s foot tapped nervously on the floor as he looked at them. George came back for a goodbye kiss and you threw yourself into his arms.

“Ma’, don’t freak out.” George pleaded as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders. “Dad?” He looked at Bucky for support but Bucky hugged the two of you tight. George looked at Steve with wide eyes, he mouthed _help me_ but Steve smirked, shaking his head.

Later that night, Bucky was sitting in the dark kitchen when Maggie turned on the lights.

“Fuck, dad, you scared the crap outta me!” Maggie gasped when she saw her father sitting at the kitchen table, seemingly waiting for her.

He frowned slightly, thinking that he should have cursed less in front of his children but damn it, he was a soldier, swearing was like breathing. He extended a hand, showing her the chair in front of him and she rolled her eyes at his theatrical gesture.

“I found this in your room.” He slid a piece of paper and her eyes opened wide. “You want to be an Avenger?” He narrowed his eyes, gauging her reaction.

“Yes.” She nodded, sure of her decision. “Does mum know?”

“If she knew, the entire neighborhood would be plunged into the dark without electricity.” She swallowed thickly when she looked into his eyes and saw no emotion whatsoever.

“Dad, I know what I’m doing. Nat said I have a lot of potential. I can’t apply until I’m eighteen but I’ll work hard, I swear.”

She continued to ramble, she had a whole list of reason why he should let her join the Avengers and he listened without saying a word. She was taken aback, she expected him to shout but he was completely silent. And usually silence was not a good thing.

“So?” She asked with a hopeful voice.

“I love you, kiddo.” He cast his head down.

“Dad...” She was a bit afraid, this was not the reaction she planned.

“You don’t really look like me. You look a lot like your mother, but you have my hair.” He tucked a strand of her long brown hair behind her ear. “You have her eyes.” He smiled softly and she couldn’t help but smile back. “But that boldness? Yep, that’s me. That’s how I know you’re my kid.”

He avoided her eyes, thinking of a way to make her change her mind and yet he knew that it was pointless. She was a lot like him. He swore to protect her but maybe it was time to let her fight her own battles, literally.

“You won’t change your mind, will you?” He asked, chewing nervously on his bottom lip. She shook her head and he sighed. “You’ll finish high school first and you will train your butt off.” He warned her and Maggie beamed, thinking that she won. “One last thing, _you_ will tell your mother.” He smirked smugly.

“Oh that’s not fair!” She complained. “You know she’ll freak out. I thought the Avengers were a team, that they helped each other out.” She tried to bargain but Bucky only scoffed.

“Usually, but once in a while we have to take sides and I’m choosing your mother’s. Good luck kiddo, you’ll need it.”

“But dad-” She whined, looking over her shoulder but Bucky was already gone. “Ah fuck it, she’ll never let me join the Avengers, urgh!” He heard her grumble and went back to his room with a satisfied smile.

“You were gone a long time.” You rubbed your eyes when he entered the bedroom. “Is everything okay?”

“Better than ever.” He jumped onto the bed and kissed you. “I think I just fixed a major problem.” He spooned you, one arm circling your waist.

“Great.” You mumbled half asleep. “Oh, I forgot to tell you something today. Nat told me that Maggie wanted to be an Avenger.”

“What?! You already know?” He turned your body so that you could face him.

“I’m a mum, I know everything.” You smirked. “Wait, what do you mean _already_?”

“I just found a paper in her room and talked to her about it. Wait a second!” He stopped and hit his forehead. “That massive blackout today in New York... that was you?”

“I never said I was happy about it but if it’s her life’s calling...” You nestled against his chest when he slumped back onto the mattress. “You know she still has three years to change her mind. Last year she wanted to be a teacher.”

“You will all be the death of me. I’m too old for this.” He exhaled, staring at the ceiling.

“Shh, you know you love us.” You teased, placing soft kisses along his jawline.

“More than anything in this goddamn world, doll.” He took hold of your hips and guided you across his lap until you straddled him. You leaned forward and kissed him passionately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIN.  
> God... This fic has been part of my life since March O.o I'm so lost right now...  
> If you’re reading this it probably means you’ve read all of it and for that I’m forever grateful. You're all amazing and I love you. Sorry I’m feeling a bit emotional right now xD Hugs and kisses to all of you!

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me what you think about it! I hope you guys enjoyed it :)


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